Sorry it took so long. I just wanted to perfect it. But I think I failed.
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Edward's POV
"Edward!" A sound I hated. I knew that voice so well. Too well. Emmett's morning calls were never pleasant. I prepared for the worst.
"GET UP NOW, EDWARD!" Another sound that I detested even more. I moaned, fatigue kept my eyes shut and body still. Suddenly everything went cold and my eyes flew open. My bed cover had been ripped from my grasp, none other than Emmett was throwing it across my bedroom.
"What the hell, Emmett?"
"Come on, we're gonna be late," So, I thought in my head. Being late is good, especially for school. He stormed out of my room huffing and puffing, acting like a three year old. I dragged myself out of bed to retrieve my covers, then I flew onto the bed, my eyes closed again. I didn't want to think, I didn't want to be conscious and aware, I wanted to be lost in my dreamless slept which Emmett had so rudely interrupted.
"Edward! Come on! Get up!" Now Alice's voice had intruded on my blissful second.
"Go away, Alice," I mumbled, manoevering my head to a more comfortable position on the pillow. Hmm, that's better.
"Look, Edward, you don't want to be late today. Bella is in our Literature class today," Curiosity made my eyes open.
"Really, why is that?" I asked. An evil smile spread across her pixie face.
"I'll tell you when you're ready, deal?" I sighed, I should of known I would receive the short end of the stick. I couldn't help but get out of bed and get myself ready. My only thoughts were on Bella. Did she move class? After I had washed and changed, I grabbed my school bag and made my way down the stairs rubbing my eyes. Sleep, such a luxury it seemed.
"Heads up," I looked up and something was being thrown at me that jingled in mid-flight. My surprisingly quick reactions caught the mysterious object, which turned out to be my car keys.
"You're driving dude," Emmett said going through the front door. Alice, Rosalie and Jasper were already inside the Volvo. I sighed, I wanted breakfast as well. I headed out closing the front door on the way out, saying goodbye to Esme, my mother, who was already working on some house designs. She renovates old houses, ours being one of them, she has such a talent for it, as does my father for medicine. I began my walk out to the car, but I heard the front door open and turned around to see my mother at the door.
"Oh Edward, I forgot, Carlisle wants to talk to you about Bella I think her name was," Esme said, I gestured to the car trying to point out the four impatient passengers inside, she understood.
"It won't take long, I'll try and persuade them not to murder you," she smiled at me, I returned the favour and returned into the house climbing up the stairs and headed to Carlisle's office. I knocked on the door and a "come in" sounded behind it. He was handling lots of paperwork, with a slightly confused look on his face.
"Will this take long? The others won't wait long," I said closing the door behind me.
"Oh no, it won't," he waved his hand in the direction of the chair in front of his desk. I dumped my bag and took a seat. I wonder what this was about, I hope everything was okay. Especially Bella.
"You mentioned a few days ago that, Bella, had a panic attack and then fainted, yes?" I nodded in reply. "I forget to say earlier, but that's quite worrying,"
"Worrying? I used to faint sometimes," True, I used to have quite frequent panic attacks, but they started to subside as I grew older. I haven't had a panic attack in a good four years now, such a long time. I remember them so vividly. They weren't something you forget easily.
"Yes you did but it's incredibly rare and unusual for people to faint after a panic attack. You had low blood pressure, which I think is the only reason for a person to faint after a panic attack. You're okay now, however, I would say you have more of a high blood pressure considering the amount of junk food you eat," Carlisle paused giving me time to let the information sink in.
"Make sure she has some salty foods, food that will increase her blood pressure, mostly junk food I would say, or ask her to come and see me, I'll be more than happy to examine her," I smiled. That was my dad, always the compassionate one.
"Sure," I stood up, picking up my bag. "Thanks, dad,"
"No problem," he replied. I opened the office door, thoughts swirled around me like a typhoon.
"Oh, Edward," I turned around and watched him as he approached me, holding out a white card in his hand.
"Give this to Bella please," I nodded again and headed for the stairs.
I slammed the car door, making my arrival clear and then I "accidentally" dropped my car keys on the floor. I was rubbing it in a little.
"Oops," I said in an innocent voice. An encore of moans and come ons sounded behind me, as well as beside me from Alice and I eventually put the keys in the ignition. I couldn't help but laugh.
After a minute or so, the car still remained silent as I drove to school, that was strange. Perhaps they were all sulking.
"So, Alice, what was that about Bella?" I asked her, trying to encourage some conversation.
"Oh, she's going to be in our Literature class," Alice replied. Well I know that! How many brain cells did that fire last night kill? The fire. No, I didn't want to think about that.
"I already know that," I replied, a hint of frustration in my voice. "Why is she exactly?" I tried to sound quite casual, but it came across a little demanding. Let's just say that my mood wasn't exactly a happy one.
"Mrs. Carter won't be in today. Her son worked at the gas station, so she's looking after him. They are going to join the first period Literature classes together and we're having a debate,"
"What do you mean looking after?"
