Title: Glass Hearts
Rating: PG-13
Summary (of chapter): April Fool's Day rolls around, and the Gryffindors make the most of it.
--
"Is this really worth it?"
"Shhh!"
"There's something crawling up my leg."
"Moony, watch your hands."
"Oh, shut up."
"Shhh! Someone's coming!"
"We're going to go down in history for this."
"The boys who were brutally murdered by their teachers."
"The best pranks in April Fool's history!"
"The students who were witnesses were scarred for life!"
"Shut up, how can they pin all of these pranks on us when they all happened at the same time and we were only at one?"
"We're geniuses."
"We're dead."
"This is going to be hilarious."
"This is my favorite day of the year."
"Here comes Marlene! Right on time – it's eight o'clock, right on the dot."
"Pull it!"
"I'm too young to die."
"Pull it, Moony!" three voices whispered as loudly as they could without being caught.
Across the castle, hell broke loose. Pixies in the Hufflepuff common room, levitating mattresses in the girl's dormitories of the Gryffindor Tower, flooding toilets, doors locked themselves shut, curses, charms, dungbombs – and a very angry Marlene McKinnon, drenched in lake water.
"This is my second favorite day of the year!" Sirius yelled, running from the fifth year as he laughed loudly.
As Remus, Sirius, James and Peter sat in McGonagall's office, complaints and students streamed in. All of the Slytherins who had drunk the pumpkin juice had blue hair and purple skin; the oatmeal had aging powder in it and the enchanted ceiling was full of psychedelic colors and designs.
The day progressed and only got more chaotic. Knights of armors were enchanted to dance; some were enchanted to grab students into the dance with them; groups of them danced together. The giant squid was doing flips and tricks all day. The brooms in the broom shed attacked the students who attempted anything. Books flew, stepping on certain steps emitted bubbles, and doorknobs tried to bite hands.
Sirius wouldn't mind taking credit it for it all, but it certainly wasn't their idea to fill the Potions dungeon with flowers or charm the desks in Flitwick's room to talk. "We're not the only troublemakers in this school!" James said indignantly.
They were released after many detentions were given and many points were taken away. "It's not safe to go anywhere!" Mary said hysterically. "Avoid the third floor corridor, there are trees everywhere!"
"I just don't understand why the portraits don't know anything about this!" McGonagall said angrily.
"Maybe they were Memory Charmed," the Arithmancy professor suggested.
"You can't Memory Charm a portrait," Flitwick said kindly. "It just seems they enjoy all of the pranks, as they do every year."
The front steps of the castle tripped anyone who attempted walking down them, and Sirius was proud to take credit for that, although he did have a nasty bruise on the side of his hip. Jewel also clonked him on the back of his head for enchanting her underwear to sing, "Sirius Black loves me and I love him!"
"Why aren't they singing right now?" Sirius asked, rubbing his head gingerly. "Did you find the counter-curse?"
"No, I'm not wearing any!" Jewel said hotly.
"Oh, really?" Sirius asked, grinning.
By the end of day, the teachers and students alike were wiped out. The armchairs and couches in the Gryffindor common room made comments about all the bums that sat on them. Lily Evans had decided to sit on the ground before she even tried the armchair. Poor Frank.
After dinner, Gryffindor had Quidditch practice and James and Sirius pretended Sirius had fractured his arm but still tried to play. Halfway through practice, Sophie finally caught on when Sirius nearly fell off of his broom, but held unto his broom with his fractured arm. Then they practiced lightly for the next hour, the next game in six weeks. They left the pitch laughing.
Mary tried to talk Lily into acting like she wanted to go out with James, and then saying April Fool's! when he got excited, but Lily didn't have the heart to. "You're too nice," Mary said, shaking her head.
Instead, the sixth year Gryffindor girls conspired a different prank. Candace distracted Remus and Peter while James and Sirius were at Quidditch practice and Lily, Mary and Debra snuck up into their dorm. "I can't believe we're doing this," Lily said breathlessly while locking the door. Her heart was pounding. Doing something so against the rules gave her an adrenaline rush.
