Title: Glass Hearts
Rating: PG-13
Summary (Of Chapter): The students return to Hogwarts after Christmas break. Lily is worried about James's reaction to the letter, Sirius argues with his brother, Mary hates sixth year, and Aubrey finally gets what's coming to him.
--
Remus had never been more grateful to return to Hogwarts. Perhaps James would go back to semi-normal with so many opportunities at his will and maybe Sirius's icy behavior would be easier to bear once he started spending more time with Jewel. And he was relieved to be distracted from them with homework.
On Platform 9 ¾, James had hid behind Remus the entire time getting on and off the Express, determined to avoid Lily Evans. Peter was complaining about the mounds of homework that was sure to pile up within the next few weeks, but was all too glad when he realized there was still snow on the castle grounds.
At the first prefect meeting, Lily had agreed to walk with Remus to the prefect room early, because neither of them wanted to risk being late, as Talia had two prefect meetings ago. Remus was reading a book while James, Peter and Sirius huddled around the Marauder's Map behind his armchair. Lily walked over to them, a book in her hands. "Hey, Remus," she said.
James jumped a mile at the sound of her voice, and made a sound that sounded like a dying lawn mower. He turned his head a bit more, pretending to be scratching the back of his neck, and lowered his whisper to Peter.
"Hi, Lily," Remus said, getting up. "I'll see you guys later. Prefect meeting."
"Have fun," Sirius said, not looking up.
The two of them left the common room and Lily looked thoughtful as she set off for the prefect room. "How was your holiday?" she asked.
"It was pretty good," Remus said. "Well, that new year's party kind of sucked."
Lily nodded in agreement. "I can't believe Alice came back to school," she said. "I would have stayed home."
"Maybe she was just reminded of them in that house," Remus suggested.
They walked up a staircase in silence. "I didn't think of that," Lily said sadly.
Remus noticed he thought about a lot of things others his age didn't. "Has anyone you ever known died in the war, Remus?" Lily asked.
"A distant aunt and her family," Remus answered. "I only met them once, but my mum cried for days."
"It's odd," Lily said. "When I go home, it's a different world. I almost forget the war's going on."
"Have you told your parents?" Remus asked.
"Small details," Lily replied. "I don't want to worry them."
Remus remembered as his dad slowly learned about the war and wizarding culture along the same time Remus had. "But mum, why did he kill him? What's wrong with being Muggleborn?"
They walked into the prefect room. Bertram Aubrey and Melissa Warbeck were already there, as well as a handful of other prefects. Lily walked to Melissa, giving her a warm smile. Remus took a seat on the couch by the statue of Helga Hufflepuff.
Lily sat down by Remus. "So..." she trailed off. She paused. "I'm terrified for Paul. Their first Quidditch practice is tomorrow . . . "
"That might be a problem," Remus said, nodding. Lily looked alarmed, so Remus continued, "Don't worry. Paul's a lot bigger than James. He won't let him push him around."
"I just feel horrible," Lily said. "I never should have kissed him . . . "
"Don't worry about it," Remus told her. "James is just embarrassed."
Lily nodded. "Right," she said.
Aubrey called the meeting to order. Remus sighed. Of all the things he had missed over break, Aubrey was the least of them.
--
Remus was all too correct in his presumptions. Sirius was back to normal, laughing and scheming and always talking danger with James. James was close to normal, as well, though he refused to be in the same room or corridor with Lily Evans if at all possible. This made his meals very short, and he was rarely seen in the common room or library. In classes with Lily, he laughed too loudly at Sirius's jokes, made it too obvious that he was trying to make fun of Snape, and seemed to avoid Lily's eyes at all costs. Other than awkward behavior that his friends were sort of used to, James was making new inventions, exploring the castle anew, and planning the next monthly adventure.
Sirius walked back from a long Quidditch practice. They were only practicing once a week, but today's practice had gone on for two hours. James was still in the locker room showering.
