Yes, another update! Thanks for the reviews, unfortunately, as much as I wanted to update soon, I can't seem to get into the right side of my muse. I initially intend to update this piece with Just Play the Melody once every two weeks. Due to inspiration reasons, I'm also updating The Blue Flower this week. Just Play the Melody and The Pretend Boyfriend updates will be up soon.
Anyway, I've been very busy lately especially since I just started working and I spent the last two weeks juggling school and work. Geez, it was kinda pathetic and it gave me less time to think of scenes but more time to fret. Argh!
XxLadyYuixX: Thanks for immediately reviewing! I'm sorry I couldn't update The Pretend Boyfriend yet. I know you wanted to know how Yui and Nuriko's story would develop. Yes, I somehow hated Miaka in the last chapter, just don't know if you'll feel the same here.
NiennaOrenar: Wow, I'm glad you saw the motherly resemblance between your Mom and Yui's. Hehe. Yui and Hotohori looked cute, ne? I was flushing the whole time I was writing chapter 8!
Fallenmad: Patience, my dear. I'm so happy you like how the story's developing so far. The piece is written in Yui's perspective, much like a journal type of fic. Let's see how expressive Hotohori is… and how attentive Yui is to the signals… :]
Disclaimer: Yui and Sai and Miaka belonged to Yuu Watase. No, I'm not putting OC in the fic, unless those were minor roles.
Chapter 9: Don't Push Me Away
By Slavedriver2008
"Miaka?" Sai's voice filled the room and different emotions filled me. He remembered Miaka. Would he remember loving her as well?
"Hotohori!" Miaka rushed toward him and flung herself to an intense embrace. I winced. "It is you!" she screamed, teary-eyed. Sai hugged her back and my chest constricted. What a stupid question, of course the emotion comes with the package.
"Of course it's me," he said tenderly.
"You remember me?" Miaka asked and Sai smiled warmly. Why do I have the feeling that he's always warm when it comes to Miaka?
"Of course, how can I forget?" he told her and Miaka blushed. Blushed, for Seiryuu's sake. Miaka only blushed when Taka's around.
"Maybe I should call Taka over. He'll be very happy to see you!" Miaka said and headed straight for the telephone. She was so excited she didn't even notice me standing inside my own house!
Sai caught my eye and he looked at me blankly. He lied. Or did he just remember her when they saw each other five minutes ago? I looked away and cripplingly walked toward the kitchen. I went to the sink and tried to stop the tears that were threatening to fall. I knew this would happen. I knew I shouldn't get too attached. Borrowed things had to be returned sooner or later. Was he something I borrowed? Or it was I who lent myself to him? Damn, I never thought I'd feel so…used.
I turned my attention on the sink and the plates that my family and I used for dinner. Aghast, I turned on the faucet and started to wash the glasses and dishes and utensils with my bare hands. I sniffed. Seiryuu, I wanted to cry—but I can't. Not while they're both in my place. My body jolted when a pair of strong arms wrapped around my waist.
"Hey…" Sai whispered and I closed my eyes.
"Shouldn't you be in the living room, Hotohori?" I asked sarcastically, my voice breaking. He didn't say anything, didn't respond and I wanted to bang my head on the wall. How can I say something stupid? He planted a kiss at the back of my head. "Go back. She needs you," I whispered.
"Yui…don't push me away," he whispered and I smirked.
"Oh, and I'm pushing you away now?" I gritted my teeth. "Shouldn't your miko be your first priority, eh Hotohori?"
He let out an annoyed grunt and pulled me away from the sink. When I faced him, he abruptly kissed me. Stupidly I closed my eyes and returned his kiss, joy filled me and I smiled as our mouths moved together in a familiar rhythm. Was this his way of telling me he was choosing me? Wait, did I ask him to choose? I threw the hesitation away and wrapped my arms around his waist, but he slowly moved away. My eyes questioned him and I got my answer when Miaka showed up in the kitchen.