"Apparently he's in shock," she simply put. My eyes widened in surprise. Shock? I was there too, I haven't gone into shock and I'm fine. I think.
We arrived at school about a minute before the bell, to my dismay. As we got out of the Volvo, I automatically looked around for Bella's black Audi A3. I wonder where she is. A million questions flew around my mind at the thought of her name again. The main one was whether she was okay. It's difficult to really move anywhere when your mind is so busy on other things.
I tried concentrating on a specific question. Why did she hug me yesterday in the cafeteria? I don't object or anything. I'm just curious as to why she ran up to me like that. Bella was one strange person. I asked Alice if she knew why, but then she tells me it's National Hugging Day?? That was a little confusing.
Then yesterday, in Biology when we just held hands for the hour. That wasn't normal was it? I couldn't help it though, anytime I touched her, this peculiar electricity just flows around my body making everything seem right in the world.
I need sleep in other words.
Alice and myself headed off to our usual boring Lit. class but then Alice steered me towards the auditorium telling me that we were having the debate in there, seeing as it was the only room capable of holding two classes.
Bella, I could not stop thinking about her. The mystery that surrounded her seemed to be too great to ignore it. A memory washed over my eyes, making me remember how untouchable she was. I tried to ignore the peculiar anger that ran through my veins. The thought of him just all over her, it made me so enraged to even think someone could treat her like that. But what could I do? They were obviously together. They way they held each other.
I shuddered.
Alice talked to me as we took our seats in the auditorium. I couldn't hear anything, I just kept zoning out. I mean he had to be her boyfriend right?
"Hey Bella!" I heard Alice say. She seemed overwhelming to people who didn't know her that well, but with Bella, she looked comfortable within our table.
"Hey," I heard Bella say less enthusiastically. What did I expect? No one could match Alice's enthusiasm. But then no one could match Bella's artistic skills, whether on paper or through sound.
"OMG! What happened to your lip?" I heard Alice say. Her music is so passionate, like it came straight from her soul. It was entwined with every emotion, every feeling or thought. Such a talent. I remember going through her compositions in her room, some were complex, others simple yet unique. It seemed like years ago when she told me to get out of her bedroom. It was the day I took her home after she had a panic attack. How strange that she forgot it. Like it had been erased from her memory, like a fire had consumed it.
"What the hell are you doing here?" I heard Bella say, I turned around and saw her standing next to the bed, holding something behind her back.
"Excuse me?" I asked confused, what was she talking about?
"I said, what the hell are you doing here," she repeated again. I didn't really know how to reply to that.
"I was just making sure you woke up okay," I couldn't just leave her, especially after her emotional breakdown.
"What the hell are you talking about?" I noticed she wasn't wearing her hat, I could see her beautiful chestnut hair spiraling down her back. It was the first time I saw all of her face and her hair.
"Don't you remember?"
"Remember what?"
"Earlier you had a panic attack in Biology, so I took you home and you kind of collapsed on me earlier," Her face was still confused. "Do you seriously not remember?"
"I don't know have a fuck what you're talking about, Cullen. But you need to leave. Now," I was stunned as she said this and slowly walked from her room. Bella followed me all the way down the stairs and locked the front door as I left. I got into my silver Volvo in a complete daze. What had just happened? I drove back to my house in a state of shock and confusion.
I came back from the flashback, remembering her beautiful chestnut hair. I wondered what it smelled like. Probably the aroma of goddesses.
"Oh nothing, just bit down on it accidently," Bella said. I looked up and saw her face. The beauty of her music shone through her own appearance. Maybe she was a goddess of music and art. Her drawings were beyond the talent of any seventeen year old. I smiled at her, gazing at her complexion. Again she wore the black clothes, but today she wore no make-up. Unlike many girls in this school, they wouldn't be seen dead without wearing any make-up. It made her look even more beautiful, the make-up hid her natural radiance.
"What are you guys doing here?" she asked. When should I tell her about what my dad had said earlier? Should I just give her the card now? I decided to wait, give it to her in Biology, when Alice wasn't there.
"Our Literature teacher couldn't make it in today, so they jointed the first period's classes together! Isn't that great!?" Oh Alice, couldn't you turn done your enthusiam just a little bit?
"What happened to your teacher?"
"Apparently her son works, well worked, at the gas station and he seems pretty messed up so she's looking after him. You heard about the gas station, right?" Who didn't know about the gas station? Forks, such a small town of gossip. Everyone knowing every detail about you and everything else in the town.
"Err, yeah, it blew up or something..."
"It didn't just blow up by itself, someone robbed the place before they set fire to it. Edward here was stupid enough to be there at the time," I looked at Alice when she mentioned my name, then I couldn't help but gaze at Bella. I was so stupid to go to the gas station, I know. But what if someone got hurt? Then they would be saved. Just as I was.
"Tell her what happened then!" Alice said, smacking my arm.
