Title: Glass Hearts
Rating: PG-13
Summary (of chapter): Lily visits James to let her know how much she doesn't want him to be Head Boy. She also lets her true feelings show.
--
Lily knocked on the door, exhaling a breath. She crossed her arms, tapping her foot. She couldn't believe this. She had all of her words planned out; she knew exactly what she was going to say to him.
The door opened and Sirius halted, staring at Lily in shock. "What are you doing here?" he asked. He glanced around, looking utterly confused, as though he had never seen Lily before in his life.
"I'm looking for James," Lily said. "Is he here?"
"Er – yeah," Sirius said. Still looking confused, he called, "Hey, Potter! You've got a package! Come on in, Evans."
Lily walked into the house, entering a nice foyer. Sirius shut the door and led her through the foyer and kitchen to the living room. James was walking towards them while he grinned over his shoulder at Juniper.
"Slow down, turbo," Sirius said as James walked into him.
"Oh, sorry –" James began. He looked at Lily and cut off, his eyes widening. "Evans!" He quickly wiped the lipstick off of his face. Lily wasn't sure why this made her even more annoyed. Jewel and Juniper laughed quietly. Peter gave Lily a small wave and smile. Lily nodded at him, smiling.
"Hey, Lily," Jewel said. She raised her glass. "Congratulations on making Head Girl."
"Oh, thanks," Lily said as the others, except for James, who was still completely shocked to see Lily Evans in his own living room, joined in their congratulations. "Speaking of that – James, can I have a word?"
"Uh, sure," James said lamely. He started to walk towards the kitchen.
"James!"
"What, mum?" James yelled. "I'm kind of busy!"
"Come here real quick!"
James rolled his eyes, then walked towards the staircase. Lily paused, then Sirius motioned for her to follow him. They walked upstairs. "Snogging in the living room with your own mother in the house?" Lily asked James, smirking.
"Who said anything about snogging, Evans?" James asked, returning the smirk.
"Unless you know some other way lipstick can get onto your collar," Lily replied.
James walked to his mum's sewing room. "Yeah, mum?" he said, scratching the back of his neck.
"James, come here, I'm trying to make you a new cloak," she said, not looking up. She motioned him towards her.
"Mum, I've got company," James groaned as he walked in.
Martha looked up and saw Lily. "Oh, hello," he said brightly. She took out her measuring tape. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm just here to talk to James about our . . . about being . . . about seventh year," Lily said, nodding.
"How responsible of you," Martha said. "James, how tall are you?"
"Five eleven," James said.
"And Sirius?" Martha asked.
"Six feet even," James replied, looking grumbly about it. "Why didn't you call him?"
"All right, I'm done, shoo," Martha said, waving them away. "Lily, will you be staying for lunch?"
Lily tried not to blush. James gave her an apologetic look. She couldn't imagine sitting there with his friends, feeling so out of place. "I'm not sure," she said, smiling.
"I'm making clam chowder today," Martha said, her smile brightening.
"All right, mum," James said loudly. He led Lily out of the room, and she prepared herself mentally.
--
James walked to his bedroom – oh, gods, Lily Evans was going into his bedroom. He put away dirty drawers and shoved some stuff into a pile. "A little messy, sorry."
Lily shut the door and then turned to James. "Why did you –" he tried to say, but his tongue was tied into a knot.
"I don't think you should be Head Boy," she said, crossing her arms.
"You – what?" James asked. "Why?"
"Because you're irresponsible," Lily countered immediately.
"Irresponsible?" James repeated.
Lily only looked at him, her eyebrows slightly raised. It was the look, that which they called The Lily Look.
"Oh, come on," James exclaimed. "It's me, me – James Potter."
"Enough said," Lily said. "I really don't believe that you being Head Boy is in the best interest of the student body. I don't know what the professors were thinking."
"They knew I was the best choice," James said indignantly. He fished around his dirty room for the letter from Dumbledore. "Here – you see?"
Lily took the letter without a word and read it. The silence in the room while she read it seemed endless. She looked at James. "I stick by my opinion," she said.
"Come on, Evans, give me one example when I was irresponsible," James replied, crossing his arms as well.
"Using an illegal hex on Bertram Aubrey for him lecturing you," Lily snapped. "If you had done that wrong at all, his head would have exploded."
"It would have done the 'student body' some good," James said. He hasted to defend himself after he saw Lily's look of disgust. "Hey – hey! Good Godric, Evans, it's a joke. Why can't you lighten up once in a while?"
