Another update! Yay! Sorry for the delayed update, I've been so busy with work that I'm finding it harder to update every week. Anyway, this story will be ending soon so that means, I will get to update my other stories as well. Thank your for following this story and I hope you'll be patient with me and my other stories. Thank you so much for reading!
Princess-of-doctors: Ahahaha. You guessed right, sweetie! But please do read this chapter till the end. I hope you like it! As for her studies, she have yet to graduate from high school! She just left for a week to take the entrance exams in Berlin! :)
Michi: Wahahaha! I know, Gi is so lovable—it probably comes with the age! :) He's probably the sweetest other guy I've written so far. I just couldn't help but write him as mature and understanding and uber-sweet!
Disclaimer:There is no way FY will ever belong to me. I don't get anything from writing this fic, ehehehe, just a creative release and some writing practice.
Chapter 22: I Want You Back
By Slavedriver2008
"Yui sweetie, plans have changed, we have to go back to Tokyo later today," Mom said and I looked quizzically. It was a Friday, we were having breakfast in some posh restaurant at the eastern side of the city.
Dad cleared his throat nervously. "Well, your grandmother insists we have a Saturday dinner with her in Tokyo," Dad explained and my heart skipped a beat. Saturday. Sai was to have his engagement party by Saturday. It would be all over the news. I could not bear watching him with Houki.
"Can't we move the dinner? Monday at least? I was hoping I'd get to watch a Polish concierto later," I said. Nakago appeared in my thoughts and memories of last night lingered in my memories. The date, the conversation, the kiss, the confession.
I will be at Brucknerhaus, waiting. If you're not there by the time it starts, I will assume that you left for Tokyo…and chose him.
It struck me how many things can happen in such a small amount of time. And how numerous choices have to be decided minute after minute. I have not decided yet who to choose, and here I was, being asked to decide again. It was as if the days were too short and time wanted me to hurry. It was as if chance had been making my life miserable by giving me less and less seconds for thinking.
I left Tokyo for a week to get away from my current predicament with Sai. But apparently, I was never able to successfully leave my complex situation behind. What was worse was that Nakago came along and literally asked me to choose between them. It was crazy. I left Tokyo because I wanted to clear my head, to have some breathing space. But him showing up in Linz, asking me to choose who to love was giving me a headache.
Things were getting out of control.
I sighed and think of the situation, or rather, the decisions I have to make, things that needed thorough thinking. First things first, I left Tokyo because Sai and I broke up. He was betrothed to Houki and an engagement party, if I remembered correctly, was to be held this Saturday. Secondly, as if I have no care whatsoever in his upcoming engagement, I left to pursue my career in medicine. Thirdly, at the middle of my soul-searching, Nakago showed up and confessed finding me even before I ended up in the book. I blushed at the thought of having someone like him wait.
I shook my head to clear my thoughts. I have to get rid of emotions at this time, I had to think logically. Stop using your heart too much Yui, I told myself. You have to use your head. And then after the confession, he asked me to choose between him and Sai, and he wanted to know my decision later today. And now, just a few hours since I last saw him, my parents were telling me that we were to leave for Tokyo again. And I had to painstakingly watch Houki and Sai's engagement on TV!
If many things could happen in a day, what more in a week? What could possibly happen between the time Sai and I broke up and his engagement party? Saturday and the following Saturday? What could happen if I stayed? What would happen if we stayed in Berlin instead of going to Linz? What would happen if I return to Tokyo? What could happen if I decided to stay in Linz? What would happen if I choose Nakago instead of Hotohori? My skin prickled.
What if I choose Ayuru?
"Sweetie, are you coming home with us?" I blinked at my mom and she looked back with concern. "Your father's going to reschedule our flight and buy tickets for the evening trip, you're coming right?"
