Sorry it's been a while.It's finally finished :D
To the anonymous reviews - you honestly think I am purposefully not putting up the chapters?
Kind of pathetic not putting your email. And for that I'm giving you my middle finger.
For everyone else brave enough to put their email or use an account, I'm looking forward to reading some criticism.
Songs to listen to during this chapter -- 1. Slipknot - Gehenna. 2. As I Lay Dying - I Never Wanted. 3. Counting Crows - Colourblind. 4. The Fountain Soundtrack - The Last Man. 5. Mozart - Lacrimosa. 6. Clint Mansell - Silent Hill.
Edward's POV
"Hey," she greeted us with a breath taking smile. Why couldn't she do that more often? She sat down and took out her sketchpad. I wonder what she would draw today. Anything was possible with her talent.
"Hey," we greeted her back. She took out some charcoal and placed them on the table, she chose the thickest piece and started finding a fresh page.
I noticed that the others had gone silent, all staring at the sketchpad like me. We already knew what beauty and depth she could bring to a page.
"So, Bella, are you an artist?" Alice said breaking the silence. I glared at Alice, what she an idiot? Subtlety, I should teach her that later.
"Oh no, I just draw for fun," Maybe she should pursue art as a career. The skill that she has is rare and she shouldn't waste it.
"Do you draw people?" Alice asked, her eyes beaming with excitement. Again, Alice! Could you be any more obvious that you want Bella to draw you? God she was such an annoying little annoying sister. Yes Alice deserves to be called it twice.
"Erm, I can try. Would you like me to draw you?" Alice jumped in her seat slightly, her entire face now beamed. Dear God.
"Yes please!" she squealed loudly and I noticed Bella's eyes widen as she looked down to her page. I bet that she thought Alice was insane. Most people did. Even myself at times.
I couldn't help but stare at her when she kept looking at Alice as she drew. Maybe, just maybe. No, no, no. We are not going back to the fantasies. I honestly couldn't help myself. I never fantasized any of the previous girls I had dated. Including Lauren, I nearly threw up at the thought.
But Bella? I could fantasize for hours and not get bored, I don't think I ever could.
I remember seeing her whole face and hair for the first time. Months ago it seemed but it was only two days ago, when she had a panic attack during Biology. I drove her home and comforted her when she was having an emotional breakdown. I could hear her screaming now as I held her in my arms, never wanting to let go. Fatigue seemed to engulf her as she ended up sleeping. I took her to her bedroom and looked through her compositions.
"What the hell are you doing here?" I remember her saying. My father told me she was repressing her panic attack and couldn't remember any of it. I wish I was able to do that.
When I was younger I used to have them quite often, I grew out of them thankfully. I know what they are like and all I wanted to do was hold Bella, telling her she will be okay. Panic attacks are no walk in the park let me tell you.
Within five minutes, she had finished the drawing and gave it to Alice. I covered my ears as she squealed right next to me. Surely she would have seen the drawing anyway in a vision? The drawing was astonishing, it captured Alice's personality on the page.
"Thankyou so much Bella!" Alice squeaked. "Do you mind if I keep it?" Bella nodded in reply and took the drawing from her. I gazed at her in curiosity but she gave back the drawing signed, but not with her name.
"Marie?"
"Yeah, that's my middle name," she smiled at her. Bella Marie Sparrow. I loved that name.
After drawing Alice, Bella drew Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett. They all complimented her and how incredible the drawings were, who wouldn't?
Unfortunately lunch had ended, we were having such a blast. Bella and myself walked together to class after saying goodbye to the others.
"Do you always draw?" I asked casually making conversation.
"Not really, just keeps my mind of things," I expected her to say yes, surely she should have recognised her talent by now? I turned confused as Bella looked shocked. This girl was a mystery.
A silence took over us, but it wasn't as awkward as I thought it was going to be.
"Sorry about Alice, by the way, she can get so excited over the smallest things," I said looking ahead, remembering that I needed to teach her how to be subtle. How does Jasper honestly cope?
"She's definitely something else," she answered me keeping her eyes on the floor. I kept wondering what colour what her eyes were. Maybe they were a pale blue, or even grey? It would make sense why I couldn't tell.
"Yeah, something annoying," I said rolling my eyes, I felt butterflies in my stomach as she nudged me. That was really weird. I thought only girls did that, obviously not. I'm probably hungry or something.
