Please REVIEW! If something is off or needs explaining I want to know so I can fix it in up coming chapters, plus if I don't get at least five reviews per chapter I post, I will stop posting in Chunks and go back to one chapter a week……forever!!!!! Anywho, enjoy this yummy-ness…..cause what do you drink on a hot summer day?....the same thing you do on a cold fall night….by Bella's pond….on a dock…..purrrrrrrr!!!!!

Chapter. 35 If The Dock is 'Arockin Don't Come a…..Just Don't Come!

I grasp my crappie pole with two hands and needing no bait, because, lets be serious I really didn't want to catch anything, I threw out the line. I'm not sure how long I sat there flicking the end of my pole, and staring at the sky before I heard soft footsteps, and the flicker of an old Coleman lantern.

The footsteps paused just feet behind me. "Dad not right now! You know I need THIS…just-"

"I'm not Charlie" Anthony said sadly, I froze.

"Antony?" I whispered.

"Yeah" He breathed out. And then continued towards me. I didn't turn to face him, when he sat down besides me. I did how ever offer some of the sleeping bag.

"You can't have my pillow, it's cushioning my ass" I let out a strangled laugh.

"Bella, don't try to brush this off with a joke……we need to talk" He stated firmly, but continued to stare out into the deep dark water in front of us.

We both sat there in silence starring into the water, and lightly bobbing along with the dock. I didn't look at him but he wasn't looking at me either, I guessed he was trying to figure out a way to start this conversation. Hell, that was what I was trying to do!

Finally I broke down crying, gripping my pole even tighter I started, " Anthony…god…..I don't have a clue what to say, but I guess I can start by saying, I am sorry."

"For what"

I began ranting. "God,!! For fucking everything! I flipped out on my best friend and his pregnant fiancé', in front of three quarters of Desoto's population for god's sake! . I humiliated myself and worst I humiliated you. Here you are the "supposed love of my life", but yet I fall apart and get all "crazy hysterical" when I realize I no longer have Jake……someone I have loved my whole life, but never loved "loved"? I am so messed-"

"Supposed love of your life?" His face showed no expression.

"No, that just how I acted! For god only knows why!…look Anthony, I love you, God I love you. You are my air, my food, my life….ugh! I am fucked up in the head right now, and you deserve so much better! I just-"

"When you said you realized you no longer "had Jake"…..what did you mean?"

"It's hard and complicated……I don't think I could explain it in a way-"

"Try me"

"He's just……he's just, not MY Jake anymore…..I'm not a priority to him anymore, he has" could you stop interrupting me!!! Jesus!

"You Can't actually believe that" he spat.

"Yes, Yes I can….but it's really fucked up and emotional and selfish, and did I mention fucked up?" I laughed dryly.

"You still mean the world to him Bella…"

"How would you know?"

"He told me when he was giving me a ride back to your Dad's house". I raised my hand up, and slapped my forehead with the palm of my hand. I was such as horrible, crazy, selfish, piece of shit, fucking BITCH! I would break my own nose if it wouldn't just make the situation worse!

"SEE! Not only did I humiliate you for flipping out about Leah and Jake, but then I ran away like a coward, leaving you to face, God only knows what! Just punch me! (I turned to him), seriously punch me, I deserve to be punched! Punch-"

"I'm not going to punch you Bella!"

"But I am asking you to, it's ok, normally I would never be ok with a man laying hands on a woman, but right now! Just punch me, seriously punch me……..FUCKING PUNCH ME!….I am not kidding Anthony, punch me or I'll…I'll….fuck it! I'll punch myself!"

"Jesus Bella! I am not going to fucking punch you…..just tell me……tell me everything, I don't care if you think, I'll think you are crazy or selfish or evil, or whatever in hell you think I might think of you….I….I …..I deserve to know." He whispered the last part, a lump formed in my throat. I had hurt Anthony, I had hurt him deeply.

"Fine, but you're going to hate me more after this!"\

"Just tell me why you acted the way you did, explain everything to me……please?"

