Bella's POV

I drove my car back to Charlie's house, gladly he wasn't in yet. I did some homework while listening to some In Flames (A/N they are a great band :D). I didn't really care if I got anything wrong, I tried I suppose.

Charlie and I had other takeout and it didn't look as if the man could cook. We ate while watching another game again, I wasn't really watching it, I was just staring at the screen until Charlie interrupted my daydream.

"So, Bella, how was your first day?" he asked.

"It was okay," I lied. It was terrible, what with all the stares, I get Edward Cullen as my lab partner.

"No trouble right?" Now, how can you get into trouble on your first day of school in this boring town?

"Nope," I said, I wasn't lying this time.

"Good," He looked back to the screen again, he wasn't very verbose like me. We watched the rest of the game in comfortable silence. I was making my way up the stairs when Charlie started talking to me.

"Oh Bella, I almost forgot, tomorrow you will be starting work at the local cafe from 5 til 10, you know, to work for the car," How could I forget? I had worked in a cafe a few times before, when I was desperate for money. At the moment I had a couple grand, you need your own money when you haven't got any parents. The Social Services didn't really give you anything. I made my way upstairs and laid on my bed.

Don't you just hate Edward Cullen? I mean how could he go round like that and break people's hearts? Doesn't he realise how much he hurts people? If he did, if he knew what it felt like, to feel it everyday, to feel your heart aching to be healed every second you are awake.

If only he could feel my pain. It would stop him from hurting anyone else.

Why did that bastard have green eyes? WHY? Why the same fucking eyes? How am I meant to look at him without having a flashback? Stupid fucking bastard.

I stayed some of the night writing some more songs, I think I'm missing one though. I had pages and pages of music, I suppose there was no surprise I had lost one. I couldn't sleep, knowing what was waiting for me. Halfway through the night, I sneaked downstairs and took a beer from the frigde. I don't think Charlie would notice, and he didn't hear me which was no surprise, that man had the loudest snore I had ever heard.

I needed something stronger than beer, preferably vodka. I needed to get some. I grabbed my keys and climbed out of the window. I began climbing down a tree, whose branches were convieniently next to the window. I drove slowly out of the driveway and picked up speed further down the street. I headed for the local gas station, which was the nearest place that sold alcohol. I decided to fill my car with gas seeing as I was at a gas station. I headed into the small convienient store and paid for my gas, I headed for the alcohol section and took five litre bottles of Blue Ice Vodka. The shop assistant was giving me funny looks as I headed for the counter. I took out my fake ID and gave it to him.

"That'll be 95.99, Miss Thompson" he said. I gave him the money and he clicked open the till. Fuck, look at that money, there must of been a good couple of grand in there. Surely that can't be safe? But then again, why would there be crime in such a small town like this?

"Thanks," I said as I picked up the bags. I headed back to Charlie's house and had a smoke on the way. I really didn't want to go back to school tomorrow, especially with Cullen there. Well, the rest of the Cullens seemed lovely, aswell as the Hales. They seem nice, but they could be exactly like Jacob, a best friend at first then they betray you the next.

I parked my car as quietly as I could, then I climbed the tree again. This time with difficulty as I was carrying five bottles of vodka. Eventually I made it into my room with just a few scraps.

I drank only one bottle, I wanted to save the other bottles for school, when I truly needed them. The hours passed quite quickly and I heard Charlie eventually leave for work. I slowly got ready for school, having a good hour until I needed to be there.

I took a while getting ready and finally chose a black jacket, some long black trousers (A/N or pants if you're american), a black All That Remains t-shirt and a black beanie hat. I also put on my black leather gloves again. I decided that I would strap my knife to my black army boots that I would also wear. I loved my KA-BAR (type of knife), it's an antique actually and it has saved my skin more times than I care to remember. (all pics on profile),

I ate a granola bar on my outside, where it was pouring of rain. I loved the rain, I didn't know why, I just wanted to run around getting soaked. I made my way to school, even though I was half an hour early, I wanted to enjoy the rain before it stopped, the weather was unpredictable here and the rain could stop at any moment. I parked in the same spot I did the day before and saw that I was the only one there.

I got out of my car and climbed on to the top of it. I layed on top of the roof of the car for a while. I closed my eyes and imagined what my life could of been like, with parents and friends. People don't realise how lucky they are, they don't realise that at any moment their happiness can be taken away from them in a blink of an eye. I would give anything to bring my parents back, to reverse their deaths, but I couldn't and could never bring them back.

"Bella?" I opened my eyes and looked round to see a silver volvo parked next to me, with the Cullens and the Hales getting out of it. Alice had seen me on top of the roof. I quickly jumped off my roof realising the majority of the students had arrived.

"You okay Bella?" Alice asked me. I took my bag, which contained a bottle of Blue Ice and some smokes, from my car and locked it.

"Yeah, I'm fine, I erm like the rain," I replied. I saw Edward lock his car aswell and he headed for class. He seemed sad like yesterday. Rosalie, Jasper and Emmett, all headed for class aswell, the rain would drench them if they stood about any longer. I was already drenched so I didn't care.

