Hello readers! I hope you all have been well. So I need to thank my reviewers. Special thanks to chica blanca. I was kind of mean to Healo by not letting him realize what he was seeing, but that's all a part of the story. Plus with the sword in my actual story (the non-Inuyasha one which is very different from this) Healo has no idea about the whole possession thing with the sword. Also want to say thanks to byakugan-master97. I completely understand how busy you probably are, but I was starting to wonder what I had written that had scared you off. I know what you mean about Healo, but I was trying to parallel his attitude with that of the other two brothers, basically that all of them are super over protective. Thanks so much for your reviews. I hope that you all review this chapter and maybe, if you're not a Kikyo hater, look at the oneshot I wrote. Anyway, this chapter will, like I said before, show some of what is going on with Healo as they make their way towards the cursed sword. He won't agonize over it as much as some other things, but the worrying almost has to be there. I mean that is how I am portraying Healo in this story. You will get to see a VERY different personality from him in the prequel. Mistakes change people you know? So it only makes sense that before he made all these mistakes that he would have been different. Please let me know what you think. REVIEW!!!

CHAPTER XLVI

FRAGILE RESOLVE

Healo's POV

The sun was setting against the demon lord's back as he sorrowfully continued his march east. He could sense the growing fatigue amongst the three humans, but Healo knew that they had to press on a little longer. Ever since Yamikura's location had been revealed an internal battle had begun to take place within the Northern Lord. Part of him had shuddered with fear when he had realized just how heinous the sword truly was. The demon lord hadn't realized that when it was said that it could pierce through every barrier that that included the one separating this world from the next. No one should be allowed to possess such power.

However, the other side argued that there was no other choice. Healo refused to leave his son to die. There was no other way to truly defeat Naraku. Still, greater was the fear of losing control of himself; the demon lord had seen, through Kagome's memories, Inuyasha when he lost control. This would be a thousand times worse since the sword would not allow its wielder to die the killing wouldn't stop until enough energy had been collected. Besides even if he didn't lose control of himself, Naraku was made from thousands of demons. What if his death would give Yamikura enough energy to break through the barrier anyway?

Finally the travelers noticed that they had reached the foot of the mountains that lay between them and the Southern Lands; where the sword was waiting. At last they stopped and began to set up camp as they were used to doing. Healo noticed his mate-to-be sigh with gratitude and begin to set up her strange sleeping mat, but he decided that she was safe enough so he moved a little closer to the mountains as he continued to muse on the future. The Northern Lord realized that his attitude was starting to worry the others. He had said very little since they had left Lady Ariana.

The demon did not mean to upset his friends and family, but what could he say to them? I'm afraid that I will end up becoming Yamikura's puppet so we should just quit while we're ahead? Healo would never be able to live with himself or allow himself to die as long as he knew that Naraku was still alive. However, hate would not help the situation; the negative emotion would only strengthen the cursed sword's influence. Somehow he had to find a way to hate the hanyou's actions, but to still keep control of himself.

Even if the hanyou's death caused Yamikura to gain enough power to break through the world's barrier, Healo knew that his brothers would do what was necessary. The Northern Lord was not afraid for his own life. He had already dwelt in this world for nearly 300 years, but what would his death do to Sulam, his brothers…Kagome. She would be forced to become Sesshomaru's mate whether she desired to or not since the Western Lord was resolute on making her his. The demon lord did not want the victory of Naraku's destruction to lead to such an outcome.

Healo examined the slowly darkening face of the mountain with an unblinking eye, but still he knew that this would be only the first of many battles he would fight with himself. The night was uneventful and passed quickly enough for the demon lord. True peaceful sleep continued to elude him, but his body allowed itself to rest after Sesshomaru started his watch. The Northern Lord had prevented himself from speaking to his younger brother. What would the Western Lord tell him? Just that he needed to be more resolute and the demon lord did not need to hear that again.

It was not until they had nearly crossed over the mountains that Sesshomaru said neutrally, "We should visit Lord Nelit and see if any news of my lands has reached him." Healo was the first to respond as he answered sternly, "Brother, the sword is waiting; I will not delay for one more moment." The Western Lord did not turn, but he asked calmly, "Kagome do you give me permission to leave?" The miko was obviously confused by the question so Healo explained mentally, "You are his mate-to-be he needs your approval to leave your side."

The young woman nodded in understanding and quietly acceded to Sesshomaru's request. The demon blinked his golden eyes in what some would have recognized as surprised, but then he began to move south at a blinding speed. Magus had already decided to accompany their younger half-brother so he also left. After a moment even the Northern Lord could not make out the shape of his brothers in the distance. However, they did not have time for delays since the sun would be setting within an hour or so. Healo said calmly, "Come we can go a little farther before we have to make camp." The demon lord was glad to see that even the humans agreed with this decision. He could sense the determination that was rolling off of them in waves. They wanted to get to the sword as much as he did.

When they finally settled down for the evening in a small cave at the very base of the mountains that they had been traveling through Kagome asked wearily, "How much farther is it?" The Northern Lord was amused by the young woman's tired expression and answered, "A few more days hopefully, but up to five depending on the terrain. It has been over 70 years since I have seen the Southern Lands and even then I only saw the area near the capital. However, I know that if we follow the River it will eventually lead down to the coast."

