It had taken a while but at long last Rima was on her way out the Academy gates. Everyone had come back from class just as she'd finished packing – all according to plan – and although she'd had a close call when Aidou'd dawdled on his way to the bathroom, no one had spotted her on her way out. Which was exactly the way she wanted it. She didn't want to waste time on goodbyes when it could only increase the chances of her seeing Shiki before she left – it was better for them both if they never saw each other again.
The air was cool and clear this evening; fresh, like the caress of water over inflamed skin. Over head Rima could hear the branches of the trees move and sway as though waving their own private goodbye to her. It made her... sad somehow. She'd tried to think of this decision of hers as a new beginning, one where she wasn't tied to Shiki in a relationship that would only ever be one sided. But no matter what she told herself she couldn't stop the melancholic nostalgia in her heart – this felt much more like an ending than a beginning.
And it wasn't just Shiki, although he was certainly the most significant part. Rima knew she was leaving behind many irreplaceable friends too; Ichijou and Aidou, Akatsuki and even Ruka. She might never see them again. Might never share a meal with them again nor fight a level E. Even the thought of never sitting through a long, boring night of classes again made her heart feel heavy. She hoped they'd understand some day; hoped they'd forgive her for running away without a word. The fact of the matter was, she just wasn't strong enough to watch Shiki's love with another girl grow while she stood on the sidelines...
Adjusting the backpack on her shoulders she turned her thoughts to more pleasing musings. Like how beautiful the moon was tonight, it's pale beams setting her likewise pale skin aglow. She admired the star studded sky, it's inky depths holding everything and nothing in their midst, remembering nights gone by when she and Shiki would...
… when they would sit together under similar blankets of glitter, never talking and never needing to, letting things that could never be expressed with words pass between them silently.
...It's no good, she thought remorsefully, sighing so softly that not even she could hear it, the wind snatching it from her lips even as she released it. My memories are saturated with him. I can flee his presence but he's always going to be with me in my mind and heart.
A dampness on her cheeks made her stop and reach up in bewildered surprise. Sure enough, her fingers grazed the salty wetness of tears and – feeling like a royal fool – she let out an embittered laugh, wiping at her eyes roughly and internally scolding herself for such abnormal behaviour. She'd seen so many things in her lifetime – things that no one deserved to see – without shedding a single tear. Deaths, betrayals, fights... Rima had endured these tests and more through time. Yet here she was, breaking down over some boy.
But he's not just a boy. He's Shiki Senri– my Shiki.
Or was, before Yomoriko came along and sunk her claws into him. Everything had been perfect until then. Rima wished that girl had never shown up in the first place – she wished she had died after she'd been kidnapped. She wished...
No. That wasn't fair; it wasn't Yomoriko's fault and blaming her was a cowardly way of avoiding the cold, hard truth. Things would never have worked between her and Shiki anyway – he wasn't meant for her and that was that. This was just destiny's way of letting her know that.
She scrubbed the remaining tears from her face and focused on simply putting one foot in front of the other. For now, she'd have to be content with just that, taking each day as it came, one step at a time. It would take time but Rima was confident she could get over Shiki, eventually. She would have to; there were no other options.
She heard his soft, easy breathing a fraction of a second before he actually spoke, shivers raging up her spine with no outlet – she refused to regress into one of those pitiful Day Class girls, who shook and shuddered with misdirected emotion when one of the vampire boys dared to even glance at them. Repressing them was uncomfortable but it was preferable to letting him see how affected she was by his presence.
"Leaving without saying goodbye?" that well-loved voice – heartbreakingly familiar – asked nonchalantly. "That's a little rude, even for you."
She didn't turn to face him though she knew exactly where he was, silently admonishing herself for not noticing sooner. This was going to be more painful than she'd originally anticipated – but then there was little in her meagre life that had not been so.
It took all the courage and willpower she possessed to keep her voice from breaking as she replied, keeping her back to him so he wouldn't read the agony buried in her icy eyes. Her face, she knew, was perfectly composed – Shiki himself couldn't pull a better poker-face than the one she wore at that moment. But that meant nothing at all when he could read her eyes as easily as reading a child's first alphabet book. She could wear a mask if she wanted but he'd still know what was going on beneath.
"Goodbye." she said apathetically, forcing – quite literally – her suddenly weighty legs to carry her to the wrought iron gates. Before she'd taken more than three steps Shiki called out to her again, this time with a subtle note of desperation in his strong, unemotional timbre.
"So that's it then? You're going to leave without even telling me why?"