"Hey! Don't say that about your sister. She's lovely," she replied. Alice was lovely at times, when she wasn't nagging me or annoying me. But then again what do you expect from a little sister? It was nice to see that Bella had taken a liking to her, regardless to her irritating ways.
We reached the classroom and took our seats. Mr. Banner pulled out the VCR again. Maybe I can hold her hand again?
She took out her sketchpad and started to draw me. Well that hope went down the drain. I felt slightly self-conscious as she kept looking at me. Another strange feeling. Self-conscious? Butterflies? God am I turning gay or something?
I turned to Bella as she laughed out loud. That was weird. Could she hear my thoughts or something? She looked back to her sketchpad leaving me in confusion.
Embarrassment flushed me for a moment at the thought if Bella could read my mind. If she ever found out about the fantasies...
I stared at the screen not seeing anything, only images of shapes and flashes of colour. My mind was trying to figure out the mystery that Bella was.
Maybe I could kiss her. Wishful thinking I know. But what's a guy to do?
Biology went quickly and afterwards Bella gave me the drawing she did of me. I felt mouth drop to the floor. My god. Incredible didn't cut it. I stared at the drawing, it was like looking at a mirror. I must have been staring it for about a minute before Mr. Banner interrupted my peaceful observation.
"Mr. Cullen, please get to class," I was just standing in the corridor! I wasn't even doing anything. I smirked at him, before heading of to Gym. I wonder where Bella went. To class, you idiot!
Wow, something is really happening to me, I was losing my mind by the second. Right, gym. Fun. Gym is okay I guess, it's just that I can spend my time doing more important and valuable things. Is fantasising valuable? Well to me it is. Or perhaps turning the fantasy into a reality is more valuable then just sitting around doing nothing about it.
When? When could I kiss her? After school? Oh god that guy. No doubt he would be back. The rage came took me for a moment as the image of Bella and him making out flooded me. I calmed myself eventually, taking my anger on a locker. That gained a few looks from the other guys in the changing room.
I changed quickly after my little rage control and waited in the Gym for everyone else. What about tomorrow? The party! Of course. That would be perfect! The image of Bella's lips took me off guard, something happened to her lip. She said she bit it earlier in English, well she said to Alice and I eavesdropped.
I watched Bella as she came with the rest of the group. Mmm definitely at the party. She took out her I-pod from her pocket and paused it, I assumed, as Coach Clapp began to speak.
"Okay everyone, quiet please," Speak? I meant Coach shouted. I looked at Bella again and a strange expression of hate crossed her expression. As quickly as it appeared, it vanished and her eyes met mine as if she knew I was watching her. She examined me again, looking me up and down. I believe the correct phrase is checking me out. I gave her my infamous crooked smile and then she looked amused. My heart did a double flip at the thought of her checking me out. Even though most girls did all the time, Bella was different.
"Today we start our long-distance running section as we finished basketball yesterday. I want a lap of the track as your warm up and afterwards we'll be doing the 1500m," A good run ought to clear my messed up mind and my stupid heart. Double flipping? Next it will be doing a whole gymnastics routine.
People seemed reluctant to exercise, we were teenagers after all. I liked running, it was my favourite form of exercise after football and basketball.
"What are you still doing here? Off you go," Coach shouted again. Is that all he can do? Shout? No wonder why Bella didn't like him, that explained the hate. I headed off to the track with everyone else at at a slow jogging pace. As soon as I reached the track and stretched out my pace. I concentrated on each stride, keeping myself at a constant pace. This definitely helped to clear my mind. I needed to stop thinking about Bella, I was bordering stalker and pervert at this point.
Not that I stalk her or anything. Or that I'm a pervert. But at the rate I was going...
Finally I had finished the lap and Coach filled my mind with the perfect way how to stretch your gastrocnemius, otherwise known as your calf muscle. I tried to keep my mind as blank as possible, making sure it doesn't wander off anywhere where it shouldn't.
After taking us through the stretches, he went through the groups for the 1500m. We would be running in groups of seven. I was in the second group out of the four, conveniently with Bella. Was God mocking me? Did he want me to become a pervert? A stalker? It took about ten minutes for the first group to finish. Then it was us.