"Oh right," I said, I didn't really want to talk about it, so I summarised the events quickly, without getting into any detail. "Well someone robbed the place before blowing it up,"
"Little more detail, Edward," Did I honestly expect to get away with that? This was Alice for gods sake.
"Erm, well, I got out of there and the guy didn't see me. He started setting the place on fire and I couldn't help but stare, the flammes were so beautiful..." I trailed off looking into space. The memory of the fire was so clear it was like I was there, I could smell the burning gas, feel the cold taking away the little warmth on me. That could of been me, burning in that fire. "They saved me." I laughed slightly before a smile swept across my face. Why though? Why risk their life for mine? Confusion began swirling around my head, making me feel light-headed and dizzy.
"Are you okay, Edward?" Alice asked. Thankfully Bella's Literature teacher hushed everyone in the small auditorium.
"Everyone settle down please. Thank you. As most of you know, Mrs. Carter, the other class's teacher, is unable attend school today. So we will be having an open debate on Shakespearian sonnets," Murmuring erupted through out the hall, some of them sighs, others sounds of excitement.
"We will be comparing Sonnet 18, "Shall I Compare Thee?" and Sonnet 130, "My Mistress's eyes". We will look at how each of them portray love, and the similarities and differences between them," he began handing out sheets with the two sonnets on them. He told us to read them both in our heads, analysing the language and looking for differences and similarities.
This is going to be fun, I thought sarcastically. I read through the sonnets, noting the differences and similarities in my head. I watched Bella write on her page and then zone out completely. I wondered what she was thinking. I turned my head, taking my gaze away. It was rude to stare, even at such beautiful things.
When everyone finished, the teacher talked to us about what each of them meant. He opened the debate, asking us which one we prefer and why. All of their girls said they would want Sonnet 18, "Shall I Compare Thee?" told be to them, as it described how beautiful they were. I heard people mutter my name and I rolled my eyes. I didn't like my like fan club, constantly staring and giggling at me. It got annoying after a while. Don't even remind me about Lauren and Jessica.
I heard Bella huff for some reason, so both Alice and myself turned to her in curiosity.
"Miss Sparrow, would you care to tell us your opinion," The teacher asked her, Bella blushed slightly and then her expression turned uncomfortable. Her face was the most delicious colour I had ever seen in my whole seventeen years. It faded as quickly as it appeared. I noticed that everyone was staring at her as she spoke.
"Sonnet 18 clearly exaggerates the woman's beauty. Shakespeare mentions nothing of love for her, only admiration. At the end he complements himself by saying that her beauty will last for as "long as men can breathe" and forever in his words. The other sonnet is truthful and honest, and he tells us that he loves his mistress no matter how pale or ugly she is. He is saying that he will love her no matter how unperfect she is, no matter how human she is and not a beautiful goddess who doesn't walk on the ground. Only with imperfections can there be true love,"
I stared at her. How right she was! But you are perfect, I wanted to say. You are beautiful. It was that moment that I realised how much I truly liked Bella. But how short a time! Not even four days and here I am, obsessed by her words and mystified by her eyes. Maybe they were a deep turquoise?
Finally the teacher responded.
"Well, that was...very good, Miss Sparrow. You have analysed the sonnets very well indeed, I'm impressed. I must say," The teacher said, how much I agreed.
"What is with everyone and the looks?" Bella said to Alice, Bella turned to face Alice, but we both already were.
"What?" Bella asked, I closed my mouth not realising it was open. I turned away as Alice talked to her.
"Nothing, it's just, that was AMAZING Bella!" For once Alice wasn't exaggerating. That was amazing.
"Erm, okay?" She said unsure. Is she not sure of her talents? That would be a tragedy for her talent to be unrecognised. It was simply too great.
The rest of the class was uneventful, except for me peering at Bella now and again. So talented.
Alice, Bella and myself walked out of the auditorium together. I got dropped off at my next class to my dismay.
The next lessons went as quickly as Bella's blush. Once they were there, the next, over. I met up with Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper who were sitting in our usual table. I ignored the normal looks from other tables. Staring isn't polite? God, don't they have any decency?
My mood picked up immediately as Bella sat down opposite me, Alice sat next to Jasper giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. At least they had each other to hold, unfortunately Bella was already someone else's. I am not thinking about him now.
I eyed Bella's tray, no apple but two grease covered burgers that were bleeding out ketchup. She sure was full of surprises.
"They look tasty, Bella," Emmett said grinning wild. That was Emmett, always the funny one.
"Yeah, I'm just a bit bored of apples," Bella said taking one of the burgers to her lips with her black leather gloved hands. I wanted to hold her hands, just like yesterday in Biology.
She literally shoved the food into her mouth, looking disgusted at first, then satisfied. The table was in complete silence, each one of us watching Bella as she consumed her food and watching ketchup find a place on her nose.
After finishing the first burger without a breath, she finally looked up at us. I couldn't help but stare her lips. Maybe, just maybe I could kiss them. Feel the unique electricity pulse through my veins once more.
