I don't own the characters, just their craziness! Enojy!

Chapter. 39 Damn Territorial Monkey's!

"She's been here since last night, she came busting through the door screaming your name around five last night. And after I got over my almost heart attack, I told her you weren't here, she got all "crazy eyed" and then she just, collapsed, and started crying…..a lot….she was inconsolable, and you know how I am with women and their feelings and stuff" Charlie said uncomfortably, after asking me if I was ok. I could hear Alice pacing and yelling, then crying, in a very loud, but very odd cycle, up stairs.

"Has she been doing this all morning" I asked pointing at the ceiling above us, that was the floor to my bed room.

"Well, Yeah" Charlie said exasperated; Jake just snickered at my Father's nervousness.

"Well, yeah, what? Dad?"

"Well, I went in your room this morning with some food and coffee, and she like….attacked me, and starting hugging me and crying again. Saying some non-sense about, me being the only 'Good man on this earth, and something about a girl can only trust one man, and that's her father'….Bells, I'm not sure, I think she's a little off ya know?" He said nervously again, causing Jake to snicker, and causing me to smack Jake's arm. This situation was NOT funny, Alice is upstairs, chanting to herself, pacing, throwing things and apparently quoting dramatic lines from movies…..trust me this is bad.

"Wow, sorry Dad"

"Well, it's all fine and dandy, or at least it was, until Jasper called this morning, frantic and off his rocker too! He said something about her flipping out like a territorial monkey?

I'm not really sure what the hell that means, but, when I told him about how she was acting; throwing things, and crying and such, he said that's what she did before she stole one of their cars and drove off…..Bells, she drove over ten hours…in someone elses car none the less, thank god they didn't report it stolen " He looked so worried, and yet so helpless. I was sincerely touched and proud to have been raised by this man. Because even though he didn't have to care, he did. Alice had become a daughter to him, and I could tell how much this all troubled his heart.

"I should go and talk to her"

"You should, but first tell me what the hell is going on Isabella" he said sternly.

"I would love to Dad, but….I have to talk to Alice first….ok?"

"Fine, but please don't let her break anything else! I don't know where those muscles of hers are, but damn…that little girl is lethal" He shivered.

"Okey Dokey!" I sang out as I ran up the stairs. I slowed down once I reached my door, and then slowly opened the door. Inside was a pacing mumbling Alice. She was walking/stomping across the room. Shaking her head yes and no to her own questions, that she was asking herself, while using her arms and hands to emphasize the point she was trying to get across……to herself.

Yes, my best friend looked like the crazy homeless woman, that hung around the local 7-eleven! Even her normally 'put-together, ready for the runway' Alice was no where to be seen. She was wearing a pair of black leggings, no socks, no bra, and one of my holey old, high school soccer shirts.

"I couldn't tell you, until I talked to Bella, BULLSHIT!….. It's not right he says….oh I got your RIGHT, Jasper Whitlock Hale, right here, RIGHT THIS mothafucka!" She yelled as she punched an imaginary Jasper.

"And you! Fucking Jackass Edward I'm a liar Anthony no balls Masen….pft! I aughta! I aughta!" She yelled again as she whipped around and waved her fist at an imaginary Anth- I mean Edward.

"Oh and my poor Bella, my poor poor Bella…..Woe is her, Woe is her…her life, a tragic love story…only rival to Romeo and Juliette….but Romeo isn't Romeo NO! He is but a lion in sheep's clothing! Woe, woe! " She yelled as she clutched her chest and fell backwards onto the bed, in a most dramatic fashion. I slowly pushed open the door further and entered, I crossed the floor and sat down, next to a bawling Alice.

"Ally-cat?" I sang sweetly, she bolted straight up, somehow springing on to her feet. She started to run in place on top of the bed, waving her hands in the air and huffing.

"Bella…..BELLA! Oh Bella…..We got there….and then Esme…and pictures……Edward…and I was like…..oh Hell no!……and he and then she….and I….FUCK THAT….drove….here…..Oh God! Are you ok….your….OH MY GOD! Your in shock! Your not even crying….I….Oh Lord! I'll get Charlie!" She screamed as she hopped off the bed an ran towards the door.

"Alice! ALICE…JESUS! ALICE, breathe it's not the end of the world" I laughed, at her hilarious behavior. At my laughter she turned, around and stared at me, looking more like 'Chucky' than ever before.

"WHAT?!" She screamed, her eyes ablaze.

"It was all my fault!" I huffed as I hung my head and lowered myself to the ground.

"No no no no! Oh Sweetheart, it's not your fault…don't think that way…it was him, all him" She cooed as she ran to me and threw herself to her knees, in front of me. She reached for my hands and began to rub them soothingly.

"It is Ally-cat, it is" I squeaked, embarrassed that I had caused my best friend to act like an ass towards Esme too. Not to mention, I was also the cause for the black eye I was sure Jasper was currently sporting.

"NO FUCKING WAY! You are not going to blame this on your-" I cut her off.

"I wouldn't let him tell me" I whined, exasperated.

"Uh?"

"I wouldn't let him TELL me" I huffed again, at Alice's confused face.

"Oh, No! Not Again? Just like Jake!? Oh hell Bella…please NO" She whined as the reality of the situation, became clear.

"Oh Yes! Bella the Ass, strikes again!" I said as I rolled my eyes.

"Bellllllla!" She whined.

"I'm sorry, I was just so happy and things were so good…..I just…well you know…I'm so sorry" I pleaded. Her face went completely white.

