Title: The DiNozzo Diaries 3: It Happened One Night
Author: rekkidbraka
Rating: T
Pairings: Tony D. and Ziva D.
Category: Romance; humor; angst
Disclaimer: No infringement intended.
Spoilers: From final two eps. of Season 6
Summary: Sequel to "The DiNozzo Diaries 1 & 2." Special Agent Tony DiNozzo's most private thoughts and desires revealed, chapter by chapter. TIVA. Warning: Intense sexual content in some chapters. No slash.
-------------------- The DiNozzo Diaries 3: It Happened One Night ---------------------
[NCIS Headquarters -- Washington D.C.]
"Hello? Director Vance?"
"Sorry. I'm a lot lower on the NCIS totem pole. Also not nearly as good with my left hook as the Director."
"Where is Director Vance? I was expecting HIM."
"Well, ya got me... DOCTOR Benoit. So let's catch up."
"Catch up? Who ARE you? WHERE is Vance? He promised he'd be here this evening! I've been waiting all DAY!"
"Ah, yeah... promises, promises... Sucks when people lie, doesn't it? Man, I sure hate that. Y'know, I've heard through the little NCIS grapevine that you're kinda the expert at, you know, lying and that sort of thing. Just something a little bird told me. That little bird's name is Trent Kort. Oh! And my buddy, Tony DiNozzo -- remember him? guy you used to sleep with, tortured a few months ago, tried to kill a couple times -- he said you have this thing where you sometimes forget to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Pretty much always, he told me. I'd ask if that was true but, hell, I wouldn't know if you were being honest with me! Isn't that the damndest thing? I mean..."
"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!!! I'M NOT SAYING ANYTHING UNTIL VANCE GETS HERE LIKE HE SAID! LET ME OUT OF HERE -- NOW!!! THIS IS NOT PART OF MY DEAL WITH HIM!!!"
"Uh-oh... Little issue there, Doc. See, the Director's out of pocket for a while, though, so I'm on babysitting detail for you. I'd offer you the latest issue of Cosmo that my partner, Kensi, just got in but... since you couldn't read it right now, I guess that'd just be rude. Too bad -- says this new test can really tell you if your man is shaking it in the sack, baking it or just faking it. Hmmm... I'll have to ask Kensi what SHE got on this one..."
"LISTEN, YOU BASTARD! YOU CALL VANCE RIGHT NOW AND TELL HIM I WANT TO TALK TO HIM! YOU CAN'T KEEP ME HERE!!!"
*door shuts*
"Hello? HELLO? LET ME OUT OF HERE! I SAID LET ME OUT!!!"
[behind interrogation room one-way mirror]
"You always so charming with the ladies, Callan?"
"Can't beat 'em off with a stick, Director. That one's a REAL gem. Just like DiNozzo said."
"She'll crack. Eventually. I want her good and desperate. She WILL give me Kort. No way in hell I'm trusting her right now."
"Oh, I don't know about that, sir. You can trust her to do one thing, I think."
"And what's that, Callan?"
"Lie her ass off."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
[NCIS - Abby's lab]
"... and that's where Dr. Doom made her fatal error. Because even though she wore gloves so she wouldn't leave fingerprints on the gun she used to shoot Tony? The gloves? Left FIBERS on the weapon and TIMMY, YOU ARE NOT LISTENING!"
"Sorry, Abs. I've been pricing something online and I'm waiting for the dealer to message me back."
"What'cha buying, McGee? Is it a new PC? More megs of RAM? OOOHHH! Is it the new iPhone? It IS, isn't it?!!! Lemme see!"
"Abby! ABBY!"
"A motorcycle? Timmy... you're buying a motorcycle? Do you have something against living to see 40?"
"No! I've just been thinking about it for a while and... I decided to make my move. Live a little. I'm kind of tired of being a geek."
"But you're an AWESOME geek! Geekiness and Timothy McGee go together like peanut butter and jelly! It's a combination that just WORKS! You can't go against nature!"
"Well, I'm taking the chance. I've had it with Tony always making fun of me. And besides, Kensi thinks I'd look good on a bike. She's going to show me how to ride when I take delivery."
"KENSI? This is HER big idea?!!! Send her down here -- NOW! We'll just SEE about THAT!"
"ABS! Back OFF, okay? I'm GETTING the bike! And Kensi? Is my FRIEND. So get used to it. I'll see you later."
"Yeah? Well, you just... SIT ON IT, FONZIE! ... *sigh* ... Tony, where are you when I need you?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Tel Aviv -- Eli David's home]
Ziva and I just spent all night... talking.
Now that my Mossad training's over, it's time we headed back to D.C. to get the real mission started.
We're not gonna accomplish much more here. Anything else we need is in the notebooks that Kate and Ari left.
D.C. is where she is. And he's there, too.
My job? Finish Jeanne off once and for all. Ziva's job? Do the same with Kort.
I gotta say that I like the way Eli works. No red tape, no stacks of government paperwork, no going through the Director to the Director to the Director to the Secretary to the Director's Director to take care of something simple.
Eli just told us anything we need, give him a call.
Now THAT'S how you run an organization.
At first, when Eli suggested this job to me, I didn't think I could handle it. Really. I just wasn't sure if I could kill.
But now?
I'm actually looking forward to it.