"Help!" I shrieked, attempting escape. I was having the same nightmare I always had, the night I took my first life. I tried to kick and punch him, but his grasp did not loosen. "He-," I tried to scream again. Anyone help! Please! He shoved his hand over my mouth and again placed the knife at my throat.
"Just do it," I said angrily. Tears began to roll down my cheeks. "Look at me!" I said after I got no response from him, the stranger then looked into my eyes for the first time. But it wasn't a stranger. These eyes were different and I recognised them.
They were Edward's eyes, why was Edward here? Before I knew it I had slashed the knife across his neck, causing him to look at me in his final moment before he fell to the ground. I saw his eyes go blank, I ended his life, Edward's life.
"Edward! EDWARD!"
I found myself screaming and covered in sweat when I woke up. It took me a few moments to realise it was only a nightmare. I could still feel the knife in my hands and the tears on my cheek. The bedroom door swung open and I found Charlie with a baseball bat in his hands.
"Are you okay?" he asked breathlessly. He must of thought a burglar was attacking me or something.
"Yeah, sorry Charlie, bad dream," Bad dream? It wasn't just a bad dream it was a nightmare, one that was too real. He slowly returned to his room still half asleep. It wasn't long before I heard his constant snoring. I couldn't get back to sleep, even if I tried. Every time I tried to shut them, I would see Edward's eyes. I opened my window again and let the cool air clear my mind.
I lit a cigarette and began smoking it outside the window. Why has my nightmare changed? I had the same one ever since it happened. But now? Edward was there, why was he there? This nightmare was the clearest one I had ever had, I could see all the detail of the alleyway, all the detail of the knife and his neck. I shuddered at the memory. It was too real, like I had actually slit his throat. I knew it was impossible that Edward was dead, I mean it was just a nightmare, right? I still had a doubt in my mind that Edward wasn't okay, I tried to get rid of it, but the sheer clarity of my nightmare made it impossible to erase.
I looked at the alarm clock, 4.35 it read. Less than three hours sleep. I didn't know if I could cope without another night's sleep. I took another long drag and took out the vodka bottle in my bag. I finished it up and chucked the empty bottle on my bed. I stared out of the window, watching a beautiful sunrise spread its colours outwards. The sky was being set on fire again. A tear fell down my cheek at the memory of that night. I wiped it away furiously. I don't need anyone. What was the point? So they could betray you and break your heart. I heard Charlie's snores quieten. Then I heard him getting out of bed and quickly jumped back into my bed. I hid the vodka bottle under my pillow and started to breathe deeply. I closed my eyes hearing the door click open and then shut a few seconds later. I wasn't in the mood to chat.
Charlie was one of the nicest foster families I had. Some wouldn't give me a room, let alone food and water. Some just left me for days on end. Others used to hit me. But that all stopped when I began picking up knifes. I tried to use the knife as protection, so they would back off. But that didn't always happen, they wouldn't always believe that I wasn't afraid of using it on them. Sometimes I had no choice but to use it.
I watched his police cruiser go out of the driveway and slowly began getting ready for school. I decided that I wanted to listen to some classic heavy metal and put on Led Zeppelin on my stereo. I ate my cereal after a long cold shower to wake me up. Hot showers burnt my cuts anyway, so there wasn't an option. I saw what a complete mess I was in the mirror when I got out of the shower. I looked like crap what with the black circles under my eyes. I put on a Led Zeppelin hoodie, black trousers, a black top, black lipring, leather gloves and my combat boots. I strapped on my KA-BAR and put a chain on my trousers. I didn't bother with any make-up and made my way down the stairs.
The beautiful sunrise had literally evaporated all of the clouds in the sky, leaving a bright blue sky. I put on some large black sunglasses and headed out of the door. The air was much warmer today, instead of the cold overcast weather that I loved. I cursed the sky and drove to school. I put on some Destroy The Runner and raced to school, ignoring all of the speed limits. What if my nightmare was real? What if Edward was dead? I tried to tell myself that it was just a dream, that it wasn't real. What if it wasn't a dream? It didn't feel like a dream, it felt like a reality, a terrifying reality, where there was so much detail, so much life. Or so much death.