"I—"
"Your grandmother insists you come for dinner. You haven't visited her for the longest time." Dad stood up and put on his coat. "Anyway, we can't leave you here alone so you're going home with us. We'll be lucky if we can get a 7 p.m. flight, otherwise, we'll be late." Before I could react, Dad left the restaurant and was gone.
"Mom, what if…I don't want to go home yet?"
"Why not? You love Tokyo," Mom said matter-of-factly and I rolled my eyes. "What's keeping you from leaving, a boy?"
"Mom!" My mom laughed and some of the people from the surrounding tables looked at us. We were conversing in Japanese.
"I saw you with a boy last night, at the seaside coffee shop," Mom smiled and continued to drink her coffee.
"Did Dad—"
"Don't worry I didn't tell your dad." I heaved a sigh of relief. "Besides, he was quite good looking. He looks familiar though."
"He said he lives next door. In Tokyo."
Mom raised an eyebrow. "Now I remember, he was the handsome young man who couldn't take his eyes off you when we moved into the place." My cheeks reddened and Mom looked teasingly. "Your father kept on giving him sharp looks. I mean, he already finished college then and you were just beginning Junior High. You were barely 12 years old!"
"Mom, tone it down."
Laughter erupted from her lips. "You looked at him strangely and looked away like you didn't care. The poor boy looked like the world dropped on his shoulders and his eyes were downcast. It was as if you just dumped him." Mom finished her cup of coffee. "I must say he grew more manly now. And he still couldn't take his eyes off you…"
I looked down. "He asked me to watch the concert with him tonight," I whispered and Mom didn't say anything. "I don't know if I should go."
"What's stopping you, sweetie? He looks like a highly-respectable man. If I remember correctly, he's a cardiologist now." I looked up to my mother as if she just said something out-of-this-world. "That's the specialization he said he wanted to pursue way back. I must admit that your father became warmer with him. Doctors are always warmer to fellow doctors, especially with young Turks."
"He's a doctor…like Dad?"
"I believe so. He finished pre-med at the University of Berlin then, he just visited for the spring break," Mom leaned down on the table and looked intently at my confused face. "I think you look good together. And your father won't disagree with me."
"Mom," I looked back, a lump forming in my throat. "I had a boyfriend in Tokyo."
A squeal pierced the air and the people inside the restaurant turned their eyes toward us. "My daughter has a boyfriend!" she said in fluent German. "And we all thought she want girls!" Laughter erupted from the other tables. I wanted to die of humiliation.
"Mom!"
She was still laughing and I don't know which part of her was still my mother. She never acted this way, never in front of anyone else. And now, she was acting like some deranged woman and surprisingly affectionately close to the only daughter she had. I coyly smiled at the other guests and they smiled back. Seeing our closeness was making them laugh, I guess. They were probably muttering behind their breaths how Asian we were, though my mom was British.
"So who is this boyfriend? When I talked to you a few months back, you said you were not in a relationship," Mom pouted and I made a face.
"It was…I don't know. Everything happened so fast."
"Was he the fourth guy? The one who was hiding in the fire exit?" My eyes widened. I covered my mouth to keep myself from screaming in horror. How the hell did she know?
She laughed again and this time, none of the other guests looked our way. They were probably used to Mom behaving so loudly in public. "That pad was mine when I first arrived in Tokyo," Mom explained. "Your dad and I lived together there before we got married—without my parents' knowledge of course." My heart was hammering hard, couldn't believe she was telling me their story. "He always hides in the fire exit whenever my parents come unannounced. I was actually guessing but your reactions proved I was correct."
I made a face, cheeks still burning. "We're not living together, Mom."
"I know, you two were just surprised we came. And I'm guessing that you were not in a relationship back then, that's why you have to hide him."
"I don't know what to do…I…I'm not ready to introduce a boy."
Mom patted my hand. "I know. Even though your dad and I were in a relationship back then, I was not ready to introduce him to my parents yet." Mom took the last piece of croissant and stuffed it in her mouth. "Why are you reluctant to go home?"