Lily's eyes narrowed into slits. "Lighten up?" she asked. "I care about everyone at Hogwarts –"
"What, and I don't?" James cut her off.
"You've hexed all of them!" Lily exclaimed.
"Oh, honestly! Getting hexed by the Marauders is like a rite of passage," James said tensely. "You're not a real student at Hogwarts unless we've done something horrid to you."
"Well, if you're Head Boy this year, you can be sure that you won't be separating any boys from men, Potter," Lily said. "This is my seventh year and I'll be damned if you ruin it because you're slacking off on your Head Boy duties."
"I won't slack off!" James exclaimed. "Come on –"
Lily pulled a folder out of her purse. She walked over to his unmade bed and pulled a piece of parchment out of said folder. "This is a list of all the Head Boy duties: prefect meetings, rounds at least twice a week, passwords, coordinate activities, attend all sports events, alert students with news, help to coordinate the schedule and meal menu, volunteer at the infirmary once a month, choose new prefects for the coming year, help choose a new Head Boy and Head Girl, keep prefect bathrooms and classrooms tidy, and promote general well-being of the student body," she said in a business-like tone.
"Bloody hell, it sounds like Dumbledore's list to do," James said, groaning.
Lily pulled out another piece of parchment after putting the first one away neatly. "This is a record of your performance at Hogwarts for the last six years," she said.
"How did you –" James began.
"In your first and second years alone," Lily continued as though he had never said anything at all, "you missed forty assignments, failed nine quizzes, had twelve unexcused absences, and no less than sixteen detentions. You also lost your House a total of two hundred points."
"Only sixteen detentions?" James asked.
"This is not looking good," Lily said, holding the record out for him. "I'm going to send a complaint to Dumbledore –"'
"Oh, Evans!" James exclaimed. "We're kids! We're supposed to enjoy ourselves! I was eleven and I got sixteen detentions; are you really going to let that affect me being Head Boy?"
"You don't care about anything, you're always lazy and putting things off –" Lily said.
"Look, in sixth year I only missed twenty-three assignments, ten less than fifth year," James replied. "I'm improving a little bit!"
Lily stared at him incredulously. "Twenty-three!" she repeated, her eyes wide. She plucked James's school record from his hands and inserted it into her folder.
"What else have you got in there?" James asked.
"I'm going to write Dumb –" Lily began.
"I thought we were friends!" James exclaimed.
For the first time during this conversation, Lily looked completely taken aback. "Well - it - that has nothing to do with whether I think you're responsible enough -"
"Responsible?" James asked. "So, you just don't trust me."
Lily paused, her face falling. "No," she said, her voice tense. "I don't."
"Will you ever?" James asked. Lily stared at him. She had obviously been derailed from her plan of ruining his dreams and elation. "Are you ever going to trust me?"
"It's not about . . ." Lily trailed off. She rolled her eyes, looking annoyed.
"What is this really about?" James snapped.
"I told you!" Lily exclaimed.
"You're insane," James said. "You're insane, Lily, I don't understand you."
"You don't understand me?" Lily snapped. "You've been pretty much obsessed with me for the last two years, and yet . . . the point is, you can't say you don't understand me when you're such a confusing . . . mess!"
James was beginning to feel even more annoyed than before, and he didn't think that was possible. "What is there not to understand?" he asked.
"Why are you snogging Juniper if - if -" Lily cut off, falling silent. She put her hands to her temples. "Forget it. This is so stupid. I can't believe I even came here. What does it matter if I hate the idea of spending the rest of the year with you? It was Dumbledore's decision. I doubt he's going to change it. I'm leaving."
She started to walk towards the door as James tried to make sense of what had just happened. He turned around and grabbed Lily's arm before she left. "Wait," he said. "Don't go yet."
Lily met his eyes, holding her chin high. James didn't know what that comment about Juniper had meant, but he had an idea. He didn't want to get too hopeful, because that was just like him to do that. "Look, if never snogging Juniper again means you'll trust me, then I'll never do it again," he said. "I just want you to trust me."
"James, you're . . . an irresponsible little boy," Lily said. She pulled her arm out of his grasp. "Just forget it."
She left the room and jogged downstairs. As she passed the living room, waving goodbye, Sirius called out, "Leaving so soon, Evans? Didn't you have a nice snog?"
Jewel hit him in the shoulder as Lily disappeared for a moment. Then she came back to the doorway and threw a knick-knack at him. Then she stomped out, Juniper cheering.