There was two other guys running and there was three girls. Then there was Bella. She jumped up and down a few times, preparing for the race. The other girls played with their hair, twirling it in my direction. I shook my head in pity and turned it to the track.
Coach whistled at us to start and he clicked on his stopwatch. It made me laugh how the other girls began to walk, not even attempting to move. Bella however actually took the race seriously. I kept my head forward, looking back would be a little obvious now wouldn't it? I started strong, able to keep up a good pace for the first couple of laps. This was easy.
I wonder how Bella was doing? Coach signaled two laps left. As I hit the bend, I could see Bella not far behind me. I was surprised. She had overtaken the two other guys, that did kind of shock me. They are some of the best runners in the school. By the next straight, she was running side by side with me.
"Hey," I said effortlessly. Our stride matched at this point, hers longer than I would have imagined.
"Hey," she replied more breathless than myself, but only a little. Full of surprises wasn't she?
One and a half laps left.
"I didn't manage to thank you about your drawing. It's incredible," The drawing popped in my mind again, truly it was incredible.
"Right," Should I call it perfection? Silence loomed over us as we lapped the three girls. Perhaps. But then if the drawing had more detail, which may be impossible. Hmm, or if it had colour? Then surely it can not be more perfect?
One and a quarter laps left.
We ran the 100m straight side by side. The track was surrounded by the other groups all of them cheering me on.
"Come on, Edward!" Some of them said.
"Don't let that goth beat you!" Others said, but they also used the words freak, emo and girl. The same rage I felt when I thought about that guy came back. SO familiar it was becoming. How dare they call her a freak!
"Come one, Cullen, you don't wanna get beat by a girl, do ya?" No surprise that Mike said this. I kept running not wanting to get a detention for giving Newton a black eye.
As we passed the finishing line, Coach whistled and shouted last lap. Bella picked up her pace, overtaking me round the bend.
The competitive side of me took over. I chased after, finding more and more difficult as she started to sprint. Now I was running at full capacity.
Half a lap left.
"God, you're fast Bella," I voiced my opinions as I finally caught up with her.
One second she was running slightly in front of me, the next she was gone. As I stopped, I looked behind me to see her lying on the floor in obvious distress. A strange noise came from her, like a muffled scream. More and more noises came from her as I ran back to her.
"Bella? Oh my god, are you okay?" I said crouching down beside me. What happened to her? How did this happen to her? Did she trip over something on the track? Why didn't Coach check it before?
Biting her lip she replied that she was fine. I could tell that she was lying as she looked away. Bella started to stand but fell in the process. She really wasn't fine.
Thankful to my reactions, I managed to catch her and I slowly brought Bella to her feet.
"Are you sure?" I said, keeping my arms around her waist. I wanted her to stay here. Safe in my arms. She then looked at me with such an emotionless face it scared me.
"Fine, I need to, erm," she paused for a second. "Er, I need to go." Then she was gone. Shock had cemented my feet to the track, not knowing what to do.
What had just happened?
My eyes found Bella after a few moments and I saw her limping towards the gym. Before I knew it myself I was chasing after her. What happened? Why is she running from me?
She pushed open the gym doors and in response, I picked up my pace. Please let her be okay.
"Bella?" I called after her, she turned and looked at me for a moment before looking away. To my disbelief, her pace increased. I sprinted even faster in hopes of catching her. Why the hell was she running from me?
Panic took me for a moment as she shut the girls changing room door, locking it in the process.
"Bella!" I said, I tried the door knob a few times before I started to knock.
I called her name again and again, but received no answer. Don't shut me out, I can help you. Please! "Bella!"
God, if you're up there, please just let her be okay!
"Bella? Are you okay? What's going on? Please open the door," I said, banging on the door again. My voice was becoming weak with despair. All I needed to hear was her voice. A consolation of her well-being. Hearing nothing, I tried again.
"Bella? Please just tell me you're okay!" I was taken by surprise as I felt a wetness on my cheeks. Wiping the tears away, I heard the sweetest sound I could ever hear. Her voice.
"I'm fine," she said, her voice was slightly angry. Taking her word, I slowly slid down the door. I could not believe the tears on my cheeks, what the hell was wrong with me? She's fine you idiot! It sounded as though she was irritated by my presence and I am not surprised.
Staring into the oblivion, I pondered my strange actions. Disbelief now my companion.