"We broke up before I left," I closed my eyes, not wanting to see her reaction. I was telling my Mom my love life, there was no way I ever imagined myself in such situation. It was like something you see in the movies. "I…" I sighed. "He's from some prominent family and he's engaged! And…and…" Mom looked at me sympathetically, holding my hand in a way that made me want to tell her everything. "I left because I'm afraid he's not going to choose me…"
Mom smiled sadly at me. "You never asked him."
"Mom, you're not listening, he's engaged! His parents have decided for him. He—"
"But you never asked what he wants, sweetie." I looked at my mom with disbelief. "You just assumed he'll do what his family wants him to do. By leaving him, you're giving him less options."
"Mom…What if he doesn't choose me?" My voice broke.
"What if he does?" Mom smiled at me and I kept quiet, not knowing what to say. "Do you remember when you told us that you're not in a relationship because you're not sure if he loves you?" I nodded, looking away. I will never cry in front of my mother. I'm better than that. "Well, you became a couple and I'm sure he loves you. So why do you doubt him?"
"He's out of my league. His family wants a more beautiful more classy woman for him. He deserves her, I mean, he should follow his elders, right?"
Mom laughed heartily. "If your father and I followed our families then…we wouldn't be together now." I looked up to her and she smiled softly. "Sometimes you just have to stop thinking, sweetie. Just let your heart guide you. Your heart won't lead you astray, you just have to listen very carefully."
I realized then, as if the world suddenly turned backwards, that my mom was right.
--
Snow enveloped the roads of Linz. My boot sank into the snow but I heeded no mind. I was focused on reaching one place and even if all the snow in the world fell right now, I would still brave the avalanche and walk through it. I turned right, in a street I have treaded just yesterday. The sun was setting and the wind was blowing harsher and harsher by the minute. A familiar figure appeared in my view, I continued walking and soon enough, I was face to face with a handsome man with deep blue eyes.
Nakago was wearing a black trench coat and was surprised when he saw me. He was standing at the pavement outside Brucknerhaus as the snow softly falls and the night comes. He stood motionless and I knew he never expected me to come. I smiled at him.
"Yui…"
"I came to say goodbye," I said, my voice a bit loud. His shoulders sagged and his face fell. He was disappointed. I walked closer to him and met his gaze. "I couldn't bear not seeing you before I go."
"I don't understand…"
"I'm going back to Tokyo and I'm…I'm giving Sai the same option you gave me last night," he looked at me intently, hurt evident in his features. "I can't just go and not give you an explanation, Nakago. I can't make you stand here and wait for me, I mean I know you're not going to go inside until it becomes really really dark. You're just going to wait here…and I won't come."
Nakago smiled painfully and tried to look me in the eye. "You don't have to explain anything, Yui. I..." He took off the glove in his right hand and hesitantly brushed my cheek. It was still warm. "I know you wouldn't choose me but I didn't expect you to come. Now you're making it harder for me to let you go."
I smiled and bit my lip, looking away. "Can you be my friend instead?" He nodded slowly. "If he rejects me…can I cry on your shoulder, just like the old times?" Nakago laughed and I thought the ground shook at the intensity of it. He leaned down and planted a kiss on my forehead. I felt warm.
"Sure, as long as you want me to."
I embraced him and he pulled me close. I can barely breathe from happiness. He was not mad, he was very understanding and so mature. I cried on his shoulder out of happiness and he held me close, closer than the way he used to in Kutou. Nakago made me realize so many things and if he hadn't come here, I still would have been hiding. For awhile, I regretted not meeting him sooner. I knew he was thinking of the same thing, but there was no use dwelling on our missed chance. We already made our choices. It was time to live with them.
"Introduce me to your girlfriend once you finally found one," I whispered and he looked down to me. "She must not hurt you because I will punch her—" before I could finish, Nakago kissed me softly and I closed my eyes, savoring the kiss. A chaste kiss. Our last.
