Story so far: Logan and Duncan overhear Veronica at Lilly's graveside. They learn she has cancer and is dying. They also learn she can prove Abel Kunz didn't kill Lilly. In the hospital, Logan ends up rushing into Veronica's room begging her not to go to Lilly and to stay because he needs her. Logan once Veronica's heart rate rises professes he knows she is going to get better. She does and while she is recuperating at home, Logan does some soul searching and decides he needs to make changes. Logan worried about how Veronica is taking that Duncan and Meg are dating talks to her in the hallway at school. The rumors have them dating. Logan frustrated meets with Veronica at a burger bar to discuss how to handle all the rumors about them. To Logan's chagrin a tabloid publishes a picture of him and Veronica at the restaurant. Now the rumors at school are even worse. Lynn Echolls invites Veronica to be a part of the fundraiser fashion show and dance. At school on Monday, Veronica walks up and kisses Logan in first period. Logan goes along with it but is waiting after school to find out what is going on. Now back to the story.......

Logan is leaning against his Xterra waiting for Veronica to meet with him. He is ignoring the looks of his classmates. He hears a female voice say, "I am here as directed captain."

He looks up from his introspection of the ground and sees Veronica standing in front of him. She has a teasing expression on her face. Logan smiles at her.

Veronica's heart skips looking at Logan. He looks so sexy leaning against his car.

Logan stayed leaning against his car and wiggled his finger for Veronica to come over to him. He figured since she got him into this situation, she could come over to him.

Veronica smiles slowly at Logan and pulls her book bag off her shoulder. She keeps eye contact with him walking over and standing right in front of him. She leans against him; her chest and hips pressed against him as he leans on his car.

Logan responds by wrapping his arms around her and looking down at her with his dark eyes questioning.

Veronica presses her chest and body even closer and wraps her arms around him. She tilts her head back to look up at him.

To the many onlookers, it looks like any guy greeting his girlfriend. This though was the newest IT couple of Neptune High. Last year they were enemies. This year she had almost died from cancer and he had realized how much he loved her. The girls thought it was romantic. The guys thought she was hot so it wasn't a surprise that Logan was dating her.

Logan puts his hand on her cheek and caresses her soft skin gently. His face softens as he looks at her beautiful face. He questions her quietly, "What is going on Ronnie? Why have you made my best friend mad at me?"

Veronica looks up at Logan for a few seconds thinking. She pulls her arms out from around him and slides them up his chest to his shoulders where she caresses his shoulders as she talks to him. Meeting his gaze, Veronica says quietly, "I want to talk to you about Lilly, Duncan, Meg, your mother's matchmaking and what happened to us last year."

Logan looks down at her. He slides his hand around the back of her head and then down her neck to the middle of her back. His face is serious as he looks down at her. He says, "Good Veronica. I'm ready whenever you are."

Veronica looks seriously back at Logan. She nods and says, "First I have a question to ask you and I need an honest answer from you."

Logan says, "Go ahead."

Veronica meets his gaze; her blue eyes boring into his brown. She takes a deep breath and asks, "What do you hope will happen after we have our talk?"

Logan looks closely at Veronica's expression. He pauses for a few seconds and then says, "I really only want to give you the opportunity to tell me about how my behavior affected you. I hadn't really thought about what would happen after."

He pauses thinking and then adds, "I guess it depends on what is said. We have a lot of issues to discuss."

Veronica nods and then questions, "Is that all you want Logan?"

Logan frowns a little in thought. He finally says, "What are you asking me Veronica?"

Sighing quietly, Veronica starts again, "OK, just for a minute forget my cancer; forget all that happened between us since Lilly died; forget that you were with Lilly and I was with Duncan……."

Logan looks at Veronica and nods in understanding.

Veronica continues, "Could you see yourself dating me?"

Surprised, Logan looks at Veronica and their eyes lock. He sees the hope and fear in hers. He tightens his arms around her pulling her even closer to his body and says honestly, "Even with everything between us Veronica, I still want that, more than anything."

Veronica's eyes get watery and she says, "Me too Logan."

Logan lowers his head and kisses her. Veronica immediately responds, parting her lips and putting her arms around his neck deepening the kiss. Logan pulls Veronica closer and he gently pushes his tongue in to tangle with hers.

When they hear the whistles and cat calls, they pull apart slightly. The students watching can see the passion and strong feelings between them.
Logan leans his forehead against hers and smiles, "Perhaps a more private locale would be in order?"

Eyes shining, Veronica says, "Let's go."

Logan reaches back and opens the passenger door of his Xterra. He puts his hand gently on her back and ushers her into her seat. After closing her door, he walks around and gets in his door. He looks up as he starts the car and sees many students openly watching them.

***

They end up at the beach sitting on the tailgate of Logan's car sitting side by side.