I wasn't really staring into the oblivion. Just the wall opposite the girls changing room.
It definitely needed to be re-painted.
Maybe a nice sky blue? Or instead a vivid colour to brighten this place up.
Some sort of banging noise brought me back to reality. I looked down the corridor and found nothing. Hmm.
Where was I? Oh yes, vivid colours. What about amber for a change? Amber is a nice colour. I like amber.
"Edward," Bella said, her voice clearly in distress. Without thinking, I stood on my feet and banged on the door again.
"Bella?! Open the door!" What was happening to her? "Bella!" Hearing only silence, I rammed into the door with my side. As the wood did not budge, I repeated slamming into it and heard the door cracking. I stood back from the door, raising my foot near the handle and kicked it open.
Finally gaining entrance, I roamed the changing room quickly to find such a horrific sight.
She lay on the floor shaking, her head turned to the side. Watching a panic attack only brought back my own memories, but I did my best to block them out and concentrate on Bella.
She wasn't getting out of this one. Her body was shaking so violently, I had no other option but to hold onto her. Sitting on my knees, I put my arms around her shoulders and pulled her towards me.
"Bella? Bella. Open your eyes. Come on. Everything is going to be okay. You're going to get through this. I'm here for you Bella. I'm not leaving you,"
Her eyes searched for something, looking everywhere, she finally found my eyes. Then, they went blank as she shook even more. I slowly lowered her back onto the floor and I laid next to her.
There was nothing I could do except hold her. Except tell her she would get out of this, that everything would be okay. But I knew she could not hear me.
That did not stop me.
"You can get through this, Bella. You know you will. Don't let it control you. Everything will be okay," I placed my hands on her cheeks, trying to keep her head still. She was ice cold, but very sweaty. I held onto her tighter, letting my body heat warm her.
The sound of footsteps then sounded just outside the door of the changing room. I turned to see Coach, as well as ten other people from my class. Their expressions in a state of shock and fear as they saw us.
"Cullen? What's going on?" Coach immediately asked, his voice not as loud and clear as usual. His horrified eyes fixed on Bella's shaking form. They definitely had the wrong impression.
"She's having a panic attack!" I explained, my irritation could not help but escape. The others started to surround her, closing in on her.
"Move back!" I shouted at them. They were making it worse!
"Coach get them out of here!" He nodded his head quickly, his eyes still fixed on Bella. Finally, he snapped out of it and ordered the others to leave.
"You heard him! Move!"
As they left, I concentrated on Bella again. Her shaking became more and more violent, she was losing complete control. I tried my best to calm her, to soothe her, to reassure her.
I recalled a lullaby that my mother used to sing to me whenever I had panic attacks. Softly, I hummed the tune into her ear, keeping my arms securely wrapped around her.
Gradually the shaking subsided. Her temperature started to, steadily but surely, increase.
Placing my hand on her cheek, I wiped away a few escaped tears. Her eyes started to blink more and more and I knew that she was finally coming around.
I couldn't help but smile as her eyes met mine.
Bella's POV
Hypovolemic shock is an emergency condition in which severe blood and fluid loss makes the heart unable to pump enough blood to the body. This type of shock can cause many organs to stop working. I riddled off the definition from memory. You need to know things like these when you're me.
I must have lost at least one fifth of my body's blood supply for this to be happening. What do I do? I need medical attention now.
That's a one way ticket to prison. How do I explain my injury? Edward will know it was me who robbed that fucking store and then blew up the gas station.
What if I don't get the money to Kyle in time? Innocent lives taken away because I lost a little blood.
A little hypovolemic shock never killed anyone right? (A/N sarcasm - like a little bullet never killed anyone - hypovolemic shock can kill you if severe enough)
Okay, let's clean up.
First, the blood trail. I moved onto my knees, preparing myself to stand, but I was too weak and fell back to the floor. How pathetic. A little bit of blood and I can't stand. This time, I tried even harder, finding some strength in me.
I barely managed and started to lose my balance in the progress. My body hit the lockers side on, my arms were too slow to react to stop the fall. I slowly slid down to the floor, staring into nothing. The tourniquets were still secure but my wound throbbed like no tomorrow. Maybe I tied them too tight?