"I. Stole. Their. Car…. I Punched. Jasper. In the eye….(she took in a quick breathe, and grimaced)….I called. Esme. A. Wench who's spawn, Were. Lying. Conniving. Fucktards!" She said slowly and then laid her head in her hands.

"NO WAY!…..Fucktards?"

"Yes way…I….I was….I was a tad upset, to say the least." She grimaced again when she looked up at me. I just burst into a fit of laughter, after a few seconds she was laughing too.

"I guess that's better than calling her a cum bubbling gutter slut!" I laughed out as I remembered her calling Laura, an ICU nurse, it our first week at UCLA, when Laura had asked Alice if she was any taller than any of her patients.

"I hated that bitch!" Alice laughed, knowing exactly what I was referring to.

We continued to laugh for a while, finally we were just laying on our backs side by side on the floor sighing in contentment.

"So….Jakes huh?" She asked knowingly.

"Yeah, Leah actually smacked me this afternoon"

"No shit?…..Oh God! You didn't hurt her did you?" She flipped over on her side quickly to look me in the face.

"GOD NO! Why does everyone think that I would so willingly punch a pregnant woman?"

"Cuz…..you would"

"True" we both started giggling.

"No but really…you and Leah are….?"

"Were fine…actually and oddly…we are better than fine, we might even be close friends now" I smiled.

"No shit?"

"No shit!"

"Hmmmm"

"Jake and Leah asked me to be the godmother"

"No way"

"Yes way!"

"God who would ever trust you with kids, are you sure they weren't high?"

"Fuck you Chucky….and hundreds of parents trusted me with their ailing children's lives not very long ago dickwad!"

"Very mature Bella, very mature" Alice huffed as she sat up, Indian style.

"Hey, you started it!"

"Like I said, very mature"

"Yeah just like 'Fucking Jackass Edward I'm a liar Anthony no balls Masen, I aughta I aughta' ( I jumped up and started re-enacting her craziness)…or how about 'I got your RIGHT, Jasper Whitlock Hale, right here, RIGHT THIS mothafucka!'……Woe is Bella woe is Bella!" I started laughing again.

"Shut it Bitch! I was processing"

"Oh is that what their calling your 'Condition' these days…processing?"

"Eat me!"

"No thanks but here's Jane's number if you-" she cut me off.

"Ok, Ok..I get it!" she threw her hands up in defeat.

"So I knew you would be upset and all but….DAMN, have you passed by a mirror in the last twenty four hours or so?" I waved at her hobo-clad body.

"You really should be a nicer friend to me Tits-Magee, I didn't care what I was wearing for once in my life, because I was too upset….for you" She smiled as she picked as a non-existent piece of lint.

"Oh, you still my beating heart"

"So, what's the plan?"

"I guess we go back with a novel of apologies" I shrugged.

"NO Shnocking way!" Alice huffed.

"Seriously?…. Don't you think you might want to reatract 'Hey Esme your nothing but a Wench who's spawn, are Lying, Conniving, Fucktards?" I eyed her with a playful smirk gracing my lips.

"Well….yeah, that definitely has to be apologized for….but…..(She began pacing)….no matter what we both were lied to right?"

"…..right But-" She cut me off.

"We were lied to…..anyways…..so, yes, even though your's "girl interrupted ass" refused to hear the truth before…yeah… all THIS happened, doesn't excuse the blatant lies….now we both now it's a little more your fault at this point…but…..the boys don't" She smiled a mischievous smile.

"You just don't want to admit punching Jasper was wrong" I laughed.

"True, but…He did kinda deserve it!" She chirped.

"So just tell me the plan Alice" I huffed in annoyance.

"Well, we totally have to go back. But not with our heads hung in shame! No no no! They will be thankful for our forgiveness….First I'll call Esme and see how the boys are coping, and of course apologize to her….I'm sure she was not too happy they kept this secret from us for so long, so…..yeah….Anywho, I can call my mom and have some strings pulled and get us a private jet, my ass is NOT! Driving again, I'll pay for the car to be sent back.." she began pacing and tapping her finger against her lips.

"GET TO THE POINT BRANDEN!"

"Look, you know me I always make an entrance….and now so will you, Just picture it! Sad depressed Edward, thinking he has lost the love of his life, not enjoying the big Christmas Eve party, when all the sudden her hears the angelic voice of his beloved, singing to him, letting him know she still loves him, and that everything is ok! (She started jumping up and down and clapping)…I'll get it all set up with Esme, You are going to sing to Edward, just like he said that one time….remember, you called me and told me about sex, and how he said 'someday you have to sing to him in front of people yadayada yadayada…ooooooh, this is going to be freaking-fab-tabulous! WAIT! Dresses! Do you have your luggage? I left mine….I could just change when we get there….yeah I'll do that…..anyway, you will steal his heart away all over again, on Christmas Eve it will be awesome! Don't worry about a thing, I'll plan everything!"

"I'm not sure Alice" I said uneasily, I wasn't an actual singer, that like performed for people; I just sang on the movie screen and in my front room.

"You owe me this" She said hatefully.

"Ok, Ok, Jeez!"

"Good, now, we have all the rest of today and tomorrow to spend with Charlie……this actually worked out well" She said smugly as she started towards the door.

"You scared him a little ya know?"

"Really?"

"Yeah…..and Jasper said something about a territorial monkey?" I said following her. She just busted into a fit of laughter, and continued down the stairs.

Well????? I hope you guys love the Bella/Alice interaction! REVIEW PLEASE!!!!!