--
Lily Apparated to her bedroom, then collapsed onto her bed. She set her elbows on her knees and put her head in her hands. Her bedroom was the only place approved by the Ministry of Magic as safe for Apparition into a Muggle household. Although they couldn't track her Apparition habits, she figured it was a good idea to Apparate into her room, because she was sure no Muggles other than her parents and her sister had the possibility of seeing her. And Petunia never entered her room.
Her mind, momentarily distracted, fled back to James.
After she had heard about James and Juniper snogging at Peter's birthday party (Juniper had told Holly Nice who had told Debra who had told Lily), Lily had felt a distinct feeling of jealousy. After hearing that James had been made Head Boy, that jealousy had given rise into indignation and irritation.
Was she completely mad? Maybe it was the long hours at St. Mungo's. Maybe it was the pressures of the war. Maybe it was her nightmares. Maybe it was the fact that her sister was engaged. Why should she care about who James was snogging?
Well, honestly - if he was going to say things like My heart is always yours, didn't she have a right to be mad when he acted a completely different way?
She remembered telling him, "I don't want your heart."
Maybe she did.
Lily let out a groan, laying down on her bed. No, no, no. There could be nothing worse than falling for a guy for whom you swore you would never fall. Not only was it humiliating, especially since James would probably never let her live it down, but . . . well, maybe that was all. It would hurt her pride.
She didn't like James - she was just going crazy. There was no way. He was an arrogant (even though he was willing to lay down his life for his friends and family), irritating (even though she really liked spending time with him) . . . oh, this was going nowhere.
She needed help. Professional help. If only they had wizard psychologists.
--
"Remus?" a voice broke into his dreams.
Remus stirred in his bed. "Hmmm?" he said groggily.
"Remus, someone's here to see you," his mum said. "Do you want me to tell her to come back?"
"Her?" Remus said, pulling his covers down.
His mum paused. "I think it's Lily, she said.
Remus rubbed his eyes. He looked at his clock. It was ten o'clock, and he had been up reading last night. "Okay, just a minute," he said, pulling himself out of his bed. His mum nodded, closing his door.
What was Lily doing at his house? Remus yawned, pulling on some jeans. He walked out of his bedroom. He nodded to the tall, gruff man by his door. Benjy Fenwick had been guarding them since they had gotten back from Greece. Dumbledore had been fighting against the Ministry of Magic for the rights of werewolves since the freak attacks. He had assigned them Benjy to guard Remus and his family against attacks. He was silent most of the time, but his mum was really beginning to like him.
Lily was sitting in his living room, drinking some tea. "Oh, my gosh, did I wake you up?" she asked, her eyes wide.
"Don't worry about it," Remus said with a wave of his hand. "Here, let's go into the kitchen."
Lily followed him into the kitchen with her teacup. "Your mum went outside," she said. She sat down at the kitchen table.
Remus started to look through the cabinets and fridge. "You hungry?" he asked.
"Um, maybe a little bit," Lily said. She began to bite her nails. "How's your holiday been?"
Remus sighed. "A little crazy," he said. "Yours?"
"Crazy is a good way to put it," Lily said. "You've been all right, though?"
"For the most part," Remus said, pulling a carton of eggs out of his fridge. "How do you like your eggs?"
Lily shrugged. "However," she said.
Remus Summoned a frying pan, and flicked the stove on with his wand. Lily glanced over at Benjy, who was watching the telly. "Who's your friend?" she asked.
"No one," Remus said.
Lily stood up and walked over to Remus. She looked a bit nervous. Remus raised his eyebrows at her. "You all right?" he asked.
"I saw a man die," she said softly.
Remus stared at her for a moment, then realized that wasn't polite at all. He looked at the eggs sizzling on the skillet. "Wow," he said, "I'm sorry."
"It was crazy," Lily said. "I mean, he came in, and they found out that he was poisoned, and I went to get his fiance and . . . and he was there, and then he wasn't."
Shaking his head, Remus patted Lily's shoulder. "I'm really sorry," he said.
"I took three days off after that," Lily said. "I still had nightmares, though."
"Gods," Remus breathed.
There was a moment of silence as the two of them took in the heaviness of it all. Lily was only seventeen, and she was watching people die. This war took away too much.
Lily sighed. "Anyways," she said. "I sort of came here for another reason . . . I wanted to let you know that I know about your, um, situation . . . or whatever you would like to call it."