"Come on!" Debra giggled. The three girls started going through their trunks, trying to stay quiet. "They're going to kill us!"
Lily was looking through James's trunk, her heart pounding. Her stomach was tying itself into knots as she looked through his cluttered things. She found bundles of notes, old books and dirty clothes. "Do we have to take the dirty ones?" she asked, holding up a pair of boxers.
"Yes, otherwise they'll still have some!" Mary said. "Ooh, Sirius wears boxers and briefs. Look, he's got a picture of him and Jewel. How sweet."
"Firewhiskey," Debra said, holding up a bottle. "In Remus's trunk."
Lily shook her head, stuffing all of James's drawers into her book-bag. "Look, these have snitches on them," she said, shaking her head. "Where do you buy things like this?"
"Gah!" Mary said, throwing a magazine aside. "That's one cover I'd be better without."
"Try to make things look inconspicuous!" Debra exclaimed. "Really, if it looks like we've been here, our cover will be blown!"
"But they won't have any drawers, will they?" Mary asked, grinning.
"Ugh, look at this!" Lily exclaimed. She held up a picture of herself. She wasn't looking at the camera. "He has a picture of me!"
Mary broke down in laughter. "All right, I think I've got all of Remus's," Debra said. "That bed must be Peter's..."
"He's got more than one!" Lily exclaimed, pulling out more pictures. "I think I'm going to puke!"
Mary rolled on the floor, laughing. Debra kicked her. "Have you got all of Sirius's or what?" she asked.
Mary bent over Sirius's trunk, still laughing. She looked through his things some more, then put the magazine back. "I'm pretty sure it's all gone," she said. She looked under his bed and pulled out a dusty pair of briefs. "Okay, now it is..."
"Lily, are you done yet?" Debra asked.
"I haven't found the bottom yet," Lily replied, reaching farther under the mess that was James Potter's trunk. She found a wad of gillyweed, dirty socks, a mirror. After searching through the trunk one last time, she stuffed all of his drawers in her book-bag and closed it. "All right."
They helped Debra get Peter's, and they found a journal. "No, don't," Lily said, holding back a grin. "Mary, you're evil – leave it alone!"
"Come on, Quidditch practice is almost over," Debra said. She wrenched the journal from Mary and stuffed it into the trunk. She shut the trunk on Mary's fingers and they left the dorm.
Halfway down the steps, Mary started yelling. "Fine, you prat!" she shouted. "You think you're all that! Tell me I'm breaking the rules, you should have been a prefect!" She stormed into the common room. "I hate him!" She looked at Lily and Debra. "Sorry for even asking you to come with me. Who does he think he is?" She stormed across the Gryffindor common room, yelling more about Frank and stomped up the staircase to the girl's dormitory. She grinned at the two of them once they reached their dorm. Everyone assumed she had been fighting with Frank; and at the moment, Frank was in the library.
"Okay, I'll go get Candace," Debra said, an evil twinkle in her eyes.
Once Candace and Debra came back, they locked the door and emptied their book-bags. Mary took out her camera and the girls took various ransom pictures. They then charmed some of their own knickers just in case anything happened. "Should we enchant them to sing, like Sirius did Jewel's?" Candace asked thoughtfully.
"Maybe if we give them back," Lily said. "I'm exhausted. It's been such a long day, and tomorrow is Easter break!"
"I love break!" Mary said. She cheered, stuffing the drawers in an extra trunk under her bed.
"I'm hitting the shower," Debra said. "I don't know if I'll ever feel clean again . . ."
--
The next day, the girls carried around an equal amount of drawers in their book-bags. Lily enchanted their bags bigger and transfigured the various pairs of underwear to look and feel like more books – but not weigh the same. "Stay safe, girls," Lily said solemnly.
"Mrfh," Mary groaned from her bed.