I parked my car in the same spot and searched for the silver Volvo I had Edward getting out of the day before. All of the students headed inside to their first class. The Volvo wasn't there and I started to panic. I got out of my car still searching for the Volvo, maybe they took another car today? I headed to Literature trying to convince myself that it was just a dream, that Edward was okay. I entered the classroom late and earned a few glares from the students. The teacher began his lecture on Shakespearian sonets as I took my seat at the back.
Literature dragged on until finally it finished. Who gives a fuck what a sonet is anyway? I searched the corridors afterwards but there wasn't a Cullen or Hale in sight. Spanish was boring and uneventful, but after 2nd period, an amusing event did occur.
Lauren, Jessica and three other girls approched me, attempting to look intimidating. If they were five grown men with assault rifles, I would of been intimidated. But five slutty high school girls with lipsticks? Think again.
"Eww, goth alert," one of the sluts said.
"Slitting your wrists are we?" another make-up covered slut asked.
"You've ruined everything!" Lauren skrieked at me.
"Excuse me?" I said taking a step towards her. Who the hell did she think she was? And what the hell was she talking about?
"Because of you, Edward dumped me! You are such a little skank!"
"Look at yourself," I laughed and walked off to my Math class, leaving the skanks behind in my dust. I heard Lauren scream in annoyance and again I laughed. So it's now my fault that she got dumped? What is with these people?
After Math, Lauren approached me again, this time alone. She's probably going to call me a skank again, or even worse a MEGA SKANK.
"Oi! Goth, I want a word with you," should I just walk away? I wasn't in the mood for her crap.
"What?" I said in an irritated voice. We were standing near the girls bathroom, as she began her little rant.
"I can't believe what you said to me! That is so like not acceptable! I am head cheerleader and I have a right, not to be treated like, like erm..."
"That," I finished for her. She actually was THAT stupid.
"Like that, yeah. Anyways. Edward Cullen is mine, so hands off bitchskank!" I had had enough of her bullshit and I pulled out my knife. I pushed her into the bathroom, where thankfully, no one was inside. I grabbed her neck with my gloved hand and held the knife close to her face.
"Listen, you ever talk to me again, I will slit your throat, do you understand?" I said pushing her against the wall.
"Y-y-ess," she said wimpering. Her eyes were red and her face frozen with fear.
"You ever tell anyone about this, I will kill you," she nodded several times with tears falling down her face.
"And trust me," I said smiling. "I know how to you use this," I whispered holding the knife right in front of her face. I let go of her neck and strapped the knife back on my combat boot. I left the bathroom and went to Philosophy, it was about time someone put some sense into that good for nothing slut.
I counted down the minutes, sometimes the seconds, until lunch. I needed to know if Edward was okay and I didn't think I could last any longer. Finally Philosophy ended, and I ran to the cafeteria. I searched the oncoming crowd, many of them in shorts from the warm weather. I spotted Alice, Rosalie, Jasper and Emmett sitting down at the same table as yesterday. I ran over to them, panicking when Edward wasn't among them.
"Hey Bella!" Emmett greeted me. I would of greeted him back, but I needed to know where Edward was. I needed to know NOW.
"Where's Edward?" I asked them out of breath.
"Err, I think he just had Math, he should be here in a minute, why?" Alice said giving me a questioning look. Where was he?! I felt so scared and frustrated, I thought I would just scream out for him. Then, a few seconds later, I saw him walking through the cafeteria doors. Before I could stop myself, I had run up to him and given him an enormous hug. He's alive! He's alive! Thank you! Thank you! I was flooded with such relief as I hugged him. It took me a moment before it had dawned on me.
