Conversations #4
A disjointed set of conversations that would've been fun/nice/endearing/helpful to see in the series…but we didn't.
Follows CANON only, generally references to conversations we never hear.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Just speculatin'.
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"I am such an idiot!" The wail filled the room and left Emily blinking. The door slammed. Emily knew that voice.
"What?" Emily turned and looked at her friend.
"Am I an idiot? Never mind. I'm an idiot. Huge idiot." Heather buried her face in her hands. She had a blush that would shame a boiled lobster in a cartoon.
"What are you talking about, Heather?" Emily asked, wondering what had happened to her friend in the last few hours.
Heather looked up at the tall blonde and mumbled, "I kissed Jake in the middle of the street before he left for Rogue River almost a week ago."
"Good job," Emily said, smiling. Okay, so she was tempted by the past, but it was over. So very over.
"NOT good job. Bad. Very, very bad." Her face was hidden in her hands again.
"Okay…Not to put it too bluntly, but was it couldn't be the kiss. I mean, Jake's got some talents and that happens to be one of them." Emily was trying not to laugh. "Tell me, Heather. Spill. You're my maid of honor and all, so you're required to tell me everything that happened."
"No, the kiss was…great. Really great." Heather's little smile told Emily how nice it was. She was looking up again. This was progress. "Awkward because I pretty much jumped him. But good. No, bad was after the kiss."
"When Jake said…" Emily prompted as Heather whimpered and regressed to hiding again.
"When Jake didn't get in the damned truck and drive off." Heather pouted. She actually pouted.
"Ah. Classic Hollywood farewell kiss from the fair maiden--" Emily teased, watching Heather's reaction. The younger woman groaned and replied quickly.
"Who supplied the truck," Heather said, "which ended up not used because you managed to get his car back, but that's fine. They got there and back safely, right? And Mayor Green is still alive, so that's all good." Heather was looking up again. Her voice wasn't accusatory and her shoulders had straightened some when recounting the good that had come of the trip. Then she slumped again.
"So he didn't drive off…" Emily had to drag this out of Heather, which was unusual.
"Because he was waiting for Eric. So there it was, he got a truck, and jumped and kissed, and then pure weirdness. I mean, what was there to say? I said something like, 'You aren't leaving.' He said he was waiting for Eric, and I said," Heather dropped her face into her hands again. "Whonebnasrrr."
"You said what?" Emily blinked.
"And I quote," Heather said more clearly, "'Oh. Ah...Watch out for giant irradiated ants out there.'"
"To which he said?" Emily was biting her lip so that she wouldn't bust out laughing. Only Heather.
"Again, quoting, 'Always do.'" Heather groaned. "Bad, huh?"
"Better than, 'Wait, you're Emma, right?'" Emily said dryly, remembering a different encounter that hadn't involved Jake. "But yeah, that was pretty lame."
"Wait, you're Emma?" Heather's jaw dropped and her eyes went wide. "From Jake?"
"Um, no. But it's still at least one order of magnitude better, right?" She didn't need to mention that had been a very inebriated Stanley after the junior prom. She didn't need to mention Stanley at all. Ever. Even to herself.
"Mistaken identity and oops vs. crazy woman kisses you & then makes bad sci-fi reference?" Heather shook her head. "That's a toss-up."
"Yeah." Emily started grinning as Heather giggled. "But at least you're not the only one."
"But we haven't spoken or seen each other for more than five seconds since!" Heather looked over at Emily. "Would that be bad?"
"Not necessarily," Emliy said, thinking. "That's probably just Jake being confused. It happens."
"Confusion happens? Are you writing bumper-stickers now?" Heather snorted.
"Well, think about it. You come home for a day, end up staying for several months, end up having to do all of these things and surprise everyone because you haven't screwed up big yet, you're not in jail, and you've got this girl throwing herself at you--"
"Literally."
"--literally, and oh, look, there's your ex-girlfriend driving your car which was a gift from your ex-boss who happens to be the town criminal leader." Emily finished her sentence and took a breath. "And the girl pouncing on you happens to be an elementary school teacher and your ex's best friend, and if that's not enough she's so sweet and open that you wouldn't know what to do with her normally--"
"He was a bad boy, wasn't he?" Heather asked, eyes growing wide as the list went on.
"Honey, you have no idea," Emily said, looking down. "Confusion would be ordinary. That he actually was able to come up with a reply to your, um…dorky comment was a good day."
"You think?" Heather's eyes whole body radiated hope. "I'm not totally screwed here?"
"Not yet, but don't let him hide from you." Emily shook her head. "When Jake decides he really doesn't want to think about something, he can bury his head so deep a flock of ostriches can't find him."
"So, I should jump him again?" Heather was confused. The nerds and goofballs she could handle. Jake was a different creature altogether, and she had no idea what she was doing panting after him. Well, she knew what she wanted from the panting, and he was gorgeous, but this was way out of her league.
"Tell you what, I'll find out and get back to you on that," Emily promised. "It's the least I can do."
"That's just…so…middle school," Heather sighed plaintively. She didn't want to go down the road of third parties and relayed messages.
Emily rolled her eyes. "Jake has a few hang-ups. The whole relationship conversation between adults thing isn't really on his list of talents or to-dos."
Heather sighed and the colour was finally leeching from her face. "All right," she finally said. "But please don't make it more awkward than it has to be." Heather was about to ask something else, but she stopped.
"What's the rest of it, Heath?" Emily nagged.
"You're really, truly, not upset about this? I mean, it's bad form to go chasing friends' exes." Heather was obviously worried about this. Gaining a male at the expense of a friend was always a bad trade.
"It was over a long time ago," Emily admitted. "We both knew it, but we just kept hanging on because it was familiar. Then Chris got killed and Jake left," Emily let out a long breath and shrugged. "Now, okay, there's an old attraction, but he's not the Jake I knew, and I have Roger…wherever Roger may be." Emily's depressed look came back. Heather knew it was Roger who had her emotions mired up, not Jake. They'd gone over their exes two years ago, with margaritas, and the story of Jake had come out.
"He'll be back, Em," she said, moving over to hug her friend. "I know he will. He'll do anything to get back to you."
"Yeah," Emily smiled at Heather. "I know. It's just…" She stopped when no words came to her.
Heather nodded. "Yeah. Just." Their conversation faded to silence and they drifted off to finish their work for the small meal they now called dinner.
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