Remus stared at her for a moment. She wasn't talking about . . . he swallowed, looking away from her. Well, Snape used to be her friend. And she was a pretty clever girl. "My situation?" he repeated. "You mean . . ."
"I mean, you being a werewolf," Lily dropped her voice.
Remus nodded. "That's what I thought," he said. "What tipped you off?"
"Well, Snape told me he thought that," Lily said, blushing. "And other things . . . your boggart, and how you disappear every month, and then I started thinking about the Shrieking Shack. That's where . . ."
"Each month," Remus said shortly.
Lily bit her lip. She leaned up against the counter behind her. "Well, I'm glad you didn't turn yourself in or something," she said. "I'm glad Professor Dumbledore is fighting for your rights, I don't think you . . . well, if Dumbledore's right, if the spell requires all three of those factors, then it's pretty rare, isn't it?"
"And getting rarer," Remus said. He moved the eggs off of the skillet unto two plates. He nodded to Benjy. "That's what he's here for. He's protecting me and my family."
Lily glanced over at Benjy, a thoughtful look on her face. "Is he an Auror?" she asked.
Remus shook his head. "Not really sure what he is," he said. "Just one of Dumbledore's men."
There was a moment of silence as Remus took their eggs and put them on a plate. "I'm surprised you're even here," he said.
"Why?" Lily asked, meeting his eyes. "It doesn't change anything, Remus. One night a month doesn't change who you are."
Remus smirked. He wished that were the case. He pulled open the freezer and found a pack of bacon. "So, that's why you came?" he asked. "To confess you know my dirty little secret?"
"One of the reasons," Lily replied. "There's something else, too . . ."
Remus put a few pieces of bacon on the frying pan. "You're making me a full breakfast?" Lily asked.
"I'm thinking about it," Remus said, nodding his head. He Summoned pieces of bread and hexed them with a slow toasting spell.
"You've got quite the cooking talent," Lily said approvingly.
"James would murder me if he knew I was making breakfast for you," Remus said.
Lily's smile faded a little bit. "He's actually . . ." she trailed off. "He's why I came here. Remus, I don't know who to talk to but you. I'm going crazy. Honestly, I shouldn't be jealous - Debra told me that Holly told her that Juniper told her that her and James were snogging at Peter's birthday party. And I shouldn't care, I know I shouldn't. Then I went to his House after I found out he was Head Boy and I just told him off - it's not just because I don't trust him, it's because . . . because I'm jealous."
She buried her head in her hands. Remus smirked. He spread butter on their toast. He thought this day would never come. Honestly, he was beginning to wonder if Lily was just lying to see how Remus would react. "You're falling for James," he said.
Lily groaned, sounding miserable. "Remus, I can't fall for James," she said. "It's against all the natural laws of . . . of nature, of science, of magic, of humanity. Everyone knows that James is supposed to follow me around for the rest of our lives, I was never actually supposed to . . . start liking him."
Remus laughed. "Lily, there are worse things than falling for James Potter," he said.
"Like what?" Lily asked, anguished.
"Being a werewolf," Remus said pointedly. He put their bacon and toast next to their eggs.
"No," Lily said. She followed him to the kitchen table. "No, that's not worse."
"Being a Death Eater?" Remus asked. "Being a dementor? Being Kissed by a dementor?"
"Okay, okay, you've proven your point," Lily said. "It still doesn't help."
"Well, eat up," Remus said. "Maybe you'll feel better."
"Thank you," Lily said, giving Remus a smile. "I'll have to make you breakfast sometime. This smells delicious."
"No problem," Remus said. He Summoned forks for them. "It's really a wonder that wizards aren't fatter. They don't have to walk anywhere. They don't even have to get up from the kitchen table for forks."
Lily giggled, taking a bite of her eggs. After a moment, her face had fallen again. "Remus, I can't fall for James!" she exclaimed. "And being with him for an entire year is not going to help me! Honestly . . . he's so fun to hang out with."
"The two of you are tortured by your love for one another," Remus said.
"Don't say that," Lily snapped. "You're going to jinx us into getting married. It's just a phase I'm going through. It'll be over soon."
Remus nodded, his eyebrows raised. He munched on a piece of toast thoughtfully. "This is going to go over swell with Snape," he said.
Lily threw a piece of bacon at him.
--
A/N: Oh, snap. They're so cute, I love them. We see Mary MacDonald, Marlene McKinnon, and someone who might come between Lily and James. . .