Veronica turns partially towards him and starts. She tells him of her pain when Duncan broke up with her without explanation. She describes her dreams of marrying Duncan and being Lilly's sister and how when the dream crashed so violently and suddenly, she was devastated. She says she now knows that Lilly had found out they might be blood sisters. She talks about how much she misses Lilly and how Lilly was everything to her and how lonely she was when Lilly died.

Logan talks about his anger at Veronica for telling Lilly about Yolanda and how he felt betrayed by her. He says that he now knows that it wasn't Veronica's fault he and Lilly broke up and he knows that Lilly was seeing Weevil. He says how he has now accepted that he and Lilly were over and how he came back from TJ and wrote her the note.

Veronica is surprised that he was in Neptune the day Lilly died and she asks him what happened to the note and shot glass. Logan describes seeing Lily at the car wash and leaving it in her car.

Logan talks about how he is not close to Aaron. His voice is quiet as he talks about his respect for Jake Kane and how he is a second father to him. He talks about how devastated Duncan was and how when Mr. Mars went after Jake it was like a personal attack on his family.

He talks about how angry he was when Veronica didn't stay with him and Duncan. In the confusion after Lilly's murder and Duncan's slide into zombie land, Logan needed some stability and he had thought it would be Veronica. It seemed like she was betraying Lilly. He tells her how he convinced himself that she never cared for Lilly and them and how she was using them because of their money and status.

He takes her hand and tells her he knows it isn't true but in his grief and pain, he felt like it was. He tells her that he has now realized that it was Veronica that held them together. He tells her he has gotten a little smarter and he has realized that people like her are rare and you have to keep them in your life. He tells her that he knows now that he needs her in his life and he wants to be a support to her too.

Veronica tells him about her pain when everyone turned against her and how lonely she was. Her pain at seeing her own family fall apart and her beloved dad get ousted. She describes some of the things people said to her and how she felt shredded inside.

She talks about how much she needed him and how his words of hate and looks of hate cut her deeply. Logan gently takes her hand while he listens.

She stops for a few minutes when she gets to the night of Shelley's party. She gets off the tailgate and walks to the water's edge.

Logan can feel the waves of anguish and pain rolling off her as he stands behind her. He feels pain in his gut at the thought of his part in what happened to her. He doesn't know if he can listen to her tell the story of her rape but he knows it is important that he does.

Veronica looks over the waves and feels Logan come to stand behind her. She knows she has to tell Logan what happened to her but she just doesn't know if she can. What if it changes how he feels about her? She feels his arms come around her from behind.

Logan sees Veronica shaking and he can't take seeing her in so much pain. He goes up and puts his arms around her. He pulls her close to him and hugs her to his body. He says, "Ronnie. I know a good part of what happened to you at Shelley's party last year."

He feels her stiffen and try to pull away and he holds her tight. He says, "Although I was angry with you and thought I hated you, I never meant for you to be …." Logan stops unable to say the word out loud.

Logan knows he has to continue so he says, "Violated. I mean I sure didn't mind you being humiliated by the salt lick but I never thought it would go so far."

Logan takes a deep breath and says, "I am to blame though. I made it OK to hurt you. The others were just following my lead and hurting you became our fun."

Veronica is crying and Logan feels like his insides are being torn out. He chokes out, "I don't think I can find words to say how deeply and truly sorry I am about what happened to you. I may not have been one of the guys who raped you but I am to blame for you being hurt."

Veronica curls into a tiny ball and Logan sits on the sand and pulls her into his arms. She is so small and Logan feels so protective of her. He knows that he was the leader and it is him that has to take responsibility.

Logan holds her while she cries and he wishes that he could take away her pain. He wishes it had never happened. He wishes he could have a do over and do it right. He knows he can't and he has to accept what he has done and do better in the future.

It just seems so wrong that she has to hurt so deeply because of what he did. It is hard to live with. Sometimes he thinks about how ignorant he was last year and how easy it was to not deal with his conscience. He still can't believe how far he let himself fall.

After a while Veronica stops crying and just lies quietly in Logan's arms. It feels so good to be held by him. She feels so protected and cared for. She hasn't talked to anyone about the rape and it is a huge relief to know that Logan knows.

Veronica starts to talk. She tells Logan about taking the drink and then how everything got fuzzy.

She feels Logan stiffen and he questions, "You were drugged?"

Veronica tells him how she can't remember anything and how she woke up in the room missing her underwear, sore and bloody. She tells him about going to Sheriff Lamb and what he said to her. She tells him about her car and what Madison did to it. She starts crying again when she talks about having to go to the doctor for the morning after pill and being tested for STDs. She is quiet for a few minutes. Logan wants to ask but just stays silent. He gently rubs her back and keeps holding her close to him.