He massaged his neck as he walked up the steps to Gryffindor Tower. He saw Regulus walking towards him. He hadn't talked to his brother since before Christmas break. He cleared his throat, nodding to Regulus. "Hey," he said.
"Hey," Regulus said. "How's it going?"
"Long Quidditch practice," Sirius shrugged. They met each other and shook hands, as if they were acquaintances rather than brothers.
"You're telling me," Regulus said. "We're practicing three times a week."
"Well, Ravenclaw's not too bad this year," Sirius said.
"They beat Hufflepuff by two hundred," Regulus said.
Sirius nodded. He knew that, of course. Him and James had mapped out each point in Quidditch. "How were your holidays?" he asked.
"Oh, like you didn't hear," Regulus said with a roll of his eyes.
"Uncle Alphard told me about you and Rosier and Mulciber," Sirius said, his voice tight.
Regulus nodded, avoiding his eyes. "When'd you see Uncle Alphard?" he asked.
"Andromeda's Christmas party," Sirius said. He remembered getting pissed with Marlene. She wasn't so bad, really. Just annoying most of the time.
There was a moment of silence. "What were you thinking?" Sirius asked. "Those guys are scumbags."
"It was nothing," Regulus said.
"The hell it was," Sirius said, his voice raising. "Uncle Alphard said you were on an attack site with someone. Someone died that night, Regulus."
"I didn't do anything," Regulus shot back. "It was just a stupid. . .we were just hanging out, and then they were being stupid, okay?"
Sirius didn't like to think about his younger brother and the path he was going down very often, because it usually put him in a bad mood for at least a week. There were a variety of things about which he had trained himself to become indifferent, but Regulus was not one of them. "Why do you even hang out with them?" Sirius asked.
"They're my friends," Regulus said.
Sirius gripped his broomstick, wanting to hit him over the head with it.
"You act like its all Slytherins," Regulus said. "But MacDonald's brother was there - he got arrested, too."
"Mary MacDonald?" Sirius asked.
"Yeah," Regulus said. "And the only reason you're not there is because of Potter."
"No," Sirius snapped, "I'm not there because it's wrong. People don't deserve to die just because they were born into a different family than us!"
"They're polluting our blood!" Regulus exclaimed. "Doesn't our purity mean anything to you? Or is the only thing you care about you and your stupid friends?"
Sirius seethed, glaring at him. "You're an idiot," he said harshly. He turned, beginning to walk off. "I'm leaving before I hex you."
"Yeah, leave," Regulus snarled. "That's what you do best, isn't it?"
Sirius turned around to shoot his brother a venomous look. "That's what I said!" Regulus said. "That running away is your talent. That's what you did last summer, that's what you'll do for the rest of your life!"
Regulus turned away and started walking away. Sirius stared at his back in anger and revulsion. He left, too, walking towards Gryffindor Tower. This would do nothing for his good mood.
--
Frank and Mary sat in the corner of the common room. Mary was trying to figure out Charms. "Only two weeks in, and I'm lost," she said, shaking her head.
"Mary," Frank said. He hesitated.
Mary looked up after a moment of silence. Oh, god, was he going to do what she thought he was going to do?
"I think we should just be friends," Frank said.
Mary's shoulders slumped. "What?" she said weakly.
Frank shrugged. "I don't know if this is working out," he said.
"Bullocks," Mary said, putting her Charms book down. "It's Alice Hodge, isn't it?"
Frank's eyes widened. Mary scoffed. "Like I don't know," she said. "Everyone told me about the two of you at my party."
Frank sighed, looking uncomfortable. This was unbelievable. This was not what she needed right now. They were still questioning her brother. Her dad was an imbecile, completely avoiding the fact that his son had been caught up in Dark Magic. Charms was killing her. She hated Slytherins. She just wanted this war to be over.
"It's not just that," Frank said.
"Forget it," Mary said.
"Mary, I really care about you," Frank began.
Mary held her hands up. "Whatever," she said. "I'm so bloody stressed right now."
"Yeah, I didn't want to. . .do this now," Frank said.