"Ugh!……… Look Jake has been in my life since, forever. And I don't really "open up, or trust" a lot of people. And I mean, like… really open up and trust, you see….I….I….I don't give my heart to people freely very often. Hell! it took Alice over two years to break through this chameleon like wall. I carry on friendships or relationships with people, and to them…..well they have no idea that they don't really know the real me, and I take their relationship with a grain of salt……You are the one of the very few people that I have ever been one hundred percent with, and one of two that I loved almost immediately………I know we have only known each other for a short time, and that people and maybe even you, won't believe the depth of how much I love you, but don't think for one second that I don't love you, please; never doubt that I love you, ………but even with all of that…even with the strength and depth of my love for you, I have been secretly terrified!…Like shit myself terrified! Anthony, You could wake up one morning and realize that I am just some country bumpkin, that doesn't deserve you, there are millions of reason why and how you could leave me someday. And to be frank about it, even though it terrified me all this time, I was ok, because even though you leaving me would destroy me…….I….I…..I always had the advantage of having Jake.

Jake's my get out of Jail free card, my happily ever after-ish…….God! Ugh! I am a selfish heartless BITCH!…….I am just going to put it in a nut shell, I hope you understand…the only reason I could allow myself to "play house" with you, is because if you didn't want to play anymore, Jake would take your place. He could never actually or fully replace you, in my heart or in my soul; because life wouldn't mean anything to me if you ever left….but if I could no longer live for myself and the love of my life….at least I could live for Jake, my best friend! The person who has stood by and supported me, no matter how much it killed him, I could live for Jake's happiness...and in turn I would still get to have a family a home and have the white picket, or barbed wired fence that every girl dreams of………is this making any fucking sense to you?"

"oddly….I think so" he whispered.

"Jake is my safety net Anthony, I know it's fucked up to say….but, he has always been my safety net. And now he is gone, and, I am forced to live my life on a high wire with nothing but dirt and elephant shit below me!" I started doing that crying laughing and looking crazy thing.

"I'll catch you" Anthony mumbled, as he turned his entire body towards me; and looked me straight in the eyes.

"What?" I whispered, as I quickly wiped away my tears to look him in the eyes.

"I. Will. Catch. You" He said slowly. I said nothing, I could barely breathe!

"Let me be your safety net Bella….I….I…I promise I will always catch you." He stated softly as he looked at me with pained eyes.

"Why would you still want me….I…I humil-" tears cascaded down my cheeks again.

"Because I love you, and you are MY heart and soul, and if I can't have you, MY life… is meaningless"

"But…"

"Like I quoted my feelings for you before…"He who has a why to live, can bear almost any how", I understand what happened tonight, I understand and know what Jake means to you, and why his newly found engagement caused all of THAT. But you don't need him to fill that void anymore, you don't have to be afraid Bella; I'm your safety net now, I will always be your safety net……you just have to let me…". You had me at Hello!

Here was the most beautiful man in the world, inside and out. I tried to push him away, he just came closer. I did him wrong, he made everything right! I lost my security blanket, he covered me with himself. He loved me when I didn't even love me! I should have been crying, I should have been groveling, I should have been doing something! But all I could do, was think about what my quote to him should be. Yes, because I am a sappy ass, ridiculous girl, no matter how tough I may seem.

"Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same…..you are my Heathcliff, and I don't care how stupid I just sounded." I whispered, looking up again to peek at his wondrous eyes.

"I love you Isabella Marie Swan" He said lovingly as he pulled me onto his lap, and into a tight hug.

"I love you too Anthony Masen" I whispered into his ear.

"I've always loved you Peaches" He whispered back, and I froze. NO FUCKING WAY!!!!

"McHottie?" I finally gasped.

"SO that's what my whole name was, McHottie? I thought maybe McCloud, or Mickey Mouse, McPherson, McPhee…but McHottie? Really Bella…" He began shaking with laughter.

"Hey! You were so sexy….WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE!" I screeched.

"UGH! I should have known" his head dropped in shame.

"Why didn't you tell me? Why haven't you said something before, Why-"

"EMMETT!" We both growled at the same time.

"I called him once I got home I couldn't get you off my mind, I have been in love with you from the moment you said " I may have boobs and a vagina, but amazingly…. I also have a brain! So take your bullshit somewhere else cuz this country girl don't give a flying fuck!"…" He started laughing.