"The 'why' doesn't matter." she whispered, though she'd stopped short at his accusation nonetheless. Her eyes fluttered shut, light as butterfly wings and she knew her will had broken. It would be impossible to leave without first settling this – she should have known she couldn't leave things hanging as they were anyway.
"It does," Shiki argued and she heard him push off the tree he'd no doubt been leaning on – the idea of him standing by himself, without the aid of a wall or something to slouch against, was laughable – and move towards her, quiet as a wraith. "It does to me. I don't want you to go; I won't let you unless you have a very good reason."
"Let it go, Shiki." Saying his name hurt. It burned in her throat like molten metal, searing it's way down to her stomach and settling like a lead ball. Of all the times she'd been injured before, the bites and scratches she'd received from Level E's and even the occasional wounds courtesy of another noble, were nothing to the pain she felt now. "It doesn't matter anymore. I'm going and you can't stop me."
"Can't I?" he whispered in her ear, hands locking around her tiny wrists as they hung by her sides like dead branches. She hadn't known he'd managed to get quite so close – wasn't sure whether she'd have tried to stop him even if she had.
Immediately Rima started to struggle and if it weren't for the fact that Shiki was so much bigger than she was, she'd have had no problem getting free. In a brief but intense surge of anger, she allowed a current of electricity to fizz and spark harmlessly in her hands for a moment, before reining it in again – no matter how badly she wanted to escape him, she couldn't bring herself to hurt him. Going limp she raised her head skyward to the moon, more in an attempt to stem the traitorous tears forming in her already bloodshot eyes than anything else.
"Tell me what's wrong," Shiki murmured into her hair as he rested his chin on her shoulder – a gesture of laziness rather than emotive affection.
It was then that Rima understood so perfectly, something that should have been clear since the beginning of this conversation; Shiki already knew why she was leaving. He knew how she felt and why leaving was the only option – he just wanted her to say it. This was so uncharacteristically cruel of him – so unbelievably brutal – that when she replied she found herself shouting, a hysterical edge to her voice that she didn't like but couldn't control.
"Why don't you tell me?" she yelled frantically, pulling away with a frustrated jerk, all impassive pretence sliding like cheap shoes on ice.
Shiki, sensing a deep frustration in her that could – if he was dumb enough to push her too far – get him zapped, let her go this time without complaint. It didn't take a genius to figure out that Rima was completely misunderstanding his intentions – the ice he skated was getting pretty thin.
"I already know you want to be with Yomoriko, Shiki! There's no need for you to come out here and rub it in my face! That's why I'm leaving!" she cried, the tears she'd been trying to hold back starting to leak from her orbs of impenetrable frost. She knew that later, when she eventually managed to get away from this hell of her own making, she would berate herself for showing such weakness, but for now she did nothing to stop them, glaring at Shiki with a heartbroken grimace of pain. "But you already knew that, didn't you?"
"Touya, I..." Shiki tried taking a small step towards her, his hands reaching desperately for hers across the gap between them. He could feel that very gap widen with each millisecond that slipped through his fingers and he was only too aware that the longer he waited, the more difficult it would be to bridge that gulf. But finding the right words – the ones that would heal everything between them like magic – was proving troublesome. "I don't want you to leave. Don't go, Touya... Don't."
She flinched at the sound of her birth name coming from his lips – it was the first time, to the best of her knowledge, he'd ever called her that. There had been a time not so long ago when she'd have given her left arm to hear him use her name like that; but now it only stung. It was like pouring a vat of vinegar on a fresh cut. The meaning of this, doubled with his request, was not lost on her and for a few agonising moments she couldn't talk through the thick lump in her throat. When she did, her speech was so choked and distorted she thought he'd be unable to understand anyway.
"You're not stupid; you know how I feel about you." she whispered, tone more subdued, almost accepting of the situation. It was more like her usual tone, the heartless façade that only Shiki had ever been able to see through. "I'm sorry, Senri. I'm sorry I'm not strong enough to stand by you as nothing more than a friend. I want you to be happy so I won't interfere with you and Yomoriko – you have my blessing and I wish you both an eternity of happiness together. But I can't stay with you and it's selfish of you to expect me to. So goodbye, Shiki Senri. Goodbye."
Turning on her heel, Rima marched to the gate with her head down, tears that didn't seem to want to stop rolling down her cheeks and striking the pavement beneath her feet like raindrops.
Shiki watched her stoically for a moment, total denial and shock bubbling in his overloaded brain. Despite his best efforts she was really going to leave and there was nothing he could do about it. She didn't believe anything beyond her own warped interpretations – she wasn't listening to anything he said and couldn't hear anything he wasn't saying. He cursed himself and his inability to show emotion; cursed his puppet self with every ounce of his being.