"But you did," Mary said shortly. She put her head in her hands, her mind racing. Alice Hodge? What did she have that Mary didn't? Was it because Frank felt sorry for her? Didn't Professor Flitwick know she wouldn't be able to pass sixth year? Couldn't she have been born into a Muggle family like Lily, her loved ones untouched by You-Know-Who and his Death Eaters? And how could her brother be so stupid? He didn't get it, did he?
She felt tears sting her eyes. She didn't want to cry, but it was coming. She didn't want Frank to think she was crying over her.
"Mary?" Frank said gently.
Mary stood up, gathering her things. "I'll see you later," she said.
"Mary," Frank said.
Mary shook her head, walking away. She walked up the stairs. She collapsed unto her bed, crying openly.
"Are you okay?" Lily asked from her bed.
Mary dropped her bag on the ground, shoving her face into her pillow. She felt her bed sink down as Lily sat down next to her. She patted her back.
"What does Alice Hodge have that I don't?" Mary asked, sniffling.
"Alice Hodge?" Lily repeated.
Mary let out a sob. Alice Hodge, of all people...Mary didn't even know she had existed until earlier this year, and now Frank was dumping her for the Hufflepuff?
"I hate Charms," Mary muttered.
--
Remus sat in the library, reading his Transfiguration book. It had been simple since they had gotten back from break, so he was reading ahead a few chapters. He was fortunate to be without his friends, since they were planning a prank for Valentine's Day.
Remus saw Lily walking over to him. She gave him an unsure smile.
"Hey, Remus," Lily said quietly.
"Hi," Remus said. He had only spoken to Lily during prefect meetings because James had been avoiding her at all costs. "How's it going?"
Lily shrugged. "I just ran into James," she said. Her voice faltered. "I didn't think he would take the letter this hard."
Remus cleared his throat. "Mm, no?" he asked.
"No," Lily said, shaking her head. She looked at him, her eyes suddenly bright. "Did he let you read it?"
"Yes," Remus said. "And only me, he made me take a blood oath, swearing I wouldn't tell Sirius or Peter."
"A blood oath?" Lily raised her eyebrows.
"Sirius is vicious when it comes to this topic," Remus said mildly.
"Do you think I was too harsh?" Lily asked, her eyes wide with worry. "I mean, I knew he would take it hard, but he's really avoiding me. Did it really . . . hurt him?"
Remus paused, pondering this. James was a curious creature when it came to Lily. "I didn't think it would," he said truthfully. "I thought he'd just get over it and go after you again, he's daft like that. But, it seems he's just . . . embarrassed about the whole deal. I think he'll be back to normal soon."
"You said he was 'just' embarrassed three weeks ago," Lily said.
"He was," Remus said.
Lily sighed. She looked down at her open book, with no intention to read. "Why does he like me so much?" she asked. It did not sound like her usual lament, but as though she was genuinely curious for the answer. "I don't understand. No boy has really – ever – been so . . . persistent . . . or dedicated . . ." She chose her words carefully.
Remus had pondered this, also. A lot of people did. There were great things to be said about Lily Evans, of course. It's not like James had even noticed her until the middle of their fifth year, when he realized Lily didn't like him as much as the rest of the girls. But the gradual obsession that had grown since then would stump many scholars for many years.
"I mean, up until the kiss, I've always told him straight out how I felt about him," Lily said. "That he was an arrogant git and I couldn't stand him. My friends told me he wanted what he couldn't have, but honestly. . ."
"I'm not quite sure of it myself," Remus said. "I would suggest you ask him, but you don't want him to think anything that's not true. And I doubt he'll pour his heart out to me."
"Not to Sirius, either?" Lily asked, perhaps looking hopeful.
"Definitely not," Remus raised an eyebrow. "Sirius and James don't talk about feelings. Boys don't talk about feelings, unless it's with girls – and that's just . . . slim . . ." Not that he had all the experience in the world, he had never felt it necessary to talk of feelings with anyone, not girls or boys or parents or adults or – anyone. The idea fathomed him; the thought of bearing one's soul to another intrigued and confused him.