"Yui! I didn't know you're here!" Miaka screamed and I rolled my eyes.
"The food's in the refrigerator. Mom made tempura for dinner. You know where to look," I said blandly and turned back to the sink. I don't want to see the look he gave my bestfriend. That's too much. I don't remember being a masochist.
"Why are you washing dishes, Yui? You hated doing chores!" Miaka asked innocently and I wanted to slap her.
"Yeah? And what would you use while you eat my food, ne?" I bantered and she laughed.
"Oh Yui! You know me so well." She embraced me and I fidgeted. "Why didn't you tell me you know Hotohori already?" She asked and I rolled my eyes again, my back still on them.
I turned my head toward her. "Oh, I didn't know he was the one," I lied, my eyes glanced into Sai's hazel orbs. He raised an eyebrow and I turned my attention back on the sink.
"Oh, I forgot you remember little from Shin Jin Ten Sho," Miaka said apologetically. "The effect of being devoured by the beast god," she said, more to Sai than to me. "Taka would be here in a while, Hotohori. He said he's bringing pizza and beer!"
I made a sound. "Who said you could drink here?" I asked and Miaka laughed sheepishly.
"Come on, Yui. We haven't drunk since you started skating! This is a lucky and happy night! Hotohori just came back and you're ankle's healing. You'll be skating again in a month's time and that deserves a celebration!" Miaka screamed and my jaw tightened.
"Fine. Just don't throw up on my carpet." I turned around and found Sai watching us. I wanted to get away from him as far as possible. Much like my initial reaction when I first met him and realized who he was. "Do you want to watch a movie or something?" I asked and Miaka screamed in protest.
"YUI! We're supposed to talk about the good old days!" Miaka stated and my head throbbed.
"What good old days?" I raised an eyebrow.
"Oh, right." She hushed her voice and I saw her scratch her head. "Come on, you're part of the gang now!" I raised an eyebrow. "Come on, Yui! You're my friend! You should celebrate with me once in a while!"
I looked away. "Whatever. I don't want unnecessary things in my carpet," I repeated.
"I don't throw up, ne…" Miaka insisted and I looked intently at her.
"Duh. When we passed Jounan, you drank waaaayyy too much and threw up in my living room!" I screamed, remembering that night. Oh please, never let it happen again. I would be nice to Sai—Hotohori—if my carpet survives the night. "I had to bring everything to the dry cleaner and it caused me thousands!"
"Yui's always tight on her budget." Miaka said and I turned to Hotohori. I forgot he was there. He smirked and I blushed. "She's too proud to ask for money from anyone," she added and I slapped her.
"Ow!" Miaka reacted and I was surprised when Hotohori immediately walked toward her and embraced her, rubbing her head. "YUI!—"
"You shouldn't have done that," Hotohori stated and I frowned at him.
"Why not?" I taunted. Miaka looked at him and me. Confused.
"Because I said so," he said and I felt a lump on my throat.
"Oh, right. I forgot the prince of Japan can order people around. Forgive me, Heiki-sama," I said and Hotohori looked at me intently, his eyebrows creased. Miaka squealed.
"You're a prince?" Hotohori turned to her and gave her a warm smile. "I can't believe this! You have to tell me everything about your current life!"
"Yes. Would the living room be appropriate?"
"Yes! Yes! Yes!" Miaka stated gleefully and Hotohori pulled her away from the kitchen. They didn't even look back nor invited me to come with them. I was literally put on the side, for the second time, in my house.
I turned my attention on the sink and opened the faucet, letting cold tap water run through my trembling hands. Water always prevented me from crying. It somehow takes away the anger, the irritation, the hate. It was my way of dispelling the negative energies. The coolness had always calmed me during the days when I was Seiryuu no miko. But now, despite the languid liquid flowing through my hands, I still felt it—pain. I sobbed and immediately wiped the tears that fell from my eyes. I leaned down on the faucet and washed my face. Why was I crying? Why was I in pain? Why?
