Chapter 4. Goodbyes

I tore down the road as a stream of profanities flew from Jake's mouth. Hey, he made his choice, get up or stay in the back. Apparently he changed his mind, but I had no time to stop, I was extremely late. He stopped banging on the back window, by the time I flew down my driveway.

Even though I was going at least sixty, I looked around and began to reminisce, I would miss this place, the green pastures, the smell of fresh cut alfalfa, the majestic beauty of our horses, the sight of cattle grazing, the small white farm house, and my pond; man I was going to miss fishing in that pond. Today it all was even more beautiful; and my heart started to ache, I was leaving my home, this farm/ranch, whatever you wanted to call it was all I have ever known.

We raised champion cutting horses, cattle, and alfalfa on two hundred and fifty two acres. The cattle and the horses were what made this farm run, money wise, my dad is who kept this farm running. It was nothing fancy just beautiful land, and a small 4 bedroom farmhouse my great great granddad built back in the early 1900's.

I grew up in this house, raised by my father my whole life, I was the only female in Charlie's life since my mother left when I was two. Charlie was a man's man and had no idea how to raise a little lady, so he did the best he could and raised me as if I was a his son. He did a good job, I could hunt and fish with the best of them. I could rope off my horse by the age of seven, and could handle my alcohol pretty well by age thirteen. I think he actually forgot I was a girl until I got boobs, and "woman things" started happening. I still can remember the look on his face when I told him I started my period, and how quickly he called Jake's mom. From that day on I was Bella, his daughter, but his "manly" raising stuck with me and well, if I didn't have long hair, and boobs, I probably would get mistaken for the farmer's son, rather than the farmer's daughter.

I was a good kid though, I knew what I could and could not do. I worked hard in school and started attending community college my freshman year in high school. Yeah, I attend high school, then drove to the college afterwards. Hey, it was that or buck alfalfa! I graduated high school with a 4.3 GPA two months ago, and two weeks later I graduated from community college with an associates in science. Charlie gave me two choices, go to California attend UCLA and live with my cousin Emmett, or stay her in Desoto Georgia. Once again I think I made the best choice. I am not like the girls here in Desoto, bare foot and pregnant is not the vision of my dreams. I want a career, I want to be able to take care of myself, then we will talk babies and marriage! So…I leave today to California. I leave my father, my best friend, and everything I have ever known. I no longer will be the "farmer's daughter", and I will never admit it to Jake or Charlie but I think I will miss being just the "farmer's daughter".

The farm house came into view and right in front was Charlie, standing in the driveway shaking his head, as I slammed on my breaks and my trucks slid to a stop. I jumped out and ran to him, " Dad, I am so sorry…I…I…well, I fucked up…I really am sorry…I.."

"Bells, I know you too well!"

"I know dad I am sorry I am a horrible daughter…I won't see you for a really long time and, I overslept!"

"Bells, I told you the time we had to leave was 9:15 because I knew you would do this….we don't have to leave till 11:30.…hahaha…come over here and give your 'ol man a hug", Charlie starting laughing and held out his arms. I threw myself at him, and gave him the biggest hug I could muster.

"Hey what about me….what am I? Chopped liver? I am the one who woke up to freezing cold wind, and a best friend who wouldn't stop the truck so I could get in the cab…..B, you made me ride in the back all the way home like I was a hound!" Jake had is arms crossed as he pouted.

"Hey I gave you the choice, you would have laid there for hours….I had to get home….speaking of…Dad is breakfast ready? God I need some coffee!"

I followed Charlie and Jake in to the house. We three ate breakfast in silence, until Charlie noticed my right hand. "Bells?" he questioned me with a raised eyebrow.

I looked at my right hand and blushed. "Yeah….about that….tell Harry I am really sorry….I really didn't mean to break my promise….again (sigh)…..I gave her a warning this time…and I did carry her to Emily's truck!" I was defending my self like I had killed her.

"Damn it Bells…you really can't control yourself can you….you and your temper!…I have to fish with Harry this weekend!" Charlie was trying to scold me with out laughing.