"What?" Bella asked. Alice took out a bit of tissue from her bag and wiped off some ketchup that had found a home on her nose. I nearly gasped again as her cheeks turned the same delicious colour as earlier. But all too soon it was gone.
The conversation soon resumed and Bella was taking her time with the second burger. Hopefully she won't choke this time.
"I heard that the fire has finally been put out," Rosalie said drinking some water, "It took them long enough."
"With bigger gas stations, they often take days to be extinguished," Emmett replied. Not again. I didn't want to think about it!
"Who do you think did it, Edward?" Rosalie asked, putting the empty water bottle on the table. She just had to ask didn't she.
"I don't know," I replied simply. How could I possibly know? They were masked, I could not see one strand of hair, or one trace of skin. They gave nothing away, just another pointless mystery that will never be solved.
"They got hurt though," I said, changing the subject. I watched Bella as she slowly ate another mouthful. That burger must have so much salt in it. Was there truly a point in giving her my dad's card? The last thing her blood pressure will be is low and we weren't doing blood testing in Biology any more. Maybe she'll be okay.
"What do you mean?" Alice asked me.
"When it," I paused thinking of the word, "exploded. Something hit the back of their leg."
"What did?"
"I don't know, metal or something. But it hit them pretty bad," I remember their gasp of pain right after the explosion so vividly.
"Serves them right,"
"It's my fault though," I begged to differ.
"What do you mean?"
"If I wasn't there, they wouldn't have gotten hurt. That person saved my life, I can't ignore that,"
"That is a good question. If they blew the place and stole all the cash, why did they save you?" Exactly what I was thinking.
Bella, at that moment, picked up her plate and bag and walked away from our table. I watched her dump her tray before exiting the cafeteria. There was definitely something wrong with her stride. Only slightly.
Alice gasped very loudly making Rosalie jump. I must admit, she startled me as well. My focus was so intently trained on Bella, that I didn't notice her have a vision.
"I saw her dress!! Bella's dress!! OMG it's going to be amazing!!" Alice squealed making all of us cover our ears. She babbled on and on about her dress, the colour, the length blah blah blah. All I knew what that I wanted to see her in it. Alice sure did describe it as pretty. But then again, Bella could make anything pretty.
The party! I completely forgot. I didn't even know what I was going to be. James Bond? No. Not a mythological creature. Where did that come from anyway? Angel? Too cheesy.
"Edward!" Alice said, raising her normally loud voice even higher. I turned to her curious at what she wanted.
"Can you just decide already? I keep seeing different visions of what you're going to be at the party," she said in an irritated voice.
"How about a dragon?" Jasper said. Hmm, a good idea but too much effort. The party was tomorrow so it needed to be simple.
"Too complex,"
"Dracula?" Rosalie offered applying some lip balm.
"Yes!! Definitely!" Alice squeaked, clapping her hands in excitement. Talk about embarrassing. Vampire? Sounds good. But I am not wearing fangs, that's sixth grade stuff. Alice described my costume, a black tuxedo suit with a blood red cravat and waistcoat. It was good that Alice didn't insist on a cape and the fangs, and of course the fake blood.
Our conversation was interrupted when we heard the cafeteria doors slam against the wall. On encore of loud squeaks followed. It was Lauren.
"Like OMG! O-M-G," she exclaimed, waving her arms in the air. She ran around a few tables like a headless chicken and went back out again. It took only a few seconds after her exit for the cafeteria to return to normal noise level.
"What an attention seeking little whore," Rosalie said shaking her head in disgust.
"Got that right," Emmett agreed.
"Anyway," Alice said taking her eyes from the doors Lauren had came and gone through. "I've got to tell you something Edward!" I looked at her, expecting to hear that I had to wear fangs or something.
"Bella hasn't got a boyfriend!" her smile was so big I thought her cheeks would fall off.
"What are you talking about? That guy yesterday-" I tried to finish but Alice ever so nicely cut me off.
"Nope. She told me that guy isn't her boyfriend and I'm sure she's single,"
"You asked her?" Talk about respecting her privacy. I was curious of course but I wouldn't voice it, that's just rude.
"Yeah, well why not? We were all curious and we all know you were the most," I scowled at her. How she do that? Did she even have any respect? I mean come on, we haven't even known her for a week!
I took in the information more slowly than usual. Bella was single? My hopes lifted for a second which left me quite shocked.
First came the guilt. I didn't exactly ask her permission to take one of her compositions. At least Alice did ask to take the information of her personal status.
Then the anger came. If that guy wasn't her boyfriend then why was he all over her like that!
"I know right, kinda strange with the whole kissing thing,"
"What?"
"Who's the guy? If not her boyfriend? I mean they were making out pretty intensely and she said they definitely weren't going out," I slowly diffused the anger and it vanish when Bella came striding through the doors with a grin on her face. Not a happy grin, but a smile of contentment. The slight limp was there again, but only when you looked carefully.
As she sat down, her smile had not vanished, it only got bigger when she greeted us.