The water on my face was dry when Taka arrived. His coming over did not make things any better. I was still silently listening on the side, but he did ask me to join them in the living room, an offer I did not resist. I was done with whatever cleaning I was busying myself earlier. Only, moving to the living room was not a very good option—it was worse.
"How did you meet Yui?" Taka asked and the two stopped laughing. Apparently, Miaka cracked a stupid and totally unfunny joke and Hotohori laughed with her. He looked at me and I raised an eyebrow.
"She tutors my brother, Boshin," he said and I rolled my eyes. It was partly true, but it was not how we first met!
"Boshin? You mean little Boshin?" Miaka asked. "He got reincarnated as your brother?" Miaka probed and Hotohori nodded. His reaction made Miaka laugh so hard, her pizza fell on the carpet. I winced. "Oh my God! You owned the place I left Yui a month ago! Your security didn't let me in! We could have met as early as then!" Miaka said and Hotohori just smiled.
"Well, I was not informed you were with Hongo-san when she arrived. A missed chance, I presume," he said and anger rose in my system. Now, I'm a Hongo-san? What the hell happened to Yui?
"But why are you both here?" Taka asked and he turned to me. "Shouldn't you be tutoring Boshin? I remember, you're supposed to stay at his place until Monday…?" I flushed and tried to reason out. But what was there to say?
"Boshin went to Kyoto," Hotohori defended and Taka turned to him.
"I see. You and Yui must be pretty close for you to come over," He teased and I blinked. Wait…did Taka…? I shook the possibility away and drank the beer in my hand. Miaka suddenly choked on the pizza and the two men immediately went to assist her.
Taka was rubbing her back and Hotohori was looking with concern. It somehow reminded me of the time when they were traveling to Taiitsukun's mountain. A watercolor image of the scene played in my head. Hotohori and Tamahome, both in love with Miaka. How sweet, I thought, the famous love triangle jumped off the book to real life.
Jealousy gnawed at my system and I stood up. "I'm getting water," I stated but nobody noticed. I walked to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. I sighed. I needed to stop feeling this way. I shouldn't feel this way. Hotohori was... damn, he's a Suzaku sei!
To my surprise, Taka showed up in the kitchen right behind me. "Are you okay, Yui?" I smiled weakly. We were never close for him to call me Yui. I told you, I was not comfortable having him around.
"Of course I am, why shouldn't I be?" I told him matter-of-factly and he sighed.
"For a while, I thought you were a jealous girlfriend." He sniggered and I flushed. "So, what do you think of Hotohori?" He smiled teasingly and I cleared my throat.
"What about him?" I stated rather forcefully.
"Well, what do you think of him?" He asked slowly and I frowned.
"What are you driving at, Sukunami?" He laughed.
"Nothing. Relax," he stated and then reached for the glass of water in my hand. "I just asked. Anyway, if you're confused, I'll help you figure things out." I looked at him quizzically and he walked back to the living room. What does he mean?
"What about Houki? What happened to Houki?" Taka asked, a smile on his face, as I sat back on the carpet.
Hotohori looked at him. "From what I remember, we broke up last year." I hastily looked up to him and Miaka leaned forward.
"Why did you break up? What happened?" Miaka asked and Hotohori's lips formed a wry smile.
"That's between us," he said softly. I had this weird feeling he always talks that way to Miaka…
"How long were you two in a relationship?" Taka inquired, he then drank the remaining contents of his can and reached out for a new one.
"Five," Hotohori said and I paled. A question suddenly erupted in my head. Was he thinking of her while making love to me?
"How are you coping with the break-up?" Miaka asked, she was blushing hardly after finishing her first can. For Seiryuu's sake, she doesn't drink. Why did Taka bring booze in the first place?