"Charlie…Leah was grabbing me….like GRABBING grabbing me, and B, did warn her, she even reminded Leah about the promise she had made to Harry! Leah, just can't hold her tongue or alcohol very well". Jake started defending me. But once he said "grabbing grabbing" and wiggled his eyebrows, Charlie spit out his coffee and being choking, then laughing. The rest of breakfast went smoothly, I expressed my pride, for beating Seth, and Jake told Charlie about my record book shot, from the back of Embry's truck; that he missed due to Leah's "grabbing". After breakfast I took a quick shower, threw on some sweat pants, a t-shirt, and Uggs, and began my goodbye with Jake.

Jake and I grew up together. His family's farm was next to ours, and we were the same age; not to mention our father's were best friends. Jake and I shared our first kiss in a boat on my pond, at six years old. As we grew up we were inseparable. Once we reached the ripe age of thirteen, we began our on and off again relationship. Finally at the age of seventeen I realized I could never feel that way about him, and our "intimate" relationship ended abruptly. However, tried and true, Jake stuck with me; he said he rather be my friend than nothing at all, and well, we have always been best friends, so we fell into that comfy level we hadn't had since we were thirteen.

Jake was my everything, best friend, partner in crime, etc. I loved him with all my heart; in a "I've known you since you shit in your diapers" kinda way. When Charlie presented me with my two options (Desoto or California), Jake decided he wanted to get out of Desoto and that he couldn't stand being separated from his best friend. He hated Desoto, he hated working on the farm and he dreamed of being something and someone important. We set our plan into motion and couldn't wait until we graduated. Our senior year was going great, he was taking a few college courses, and had gotten accepted to UCLA with me. But then, February 20th came along; it was the day his world, which at that time was my world, fell apart.

His mother and father were driving fast during a horrible thunder storm. He mother was trying to get home fast so they could put the animals up, before the worst of the storm hit. She lost control of the pickup truck and hit a parked tractor on the side of the road. His mother died instantly, Billy, his father was paralyzed from the waist down. Jake made a huge sacrifice and decided to give up his dreams, and start running his family's farm, so they wouldn't loose it.

My heart ached for him, I don't know how many nights I stayed up crying for him. Charlie had tried to offer his help to Jake. Charlie told him that they could combine the farms and that our farm hands could run the farm for Billy. Jake politely declined Charlie's offer, stating that he had to be a man and step up to the plate. I pleaded with Charlie to talk to Billy, and make Jake change his mind, but Charlie simply said, "no, Jake has made a very hard decision, and I will not disrespect him by trying to convince him his choice is wrong. He knows what he is giving up Bells; he wants to do this. Let him do it!"

Jake walked me out to Charlie's truck, Charlie jumped in the drivers seat and slammed the door shut. Smooth dad! Thanks for the signal that said, " I am closing the door to give you two a private moment together". Jake was smiling down at me with misty eyes.

"Jake don't cry! Your going to make me cry and then I'll have to kick your ass!" I mock punched him in the shoulder.

"Sorry B. it's that I feel like I am never going to see you again!" He pulled me into his strong arms.

"You will Jake, I'll call you, and I am going to come home for some holidays. And if you ever decided to take Charlie up on his offer, you can come live with me at Emmett's!" I gave him a wink. I knew I shouldn't have said it but you can't blame a girl for trying.

"B, you know that I would do anything for you….but I have to take care of Billy." he gave me a sad smile.

"I know, I know…take care of my truck while I am gone would ya? And fish my pond ever so often…I don't want the fish to get too comfortable!" he shook his head in agreement.

"B, I know this is not really the time to bring this up….but….I just want you to know something before you leave." I nodded my head for him to continue.