"So I see," Alice said. "By the way, I'm having a party on Friday, you wanna come?" she gave me a large grin as if she could already tell I would say yes.

"Oh yeah sure," this meant loud music and booze, two of my favourite things.

"Yes!" she squealed. She clapped her hands together and her already large grin widened somehow. We took cover in the cafeteria for a few minutes while Alice talked to me.

"Do you wanna stay over after the party aswell?" Alice asked me. I wasn't really sure what to do. I've said barely a few sentences to her and she is already asking me round her house. What's up with that?

"Erm, I dunno," I said. "I'll think about it." Alice seemed very disappointed but I wasn't going to start staying over people's houses, I wasn't in the mood to socialise. Well, I usually wasn't anyway.

Literature was boring, we started to study Romeo and Juliet, yippee. I hated that book. Romeo and Juliet were so stupid, they irritated me in every way possible. We would be studying it for a couple of weeks, how much I would enjoy Literature.

Spanish and Math passed without incident. There were few glares today, everyone had gathered that I don't talk to people and/or I'm a freak, so they backed off. After Math, I decided to use my locker for the first time, my books were pretty heavy after all. I remembered the gasping receptionist giving it to me yesterday. I took out the bit of paper and eventually found it. It tried to open it a few times but it wouldn't bugde, so I punched it with my gloved hands. The corridor went silent and everyone stared at me. What? It's called a crappy locker. I stuffed my books into my locker, ignoring the glares again. I slammed my locker after I had finished and headed over to Philosophy. On my way, I saw Angela, I was about to talk to her when a guy just started making out with her, and he wasn't Edward.

"Angela?" I asked. They broke away from the kiss and looked at me. Angela gave me a friendly smile.

"Oh hey Bella, what's up?" Angela said innocently enough.

"Whose this?"

"This is Ben, he's my boyfriend,"

"Your boyfriend? What about Edward?" What the hell? She had already moved on? It hasn't even been a whole day yet for fuck's sake.

"Well as he said, we weren't really going anywhere with our relationship, so I moved on. I am so glad I did," she turned to the guy and kissed him on the cheek. he blushed slightly and she did this.

"So, you weren't really in love with Edward then?"

"Oh no, of course not, I was never in love with him,"

"Oh, but yesterday you seemed so upset,"

"I guess, that was just the heat of the moment sort of thing," So I had made out to Edward that he'd broken her heart when in fact she wasn't even in love with him. I felt a wave a guilt come over me, I think I should apologise to him, for what I said to him. I was pretty harsh especially about the broken hearts bit, when Angela didn't even love him.

In Philosophy we were studying and discussing if religion is overall good for the world or bad. How fun. I wasn't religious and I hated religion but there were quite a few Christians in my class. Finally it was lunch. I bought another apple again, what with the skanky food. I sat alone again until I was joined by the Cullens and the Hales. Edward didn't even look at me. I couldn't of hurt him that bad? I mean he was a player, right?

"Hey Bella," Emmett said with a large grin, these Cullens couldn't stop smiling could they?

"Hey Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice," I paused for a moment, "Edward." Everyone greeted me back, except for Edward. Fine sulk, see if I care.

"So you wanna stay round after the party?" Alice said. I might aswell, I mean I'll get slaughtered (drunk) anyway, I don't think I'll be able to drive back.

"Sure, why not?" I said smiling. Smile? Did I just smile? I haven't smiled that widely for a long time, it actually hurt to smile.

"Yes!" Alice squealed again. She started ranting about the food, the music, the clothes.

"So should I have a fancy dress party?" Alice asked me.

"Erm, I dunno, do you normally have fancy dress parties?" The last time I went to a fancy dress party was when Jacob and I celebrated Halloween when we were twelve. It was the best party I had ever been too.

"Well, I thought we could do something different for a change," Alice said. It would definitely be different.

"Okay, is there going to be a theme?"

"What about mythological creatures?"

"Yeah, that sounds great," I said. I already knew what I was going to be, a vampire of course, but not your average vampire. We spent the rest of lunch talking about what costumes we should wear.

"I think you should be Big Foot, Emmett," Rosalie teased. I'm sure Emmett didn't really need a costume to be Big Foot, he was big enough already.

"Well I think you should be a mermaid," Emmett said. Rosalie could pull off anything with her looks, she was clearly the most beautiful girl in our school, but she didn't brag about it or anything. Alice came next and for the guys, Edward unfortunately, then Jasper, then Emmett. Me? I was well down the list.

"Okay then Big Foot,"

"Okay then mermaid," In the end Alice decided to be Moricia from the Adam's family and Jasper Gomez. They would look amazing what with Alice's pale skin and black hair, Jasper, well, I couldn't wait to see him with a moustache.

"So what are you going to be?" Alice asked me.

"It's a surprise," I said, laughing. Alice gave me those irratating puppy dog eyes. She huffed when I ignored her. I looked back at her and she just stared back at me.