I crawled along the ground, finding another spare shirt in a bottom locker. When I reached the small puddles of blood, my breathing was rapid again and sweat dripped down my face. It's getting worse. I wiped them away, ignoring the agitation I felt and the pain I felt as I moved every inch.
Dragging myself to back to the showers, I put my trousers back on, which were only slightly damp. The shock was making me cold and I needed to avoid hypothermia. My right sock was soaking with blood, so I only put on my left sock and moved to the place where I got changed earlier
After taking my bag out of the locker, I stuffed the sock into it, put on my combat boots and placed the KA-BAR back into its home. As I suspected, my right combat boot had blood staining the insides of them.
I looked through my bag for some of the painkillers from yesterday. Thankfully, I only looked for a few seconds until a found a bottle of aspirin. After taking four of them, I stuffed it back into my bag.
The small leather bag at the bottom reminded me that I would again meet Kyle after school. It reminded me again that I needed to give him the money.
I searched other bottles of medicine in the attempt to find any dopamine, dobutamine or epinephrine otherwise known as adrenaline. The amount of blood pumped out of the heart, cardiac output, needed to be increased as well as my blood pressure.
Frustrated, I pushed my bag under my feet finding nothing I needed. With my feet elevated it will help my blood circulation. I laid down on the floor, recalling the shock position. Keep person comfortable and warm. Check. Turn victim's head to one side if neck injury is not suspected. I did so, turning to the left.
Epi-Pens use epinephrine or adrenaline to treat anaphylactic shocks or allergic reactions. Maybe I could fake an allergic reaction? No I can't. No medical attention. I have to get adrenaline now.
Maybe if I use my memories. No, no, no. I can't, I just can't. There is no other option, I need to remember now.
My hands started shaking at the thought of purposefully having a flashback. Before I knew it, my memories had taken hold of me and took me under.
I was conscious, alive. I should be grateful. But how could I? I flexed my fingers and toes. I could move. I should be grateful.
"Rise and shine," he said in a mocking voice. I kept my eyes shut tight. This is a dream. Just a dream. This is not real.
"I said wake up!" he shouted. Suddenly water was thrown on my face, making my eyes immediately force open. Oh god. It was him. I tried to run, but I was sitting on a chair with my hands tied behind my back and my feet tied to the chair's legs. A dim light shone above me. Other than that there was darkness, not knowing how big this place was, or how many creatures lurk in the shadows.
"You think you can get away with anything, don't you?" he snarled circling around me. His hands were clenched into fists, ready to attack. "Taking a man's freedom."
"I watched you slit their fucking throats, you deserved it!" I shouted. Less than a second later his fist impacted onto my cheek. I was silent as I took the blow. Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing you are in pain. I felt blood surge in my mouth, I spat it out ignoring the salty taste.
"You killed them," he whispered in my ear, he grabbed my hair and wrenched my neck back, making me look at the light above. I felt a sharp blade at my neck. The blood from my mouth was slowly making its way down my neck.
"If you did what you were told-"
"Fuck you," I said interrupting him. I closed my eyes, waiting for the knife to slit my throat, waiting for death. But it never came.
"You think I'm going to kill you, don't you?" I opened my eyes, finding myself face to face with him. "Death would be a gift for you now and I am not kind." He stood for a moment, looking at me with a smile on his face, before walking into the darkness. I lent my head back on the chair staring into the light. The worse had not yet begun.
I had to get out of this. I could see the dim light above me as well as the ceiling of the changing room. The adrenaline was running through my veins, at least I had some now. I tried to free myself of the memory but it would not let go and took me under once again.
If you are a sensitive reader - I suggest missing the next few parts in italics as they include scenes of torture and severe violence not for the faint hearted.
I heard a noise and looked around as far as I could, only seeing black. Someone laughed directly behind me, making me jump slightly.
"For you will fear your own shadow by the break of dawn. Well then again. You probably won't see your shadows for a while," He laughed again and I could imagine his sick expression as he grinned. What did he mean I won't see my own shadows?
Two other figures emerged from the darkness right in front of me. They wore all black with masks covering their identity. I could only see James' twisted expression as he circled me again.
"Let's loosen you up first," I cringed as he said this. I don't remember how many blows hit me. They came each as painful as the next. Each was individual. Each with its own solitary agony. Each one had its own spot and each one varied in intensity to the next. After while the clear definition between each blow blurred as if they were being inflicted constantly without break.