"Yeah, sorry about all that…." I giggled a little.

"Well anyways, I called Emmett and told him about this amazing girl I had met, and how she was from the exact place he was…then he flipped out on me and told me you were too good for me and that you didn't need a insecure self-centered ass like me to mind-fuck you up…" I gasped.

"That was you….you were the person he was on the phone with!….ARRRGH I had told him about you too!!!!! Oh I am going to beat the living shit out of him! I am going to break his fucking nose if it's last thing I do!……so what happened to that sexy drawl that you had?"

"Ahh, you see darlin'….I learned how to loose it just like you did, and I have gotten so used to not using it that I don't speak with it, however…little lady, when I am seated next to a fine young lady as yourself, I use it to lure her to me….it's seems as if it worked" he quirked an eyebrow at me.

"I see…but I do love it, you really should use it more often" I giggled.

"I'm sorry by the way" he said quietly.

"Why? For not speaking with your accent? That's just silly it-" He cut me off.

"No….Because I should have just told you, I should have never lied……. Bella-"

"OH NO YOU DON'T! don't mess this moment up Masen! I get it you lied, I forgive you lets just move on."

"There is more" he said sadly.

"I don't care, it can't be that big of a deal…..the important thing right now is that I love you and you love me, Peaches and McHottie have officially been reunited and…"

"And what?"

"And Peaches is going to show McHottie all the little fantasies that were going through her head that whole plane ride" I smirked.

"Bella" He warned.

"Just shut up and make love to me Masen"

And I didn't give him another chance to talk. I leaned in and captured his lips with my own. He leaned back causing me to be on top of him. I shifted, to straddle him, and drew the blanket around us. I bent back down and kissed every inch of his face slowly, while whispering "I love you" .

His hands snaked their way up legs and then my hips, before slowly making their way to the front of my shirt. He sat up, and we both began to undress each other one button at a time. As he slid the long sleeved shirt over my shoulders he leaned in and placed sweet and gentle kisses on any newly exposed skin. Between each kiss words of love and devotion poured from his loving lips.

"Your so beautiful….You're my life….My soul…..I love you Bella…I'll always love you…."

The soft flicker from the old lantern danced across our naked bodies. But once all our clothes were off, it was almost too cold to bear, so we easily zipped the two sleeping bags together. We laid down on our sides facing each other. He slowly traced the planes of my face as I watched his emerald eyes flicker with passion. His hand continued tracing my face, then my jaw, my neck, then my breasts. It was as if this was our first time together, as if we had never known each other in an intimate fashion; I explored his body as he carefully explored mine.

His body was amazing as it had ever been, but now seemed like the embodiment of…..of my home, and as crazy as it sounded my safe place, my pond. And how fitting it was to be here on the dock making love to this man, for he was now my pond. My safe place, my home; and now I would always have those things with me, for I knew that from this day on, I would never willingly leave his side.

I kissed ever part of his body I could, worshiping my reason for living as best as I could, and he did the same. We passed over most of the foreplay and he slowly laid me on my back. And I reached up to cup his face, drawing him in for a kiss as he slowly slid into me. As he filled me completely, tears welled up in my eyes. I had never before felt more in love with him, than I did at that moment. I had never felt closer or more connected with another human being that I did at that moment, and I had never been happier than I was at that moment. I was making love to my McHottie, my dreamy Vampire, my personal Heathcliff, Anthony Masen the most famous actor, My Boyfriend, the love of my life, and the reason for my existence. Words could not begin to describe the feelings that were coursing through my body.

We made love slow and steady never quickening the pace, never changing positions, and never loosing eye contact. As we neared our end I tightened my legs around his waist and he leaned down to press his forehead to mine. We rode out each other's climax together, watching each other's expressions of ecstasy.

We laid intertwined even after the lovemaking had ceased. Just matching each others breaths and continuing our vows of devotion to each other.

Boww-chick-a-boww-wow!!!!!!! My girly things are tingling aren't yours? Please give me a second alone with myself…………………………….ok I'm done…lol…anywho, you know what to do…give me some good lovin like Edward, and REVIEW!