Proceed with caution as the following content could be construed as offensive.
Thanks to SparklyVampires. com, angryaussie. wordpress. com/2009/09/12/twilight-sparkly-vampire-dildo-tfu-or-total-genius/, and the reviews (Espcially Maggies) at tantusinc. com/mm5/merchant. mvc? Screen=PROD&Store_Code=TD&Product_Code=VAMP&Category_Code=DI
Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight saga, it's gay vampires, or a Twilight sex toy.
"Edward, I think we need to break up." Bella stated.
"But why?" Edward whined
"Because I have something better than you."
"What is it?!?!?" He demanded.
"It's my new 'The Vamp' dildo!!!" She screamed happily.
"What the hell,Bella? Suddenly I'm not man enough for you?" He shouted.
"Exactly!" She said happily.
"It's so awesome and I love these Vamps so much more than your cock!
I can attatch mine to a wheel chair and pretend Billy Black is fucking me from behind or if I get a sudden urge for incest I can attach a mustache to it and pretend it's Charlie."
"I just bought three so I can pretend Emmett, Jasper and Carlisle are all fucking me at the same time!"
"I've made a few adjustments to mine however. I added a suction cup to the base of my vamp and I like to stick it to things such as the chair so when I sit down I pretend it's not there and that Emmett appeared out of nowhere to shove his stone cold cock in me. It gets me so excited."
"This dildo is great because one minute I shut my eyes and pretend I am screwing Jasper with his cold, sparkling, marble cock; then the next, I warm it up and pretend Jacob is doing me from behind you know, doggy-style!"
"I just wish a balls were included with the shaft, so that Carlisle, Emmett, Jacob, and Jasper could take turns tea-bagging me."
Edward just faints.