Hello everyone. As I always do I will talk to my reviewers first. I was saddened whenever I saw that byakugan-master93 will be leaving. I hope that you have a safe and enjoyable trip and that you return soon. Thanks for your prompt reviews, and I noticed that I liked the last chapter too, but couldn't figure out why either. Also to PassionIsLove thanks for giving me a nice review. My overall goal for the whole story is to get at least 100 reviews, which should be easy if I continue receiving as many as I am now. This chapter will continue some of the internal battles within Healo, Kagome, Inuyasha, and Sesshomaru. I will try to show at least part from all of their POV's but no promises. I may only be able to fit two or three of them in this chapter. We will have to wait and see. Hope to hear from you all. Please review!

CHAPTER XXLIV

HOW LONG IS FOREVER?

Healo's POV

The wind wafted gently through the long ebony hair of the Northern Lord. The demon lord was sitting in the top of a large tree which was laden with the pink blossoms of spring. He was overlooking a small piece of his mother's garden where his intended, and three young children, were playing tag. The scene seemed to be a perfect personification of serenity and energy equally balanced, but this was offset by the flickering emotions and doubts that continued to pass through Healo's dark blue eyes.

He was paying little to no attention to what was going on around him because of his dilemma. The Northern Lord had slowly realized exactly how deep his feelings for this strange miko ran. However, Healo could not help but feel some degree of guilt on two accounts. One was of course, the memory of his dead beloved. Was this not a betrayal of the fair Avia whom he had loved and wept, and would easily have died for? Her sky blue eyes haunted his dreams and memories of peaceful days in the far North dwelled constantly on the edge of his consciousness.

Besides this he did not want to further damage his relationship with his brothers. Inuyasha certainly had some feelings for the miko; even if they were confused by the whole situation with Kikyo. The Western Lord was a little more difficult to figure out, but it was an undeniable fact that he treated Kagome with a strange gentleness and respect. Perhaps it was possible that even the ice prince himself was developing some sort of feelings for the futuristic young woman. If Healo were to reveal the scope of his feelings for Kagome it would seriously wound the already damaged alliance he had somehow managed to cobble together.

Not that the alliance wasn't already in danger of falling apart. Besides the obvious animosity that existed between Inuyasha and Sesshomaru there was at least one other major obstacle to success. The hanyou and the majority of his group had only joined forces in order to defeat Naraku. They had shown sympathy for the idea of helping the Northern Lord re-establish the power of the Empire, but none of them, including Kagome, had committed to the possibility.

However, Sesshomaru was secretly against the idea of Healo becoming Emperor, or at least the idea of a strengthened Empire. What the Western Lord wanted was partially revenge against Naraku, and part restoration of the Western Lands prominence in the Empire. He would speak of supporting his half-brother in his imperial designs, but the Northern Lord knew that the Western Lord had no desire for the central authority in the imperial system, the emperor, to gain more strength. That would take away from the power of the feudal appendages; namely the four other lords and their vassals.

Even discounting all that; there also was this huge battle for the aforementioned miko's heart. As said before, Inuyasha was struggling to maintain his position in Kagome's affections even though he could not become her mate. This of course led to the horrifying chain of events that ended in the scandalous battle between two of the brothers only a day before. However, Kagome was little help in all of this as Healo knew that she was too concerned with everything going on around her to even begin to sort through her feelings. Needless to say this all weighed down on the Northern Lord, and he wasn't sure how much longer he could continue the balancing act…

Sulam's POV

The young demon had enjoyed the company of his friends over the last few days. Despite his father's warnings, he had led Rin and Shippo in little exploring expeditions of his own. They never traveled far, usually they did not even leave sight of the city, but to them it was adventurous. Of course, after his father had caught him and the young kitsune outside of Ionin they had been forced to make an end to their mischievous travels.

However, even they had noticed the level of underlying stress among the adults. Sulam understood that the tension was as a result of the battle between the brothers for the heart of Kagome. The young heir felt a great deal of sympathy for his father and uncles in this area. The miko seemed to him to be very kind, loving, and understanding, besides the fact that she was one of only three, herself, his father, and his nanny, who had condescended to playing with children.

Sulam decided to quit playing the game of tag he had been involved with when he noticed the distracted expression on his father's face. The Northern Lord had taken about an hour earlier that day, after returning from visiting Inuyasha, to train him a little more in swordplay. However, even then the far away look had haunted his father's normally kind, open eyes. The look had slightly unnerved the young demon and watching his father's expression, out of the side of his view, had only strengthened his resolve to speak to him.