Bella's POV
I walked down the corridors heading back to the cafeteria. I hated people like Jessica. They were so worthless. Like little clones hobbling along through life, not capable of being themselves, only capable of imitation. People like Britney.
If they ever went through one fucking second of my life...
Thank god Edward turned her down. Loads of guys as hot as him would go out with little sluts like Jessica. Hell, guys like Edward would go out with anything.
Even me, I laughed in my head. That would be a sight.
Not that he would never go out with me. Why would he ever?
What was there to love? A criminal, ex-druggie, an orphan, a smoker, an alcoholic, a loner, a freak, a murderer, ex-soon to be mother, a worthless piece of crap that doesn't deserve to live?
No. He deserved so much more.
Why am I even thinking about him?
Maybe because he was the most beautiful guy I have ever set my eyes on. Kyle used to be, but his actions make his appearance somewhat clouded. Clouded by the horrors he bestowed upon me.
Like taking the life of our unborn child.
Can't I just have one day, one fucking day where the past didn't infect me like the black death. I breathed in deeply, trying to clear my mind.
Where was I? Oh yes. Where hope seemed to lie. A grin formed across my face at the thought of the Cullens and the Hales. I liked people like them. Never too close, never too personal. Always for the fun. Well that was my impression so far. It was human nature to judge. Judge whether they were a threat. Judge whether you had to run before they could catch you. Before they could take away the only thing that you love.
Again. Always the optimist.
My mind always seemed to end at a dead end where the worst memories are kept.
I pitied myself at times.
Lets look only at the good side for once. I was about to sit down with a group of people who didn't judge me like everyone else. Never had someone offered me a place on their table. Usually I was on my own, so this must be positive.
They didn't know me, that was even better. Why should I share my horrors with them? Why should I trust them just to be betrayed again?
Friendship didn't need trust only good times, and that's what we had.
I felt a smile form on my face, it felt strange. I hardly ever smile. Not anymore.
I ignored the peculiar feeling smiling gave on my cheeks, the muscles ached slightly in the effort. It was still pleasant. I opened the cafeteria doors where the hum of conversation met me.
The walk towards them wasn't as painful as I imagined it would be. I could hardly feel the wound now, there was only a slight limp that I felt, but I don't think anyone could notice. My smile widened as I greeted the Cullens and the Hales.
"Hey," I sat down and took out my sketchpad, needing something to distract me. What to draw?
"Hey," they greeted me back. I took out some charcoal and placed them on the table, I chose the thickest piece and started finding a fresh page.
The conversation had died again, I looked up trying to figure out why. They were all staring at my sketchpad.
"So, Bella, are you an artist?" Alice said breaking the silence, this received a harsh glare from Edward which confused me slightly.
"Oh no, I just draw for fun," and to get my mind off your brother, like I'm going to say that aloud.
Hmm what to draw. Nature? No, I've already done trees and sky, time for a change. What about some random abstract? People perhaps?
"Do you draw people?" Alice asked, her eyes beaming with excitement. I felt slightly intimidated actually, never had I come across someone like Alice.
"Erm, I can try. Would you like me to draw you?" she jumped in her seat slightly, her entire face now beamed.
"Yes please!" I looked down to my sketchpad embarrassed by her enthusiasm. Wow, she definitely was something.
I did the basic line of her face, looking up at her constantly. When you draw something most of your time should be expecting the object. Which is exactly what I did.
Within five minutes, I had finished but not properly or as detailed as it could of been. There wasn't any shading which would of made her look more realistic. I tried capturing her strange personality and infinite enthusiasm.
I showed her the drawing and she squealed at such a high pitch, I thought I would go deaf again.
I avoided the oncoming flashback like a runaway train.
Phew, I missed it.
"Thankyou so much Bella!" Alice squeaked. "Do you mind if I keep it?" I nodded in reply and took the drawing from her. She gazed at me in curiosity.
I signed the bottom of the page with Marie without thinking. I always used that name, a habit if you will. Why didn't I put Bella? I am such an idiot at times.
I refused to erase it, that would have ruined the drawing and gave it back to her.
"Marie?"
"Yeah, that's my middle name," I smiled at her, hoping she would leave it at that. Thankfully she did. I was beginning to like her a lot.
After drawing Alice, I drew Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett. They all complimented me on my talent. I nearly laughed at them. What talent?
Unfortunately lunch had ended before I had time to draw Edward. I was looking forward to capturing his beauty on page. My hopes lifted immediately as I remembered I had Biology with him. We walked together to class after saying goodbye to the others.
"Do you always draw?" he asked casually.
"Not really, just keeps my mind of things," I was shocked when I told him the truth. How could I trust him? I should have learnt my lesson not to ever do it again.
A silence took over us, but it wasn't as awkward as I thought it was going to be.
"Sorry about Alice, by the way, she can get so excited over the smallest things," My gaze turned to Edward whose own gaze, thankfully, was ahead.
"She's definitely something else," I answered him keeping my eyes on the floor. His eyes were too pretty to be looked at by my hideous colourless irises.