No one said anything when we parted. Nothing has to be said, we both knew. He smiled fully but his eyes betrayed him.
"I'll drive you to the airport."
--
My hands were shaking, not from the cold but from the fact that I was already in Tokyo. This was it. I have to confront Sai. My father was driving and I was at the back of the car. Mom was quiet at the passenger seat until Dad cleared his throat.
"Honey, have you told Yui before we left?" I looked up to them, confused.
Mom looked at him, I can see her guilty expression from where I sat. "Not yet, honey. Do you want to tell her now?"
Dad frowned and looked back at the road. "I thought you already told her." They were talking as if I was not there. I cleared my throat and Mom looked at Dad warily. Dad sighed. "Yui…about this dinner…your grandmother…" He cleared his throat again. "You know how your grandmother always wanted to introduce you to some childhood sweetheart right?"
I gasped, realizing what the dinner was all about. "Dad! Why didn't you tell me?" I leaned back helplessly on the backseat.
"I thought your Mom already did, sweetie. Don't worry, there's nothing in this dinner but dinner. No promises, no anything. You're just going to meet this man and we're going home and you're going to rest and if you don't like him, you can forget this dinner happened." Dad explained but I was disappointed.
"Dad…" I whispered helplessly. "…you don't understand…" Annoyed, I looked out the window, indicating how unwelcome an argument was. How can they decide for me? Why didn't they even ask me? "I thought you don't want to give me away…" Silence filled us, the kind that always filled us for years before we started to talk with each other with ease. For awhile, I thought I was moving away from them again, I was tearing whatever connection we had. Frustrated, mom opened the radio and a cold voice filled the airwaves.
Once in a while, you are in my mind… I think about the days that we had… And I dream this would all come back to me…
I closed my eyes and let the voice take me away. I wanted to stop thinking, to stop feeling. An image appeared in my thoughts and I opened my eyes again. The night sky was filled with stars. A constellation caught my attention and I looked longingly at it.
Hotohori.
Who would have thought we'd fall in love? He was a seishi for the south god and I was a priestess for the god of the west. We were enemies, belonging to the other ends of the spectrum. My beloved seishi killed him and he was in love with my bestfriend. I smirked. Those were parts of the past now. He loved me, he said so himself. And Shin Jin Ten Sho doesn't matter now.
I think you knew every moment in time… That lingers on in my heart just like a memory… Is how I want here to be with you once more…
The car moved at a familiar street and I don't have to look ahead to know that in a few more streets, we would be reaching an intersection. If we turned left, we would eventually meet a fork in the road. A right turn would bring the car to the street where the mansion of the royal family stood. At the far end, with high gates, was the place I have been visiting every weekend for a month to tutor a fifteen-year-old boy. His brother.
I smiled at the thought of having been so close to him. I literally lived with him for a month and we have been running after each other for more than two months. I wanted to laugh at our stupidity. Looking back, we have wasted so much time hiding what we really feel.
You will always gonna be my love… And you should know, how I wish I could have never let you go…
As the car turned left, I looked down at my mobile phone and realized I have still not opened it. It remained off since Sunday last week. I sat straight and turned it on, the light glimmered and I realized I have lots of messages and voice calls. I dialed my voice mailbox and listened intently.
Beep "Yui-chan!" It was Miaka. "Hotohori told me you two broke up. WHY? I've been calling your pad but no one's answering, where are you?" She was almost screaming. "Anyway, I'll see you in school tomorrow! You have to tell me what happened, Hotohori's not saying anything!"
Beep "Yui?" My heart skipped a beat at the familiar voice. "I know I shouldn't be calling now, since we just broke up last night…" Hotohori sighed. "I miss you already," he breathed out and I didn't realize I was holding my breath too. "I…hope you'll change your mind…I'll be waiting…"
Come into my life again, oh don't say no…
Beep "Yui?" It was Sai again. "Where are you? Miaka told me you didn't go to school today. I need to talk to you. Send me a message and I'll call you."