I was about to lose consciousness. Blood freely ran down my neck from my nose and mouth. No doubt I would have multiple black eyes.
No doubt I was loosened up.
My head rolled back on the chair, my eyes flickered from open to closed. The warm blood from my mouth ran down my neck. I could feel bruises already start to form on my face. My vision became slightly hazy. The darkness was about to claim me.
"Bella, Bella," he said wiping away the tears that I didn't realise were on my cheek. There was so much pain it actually started to feel numb. "We've only just got started."
My head rolled once again. Why couldn't he just kill me? For he enjoys pain more than death, I answered myself. I closed my eyes wanting to wake up from this nightmare.
My feet were being untied, please tell me you're letting me go, a small part of me hoped. Hope? Where is that going to get me? He said they've only just got started and James is no liar. I was dragged away from the chair, but I kept my eyes locked shut. Maybe if they think I'm unconscious they will stop? I let my muscles relax, my arms and legs drop.
Another laugh. Then I was submerged in water, hands on my shoulders stopping me from going to the surface to breathe. I helplessly took in water, my legs and arms thrashing for freedom as much as I could.
I felt like I was choking, my throat had tightened too much. How could I breathe? The salty taste of the water, now fresh in my mouth, tasted as bad as it did before, worse even. I could feel the salt invade my wounds on my face, making it burn. Please someone help me, I wanted to shout.
Even with the water around me the burn seemed out of place. Burn, just like my parents. After a few more uncontrolled thrashes, I gave up and let the water surge into my lungs.
Let me burn with them.
The hands on my shoulders then pulled me back to the surface. I coughed and spluttered, the water came up from my lungs as if I was throwing up. The blood almost immediately started to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Why couldn't they let the water do its job? Let it drown me and rid me of the oxygen that my body craved for survival.
I didn't want to survive.
"I want you awake, Bella," he said. Two sets of hands took each shoulder and made me stand in front of him. "Torturing unconscious people is no fun. I want to hear you beg for mercy," He grinned again and then looked behind me and nodded. I assumed to signal to the others. I found my answer quickly as the two figures behind me pushed me to the wooden floor.
James rolled me to face the ceiling, crouching down to examine his prey. I couldn't help but get pulled into the merciless pits that were his eyes. He stood up and walked in to the darkness and the two other figures emerged with sledgehammer wielded in their hands.
Sledgehammers?! One blow to the skull and you would die instantly. What the fuck were they going to do to me? I started shaking all over, the hot flashes crept up my neck. My heart raced as well as my breath, my legs started to tremble, the muscles were tensing. I brought my knees to my chest and turned to lay on my side. The walls were closing in on me. Finally death was here.
The memory was so fresh and horrifying that I started to shake in fear. Edward, I thought, he can help me, he can free me. At first I couldn't find my voice as I tried to shout his name.
"Edward," I shouted as loud as I could with my hoarse voice. No use. The sound was too quiet. What if he's gone? Like some many people from my past. Did I expect anything more?
It felt like my chest was being crushed, as if the insides of my lungs were contracting. Breathe, breathe. Every time I tried to suck in oxygen, my throat tightened more and more.
Death would be far, now. Maybe in the afterlife, I could see my parents? Just once. Tell them how much I love them. How much I have missed them. How sorry I am for the sins I have committed. I smiled at the thought of seeing them again, even though I was half way through a panic attack.
The true reality set as I knew that I could never see my parents again and that I was about to be crushed by sledgehammers. My body shook even more. Something took hold of my face, hands? They pulled my head from the floor, making me look at them.
I met James' ruthless black eyes, I saw no colour, only midnight. No mercy.
Everything was suddenly flushed with colour and light. The room filled with natural light, the dim artificial light was replaced by sunlight. Disorientation made the confusion even stronger. Half reality, half memory. I felt drawn back to his eyes, like an immovable force making me look at them. The eyes before me started to change into horror filled green eyes.
Edward.
The colour and light was sucked from my vision, leaving me in the nightmare.
James turned his head slightly before removing his hands from my face. They moved to my shoulders and held them tightly to the floor.
Maybe I had been detached from my body, for only then did the panic attack truly ensue. My entire body shook, trembling in fear of what was to come. Helplessly my muscles started to spasm, jutting out in random directions.