My mind lead me to the first day I saw them. I was so horrified by their clarity, they were so like his. I shuddered helplessly at the thought.
Now it didn't matter how much they looked alike. I had to protect his eyes, the eyes of an angel. The only thing I was afraid of was losing them.
"Yeah, something annoying," he said rolling his eyes, I nudged him, talk about keeping things to yourself!
"Hey! Don't say that about your sister. She's lovely," So far...
We reached the classroom and took our seats. Today was another video lesson. Crap.
No worries, I was drawing him today, even if it took me the whole hour. Like yesterday, I didn't think I could take it. How could I not hold his hand? The electricity was something not to be ignored. It was frankly irresistible.
As the film started, I took out my sketchpad and started to draw Edward. What a good excuse for staring at him, I laughed in my head.
Most of the time I just got lost and daydreamed. What I daydreamed about. Well it involved me, Edward and meadow. Just sitting in silence watching the wind move the leaves gently across the grass.
What the fuck?
Last night is really starting to get to me isn't it?
Anyway.
I had plenty of time with this sketch to add detail and shading. I was drawing him from side on seeing as he was watching the film. I had no idea what it was, not that it mattered anyway. I mean where's it going to get you in life. Unless you're going to end up like Mr. Banner.
I couldn't help but laugh out loud, Edward turned to me. He probably thought I was a freak. Not that he wasn't right. But come on. I wasn't laughing at the film, so I was only laughing at myself.
I looked down at my sketchpad shading some of his untidy hair. Such strange hair, amazing of course, but bronze? It wasn't dyed and it was clear that it was his natural shade. But still.
Amazing.
Then again he does look as if he has sex hair. I laughed again out loud, this time a lot quieter, gaining no attention. It seriously is that untidy, random strands of hair poking out from the side, other locks sticking straight up. He was the Forks High Playboy after all, so what do you expect?
I looked back down and shaded in more of Edward's "sex hair". Then there was a major problem. The lips. I can draw lips fine but my mind didn't want to draw them, only day dream about kissing his luscious lips.
Okay. That's it. No more thinking.
I took out my I-pod, blasting some Austrian Death Machine into my ears. I don't listen to them normally but I needed a bit of chaos to keep my mind at bay.
Perfect. I chose If It Bleeds We Can Kill It and turned it up to full volume.
It was difficult keeping my head still to the infectious beats. I tapped my feet instead unable to keep still. I shaded more of his hair and spread the charcoal with my fingers. After the end of the song, I listened to more Austrian Death Machine making it impossible to think about Edward.
By the end of Biology I had finished and my finger tips were black. I signed the picture with Marie again and gave it to him. His mouth dropped when he saw it.
Woo, is it that bad? I refused to hear his reaction and headed off to the bathroom to clean my hands. I washed off the charcoal, turning the water a dirty grey.
I stared at my fingers, checking they were clean. So clean. No fingerprints on them. Oh no. They were burned off a long time ago.
No fingerprints. No evidence for a crime. No links to me. Nothing.
I dried them quickly and headed off to Gym class, oh great. Let's get pummeled in the face again with a basketball. Where the hell is basketball going to get you anyway? Unless you do it for a living. But still, that's very few people.
Irritation kept my mind busy as I changed, I kept my hoodie on, making sure the only thing you could see was my face. I took out my I-pod, playing some All That Remains, the song was called Tattered On My Sleeve. Also, I made sure my bag was safe in a locker. The five grand in the bag needed to stay there.
I sat on one of the benches in the changing room, far from everyone else. They took forever to change, making sure their hair was in the perfect pony tail, checking that their make-up was immaculate and seeing if their new shorts were too long. Even though they were about seven inches long.
They are so pathetic.
I walked around the back of the changing room, examining the few showers. There was no one around here. I pulled up my sleeves looking at the burns for the first time since this morning. Hmm. Still red and blistery, but healing.
Physically I can heal. Mentally? Emotionally?
Not so much.
And I am falling away
All my life
is falling away
as time goes by
The lyrics were so true to my situation, I found it quite ironic in a funny way.
After a few more minutes of sitting around and listening to ATR, they were finally ready and headed out to the gym. Some gave me looks wondering why I was fully clothed, I assumed. They were wearing seven inch shorts and tiny Forks High t-shirts. They stared at me because I didn't look like them, because I was different. I paused my I-pod as the Coach began to speak.
"Okay everyone, quiet please," Coach shouted. Immediately the authority in his voice silenced the others. I hated that. Authority.
My eyes quickly found Edwards, who was wearing normal length shorts and a Forks High t-shirt along with the other guys. No doubt he looked perfect. Many girls were already giving him the eye, blushing in his presence. He caught me staring and gave me a flawless crooked smile. I'm sure that made a few girls melt in their sneakers.
"Today we start our long-distance running section as we finished basketball yesterday. I want a lap of the track as your warm up and afterwards we'll be doing the 1500m," this earned a few groans, mostly by the girls. Like oh my god, my hair is going to get all messed up. How can I run, like, like I straightened my hair this morning. Again, how pathetic.