Veronica finally continues her voice barely a whisper as she tells Logan that the doctor called her back and told her she had Chlamydia. She talks about how dirty she felt and how she walked down the hall at school and when guys laughed at her, she wondered if they had been with her. She tells Logan one night she just cut her hair off and cut up her old clothes. She talks about worrying that she was pregnant and how relieved she was when she got her period even though she knew after taking the morning after pill she shouldn't get pregnant. She talks about the rumors at school about her and how guys kept coming up to her asking for quickies and blow jobs. Each time she wondered if they had already been with her. She says she decided not to take it anymore.

She is quiet a few minutes and then tells Logan that she even wondered if he were one of the guys who raped her. Especially after some of the things he said to her about how many guys she had been with and her diseases.

Veronica feels Logan start to shake and she pulls back a little to look at him. She is shocked to find he is crying. She puts her arms around him and says, "Logan, I know it wasn't you. I know you couldn't. It's just that you hated me so much." Veronica trails off.

Logan sets Veronica gently on the sand and gets up. He walks away from her and looks out at the sea. His psychiatrist had told him that he had to listen to her story and support her. Logan knew in his head it would be hard. He just doesn't know if he can handle the emotions he is feeling right now. He has never felt so much remorse or pain and he doesn't know what to do. When Veronica described what happened to her, he thought he could handle her story. When she talked about thinking he had raped her, so many emotions had risen in Logan, he didn't know if he could keep them bottled up inside.

He stripped off his shirt and kicked off his shoes and ran into the surf. Just as he got to his waist and was going to dive in, he felt Veronica land on his back. He felt her arms go around his neck and he heard her say, "No Logan, No."

He put his arms up to pull her arms from around his neck. She held on with her arms and tightened her legs around him. He tried to push her away but she would not let go. His frustration rose and he yelled, "Veronica let me go."

Veronica continued to hold Logan close and she whispered in his ear. "Logan, don't go. I need you. I love you."

Logan had stopped trying to break Veronica's hold and had been still for a second. Veronica had kept whispering, "Don't go I need you. I love you."

Logan had collapsed and they had fallen in the waist deep water. Veronica had grabbed Logan and pulled him to the shallows.

She had held him close to her while he cried. He sobbed out how he could never deserve someone like her and she was too good for him and how she would be better off without him. He cried about how broken he was and how he was so afraid he would be like his father. He said he was a monster and he hated what he was.

He told her that he had felt like he had been kicked when he overhead her telling Lilly about her cancer and how she was going to die. He said when he saw her in the hospital room he couldn't handle that she was not going to be around. He said he realized what a fool he had been and how much he really needed her. He told her about seeing her open her eyes and look up at the ceiling and how her heart rate slowed down and he knew she was seeing Lilly. He told her he had run and grabbed her and begged her to stay. He sobbed when he told her that he thought he had lost her.

Then he told her about overhearing what happened to her at Shelley's party and how he had driven to the beach to think. He said he knew then that he had to change because he couldn't live like he was anymore. He told her about going to his mother and how he told her what he had become. She had gotten him professional help and he had totally opened up to his psychiatrist. He told her how he wished he were dead instead of Lilly and he wished he could take Veronica's place and die instead of her. Veronica held him and he put his head on her chest and let her soothe him.

Veronica is shocked. When she had told Logan that she thought he might have raped her, he had stiffened and started crying. She watched as his emotions overtook him and he started to run into the ocean. She knew he was going to swim until he couldn't anymore. She knew he wasn't thinking straight. She knew he was in danger. She had run to him and grabbed him. She had held on as tight as she could and prayed that his reluctance to hurt her physically would allow her to hold him at the shore. She had told him she loved him, he had collapsed. He had poured out his heart to her. Veronica had not realized how much Logan had hated himself. She had no idea of how much his father had damaged him and how low his self esteem had really been.

Veronica had been shocked when he told her about thinking she saw Lilly. Veronica had a dream about Lilly when she was sick. In her dream she was on a raft with Lilly and they were floating and talking. Lilly had made her go back.

Veronica was blown away that her cancer had been the last straw for Logan and he had decided he had to change. She had heard the rumors that he had changed when he found out about her cancer but she had not put much credence in them.

Logan had finally stood up and pulled Veronica up with him. He had looked down at her in her wet clothes. She apparently had not had time to kick off her shoes before she had run into the surf after him. He picked up his shirt and put it on and pulled Veronica to his car. He wrapped her in a blanket and put her in the front seat. He got in the driver's seat and started the vehicle putting on the heater. He drove her to her apartment. They were silent.

When they got to her apartment, she looked over at Logan. He was sitting behing the wheel looking shell shocked. He said, "This open and honest thing is tiring Veronica."

Veronica had smiled. She opened the door of the car and went around to the driver's side. She opened the door and grabbed Logan's hand. She said, "Come on in. We both need to shower and then I think we should order something."

Logan said, "Maybe I should just go home."

Veronica said, "Logan. I am scared too but the door is open now and it is too late to try and close it."

Logan had looked at her and then got out of his car. He had grabbed his bag with spare clothes and followed her up to her apartment.

***

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