"Well, I just want you to know that if in one month, a year, or five years from now….(he started fidgeting) if you…well, if you ever feel like just coming home…you can (placed his massive hands on the sides of my face)…I love you B, and I will always be here for you….(he smiled) don't get me wrong, I want you to chase your dreams, hell I want you to go to California and take ever opportunity that comes your way….just…well…(he began to sing, a song I knew all to well. He had been playing this song to me all month on his guitar) you got to leave me now, you got to go alone, you got to chase your dream, one that's all your own, before it's slips away…….take every chance you dare, I'll still be there when you come back down…(he smirked) if you come back down (he winked at me)....ok, ok, enough of this mushy stuff B!….I want you to know that I am very happy for you ( he looked me straight in the eye) and that I don't regret the decisions I have made….I want you to promise me something though…"

I said all I could without breaking down, "anything".

"Don't let anyone change who you are B, don't forget your roots….(he laughed) the world has enough "California girls", but the world only has one Isabella…only one amazing, intelligent, beautiful, pure, sarcastic, witty, Isabella. You are the perfect woman, and I would hate for you to loose yourself, in the hustle and bustle, bleach blonde tanned black hole that is LA…(he smiled his eyes filling with tears that he blinked back to keep from falling)……Ok, Charlie just gave me the stink eye…I took your I-pod and made a play list for you, it's under HOME….it's so you don't forget me or Desoto…play it when your feeling homesick, and hopefully it makes you smile….(he bent down and kiss my forehead, then both of my close eyelids)….I love you B, I know I have said it a lot, but I do…be careful ok?"

My tears began sliding down my cheeks. "I will Jake, and I love you too….I know that I don't tell you that enough, but I do……and Jake, thanks for the play list. I am going to miss you so much……(My voice cracked) I could never forget you Jake, and I promise to remember my roots. (I smirked) and I promise not to bleach my hair ( I winked at him)……alright I have to go…take care of Embry and Seth, and sorry I won't be here to protect you from Leah, anymore (we both laughed)…..I love you….bye Jake" I gave him one more long hug. He opened the passengers door for me, and I climbed in. Charlie gave me a sad smile and asked if I was ready. All I could do was nod my head, I was shaking with sobs.

Charlie started down the long driveway and all I could do was stare out the back window. Jake was standing in the middle of the driveway smiling and waving goodbye. I saw him wipe tears from his eyes, and it tore my heart in two. I had seen Jake cry two times in the 18 years I had known him. He cried at the hospital when the doctor told him his mother had died and that his father was paralyzed, and he cried, as they lowered his mother's casket into the ground.

Even when he got thrown off his horse and broke his arm and four ribs, he didn't cry. It's seemed nothing could make him cry, and the fact that he was crying as I drove away from him was too much for me to bear. A new round of sobs broke from my chest, and Charlie placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. I continued to stare out the back window until we pulled out of our driveway onto the highway. I turned around and sat down in my seat, since I could no longer see Jake. Charlie's hand went from my shoulder, to my hand, he held it and rubbed soothing circles on the back of it. His eyes were just as sad as mine where I was sure of it. Charlie usually would tell me to "cowboy up" , or plainly just, "suck it up Bells" whenever I cried; but this was a sadness even he couldn't shove away.

Charlie and I rode in completed desperate silence all the way to the airport. He help me check in my luggage, and then it was time for our goodbye. I knew it wouldn't be as long or mushy as Jake's and mine. Charlie was an old school kind of man; a man doesn't cry, he doesn't complain, he only says a few words, and he definitely doesn't show too many emotions.

As we approached the security line I turned around and flung myself into his arms. "I love you Dad, thank you for everything….(sobbing) I am going to miss you!"

"Bells I am going to miss you too…stop that crying, I will see you in a couple months…(he smiled) Make sure Emmett treats you well, kick his ass if he doesn't…be careful and for God's sake, call at least once a month!" He pulled me into to a much tighter hug and kissed the top of my head.

"I promise to call, and don't worry about me, I'll be fine. I love you!" I gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

"Ok Bells…you better go or you'll miss your fancy flight" He smiled. Emmett had bought me first class tickets for my graduation present. Charlie smirked and said "fancy" in a high pitched girlie voice when I told him about them. I turned and went through security.