"I know that," Lily said impatiently. She looked at Remus with bright eyes. "Why do you think he likes me so much?"
Remus's eyes twitched and he looked at Lily. "What?" he asked.
"Do you know – do you have an idea why he likes me so much?" Lily asked. Her shoulders had tensed, the look on her face was hesitant and she looked as though she wanted to take the question back, but she bit her lip.
Girls, Remus thought. "Um, not really," he said slowly.
"Come on," Lily said. "You've been friends with him for five years."
Remus shrugged helplessly. He just wanted to get back to his Transfiguration. "Maybe he does just want something he can't have," he said.
He regretted the words as soon as they were out of his mouth. Lily's face fell a bit; Remus could see the wheels turning in her head. Her theory that James was a complete arse was now confirmed because his best friend agreed.
"So, I'm just a trophy to finish off his perfect life," Lily said with a huff.
"That's not what I mean," Remus said quickly. "That's not what he feels, okay?"
Her green eyes flashed. "Then why?" she asked. "He likes my personality? My sense of humor? Potter doesn't even know me."
Oh, no, she was back to a last name basis.
"Look, I – James is one of my best friends, sure, but – I said boys don't talk about feelings, especially feelings about girls," Remus said. "Right? I said that, we never talk about you, unless we're making fun of him. The closest thing he's ever said to me about you was after I read your letter and he said maybe he was just a bad kisser, and I told him you weren't that shallow and he gave me this real vicious look, as though I should have known that he knew that, like I should have assumed no one knew you better than James – but then why did he ask the question, you know? Sometimes I think James just talks so that he can feel something."
Lily looked away from Remus. "I think he does that, too," she said. "And then he feels something that's not really him, because he was just talking for no reason, but it wasn't really him, either."
Silence fell between them and Remus had never been more confused in his life, except for perhaps when Sirius told him he might consider becoming a rock star.
"I have to do my homework," Lily said quietly. "It doesn't matter. I'm going out with Paul."
Remus nodded, and hoped that Lily had somehow changed her opinion about James, and that he hadn't betrayed James in some weird way, some way unspoken by boys, exposing weaknesses of best friends to red-haired, green-eyed girls.
--
One chilly day, Sirius, Remus, James and Peter were outside, enjoying an afternoon off from classes. Remus had a book with him, as usual. Sirius grabbed the book from him during a moment when the four of them had fallen silent. "Excuse me," Remus said. "I was reading that."
Sirius looked over a few lines. "This is boring," he said, tossing the book away. Remus watched the book fall unto the grass with a strange look on his face. "Come on, let's step stones."
"No, thank you," Remus said, picking up his book.
Sirius rolled his eyes, standing up. So uptight. He picked up a few stones and started throwing them over the water. James and Peter joined in and soon they were hooting and laughing and yelling. They were teasing each other and wrestling and dragging Peter to the icy water when Aubrey strode down to the four of them.
"What's going on down here?" Aubrey said. He looked at Peter, who was red in the face from being held upside down; then at James and Sirius, who were ankle-deep in the water; and lastly, at Remus, who had been reading his book calmly until Aubrey came over. "Lupin, would you like to tell me why you haven't been stopping this nonsense?"
"I wouldn't call it nonsense," Remus said. "They're just having a bit of fun."
"They're going to hurt that boy!" Aubrey exclaimed. "You were doing well for a while, but it seems to me like you're slacking off on your duty again!"
James and Sirius glanced at each other, then nodded. They dropped Peter into the lake in unison and reached for their wands. Together, they cursed Aubrey with the hex they had been talking about the night before and Aubrey's head started to swell up. He stopped yelling at Remus, his eyes widening, and his head was twice its normal size within seconds. Peter, sputtering from the lake, surfaced and burst into laughter. Remus was smiling with no shame.
"Now, boys, you really shouldn't have done that," Remus said, shaking his head at James and Sirius.
