Title: This is Gonna Hurt Like Hell

Author: Mindy

Rating: M

Disclaimers: See part one.

Spoilers: "Ludachristmas".

Pairing: Jack/Liz.

Summary: Some things are temporary.

III.

"So now you're sleeping peaceful,

I lie awake and pray you'll be strong tomorrow

And we'll see another day and we will praise it…"

When Liz is discharged, Jack sees her home from the hospital. He didn't want her taking a cab. Or arriving home alone. The traffic is bad and it takes twice as long as it should to reach her place. As soon as she walks in the door, she makes a beeline for the bedroom and crawls under the covers with a long groan of relief.

Jack follows. He piles the pillows under her head, then sits down on the edge of the bed. He's aware that he's doing what everyone has been avoiding doing. What he especially has avoided doing for months, what he knows he's not supposed to do. He's looking at her like he might lose her, like he doesn't want to lose her. He's looking at her like he normally wouldn't, like he wishes to memorise her. Or like he loves her. Because he does. And he doesn't know how to be with her anymore and not let it show. He doesn't even know why he should.

Strangely, thankfully, Liz doesn't care. She doesn't recoil. She doesn't draw attention to it with awkward chatter. All the rules of their relationship have changed. Slowly but irrevocably. He's not sure why they had rules in the first place, how they eventuated or what made him stick to them for as long as he did. They seem exceedingly trivial now, especially considering how much he feels for her, how much he's always cared for Liz.

She blinks at him, her gaze forthright and fond. And she is the one to reach out to him. She runs a hand down his arm, over his sleeve. Just lightly, casually, just as a friend would, and as she does, she thanks him for bringing her home. He smiles. Puts out a hand. Covers hers. And for a moment, he lets his eyes drift over her features. He looks at her, and she looks back. For once, nothing between them, neither of them avoiding.

She doesn't lean in as he leans in. She remains still, hands in her lap, dark eyes watching him. But she tips her head to one side as his mouth touches down against hers. Once, and lightly. And as he kisses her a second time, she lifts a hand, runs it up his arm, over his shirtsleeve. And something about that -- just her hand, Liz's hand on his clothes while his mouth joins hers -- breaks his heart. He lifts that hand and kisses it too, looking into her eyes.

Without hesitating, Liz shifts over in her bed, a question in her eyes. He's not sure what she's offering – perhaps she's not sure – but he lifts the bedclothes and climbs in anyway. She takes in a breath as he settles on his side, facing her. Then she releases it, gaze running over his face. After several moments of them lying side by side in silence, Liz shifts closer. Jack kisses her again. It's all he wants to do.

Actually, it's not all he wants to do. What he really wants is to make love to her, then and there. He doesn't feel like he should want her, or want that, but he does. Not in the way he's wanted to sleep with other women in the past. What he's feeling is not passion or lust or desire, although he has felt all of those things for Liz without completely realizing why. What he feels now though, is something beyond that, beyond what he's ever felt for any person. He feels such a profound tenderness, such an intimate connection with her that he could be with her, touch her, lie with her, share her breath in exactly this way until dawn, if that's what she wanted.

He isn't sure what it is she does want. He is being respectful, careful in touching her. And even if he didn't have his hands wrapped around her neck and waist, he only needs to look at her to see that her body is fragile, depleted. He can't imagine her wanting to exert herself, wanting to expose herself. He can't imagine her having much of an appetite for this kind of activity. Yet, there is an underlying urgency to what they are doing. There is a rawness, a simplicity, now that everything has been stripped away.

But he doesn't want to ruin what is already so beautiful, so meaningful. He wants to be in this moment, cherish every second with her. He will be happy with just this, only this. Even as part of him aches to show her, to tangibly prove to her exactly how he feels. Part of him wants to try to bring her back to life, wants to give her what she's never had. Because they're both aware at this point, that there really is nothing left to lose.

He continues to kiss her. But he moves away from her mouth. He kisses her cheek, her jaw, up over the scarf wrapped around her forehead. He can't stop muttering her first name with his eyes closed. And as she tips her head back into the pillow and stretches her neck for him, he rolls her onto her back, one hand still at her waist. He tucks his nose into the little nook where her jaw meets her ear and breathes her in. Then he rolls her further, gently, hands creeping under her t-shirt as he starts to kiss down her back.

Before he even gets halfway down, Liz pushes back against him in the bed, her back meeting his front. She whispers his name, reaches a hand back for him and he immediately moves back up her body so her mouth can open under his. He pulls her against him, her small body, as close as he can get her, both his hands inside her shirt, spanning her ribcage. He knows she must be able to feel the evidence of his arousal in his pants, resting against her, but they continue their slow, lazy caresses and explorative kisses, until Jack needs her so much he has to say something.

He licks his lips before whispering in her ear: "I want to touch you."

"So touch me," she whispers back.

One of his hands immediately slips down, under the waistband of her sweats and panties and between her legs, to where she is already wet from their actions. She sighs deeply then squirms against him as he starts to rub her. It creates the most incredible friction against his crotch and he groans as he runs his tongue over her shoulder, drinking in her essence. He watches as her breathing quickens, and when her body starts to tense against him, he urges her to relax. She does, letting her climax come to her, letting herself ride the gentle wave as he holds her.

Afterwards, they are still. Eventually, Liz rolls over, looks him in the eye with that same direct, warm gaze. And he's not sure he's ever loved anyone so much in any single moment as he loves her right then.

She helps undress him and then he helps undress her, although she hesitates to take off her shirt. He can understand why. She's shockingly thin. But he wants to see her, wants to touch and kiss her, just as she is now. He doesn't care about anything other than that it's her and she deserves to feel as loved as she is. And to him, she is beautiful. He couldn't possibly see her as anything else. He wants her to see it too, to know it.

When he's done showing her that, when he's covered every inch of her torso with his breath and kiss, and they are both back on their sides, facing each other, he draws her leg up round his hip and starts to ease inside her. Liz has her face against his chest the whole time. One of her hands moves over him, sometimes slipping round to his back or down to his buttocks. But her face stays buried in his chest as he enters her. Once he is embedded inside her, she presses her lips against him, once, twice, three times and a fourth time, much longer. He presses his lips to her headscarf, the only thing she wouldn't take off for him.

Liz holds on tight as he starts to move. Gently, so gently, and slowly. And there is pleasure, incredible pleasure, for both them. But there's something else, something extra and inexplicable. Something that only comes with knowing someone, and with not knowing how long you might have with them.

Liz sleeps afterwards, deep and long. Jack stays, not sleeping. And when her eyes pop open all of a sudden, breaking her slumber, she looks up at him and tells him she loves him.

TBC...