Beep "Yui, it's Sai again. I still haven't heard from Miaka. Where are you?" his voice was angry and I wanted to laugh. "Gods, are you still mad at me? Stop…Stop being childish." I rolled my eyes and then he sighed. "I'll call back. Please answer the phone."
You will always gonna be the one in my life…
Beep "Yui…where are you? I need to know. I haven't heard from Miaka and I think I'm…Please tell me where you are…"
Beep "Yui…Miaka told me you're in Germany. Why didn't—" his voice that was angry suddenly became softer, "…why didn't you tell us, me? I'm dead worried here. I thought…Please send me a message when you receive this. I'll call you wherever you are…"
So true, I believe I can never find… Somebody like you… My first love...
Beep "Yui…I don't know if you got my messages," he sounded desperate. "Where exactly are you? Tell me and I…I'll come…" A long silence followed. "I miss you so much…"
Beep "Yui…gods, I wish I could talk to you now. I…I need to hear your voice. I'm going crazy," he laughed, a gloomy kind of laughter. "I need you…Come back…please…" Silence followed again. "I love you…"
Once in a while, you are in my dreams… I can feel the warmth of your embrace … And I pray that one day you'll come back to me...
As Sai's messages played in my voice mailbox, I realized that our car was almost near the end of the road. My heart was hammering hard. The car slowed down as we reached the curve and I can almost see his house. It was a Saturday and my watch told me it was exactly 6:30 p.m. The engagement party has probably started. It was probably too late.
But what if I still have time?
"Stop!" Dad hit the brakes and turned to me. Before he could say anything, I leaned toward them. "Dad, tell grandma I'm already in love with someone else—and I'm not going to give him up for some childhood sweetheart!"
Baby you knew every moment in time… That lingers on in my heart just like a memory… Is how I want here to be with you once more...
I pushed the door open and ran outside. I thought I heard Mom laugh as I ran. It was freezing in the streets but I don't care. I wanted to see Sai, I wanted to touch him. I wanted to tell him I came back and I don't want anyone else. I wanted to slap him because he's so dramatic and it was very unmanly of him to call me every now and then and leave sappy messages. But more than anything, I wanted to kiss him.
I wanted to tell him what I feel. I wanted to fight for him. Fight for us.
I love him. I love him. I love him.
You will always gonna be inside my heart… And you should know…
I was heaving hard when I reached the gates. My heart was beating wildly, as if dying to jump out of my chest. I hastily rang the doorbell and Takashi appeared on the screen. "Yui-san, what can I do for you?" Takashi was the head of security, an old man with balding graying hair and a strict long face. I was momentarily surprised when he smiled at me. He seldom smiled at any guest.
"I need to see Saihitei…" I told him, my breathing was uneven. "Can you let me in… please?"
Takashi smiled. "Of course. Boshin-sama told me you're free to come in the house anytime you want." The door made a sound and the lock opened.
"Takashi-san, where is—" the other line went black. I sighed and hastily pushed the gate open. I went in and Sai's rose garden took my breath away.
How I wish I could have never let you go… Come into my life again, please don't say no…
Lights were put up around the garden and the fountain was shimmering under the moonlit sky. The flowers were not in bloom but they were there, waiting. It was actually normal for them to stay in such state, the air was freezing and the moon was high. And even with my sweat flowing languidly on my skin, I can still feel the coldness in the air.
I took a big breath and ran toward the entrance of the house. I was panting as I walked up the stairs. I pulled the door but it wouldn't open. I rang the latchet but no sound emanated from the other end of the big wooden door. I felt frustrated. I was so close yet I couldn't find him. Sai, where are you?