"You two will pay for this!" Aubrey exclaimed, and his voice was high and squeaky.
"Is that Professor Flitwick I hear?" Sirius asked as James started to roar with laughter. Sirius started laughing as well.
People passing by pointed and laughed, and prefects did nothing but walk by, until Lily Evans walked out of the castle. She saw the inflated head, and jogged over while Aubrey was taking points away from Gryffindor. Her eyes wide, she stared at the Head Boy. "Aubrey, calm down," she said.
"I will not calm down!" Aubrey squealed. James leaned against the tree, holding his stomach, unphased by Lily's sudden appearance. "Don't you see my head, Evans? I can barely hold it up!"
Lily shook her head. She looked at Sirius and James. "You really give the rest of us Gryffindors a bad reputation," she said.
Sirius wiped tears from his face and said to Lily, "Oh, like you don't enjoy this as much as the rest of us do!"
"What hex did you use for this?" Lily asked, motioning to Aubrey.
"I'm going to find Professor Dumbledore!" Aubrey squeaked. "I'll be surprised if he doesn't expel you!" He started to walk away.
Peter and James burst into fresh laughter and even Remus chuckled. As if they hadn't heard that one before . . .
"Was that – is that the hex that the Ministry made illegal last year?" Lily demanded. "You used an illegal hex on school grounds!"
"Lighten up, Evans," Sirius said tightly. "It's all fun and games, right?"
"It was made illegal for a reason!" Lily exclaimed. "Have you practiced it before? Do you know what you're doing? You could have put Aubrey in great danger!"
"You sound like a badly-written novel," James said. It was the first time James had spoken to Lily since, Sirius suspected, they had been under the mistletoe. He leaned on Sirius, running a hand through his hair. "He deserved it."
Lily stared at James for a moment as though he had grown an extra head, then yelled at him, "Deserved it? No one deserves anything you do to them, James Potter!"
"Who are you to say that?" James asked her, smirking.
"Who are you to say that they do?" Lily yelled. Aubrey had managed his way to the bottom of the steps that led to the front door and was still squeaking angrily and waving his arms.
"Hey," James said, "I know the hexes. It's not my fault people don't have my sense of adventure."
"Sense of adventure?" Lily asked. "That's what you call it, being cruel to people who have done nothing to you?"
"Oi, Evans, it's just a bit of fun," Sirius said. "Well, it wasn't just now, he's a prat – but, usually, we just do it for laughs. You do a lot of the same, right? Have a lot of fun and games with innocent people?" He looked at her sharply, and hoped James didn't pick up on it. Or if he did, that James didn't mind.
Lily stared at Sirius, her angry expression failing for only a moment. "Both of you should be expelled," she said firmly. "You've caused so much trouble here at Hogwarts – you've taken away from learning experiences, and broken so many school rules it's not even funny."
"Oh, Evans, you have no idea," James said, and he winked at her.
Sirius was not the only one surprised or impressed by this transformation James had taken under their very eyes. Only a few hours ago, James had insisted he had a Potions essay to finish and scampered out of the Great Hall when he had seen a familiar flash of red hair.
"I'm going to speak with the headmaster about this," Lily snapped after staring at James in disgust. She turned and walked away in a huff.
Only minutes later, Professor McGonagall came out, yelling. Double detention for the two of them, but Sirius caught the slight smirk on her face when McGonagall said, "You're lucky it deflates within the next hour, or you'd have detention for the rest of the year."
Word of the hex spread like wildfire, and everyone was talking to James and Sirius, asking them about the hex, telling them he deserved it, laughing with each other about it and cheering when they passed by. And James, finally, seemed to be back to normal.
--
A/N: Well, I'm back! Europe rocked. Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter.
In an attempt to make the previews for the next chapter more exciting, here are a few lines from chapter ten. You can guess who says what.
"Naked Macarena dance?"
"Well, what did you expect, for me to mope around forever?"
"They're all writing her love letters."
"I can't tell you, or I'd have to kill you."