Half reality, half memory. It didn't matter which one I was in. The panic attack was waiting for me at either side.
James held me down as I shook, maybe he wanted the torture to continue as quickly as possible. Maybe he wanted to give me a sense of control. I could not stop myself, I had lost all control now over my body. So maybe he was giving me back some of the control to just rip it away from me again.
I don't know how long he held me down, it could have been seconds, could have been hours. As the shaking finally slowed and the panic attack stopped, I knew that the pain was to be felt soon. What could I choose? The fear of being crushed by sledgehammers or a panic attack? They both seemed to tie.
Finally James released his hands from my shoulders. He stood and walked away into the darkness once more. The two other figures advanced on me with the sledgehammers in their hands. I lay on the floor, weak from the panic attack, not able to move. There was no escape now. I had to accept that.
"Shoulders or knees?" One of the figures asked in a low male voice.
"How 'bout both?" The other replied in a female voice. How could a woman do this? Sure, men are crazy I know that. But a woman to torture a teenage girl?
"Shoulders," James replied from a distance. I still remained shocked as the woman and man walked towards me. The man who was on the right nodded at the woman. She stepped on my left arm with her black shoes, halfway between my elbow and my shoulder. As she raised the sledgehammer, I closed my eyes and turned my head the other way. Why would I want to watch this?
I braced myself the best I could, but nothing could have prepared me for this. The shrieks came loud and long, each helplessly erupting from my mouth. I couldn't keep the pain to myself, even though I knew they wanted to see me like this.
I wanted my screams to drown out the pain.
Please get me out of this. Save me from the pain. From this memory. Help, please. Someone! HELP ME!
Why was I still shaking?! Why was my breathing rapid like my heart? The panic attack ended! I shook even more as I remembered that in the memory it had stopped, but here in the reality it was still in full swing.
My eyes searched for Edward, he could help me, he could save me. Where was he? Did he leave me? Did he go like Jacob? Edward. Please. I beg of you. Help me! Please. HELP ME!
I forced myself to stop screaming, to stop giving them the pleasure. My shrieks came to a halt, the place became hauntingly silent. James reappeared and crouched down next to me.
"Well look at that, Vicky dislocated your shoulder," he turned to her, smiling. "Good job." He placed his hand on my injured shoulder and pushed on it, causing more agony to drown me. Thankfully, I kept quiet. I couldn't move my entire arm, it was as if it wasn't there at all.
"We can't leave it like that can we?" I looked at him in half-rage, half-agony. How could he do this? Where was his soul? Where was his heart? My face was wet with tears, sweat and the blood dripping from my lips. I smiled before spitting the blood at his face. Inside of me rejoiced, glad that I had sprayed my blood over his cheeks.
The smile was wiped off his face as anger replaced it. He quickly grabbed my arm and pulled, sending me into agony once more. I kept the screams in my mouth and took out the pain through a clenched fists. I dug my nails into the skin, trying to re-direct the concentration on my shoulder.
At least he did not leave my shoulder dislocated.
"Laurent," he said moving away from me. The other figure did the same as "Vicky" and he stepped halfway between my elbow and shoulder on the other arm. He quickly raised the sledgehammer and smashed my shoulder. Although I knew what to expect, the pain seemed twice as much. Thankfully I only screamed once and kept the noise locked away. I threw my head back to hit the floor as I writhed in pain. For a few seconds there was little pain in my shoulder, most on my head. Thankfully I was able to re-direct the pain.
He crouched down once more and repeated the process by pulling my arm back into its socket. The next noise that came from my mouth baffled me beyond belief. I started to laugh. Something that I had not done for a long time. The grin was plastered on my face as I rolled on the floor. I laughed until my sides started to hurt.
You could not question the confusion in James' expression. He seemed as if he didn't know what to do for a moment, he hesitated and looked at the others. I laughed even more. James' knife found its way to my neck, I didn't see the action, my intense laughing caused my eyes to water.
"Shut up!" he ordered, pressing the knife firmly. I screamed out in laughter once more. Hilarity was everywhere in my mind, everywhere in the room or where ever the hell I was.
"WHAT YOU GONNA DO?" I shouted in mid-laugh. "KILL ME?? OOOO HARD MAN YOU ARE! GO ON THEN. SLIT MY FUCKING THROAT!!"