Candace and Lily left for breakfast. They entered the common room and it seemed normal enough. They had reached the portrait hole when they heard a few familiar yells. Lily glanced over her shoulder as she stepped out of the portrait hole and saw James yelling at a few seventh years.
They went to breakfast, attempting to act normal. They sat down at the Gryffindor table with Marlene and some of her friends. The group talked mainly about the previous day and how they planned to spend their break for the first half of the breakfast. Then new Gryffindors flooded in and spread the word that underwear had gone missing.
By lunch, the entire school knew. The boys were walking around with no drawers at all, so they said. Lily couldn't piece together why they wouldn't just wear their dirty underwear. "It's bloody uncomfortable, too," James grumbled to Marlene and Jewel. "I think I just might go naked if someone doesn't return them soon..."
"I was going to go flying today," Sirius said. "But I'm not going anywhere like this."
Lily giggled as she passed by and Sirius called after her, "Oi, what's so funny, Evans?"
Lily looked over her shoulder, shrugging innocently, then continued walking to the library. At her usual table, she collapsed into a fit of giggles until her sides hurt. Halfway through her homework, James joined her. "You're supposed to put that off until the last moment," he said.
"So I've heard," Lily replied.
"Hey, Evans, I need my drawers back," James said in a desperate tone. "I know it was the sixth year Gryffindor girls – you're all avoiding us, and someone said you were in the boy's dorms last night –"
"We were talking to Frank," Lily said coolly.
"I'm not stupid, Frank broke up with Mary," James said. "But I am desperate. Please, Evans, I'll do anything for my underwear. Just one pair – I'll give you a thousand galleons."
"You don't have a thousand galleons," Lily replied.
"I'll pay it to you in installments over the next five years," James said. "Lily, I'm begging you." He got on his knees by her chair, an uncomfortable look on his face. "I'll leave you alone – I won't talk to you until the Quidditch game, I won't get you a Christmas present this year –"
"James," Lily said, "it wasn't me."
"You're a horrible liar," James said. "Okay, no, you're a pretty good liar, but I don't believe you! I mean, this was good – this was brilliant, we're all free-balling –"
"Please, spare me the details," Lily waved her hand and returned to her homework.
"If you don't give me back my drawers, I'll walk around naked tomorrow," James told her. "I swear I will. And you really don't want me to do that, all the girls will lose what little self-control they still have around me – they'll be rabid!"
Lily rolled her eyes. "Get over yourself," she said. "The reaction will be nothing less than another detention and some blushing girls."
"Lily," James said her first name very seriously. "This is your last chance."
Lily began to laugh. "My last chance?" she said. "I don't even have your underwear!"
James looked at her, then started to shake his head in pity. "I'm sorry," he said, standing up. "It was nice knowing you."
He walked out of the library, looking very amusing with the way he moved his hips and legs. Lily giggled, then continued her homework, grinning.
She went to the Gryffindor common room after she had finished her homework, and the moment she walked into the portrait hole, Mary ran to her. She grabbed her arm and dragged her back out of the common room. "Mary!" Lily exclaimed. "What are you doing?"
"Shhh!" Mary exclaimed. She pulled Lily into an empty classroom and locked the door. "They were in our dorm and they're gone – all of my knickers are gone!"
Lily's eyes widened. "What?" she asked. "What, no –"
"Yes, they've gotten back at us!" Mary said. "I looked in your trunk, they're gone, too! I know there must be other stuff missing – I locked the door, but they must have broken the charm!"
"This is war," Lily said. She grabbed Mary's hand and they went up to their dorm. The place was a bit dirtier than usual, and it was obvious the boys hadn't tried to cover up their tracks as the girls had. At least Lily had had her diary with her...
"Is anything missing?" Mary asked as Lily rummaged through her trunk. "I mean, besides your underwear..."
"No, I don't think so," Lily said in relief. "Well, I can't find the pictures of me and Paul that I had..."
"Well, all of my Quidditch stuff is gone," Mary said. "When I get my hands on them, they're going to wish they were never born."