Slowly the young demon approached the tree where his father was perched staring through whatever troubles he was attempting to sort through. Aware of the etiquette that he was breaking Sulam tried to send a sense of his presence to his father through the abilities they both controlled. However, the Northern Lord was apparently already using his own to view some memory so instead he did not realize the signal Sulam was attempting to send.

Deciding that there was nothing else to be done the young demon leaped nimbly into the tree so that he landed right in front of his distracted father. Healo's eyes widened at the sight of his son and he asked with surprise ", Is something wrong?" Sulam smiled with exasperation at the temporary denseness of his own father but he answered smoothly ", Yes, but not with me. What were you just thinking about?" It was a gamble, especially considering that the Northern Lord did not appear to be in the most charitable of moods.

Thankfully the demon lord's parental love apparently won out over his other emotions as he responded with a sigh ", Nothing that you need worry about my son." Shrugging off the obvious dodge, the child pressed on firmly ", You're my father, everything that affects you affects me too." Healo smiled at his son and answered kindly ", I admit that you have a good point, but I do not wish to bear you down with my own problems. I would not see you lose the light of hope and innocence in your eyes, Sulam."

The young heir pouted slightly before his father said quietly ", I was thinking about your mother." Confused by the unexpected answer Sulam asked in a solemn tone ", Why?" Healo sighed again but answered calmly ", The flowers are beginning to burst into bloom. It was your mother's favorite time of the year. Avia loved the yearly renewal of life; which was even more dramatic in the Northern Lands then it is here in Ionin."

Sulam was silent for a moment as he acknowledged to himself the validity of the Northern Lord's statement, but he felt that there was something bigger that his father was hiding. The child asked confidently ", What else made you think of her?" He was treading on thin ice now since his father wouldn't be considered unreasonable if he refused to answer. However, Healo surprised his son with a sad smile as he said ", My son you have grown almost too perceptive. Soon I won't be able to hide anything from you."

Silence followed this statement, but then the Northern Lord asked calmly ", Sulam, how long is forever?" The young child was confused so he said ", What do you mean?" Healo's eyes took on a far away look again as he smiled softly and answered ", I often told your mother that I would love her forever. One day I said it while we were walking through the fields near our palace in the Northern Lands. She smiled at me and told me that if anything were to happen to her that I would no longer be able to fulfill my word."

He paused to breath then continued with humor ", Of course I was upset by what she said and at first I was hurt by her statement, but then she explained to me what she meant. She said that love is not an emotion; love is the decision that someone else's life, interests, and needs are bigger and more important then your own. In her words, you love someone when you would give anything for them so, according to her logic, if she were to die I could no longer love her because she would no longer have any needs that I could see as being more important than my own."

Sulam realized where this was going so he said quietly to avoid anyone overhearing them ", I think I understand. You were worried that you couldn't love Kagome because of your past love for my mother." His father nodded solemnly as he said ", In essence you are correct. However, that does not mean that I will ever truly be free from the memory of Avia. She was my mate; while she lived you and she formed the two most important parts of my world, but she is gone now and I know that she would want me to be happy again."

He continued quietly ", I may not be able to erase my mistakes, but I will work to outdo them. But that does not mean that I cannot enjoy happiness; especially when I have already suffered through so much. It will aid me in slowly forgetting my errors so that I am no longer haunted by such overriding guilt. It is best for myself and the Empire since my guilt only serves as a distraction that I cannot afford to entertain."

Affected by the statement Sulam could only nod and say ", I hope you are right father. I know how much your past errors trouble you; everyone can see it every now and then when the stress becomes too great, your eyes drift back to a past that once was, but can never truly be again. It saddens you that nothing you can do will ever truly wash away the stains of the mistakes you have already committed so you flee into the part of your life that happened before them." Surprised by the shockingly true statement Healo glanced sharply into his son's eyes and realized that Sulam had just taken another step that all must take in growing up. He had found the flaw in his hero…

Aww. Why did I have to put that sad part in? And right at the end too. Oh well! Sorry but I had to take a moment and allow Sulam to help show Healo how silly he was being about his reluctance to accept his feelings towards Kagome. Probably also helped him to realize how his constant melancholy is affecting his son. Sorry that I didn't get to Kagome or the other brothers but I think that you will forgive me. Also sorry about the relative shortness of this chapter; it's only because I didn't want to delve into the other POV's just yet. Don't expect this too often, I am only updating so soon because I want to allow byakugan-master93 the chance to read and review. Next update will be Tues. or Wednsday. Chapter will try to go into the others minds and hopefully show some of the confrontation between Kagome and Inu. Also hope to get through the argument between Healo and Sess. Hope to hear from everyone. Please Review!!!