Title: The DiNozzo Diaries 3: All Quiet On The Western Front
Author: rekkidbraka
Rating: T
Pairings: Tony D. and Ziva D.
Category: Romance; humor; angst
Disclaimer: No infringement intended.
Spoilers: From final two eps. of Season 6
Summary: Sequel to "The DiNozzo Diaries 1 & 2." Special Agent Tony DiNozzo's most private thoughts and desires revealed, chapter by chapter. TIVA. Warning: Intense sexual content in some chapters. No slash.
-------------------- The DiNozzo Diaries 3: All Quiet On The Western Front ---------------------
Home again, home again... Jiggety-jig... Higgledy-piggledy... My psycho gun-running ex-girlfriend's gonna be toast soon...
La la la LA la laaaaaaaa...
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Yep, we're back in D.C. And that's all I have to say about that. I'm missing Tel Aviv already. Those sunny days I spent working on my tan by Eli's pool -- watching Ziva work on HER tan by Eli's pool... when we weren't doing 200 pushups or running 10 miles or shooting off rounds of ammo at moving targets at the firing range, I mean. Mossad training is hard, sweaty work. Especially the kind that happens after midnight. In Ziva's bed.
But seriously, folks -- I'm NOT kidding. Ha-HAH!
OK, no, really... We DID train hard and I'm taking this mission seriously because I have a couple of simple goals to see through:
1. Get Jeanne out of our lives forever
2. Prove to Eli that I'm worthy of his daughter's hand in marriage
That's it. Gimme those two things and Tony is a happy boy.
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So here's the deal: I'm back from my - ahem - month's medical leave. But Ziva's still "dead" as far as everyone else knows, which is good because it means she can do her recon from here in the apartment and take out Kort with the NCIS family being none the wiser: "Gee... sure was sad to hear about Agent Kort's untimely passing. Shame that he, with all his CIA training, bought the farm by taking a stray bullet while jogging in the park, huh? Real heartbreaker. Remind me where to send the flowers."
Meantime, I'll be tracking down Dr. Death with the help of my new Mossad contacts. Turns out they have some MAJOR computer geeks over there -- guys so pale and pimply McTechnoid would name his first-born after them. If he ever actually found a woman to bear him McChildren. Or offer him McSex.
Tomorrow I make my triumphant return to MTAC. Can't wait to see The Boss, Abs, Ducky - heck, Palmer even.
And McGeek? I've especially missed him.
That's RIGHT, Probie! Your McDADDY's home! HAH!
Actually, I've gotta watch out for him. Keep him from figuring out what those Mossad nerds are up to, helping me find Jeanne. Word is she's outta the coma. Too bad. Woulda been REAL easy tracking her down if she was still in Dreamland. Easy to make THAT permanent, too.
Oh yeah... Vance. I'll check in with him. He was pretty decent about giving me the med leave.
Maybe he's not such a bad guy after all.