"I can't imagine what Potter is doing with my bras," Lily said, shaking her head. She sat down on her bed. "So . . . what do we do?"
"Surrender?" Mary suggested meekly, plopping down next to Lily.
"I would have hoped you had a little more courage than that," Lily said. She bit her lip, thinking. "Come on, we're Gryffindors! We've got to do something – we've got all of their drawers with us!"
"And they've got all of ours!" Mary said miserably.
Lily rolled her eyes. Mary MacDonald didn't even want to get revenge. "I know," she said. "What should we do? Sell them off to first years? Hang them up from the Quidditch goals?"
"Okay, Lily, I appreciate the Gryffindor spirit and all," Mary said, "but we are in a position in which we will be much more embarrassed than the four of them."
Lily narrowed her eyes. "No, we are not," she said. "We charmed them all to look nicer last night, and mended all of the holes and we even shrunk some of our granny-knickers last night, remember? We knew this could happen. I enchanted some of them to bite any male hands, too. At least they'll have bleeding fingers. But really, we've got to do something!"
Candace and Debra came in and the two of them told them all that had happened. Then, they started devising a plan.
~*~
Jewel waited by the Great Hall Entrance, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed. As people passed, she heard rumors fly about the aftermath of April Fool's day, but waited until she decided to believe any of them.
She heard a familiar voice and looked up. Sirius was walking down the steps that came to the Great Hall, a smirk on his face. Oh, dear. He walked over to her, giving her a charming smile. "Hey," he said. He kissed her on the cheek. "I would just like you to know that you are dating a genius."
Jewel raised her eyebrows. "Oh, really?" she asked. That's what he had said last time, before he got in trouble for the itching powder in Terence Parker's drawers. "And why are you calling yourself a genius?"
"Oh, how I wish you were a Gryffindor," Sirius said. He took Jewel's hand and he started to walk. "Well, our drawers were stolen, right? So, we stole theirs. And we've dealt out the appropriate revenge."
"What did you do?" Jewel moaned.
"We've dealt out the appropriate revenge," Sirius repeated.
"Sirius," Jewel said, stopping him. "This isn't going to embarrass them, is it?"
"I doubt it," Sirius said. "All of their knickers are perfect – no holes, all of them perfectly clean . . . I think they charmed them all to be cute and perfect just in case we lashed back."
Jewel smirked. Lily was a clever one. "Well, what did you do?" she asked.
"I can't tell you," Sirius said. "You'll just have to find out."
"It won't make them cry, will it?" Jewel asked.
Sirius paused. "Well, girls are overly sensitive sometimes," he said. "No, no, don't worry, they won't cry, they won't be that embarrassed. We're being perfect gentlemen compared to some other ideas James had. In fact, Peter and Remus barely had a part of it. Remus told us what he thought was too extreme and Peter giggled the whole time."
Jewel paused. "And you won't be expelled?" she asked.
"No," Sirius said. "It's not something obvious. The teachers will only hear about it from the rumor mill, unless they decide to rat on us."
Jewel nodded. "All right, then you have my approval," she said and they started to walk again.
"Thank you, mum," Sirius replied.
"You are most welcome," Jewel said.
They had passed the third corridor, which was being cleaned out by Filch and half of the teachers, when they heard screams.
"What was that?" Jewel asked.
"My ingenuous work," Sirius said shortly. He started jogging towards the scream, pulling Jewel along beside him.
They were walking up to a portrait of a fat lady in a pink dress with ruffles. She went unnoticed, however, because Lily and Mary were running around in the corridor, being attacked by a various assortment of knickers. The fat lady in the portrait was yelling, and the girls were screaming. A lacy black bra was pulling on Mary's hair and at least five pairs of knickers were pulling at her feet. Suddenly, they pulled her feet off of the ground and Mary fell, cursing. Lily fought her own bras and knickers viciously, her hair frazzled and her face flushed. She had her wand out, but the knickers took it from her hand and held it down on the floor.