I completely forgot about the running, my mind moved away from the thoughts of the girls. What about my leg?
"What are you still doing here? Off you go," Coach shouted again. My classmates headed off to the track at a slow jogging pace.
At first I walked quickly, my leg was able to take the movement, so I upped my pace going to a slow jog. As we reached the track, many went a lot faster. It was stupid to go fast straight away with my injury.
I was well behind the others at my pace. After the first hundred metres, I was comfortable to go even faster. There was little pain from the wound, the stitches seemed to be doing their job. I put on my I-pod again, playing Pure Hatred by Chimaira. It kept my mind off my leg and found it easy to keep my pace with the beat.
I had re-joined the group and noticed that Edward was right at the front. His stride was powerful and constant, definitely a good runner from the looks of it. We finished the lap quickly and the Coach made us do some stretches.
"After you've stretched your left calf for ten seconds, go onto your right quadriceps," I avoided stretching it and did my calf muscles again. If I did stretch my right quad, I was sure the stitches would have split in half.
After taking us through the stretches, he went through the groups for the 1500m. We would be running in groups of seven. I was in the second group out of the four, conveniently with Edward. It took about ten minutes for the first group to finish. Then it was us.
As we lined up, my leg spasmed slightly, making all the muscles tense. I held onto my wound making sure none of the stitches had broken. Nope. I jumped into the air a few times, trying to relax my muscles. It seemed to work.
Coach whistled at us to start and he clicked on his stopwatch. There was four girls and three boys running in our group, Edward and myself both included. The girls started walking it already, not even attempting to run. I kept my pace slow and steady, but I was able to keep up with the three boys. Edward was right out front, which didn't surprise me.
We had already run three quarters of the lap, the coach signaled to us that we had three more laps to go. It felt like I had only run a few metres, my breathe was near normal. I was so used to running away though, I had so much practice, I thought sarcastically to myself.
The wound didn't hurt and the stitches were tight enough. I lengthened out my pace, making my strides longer. It felt a lot better when I did this.
During the next lap, I overtook the two boys, making Edward the only one in front of me. Two laps left and I was only a few feet behind Edward. By the next straight, I was running side by side with him.
"Hey," Edward said, his voice was only slightly breathless and was more normal than I expected. There was no doubt that Edward was very fit.
"Hey," I managed back.
One and a half laps left.
"I didn't manage to thank you about your drawing. It's incredible," Right and that's why your jaw fell off when you saw it and your expression was utter shock and disbelief. Generally you're meant to smile if it was "incredible".
"Right," I answered back. I really was caring to much about what he said. I shouldn't care. I don't care! No I don't. Silence loomed over us as we lapped the three girls. Why should I care what the hell he says anyway? What was the point?
One and a quarter laps left.
We ran the 100m straight side by side. The track was surrounded by the other groups all of them cheering Edward on.
"Come on, Edward!" Some of them said.
"Don't let that goth beat you!" Others said, but they also used the words freak, emo and girl. The last one was most accurate.
"Come one, Cullen, you don't wanna get beat by a girl, do ya?" What was I expecting anyway? Go Bella go?
As we passed the finishing line, Coach whistled and shouted last lap. I picked up my pace, overtaking Edward round the bend. Let's just say I was a little pissed. Especially with the girl comment.
Okay, I was a little more than pissed, I have to admit. But that last little comment really did set me off.
I wasn't just pissed because of that. I was pissed at a few more things, such as Kyle's return meaning that I had to blown up a fucking gas station to save lives, lets not forget the dirt bike and 103 I had to retrieve. Oh did I mention the burns on my arms and shrapnel in my leg? The fact that I was caring a little too much about Edward and how I was becoming addicted to him. The fact that I wanted to click a huge fucking button that said RESTART so I could just start over from the beginning of my life. The fact that I just can't stay out of trouble and live without threats.
All I wanted was freedom.
To just be free of my memories and the people that invade them.
I was sprinting now, wanting to run away from it all. I could barely feel my legs running at full pace or my heart thumping in my chest so hard that I thought it would just give out.
This time I wasn't running away because of fear, only because it felt good. I was in my element now, as strange as it was, it felt amazing.
Edward had caught up with me as we run the opposite straight.
Half a lap left.
"God, you're fast Bella," he said, this time his voice was strained and it came with heavy breaths. I didn't reply, I mean what would I say? Gosh, Edward that's so nice of you?
I only ran even faster.
Then everything came crashing down on me as I started to fall.
I landed roughly on the track, not really feeling anything for a few seconds. The pain then made its horrific appearance making my eyes bulge in shock. Blood flowed quickly down my leg. I couldn't help but shriek, well through gritted teeth anyway.
The only thing I really thought then was, well, shit.
Oh shit.
My hands automatically seized my thigh, it was actually like I was holding my leg together. If I keep bleeding at this rate, my body would be so drained that it would shut itself down and my heart would stop in only a few minutes.