Now and forever you are still the one in my heart… So true, I believe I can never find… Somebody like you… My first love…
I tried to catch my breath as I sat on the topmost stair, my mind wandering. In the silence of the night, I heard some sounds from the back of the mansion. I quickly stood up and ran toward the pool area, where voices filled the air. I ran and ran, uncaring whether Houki and some other members of the royal family were there for the party. I needed to see Sai before its too late.
Boshin appeared from my view and I ran toward him. "Boshin!" he turned around, he smiled widely when he saw me. He was standing on the pool's edge.
"Yui…? You made it in time—"
"Where…where is…he?" I asked, panting. Instead of answering, Boshin laughed at my state.
"Boshin! Is that—" I turned around and my breath caught when I saw Sai standing a few meters away from us—with Houki dressed in a beautiful kimono beside him.
You will always gonna be the one… And you should know…
To say he was handsome was an understatement. He seemed to have gotten more attractive since I last saw him and I wondered how it could happen in a week. Sai was dressed in an elegant brown kimono with red phoenix designs, his hair was tied tediously at the end. He was staring back with an unexplainable reaction.
Courage left me and the words I wanted to tell him flew away from my thoughts. As if waking up from a trance, he paced toward us and I instinctively stepped back. My foot stepped on something and I lost my balance. I fell down, crashing into the cold waters of the pool.
How I wish I could have never let you go… Come into my life again, oh don't say no…
I got sucked down at the bottom and hope left me. It was too late, wasn't it? I probably cried but I have no way of knowing. I was sinking, suffocating, dying. I was cold all over and as I fall to the bottom of the pool, my heart was breaking ever so slowly. I closed my eyes and let the pain filled me. It was too late. Damn. It hurts.
A sound broke the silence of the waters and when I opened my eyes, Sai's figure was swimming toward me. My eyes widened and I choked from the water that I accidentally drank. He swam toward me, his eyes locked into mine. Connection came between us. And nothing mattered.
You will always gonna be the one…
Sai reached for me and pulled me close, the connection flamed more by our entwined bodies. Our faces were inches away and I felt like an eternity passed as we stared at each other before we finally reached the surface of the pool. I choked as air filled my lungs again and Sai supported me, rubbing my back as I held strongly into him. I couldn't believe I almost drowned—I was one of the best swimmers in class!
"Are you hurt?" Sai's voice reached my ears and I choked uncontrollably, letting out the water I drank. "Yui…" I looked up to him, control leaving me for good.
So true, I believe I can never find…
"I want you back!" I screamed at him, the loudness of my voice surprised him. My voice broke and I was crying. Various emotions filled me and I don't know how to release it. "Even though you're such a wishy-washy and you've never taken me out on a date and—"
Sai kissed me.
I was surprised but more than anything else, I was happy. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he pulled me close, deepening the kiss. Contentment filled me, calmness replaced all the unexplainable emotions I once had. And before I closed my eyes to savor the moment, I saw Houki standing at the edge of the pool. She was smiling.
Now and forever… You are…
We continued kissing without a care whoever saw us. It was not torrid-passionate but it was very intimate. We were laughing in between kisses, enjoying our brief moment of bliss. Sai pulled me closer and I straddled him. He smiled again and we kissed softly again. It escaped me that there were numerous people and that we were not alone. AND we were being watched.
"You came back…" he whispered and I bit my lip, smiling at him. It seemed that I lost my voice somewhere in the waters and all I can do was smile. I leaned down to kiss him again. The sensation was sublime, incomparable. This was happiness in its most sheer and highest form.
"WHAT IN THE NAME OF KAMI-SAMA IS THE MEANING OF THIS?" We both turned and I gasped when Dad's angered red face came into view.
"Dad," I breathed out, my voice suddenly returning. The wind blew, freezing our wet bodies ten, or probably a hundred times over.
A/N:This is by far the longest chapter I've written on this story. Hope you like this! Do please leave reviews! Arigatou gozaimasu! Btw, the song is the english translation of Utada Hikaru's First Love. *blush*