But as Rima crossed the threshold of the Academy grounds, something in Shiki snapped free of it's shackles and reared it's head in an angry, belated howl. He didn't know what it was and was too miserable to speculate but whatever it was propelled him at a run towards her disappearing back. This isn't over yet. I won't let it be over yet. Such thoughts, that were his and not his, bounced around his skull like rubber balls.
If Rima heard his footsteps she gave no indication, continuing to walk away from the place that had become her home in the absence of anywhere better to go. She didn't want to see the look on his face; didn't want to give him the chance to convince her to stay. From now on, as far as she was concerned, it would be her, the open road, the memories and no one else.
To say she was surprised when Shiki grabbed her waist from behind would be an understatement; but she didn't have time to wonder about it when he spun her roughly to face him and sealed her protest with a tempestuous, demanding kiss to the lips.
Her eyes widened and her hands automatically went to his chest to push him away, but his grip was strong and unrelenting. His eyes were closed and she studied his face with her enhanced vampire vision, spotting the softest, most subtle contours that no human would ever see. His russet hair fell over his face in flowing, gentle spikes and ticked her nose as his tender mouth moved over her unresponsive one. These things she loved most about him were closer than they'd ever been and she couldn't help taking the time to fully appreciate it, even if she didn't understand it.
Though Rima wanted desperately to resist him – for this could only hurt her more when she finally left – she gradually relaxed into his arms and allowed her suddenly exceedingly heavy eyes to close. She opened her mouth and – without ever making the conscious decision to do so – slipped her tongue out shyly to meet his, not entirely sure what it was she was doing but enjoying it in spite of herself. Soon her arms rose of their own accord and encircled his middle, pulling him into her as though she was afraid to let go – and she was. Unbelievably so. But that didn't change the fact that she would have to, sooner or later.
Shiki was gentle with her, holding her like a fragile doll that could break under the weight of his stare let alone his kiss. His lips were caressing and his tongue tantalisingly slow, dancing with hers as they'd danced together at the many formal functions they'd attended. Do you see, Rima? he thought, willing her to hear him. I do feel the same. I do.
When they pulled apart Rima had to keep herself from giving a little cry of anguished loss – it was the equivalent of having a part of herself torn away. She knew it was probably for the best but it didn't make it hurt any less.
"What was that for?" she asked, half-terrified of the answer but needing to ask anyway.
"Because you asked me to." he replied, placing a hand on either cheek and serenely stroking her face with his thumbs. The look in his eyes as he gazed deeply into hers nearly made her cry again – there was too much in those depths for her to absorb in one go but something, some unnamed force there, filled her to bursting point with unbearable hope. Her heart thudded loudly in her chest and she knew he could hear it too but all he did was smile, a tiny uplift to the corners of his mouth that only she would be able to identify. "Yomoriko's my sister, Rima, nothing more. She could never mean the same to me as you do."
"But..." she argued quietly, trying – for a reason she couldn't fathom – to prove her theories right. Shiki shook his head, cutting off all her objections before she could truly voice them.
"You can still leave if you want." he said carefully. "But if you do, I'll just follow you. I'm not as tied to this place as you seem to think; there's only one thing I'm tied to and I'll follow it anywhere, even if it's far away from here."
Rima couldn't speak. She wanted to believe what he was saying so badly but wasn't sure if she dared.
They were silent for what felt like forever until at last Rima pulled him close, resting her head on his warm chest and breathing in the strong, rich scent of his blood. Shiki's arms twined around her tiny form protectively and she reflected that she'd never felt safer – a strange thing for a seasoned vampire to think but she thought it nonetheless. She believed him, she decided. Believed what he was trying to say, believed in his protection, believed in him. She was willing to take the chance because he was Shiki and she was Rima and together was the way they were meant to be – she knew this now with the same certainty she could hear those three unspoken words echo around them and wondered to herself how she could ever have doubted it.
There never had been a need for words between them. And as she pulled him down so his neck was level with her mouth; as her razor sharp fangs dug into his flesh; as she heard his muted, breathy sigh; as she drank his warm, delicious blood, feeling the intimacy of the act as a lover would for the very first time; she knew there never would be.
There we go! All done. I know I said I'd update yesterday but you wouldn't believe the day I had – I locked myself out my room at uni, my washing didn't dry properly in the cheap ass washing machines and to top it all off, I wandered along to a class everyone neglected to tell me had been cancelled. It's days like these I wish I'd just stayed in bed.