The miko sighed in long suffering and said, "Great." The demon lord smiled but turned away to make sure that everyone else was settling down for the evening. The first shift went well and after the monk awoke Healo, or rather pulled him from his thoughts, he realized that he had to cover Magus and Sesshomaru's shifts as well which he really didn't mind. However, his watch was interrupted when he heard a small voice ask, "Are you going to stay up all night?" The Northern Lord frowned as he turned to find Kagome studying him with a critical eye.

Healo smiled tightly and answered, "Someone has to." The miko nodded as she sat down beside him and stared out at the peaceful Southern Lands. For a moment no one spoke, but then she said, "It's very quiet here." The demon lord laughed lightly and responded warmly, "The land usually reflects the characteristics of its people." Kagome blinked then asked, "What does that say about the Imperial Lands then?" Her friend smiled tightly and answered, "Probably that the land regrets the loss of its power and former prestige."

The miko turned to look at him and asked bluntly, "Do you miss being Lord of the North?" Her friend squirmed for a moment, but then answered truthfully, "Sometimes. While I was there I lived a very comfortable and secure life." Kagome nodded and said sadly, "And you were happy." Healo frowned at the gloomy tone and gently touched her hand which caused her to glance up at him. The Northern Lord's eyes flashed but his voice was soft as he said firmly, "I am happy right here and right now. Do you know why?"

The young woman's eyes widened at the question, but she did not answer. After several minutes she returned quietly to her sleep. Healo knew that she had to know, but she refused to acknowledge it. This was not surprising just slightly discouraging for the demon lord, but there was still time left to show here how he felt. However, he couldn't allow himself to become distracted; the sword could be used to rescue Sulam and to protect Kagome. Those were the things that truly mattered the most. He would protect them whatever the cost; even if it meant giving up his life. What would life truly be like without the two of them?

A few hours before dawn Inuyasha arrived and suddenly brought his brother out of his troubled thoughts. The hanyou glanced curiously at Healo with his amber eyes and asked in a soft tone, "So what will happen to her. If she becomes the mate of a demon." The Northern Lord was surprised at the question, but the amusement in his dark blue eyes seemed to annoy his impatient brother so he said softly, "She will not change Inuyasha. Even you should know that; as long as I liv—I mean she will live as long as her mate. Even at his death she would only resume aging naturally."

Inuyasha frowned at the answer and asked sternly, "Does Kagome know about this?" The demon lord sighed as he answered solemnly, "Does it matter at the moment? She may not have to deal with this at all if we defeat Naraku in time, but either way I will explain it to her soon." The hanyou's eyes narrowed as he said in a strange calm, "Even if you release her from choosing between you and Sesshomaru you are planning to ask Kagome to become your mate aren't you?" Healo hesitated before saying softly, "Inuyasha please you must understand that—". The hanyou turned towards the front of the cave as he said harshly, "Get some rest while you still can."

The Northern Lord nodded as he stood and moved deeper into the cave without making a sound. His eyes closed as he tried to sleep, but a certain miko kept popping into his thoughts. Healo sighed as he thought back over the expression he had just seen on his brother's face. What had Inuyasha expected him to say? 'No I swear that I would never ask her to be my mate!' The demon lord knew that to do so would be unfair and a lie; not only to Inuyasha, but also to himself. Long ago Healo had learned the dangers associated with deceiving yourself. Once upon a time he had been young and self-assured, he had lost his mate, and he had been sure that he was both wise and powerful enough to avenge her.

Not only was he wrong, but Healo had caused many people to suffer through war and the chaos of war. The screams. Sometimes when his mind was unoccupied he would hear the peasants begging for their lives, but he hadn't cared. What had their pain been compared to his? The Northern Lord had watched them die with his cold blue eyes; he had not moved a muscle because a twisted part of him had enjoyed watching his soldiers hold such power over the people. The power of terror was great indeed, but it came with a terrible price. If only Healo had known then what he knew now; if anyone had told the demon lord that his path would lead him here he would have been called a fool.

The Northern Lord shuddered at some of the memories, but even he couldn't deny the allure of the power he had once held. Healo would never stop regretting what had happened, but sometimes he knew that he did not look back on them with disgust. What a painful reminder of personal weakness. However, just like everything else the memory would be trapped within his mind forever. The demon lord would never be able to tell himself that he had not betrayed his brother, that he had not helped Naraku, or that he had not personally and collectively killed tens of thousands.

When the sun finally rose it found Healo in a worse state than it had left him in last evening. Each of the group had their own idea on the strange sadness clinging to the Northern Lord. However, the ones most sure of their theories were Inuyasha, who thought it had to do with their argument, and Kagome, who thought it had to do with her silence. However, the demon lord had not dwelled long on either of these, but was instead continuing to see villages wrapped in flames and the screams of frightened villagers.

Hello my faithful readers. I apologize yet again for my tardiness but I wanted to get to the 100,000 word mark. Yay for me! Anyway I think that I did ok on this chapter. We got to see a little more of the uncertainty within Healo and come on he does have a good reason for not trusting himself. I'm not trying to make him seem evil, but jeesh he did kill a lot of people as you will hopefully see in the prequel. It's going to be kind of strange writing backwards when it comes to Healo (in my story he starts out like this and ends up cold hearted). I have to start thinking more about how I need to write for his cold unrepentant self that is to come. So let me know what you thought about this or any other chapter. Thanks so much for your patience and your reviews I couldn't do this without all of you. Next chapter will hopefully be up by Sunday and it will show the final leg of their journey to where Yamikura is, but there are still a fair number of chapters left. However, I will try to lengthen each chapter so that I can combine some of them and so try to reach a conclusion within a month or so since I really need to start writing the prequel. Please remember to review!