Sirius was howling with laughter, and Jewel was laughing as well, but she felt guilty about it. "Oh, Sirius," Jewel said, taking out her wand.
"That won't...do anything..." Sirius gasped.
Jewel tried a few Freezing and Summoning Charms, but, as Sirius had said, they did nothing.
The portrait of the fat lady swung open, hitting Lily in the backside so that she fell over unto her knees. Out came Candace and Debra, also running from attacking knickers. James, Peter and Remus followed them, all three of them laughing their heads off. Lily grabbed her wand from a small thong and pointed it at James viciously, who was leaning against the wall, his eyes closed. She yelled a hex at him, one Jewel later tried to remember, but couldn't for the life of her.
All of the knickers attacking Lily suddenly froze and moved towards James with lightning speed. James opened his eyes only for a moment and a look of complete shock came unto his face before he was screaming and yelling from the knickers just as the girls were.
Lily started to pat down her hair and clothes as the chaos continued, then she waved her wand again. The portrait opened again, hitting Peter in the bum, and a long line of boxers and briefs came out of the hole. They were high up in the ceiling and moving along slowly in circles, down the corridors, away from Gryffindor Tower.
"Hey!" Sirius yelled, taking a moment to stop laughing at his best friend. The three boys went chasing after their drawers as Lily freed her friends from the attacking knickers. She looked at James, hesitated, and then waved her wand so that all of the bras and knickers froze in midair.
James stared at Lily in shock. "How did you do that?" he asked. "We fool-proofed these knickers!"
"Well, I'm no fool," Lily said, flipping her hair off of her shoulders. She pointed up to the ceiling. "There are your drawers, if you're looking for them."
James looked up at the ceiling and yelled in horror, taking out his wand and chasing after his friends.
"That was bloody amazing," Jewel said. "You're my new idol, Lily Evans."
Lily looked at Jewel, blushing, and gave her a smile. "I knew that they had charmed them against all charms," she said, "so I used a hex. Not exactly fool-proof. But clever."
Mary threw herself unto Lily, panting. "You saved our lives!" she exclaimed.
"I wonder what they would have done if you hadn't done anything," Candace said, lying on the ground.
The boys started to come back, their arms full of boxers and briefs. "All we had to do was Summon them!" Sirius exclaimed.
"Yes, I know," Lily replied. "But they floated three times around the common room."
"All right, that was clever," James said grudgingly.
"So was yours," Lily said approvingly.
There was a moment of silence.
"April Fool's," Mary finally said.
The nine of them started laughing. The Gryffindors started talking avidly, teasing each other and asking how they had done it. "Truce?" Remus asked. "Please, let this be the end."
"Truce," Debra agreed after looking to the other girls for approval.
They started to file back into their common room, still talking and laughing as though they played these kinds of tricks on each other all the time. Sirius walked over to Jewel and leaned down to kiss her. Jewel reached her head up, kissing him on the lips. "It was genius, right?" Sirius asked, his eyes twinkling.
"Genius," Jewel nodded.
Sirius smiled down at her. "I'll see you later," he said.
"Have fun," Jewel said. He turned and started to walk away. "Oh, wait." Sirius turned. "Can I have those ones with the Bludgers on them?"
Sirius looked down at his armful of boxers and briefs, pausing. "James bought them nearly two years ago, they're way too small," he said. He still seemed hesitant. He rolled his eyes. "James has ones with snitches on them."
"When he gives those to Lily," Jewel said, taking the pair, "I'm sure he'll understand."
She started to walk away, smiling at him. Sirius shook his head at her, walking towards the portrait. "He wouldn't ever give those away to her!" Sirius said.
"I'm sure he said the same thing about you!" Jewel called back to him. She smiled, shaking her head. Sirius and James; that was a friendship to marvel at.
--
Sorry that update took forever! I lost a memory stick, had to recover some files. Whew!
Next time...the sixth years head to the Ministry of Magic for their Apparition tests.