The entire cafeteria had gone silent and I had just realised what I had done. What was I thinking, running up to him like that? But, I wasn't thinking, it just sort of happened. I slowly released Edward who was giving me a confused, "What the hell?" look. Was it me, or did he look slightly relieved aswell? I didn't know what to do, what with everyone staring at me, I didn't have a valid reason for doing what I did. So I just ran. Again. It was probably the only thing I was good for now.
I headed to the bathroom and locked myself in a cubicle. Why the hell did I just do that? I kicked the door angrily, pissed at myself for being such a freak. I cursed myself under my breath, kicking the door a few more times. The door creaked opened and I heard familiar voices calling out for me.
"Bella?" I heard Rosalie ask.
"You in here?" Alice voice this time sounded.
"I think she's in this one," Rosalie said. I saw two figures hovering outside of the cubicle.
"Bella? Are you okay?" Alice said, knocking on the door.
"Come out and talk to us," Rosalie said. And say what? I just ran over to him and hugged him because I thought he was dead. How could I say that? What do I say? It's National Hugging Day or something? I unlocked the door, to see two worried looks on their faces.
"Hey," I said grimly, trying to give them the best fake smile I could.
"Are you okay?" Rosalie asked.
"Oh yeah! I'm great!" I said sarcastically giving them an even bigger fake smile.
"You sure?"
"Yep, why wouldn't you be on a day like this?"
"What was all that about?"
"Didn't you know?"
"Know what?"
"It's National Hugging Day today!" Why couldn't I do anything right anymore? I couldn't even come up with a good excuse. What with Lauren threatening to kill her and now this? What was happening to me? Tears rushed down my cheeks as I tried angrily to keep everything inside of me. Couldn't I last a stupid day now without crying? Alice and Rosalie wrapped their arms aorund me as I sobbed. I have to pull myself together. This can not keep happening. Before I could wipe the tears away with my hand, Alice and Rosalie handed me tissues.
"Thanks," I said sniffing. They were nice to me, but I knew that could change. Nothing stays the same. I just couldn't trust anyone, not anymore.
"Excuse me," I headed out of the bathroom and went to my car. I started the engine and began to pull out. No, I'm not running again. Not anymore. I couldn't take it. I re-parked and turned off the car, chucking the keys in the back seat to stop myself from fleeing again. I turned on the car stereo and put on As I Lay Dying - Within Destruction. I screamed along with the lyrics, feeling the car shaking with the sheer amount of bass.
If music is a mirror revealing the depths of my heart
Then I will write the darkest song
For without forgiveness my soul is lost
All that is hope within destruction comes from You
For I have fallen, and there is nothing good within me
Yet I've been given life I will never deserve
For without forgiveness my soul is lost
I closed my eyes while singing alone, enjoying every second of the song. Something tapped me on the shoulder and I screamed when I saw someone sitting next to me. It was Edward who looked confused again, he had a worried look on his face, exactly like Rosalie and Alice. I turned off the music and I couldn't help but look at his neck. It was fine of course, just my paranoia.
"Why do you want, Edward?"
"I just wanted to make sure you were okay,"
"I'm fine," I lied. Edward gave me a discouraging look, clearly telling that I was lying. Normally I was good at lying. Why was I so crap now? Maybe he was just good at telling when people lie.
"What do you care anyway?"
"I can't really help it,"
"What?" I asked him confused. He couldn't help it? What did he mean?
"When your lab partner goes unconscious during the first five minutes of class, it's kinda difficult not to care," he said. I looked down at my hands, unsure of what to say. I'm not worth caring for? Or maybe just thank you? I twiddled with my thumbs for a while before Edward finally broke the silence.
"Wanna have lunch now?"
"Sure," I picked up my car keys from the back seat and grabbed my bag. We got out of the car and headed to the cafeteria together.
"Nice car you've got," Edward commented, he probably found the silence as awkward as I did.
"Thanks,"
"It's an A4, right?" I nodded.