To my surprise, Hotohori looked at the carpet. "It's hard, really. But as they say, the pain will pass," He said and I felt my insides tremble.
"Poor you…" Miaka said. "Don't worry, now that you're back, you can always count on us!" She raised her can of newly-opened beer and the boys raised their cans for a toast. "Come on Yui, join us!" I smirked and raised my glass half-heartedly.
I really haven't drunk much. I just opened my can and took sips. No one would notice I was not drinking. This night was getting more and more complicated. Miaka was partly drunk, okay, not partly—she was drunk. And Taka and Hotohori's still eager to continue this celebration. And I'm kept being pushed to the side! Damn, this scenario was even worse than being inside the book…
"How about you, Yui? Any new boyfriend?" I rolled my eyes at the sudden attention and Taka laughed. "Come on, you never really tell me anything." I slowly shook my head and was about to answer when he cut me. "What happened to you and Tetsuya?"
My eyes widened and I struggled with words. Tetsuya was a special person but…love was something different. "Well…He…got tired of waiting for me, I guess…" I told Taka, I can almost see the victorious look in his eyes.
"Did you ever sleep together?" Taka asked and Miaka laughed. I blushed and slapped Taka's arm. "Well? I really wanted to know. Tetsuya's such a womanizer."
I frowned and looked at him. "He was serious with me," I defended and Taka smirked.
"So, did you two…?" I shook my head wildly and Miaka's eyes widened.
"Really? Yui?" Miaka asked and I fidgeted.
"Why is my personal life suddenly the topic here?" I said and my eyes met Hotohori's. He was looking back with amusement. Damn, I hate love conversations over beer. "It's almost 12 midnight already, maybe we should call this a night?" I suggested and Miaka shook her head vehemently.
"Come on, Yui. You just had one can!" she teased and opened another can of beer. I looked at Taka and smirked at him, trying to say through stares that his girlfriend was having too much to drink. He just smiled reassuringly and I frowned. What the hell was wrong with everyone tonight? Miaka started to drink the opened can and I belched. She was not used to drinking and so was I. I looked away and was surprised when Hotohori met my gaze.
A smiled formed on his lips and I felt the urge to kiss him. I blushed at the thought and looked away. Everything was different now. He's no longer Sai. He's Hotohori, Miaka's seishi, the man who loved her so much and was willing to give up his country for that love. I should stop feeling like a lovesick teenager. I should stop thinking of him. But still, a part of me hoped what happened between us was something real, something we both wanted, something we both chose.
Unfortunately, it was not.
Maybe I was the only one who saw the possibility of love in our situation. Maybe I was the only one who entertained it. I was stupid. I looked through the fact that he belonged to Miaka and I'm just someone who wanted him dead in the book. Looking back, I only saw him once and I never really noticed him. Pathetic, really, that the moment he stood behind me and I spilled cheese over him, he had every bit of my attention. He had every bit of me. The fact that I was more than willing to give my self, my virginity, my life to him was proof of how stupid I was and still am. I guess I haven't really changed after the book. I was still a fool when it comes to love.
For the third time in my life, I wanted to slap myself for loving the wrong person. Maybe I should have loved Tetsuya instead. He wouldn't hurt me, that I'm sure. Maybe I should have given my heart to someone who was willing to love me more than I could love them. Maybe I should stop listening to this god-damned heart and use my head instead. If I did earlier, Hotohori wouldn't have gone under my skin and I wouldn't have wanted him there. Damn, I lured myself into his arms blindly—all because I neglected a part of my brain that said I shouldn't. I let out a sigh and was about to say something when Miaka gagged and started throwing up in my carpet.
That's my sign, I shouldn't have desired what was not mine.
Author's Notes: Whew! I'm sorry for the suddenness in this chapter. Honestly, my heart's not so much into this chappie. Oh well, things will get better. And I'm glad to announce that Nakago's making a comeback in this fic. Thanks for casting your votes. Now cast your reviews! Heehee.