I was definitely looking at the bright side of things.
The grunted noises from my mouth seemed to escape as quickly as the blood. The funny thing was, I wanted to be all alone. So I could fix my leg without questions or people trying to help. Unfortunately none of my wishes come true.
"Bella? Oh my god, are you okay?" Edward said crouching down beside me. I bit down on my lip to keep quiet. Just get out of there. Get out of there now.
"Fine," I said, I didn't look at him, I needed to stop the bleeding but I couldn't do it there in front of him. I started getting up, but again I began to fall as I felt more of the stitches rip apart. Though I'm sure it wasn't only the stitches ripping apart. Edward, thankfully, caught me and brought me to my feet.
"Are you sure?" he said, his arms were still around my waist. I looked at him with the best blank face I could muster.
"Fine, I need to, erm," Excuse, excuse. "Er, I need to go," With that amazing sentence, I limped my way across the track as fast as I could and as quietly as I could. I was also thankful that I liked black, otherwise I wouldn't be wearing these black trousers which concealed the blood dripping down my shin and ankle.
I was also thankful to my past as well, I've had worse pain than this, a lot worse, so I was able to cope and concentrate on moving.
It's funny when I'm hurt, I seem to thank everything.
Why do I have such little control? Seriously, I can't stay calm anymore. Why was I running anyway? I just can't learn a lesson can I?
I tried to ignore the pain by mentally scolding myself for being such an idiot. I pushed open the doors into the gym and headed for the girls changing room.
"Bella?" I heard my name and looked round to see Edward running up to me. I limped as fast as I could, the changing room was now in sight. The doors started swirling as dizziness took over for a second. Keep moving.
I finally made it to the changing room, shutting and locking the door. As I headed over to showers, I grabbed a t-shirt from one of the lockers. It was a spare Forks High top, how nice.
"Bella!" I heard Edward say at the door, I automatically turned around and noticed that I had left a lovely little blood trail. Please don't let there be a trail in the gym.
Please.
He tried the door and began knocking, I ignored him calling my name and made it to the showers. I took off my boots, socks and trousers and saw the blood streaming fast down my leg. The water was ice cold but it did the job; I gritted my teeth again as it began to sting.
The loss of blood was making me unbearably dizzy and nauseous. The pain? Well.
Let's not go there.
When most of the blood had washed off, I reached over to my boots and took out the KA-BAR. I sliced the Forks High t-shirt into strips, preparing them into a tourniquet to stop the bleeding.
"Bella? Are you okay? What's going on? Please open the door," Edward said, banging on the door again. Why does he care? Why can't he just leave me alone? Tears began to prickle my eyes as his pleads continued. His desperation was difficult to miss.
He doesn't care. He doesn't care.
"Bella? Please just tell me you're okay!" I was near breaking point when he said this. A part of me wanted to reach him, to hold him and let the safety drown out the fear and panic as the bleeding became too much.
No. Do not rely on anyone else. You have to save yourself.
I quickly wiped the tears away, mustering all of the strength I had.
"I'm fine," I managed to say, I was glad that I sounded quite angry and frustrated. I'm sure that if he heard a panic-stricken and weak voice, he would have kept banging.
With the wound relatively clean of blood, I moved away from the shower and tied the first strip around the wound, pulling it as tight as possible. I was glad that the remains of the shirt stuffed into my mouth muffled the shrieks.
I concentrated on my breathing, in and out, that's all I thought about. The strip of material started turning red and I began to tie more and more of the strips as tightly as I could. Without the strips muffling my noises, I clenched my teeth in hope that no screams would escape.
After the tourniquets were secure and doing their job, I collapsed onto the floor in fatigue. I looked at the ceiling for a few moments trying to collect my thoughts.
My heart was racing out of control, I tried to calm myself but the beating was too quick and constant to slow. I brought my hands in front of my face, paler than usual and slightly sweaty. I was surprised at the effort it took to simply raise my hands. I placed my right hand on my forehead expecting my hand to be blazing hot, however it was a lot colder than usual.
No please. God no. Don't let it be.
I wanted to be safe. Free from a life of fear and panic. Free from Kyle. I wanted to be held in Edward's arms, where it was safe, free from the horrors that I seem to take with me everywhere I go.
The panic spread through quickly now, even faster than before. I had to be sure.
Symptom 1 - rapid pulse. Yes. Symptom 2 - rapid breathing. Crap, I didn't notice but I was breathing in and out too quickly. Symptom 3 - Anxiety or agitation. My foot was taping on the floor. Yes. Symptom 4 - cool clammy skin. Yes. Symptom 5 - Weakness. Yes. Symptom 6 - Pale skin colour. Yes. Symptom 7 - Sweating. Yes.
Fuck, this was no coincidence. I had to admit to myself something, as much as I never wanted to.
I was going into hypovolemic shock.
Review peeps. It was the longest chapter ever!! Apologies for the cliff hanger by the way. The next chapter will be better I promise.
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