"The Chief got it for me. Well, I didn't get it for free. I have to work it off, which explains last night,"
"Oh right," We found Rosalie, Alice, Jasper and Emmett sitting outside on a bench. I sat down and greeted them all. Alice was nice enough to buy me an apple, which was very kind of her. I promised to pay her back, even though she insisted it was a present. Thankfully none of them mentioned the incident in the cafeteria or in the bathroom. I was begining to like the Cullens and the Hales. We talked about loads of things, everything probably. I put on my black sunglasses as the sun was shining directly onto me.
Edward was sitting next to Emmett who was opposite me, I would see him staring at me. He couldn't tell though, you couldn't see my eyes through my sunnies. We made eye contact a few times although he couldn't tell. Why does he care about me? No one cares about me. At least not anymore. I didn't understand his motives. He was the most popular guy in school yet he "cares" about me? An antisocial freak who dresses in all black, listens to metalcore and carries knifes around. Well, he didn't know that, did he? What was he looking at anyway?
I was dissapointed when lunch ended as I was having a great time with them. Again they made me smile and they made me feel welcome to their little group. No one had ever done that for me. I used to sit on my own or just in the bathroom if there were no empty tables.
"It must be fun," I commented to Edward as we walked to Biology. Many people were giving , especially me, horrible glares. They only gave questioning ones to Edward. They are probably thinking why is he walking with that freak.
"What's fun?"
"You know hanging out with your own family,"
"Yeah, we always have a blast,"
"I bet it's nice to have someone there for you," Edward looked at me when I said this, he gave me a sympathetic look, but I couldn't take it. Thankfully the Biology lab was only a few metres ahead so I hurried into the class. I quickly took my seat at the back, soon followed by Edward.
"Settle down class, settle down," Mr. Banner said to us, the conversations quickly died and silence loomed over us.
"Today we will be watching a video on biocummulation and biological control," he said while pulling a tall metal frame on wheels that held an old TV and VCR. He shoved a tape in and turned the lights off. I felt better in the darkness, I just felt more safe and more comfortable. I watched Edward as he placed his hands on the table, I couldn't help myself but imitate him. He looked at me when I put my hands right next to his.
I wonder if I'll still feel that strange electric current like last night. It felt amazing, a warm feeling would run through my veins making everything feel so much better. Somehow when I touched Edward, everything felt right. I stared at his hands, wondering whether I would feel the electricity again.
I slowly moved my right hand onto his, and the electricity ripped through me. I held his hand avoiding his confused glaze, I immediately felt so much better, I even felt happy. Edward didn't let go of my hand for the whole hour and didn't ask me why. We just sat there holding hands in the darkness.
The hour ended too soon and as the lights came on, we quickly let go. I was the first out of the lab and I headed for the girls changing room without looking back. Today was thankfully our last day of basketball, tomorrow we would be doing running. Yes, I thought! Something I'm good at. While we were playing I kept looking over to Edward, he was on the other team and well he was amazing. He must of been captain. I avoided going anywhere near the ball, in fear of it pummelling my face. I wasn't good with the eye-coordination let's just say. I only got hit in the head once and I hit someone else in the head aswell, so it wasn't that bad a result.
I quickly got changed and rushed off to my car. I was about to walk through the parking lot before I saw him. My heart pumped hard in my chest making it impossible to think straight as my emotions ran wild. I felt fear, anger, a slight relief, rage, panic and many other things. Thankfully he didn't see me, so I had a little time to prepare myself. He was leaning against his black motorcycle, the same one I had been on many times.
Why was he here? How did he even find me? My hands started shaking as the panic slowly took over. I concentrated on channelling the anger and rage I felt. Thankfully it worked. The rage and anger had complete control of me. Before I knew it, I put my foot on the wall and pulled out my KA-BAR. I gripped it tightly as I made my over to him. I put up my hoodie and watched him as he caught sight of me.
"Hey Bella, same as always I see,"
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