"Alice?" I said. Finally she shook her head and smiled.

"What?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah I just remembered that I forgot my Math homework, bummer," she was lying I could tell, I think anyone could tell. The end of lunch came swiftly after Alice's little phase out. Great Biology. Edward didn't look up from the table once. He just stared at it and didn't talk.

I went to Biology and sat down next to him. God what was up with him? Should I tell him? Or should I just wait? I decided to wait as Mr. Banner started to explain today's lesson.

"Okay class, the Red Cross is having a blood drive in Port Angeles next weekend, so I thought you should all know your blood type," no, no, NO! Not again. I had to get out of there before I had a panic attack.

"Mr. Banner, I already know my blood type, please can I leave the class?"

"Are you feeling faint Miss Sparrow?"

"Yes sir,"

"Okay, Mr. Cullen, can you please take Miss Sparrow to the nurse," It was too late. I began to hyperventilate, I started to tremble and felt burning sensations on my neck. The room started spinning and everything went black. My body had shut it self down before the past had forced its way through.

I woke up with a start and felt incredibly sweaty. Edward was right by me and so was what appeared to be the school nurse.

"Take it slowly, Miss Sparrow, you just had a panic attack," the nurse explained to me. "I'll get you some water," which left Edward and myself alone in the room.

"Okay, I want to breath slowly through your nose. Not your mouth okay," Edward said, I did what he told me.

"Okay, now exhale very slowly," After a few minutes of doing this, I felt a lot better.

"How do you know what to do?" I asked curiously.

"I used to have quite a few panic attacks when I was younger," I felt better knowing that he had been through what I just have, that he had some experience as it were. The nurse came in with some water, which I drank gratefully.

"You feeling better?" the nurse asked me.

"Yes thankyou," I sat up slowly and covered my face with my hands. I've had a few panic attacks before, it's one of the most frightening experiences you could ever have. I stood up slowly but my legs were too weak and I started to fall. Thankfully Edward caught me and placed me back on the bed.

"Thanks," I said smiling slightly at him. He smiled back at me aswell. I avoided his eyes and just looked down at the floor.

"Is it okay if you excuse myself and Bella from Gym?" Edward asked the nurse.

"Yes, of course, I'll tell Ms. Cope," the nurse left the room and came back with a wheelchair. Was that really necessary? Edward helped me onto the chair and wheeled me to the parking lot.

"Crap, my bag," It wouldn't be a good thing if someone found the vodka.

"I'll go get it," Edward said. He ran back to Biology and retrieved my bag, which was nice of him. He loaded me into his silver Volvo and started to drive me back to Charlie's house.

"What about my car?" I asked Edward.

"I'll get Alice to drop it off after school," Edward replied. We stayed silent for a few minutes.

"Thanks for doing this,"

"No problem," Again an awkward silence fell over us.

"Look I'm really sorry about yesterday, I didn't mean to say what I did,"

"Sorry? What have you got to be sorry about? I'm the one who should be sorry,"

"It's just, I made it out that you were this big heart-breaker, but in fact you're not,"

"What do you mean I'm not?"

"Well, Angela, was kinda caught up in the moment when she saw you and Lauren, you know, making out, and I made out that you broke her heart, but you didn't,"

"Oh,"

"She's actually got a boyfriend now,"

"Oh, um, right," we had pulled up to Charlie's house now. He got of the Volvo and took the wheelchair from the backseat. He smelt really nice, it wasn't a cheap aftershave or anything, although I couldn't recognise it.

"Can I try walking?" I asked. The wheelchair honestly wasn't that comfortable and I was sure that my legs have recovered.

"Sure," he said. I slowly got of the car and took a few steps. My legs seemed to of recovered until I started falling again. Edward saved my fall again and helped me the rest of the way. He sat me down on the sofa and he sat down in Charlie's armchair.

"So, you're going to our party?" Edward asked after a while.

"Yeah, I love parties, they help me forget all the bad things," I said, I was surprised when I told him the truth. I can't trust him now, just because he saved me from falling flat on my face, twice.

I felt so helpless, I didn't have control of anything anymore. I couldn't even go through Biology without having stupid panic attacks. I needed someone I could talk to, to just get it off my chest, instead of keeping it locked up. Why did Jacob do that to me? Now I have no one, I can't trust anyone without the risk of them betraying me just like Jacob.

Why does everything bad happen to me? Why couldn't I just have a good life? Why did my parents die? Why did I lose everything?

I felt tears running down my face and before I knew it, I was crying my heart out. I felt Edward's arms go around me and I hung on to him. I began screaming and sobbing at the same time while being clutched into his arms. I tried to skriek everything out of me, to rid myself of all the pain and guilt. He held onto me like he would never lot go and so did I. Wave after wave of sorrow struck me like nothing I had ever felt before. I was drowning in it, everything started fading. I couldn't feel my arms or my legs, my shrieks began to quieten and I was losing my sight.

The darkness had invaded me again and the night consumed me.

Sorry I couldn't update yesterday. This one is a lot longer though.
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