Warning: Dillon has finally realized that Ziggy called him a lover/tyrant.
Act Second, Scene One, Part One
(Fairy/Lily is hanging out in the woods, and Puck/Bridge enters.)
Puck/Bridge:
How now, spirit! whither wander you?
(Fairy/Lily has to continually raise her voice due to noises backstage.)
Fairy/Lily:
Over hill, over dale,
Thorough bush, thorough brier,
Over park, over pale,
Thorough flood, thorough fire,
I do wander everywhere,
Swifter than the moon's sphere;
And I serve the fairy queen,
To dew her orbs upon the green:
The cowslips tall her pensioners be;
In their gold coats spots you see;
(CLATTER! BANG!)
Fairy/Lily:
Those be rubies, fairy favours,
In their freckles live their savours:
I must go seek some dew-drops here,
And hang a pearl in every cowslip's ear.
Farewell, thou lob of spirits: I'll be gone;
Our queen and all her elves come here anon.
Puck/Bridge (loudly but eloquently):
The king doth keep his revels here to-night.
Take heed the queen come not within his sight;
For Oberon is passing fell and wrath,
Because that she as her attendant hath
A lovely boy, stol'n from an Indian king;
She never had so sweet a changeling;
And jealous Oberon would have the child
Knight of his train, to trace the forests wild;
But she, perforce, withholds the loved boy,
Crowns him with flowers, and makes him all her joy.
And now they never meet in grove, or green,
By fountain clear, or spangled starlight sheen,
But they do square; that all their elves, for fear,
Creep into acorn-cups and hide them there.
(There's an especially loud squawk backstage followed by repeated thumps and hasty footsteps. However Fairy/Lily and Puck/Bridge carry on.)
Fairy/Lily (arms akimbo):
Either I mistake your shape and making quite,
Or else you are that shrewd and knavish sprite
Call'd Robin Goodfellow: are you not be
That frights the maidens of the villagery;
Skim milk, and sometimes labour in the quern,
And bootless make the breathless housewife churn;
And sometime make the drink to bear no barm;
Mislead night wanderers, laughing at their harm?
(Running footsteps are again heard. Fairy/Lily rolls her eyes but continues.)
Those that Hobgoblin call you and sweet Puck,
You do their work, and they shall have good luck:
Are you not he?
(Puck/Bridge bows elegantly, doffing his cap before rising.)
Puck/Bridge:
Fairy, thou speak'st aright;
I am that merry wanderer of the night.
I jest to Oberon, and make him smile
When I a fat and bean-fed horse beguile,
Neighing in likeness of a filly foal:
And sometime lurk I in a gossip's bowl,
In very likeness of a roasted crab;
And, when she drinks, against her lips I bob
And on her wither'd dewlap pour the ale.
The wisest aunt, telling the saddest tale,
Sometime for three-foot stool mistaketh me;
Then slip I from her bum, down topples she,
And 'tailor' cries, and falls into a cough;
And then-
(THUMP! "AAGH!" "HA! I GOT YOU NOW" BOOM!)
Puck/Bridge:
And then the whole quire hold their hips and laugh;
And waxen in their mirth, and neeze, and sweer
A merrier hour was never wasted there.
But, room, fairy! here comes Oberon.
Fairy/Lily (troubled):
And here my mistress. Would that he were gone!
(BUMP, BUMP, BUMP! "EEEEEIIIIIEEEE!")
(From one side of the stage enters Oberon/Dustin; from the other comes Titania/Syd. Each is followed by a small cluster of magical beings- see cast.)
Oberon/Dustin:
Ill met by moonlight, proud dudette.
Dax:
Please, Dustin. I have enough issues!
Titania/Syd:
What! jealous Oberon. Fairies, skip hence :
I have forsworn his bed and company.
(Theseus/Nick pokes his head in.)
Theseus/Nick:
Why is it that I and Maddie got all the illegible stuff while everyone else can understand their lines?
Dax:
Nick!
Theseus/Nick:
Oh, and Dillon is chasing Ziggy around backstage for some reason. Should I do anything about that?
(Dax just whimpers and Theseus/Nick retreats.)
Oberon/Dustin:
Tarry, rash dudette! am not I thy lord?
Titania/Syd:
Then, I must be thy lady; but I know
When thou hast stol'n away from fairy land
And in the shape of Corin sat all day,
Playing on pipes of corn, and versing love
To amorous Phillida. Why art thou here,
Come from the furthest steep of India?
(CLASH! "AAIIEEEE!" "OOOOOOOOWWW!")
Titania/Syd (towards backstage):
Shut up!
But that, forsooth, the bouncing Amazon,
Your buskin'd mistress and your warrior love,
To Theseus must be wedded, and you come
To give their bed joy and prosperity.
Oberon/Dustin:
How canst thou thus for shame, dudette,
Glance at my credit with Hippolyta,
Knowing I know thy love to Theseus?
(Theseus/Nick pokes his head out again.)
Theseus/Nick:
Wait. You slept with my girlfriend?
Puck/Bridge:
No- he's just explaining that he didn't. At least I think he is.
(THUMP! BANG!)
Theseus/Nick:
Are you sure that you don't want me to do something about those two, Dax?
Dax (wearily):
I'm sure.
Oberon/Dustin:
Dude, can I continue?
Dax:
Yes.
Oberon/Dustin:
Didst thou not lead him through the glimmering night
From Perigenia, whom he ravished?
And make him with Ægle break his faith,
With Ariadne, and Antiopa?
(Just as Titania/Syd is about to speak- CLUMP! THUMP! SHATTER! Fairy/Lily winces.)
Fairy/Lily:
That did not sound good at all.
Titania/Syd:
These are the forgeries of jealousy;
And never, since the middle summer's spring,
Met we on hill, in dale, forest, or mead,
By paved fountain, or by rushy brook,
Or in the beached margent of the sea,
To dance our ringlets to the whistling wind,
But with thy brawls thou hast disturbed our sport.
Therefore the winds, piping to us in vain,
As in revenge, have suck'd up from the sea
Contagious fogs; which, falling in the land
Hath every pelting river made so proud
That they have overborne their continents:
(Suddenly Ziggy runs across the stage, chased by a furious Dillon, scattering the actors. Then Ziggy runs back across the stage. In his efforts to turn around to chase him, Dillon knocks over several pieces of scenery. Puck/Bridge rubs the back of his neck. Fairy/Lily looks around, amused.)
Fairy/Lily:
I take this to mean that we're taking a break now.
(Dax places his face in his hands.)