Insanity. Pure insanity. I had gone mad. I think now that it was my last-defence, my last stand for freedom. My body could not cope with the pain, so it decided to reverse it all. Driven into madness by relentless torture.
I didn't realise that James had taken out his knife until the blade was forced under the nail of my index finger. I kept the shrieks locked away and concealed the pain by laughing even louder. This next process continued until the blade had been forced under each fingernail. My laughing was replaced by involuntary screams. I could not see my fingers because my hands were tied behind my back, but I could feel the blood drip from them.
What was the point of complaining about the pain now? My mind had finally accepted the torture and even embraced it.
James took my throat and pushed upwards, making me stand. I gasped, taking in as much air as possible when he released my neck. He cut the rope that binded my hands together, only to have them re-tied on the wire of the dangling light above. My arms stretched high above me and I nearly stood on tip toes as the lamp was so high.
"You fall down, your knees will be next," he murmured casually as if he was asking me how I was or how the weather was so nice. The light was suddenly smashed by his gloved fist. The darkness now my companion.
I heard his footsteps as he retreated. To where? I didn't know. All I knew was that the ache in my arms became unbearable, I so desperately wanted to let them drop. There was no doubt I would take the light with me and stumble the floor in my weak state. I held them above me, placing some of the weight on the light.
My heart was normal now, as was my breath. How long had it been?
I could only image what I looked like. Face covered with bruises, lip and nose black with dried blood, fingernails still bleeding. I cursed gravity as the blood made its way down my arms.
Thump. . . Thump. . . Thump. . .
My heartbeat was the only noise I could hear. My breathing was silent.
I could tell you how much pain I was in, but it wouldn't be enough. Sure I could try. Make you compare your own tortured memories and then double it, triple it. But why would I want to inflict horrific memories on you?
A new wave of fear and panic started to set in.
What would happen now?
I was quick to find out.
The sound of steel scratching together filled the darkness. My ears starting ringing, the noise too loud after such a long silence. The screeching sounded like two knifes being rubbed together. It started to get closer and closer.
I realised how truly vulnerable I was with no help from my vision that could see the oncoming attack. I stood there in the overwhelming darkness, hands restrained above my head, not knowing what was going to happen. Defending myself was an impossibility. I had no weapons to even attempt a defence, even if my hands were free. Feet and fists were nothing compared to a knife or even a gun.
The fear then made my muscles freeze, so even if I was able to get away, I could not run. The screeching sounded directly behind me, making me shudder.
Silence fell over my ears. The fear intensified every second. Each moment.
My body started to lose its feeling. Everything felt numb.
I longed for death. So much. Too much.
Suicide.
The word burned through my mind. How? Suffocation? I'll fall unconscious and hit the floor. I would not die.
What else?
THINK.
I didn't want to think. I didn't want to live. What the point of thinking?
What was the point of living?
Only to lose the things you love?
Only to have things taken from you?
Maybe I was already dead. I couldn't hear anything. I couldn't feel anything. I couldn't see anything.
All senses gone.
Taken away from me.
Was this death?
Living the rest of eternity like this.
I had to be dead.
The insanity creep through my mind, ripping all sense of reality from me. I only realised that I still longed for death, even now.
Stop thinking like that! There is hope. There is always hope.
Where?!
No where that's fucking where.
Stop it.
So you wanna think life is gonna turn out all nice and happy. Maybe a few pigs will start flying while you're at it.
Hope does exist! Somewhere in some form it will appear!
When?
Death is the only hope now.
Accept it.
Embrace it.
NO!
Perhaps the torture was over now. Maybe they would starve me for a while, then kill me?
Thump...Thump...Thump...
The eerie silence was driving me to insanity.
I know now that the insanity had already taken me prisoner. Maybe it never let me escape from its grasp. Maybe it never set me free.
Anything could happen. Nothing could happen.
Suddenly something slashed across my calf. The silence was filled with a scream. Warm blood flowed down past my ankle.
The screeching sounded again, metal against metal. My ears rung in response. This time I heard the swish of the blade before it struck my other calf. It seemed to be too quiet for it to be a knife. I assumed it was a machete.
Silence engulfed the darkness once more.
Thump..Thump..Thump..
Faster and faster my heart was beating. When would I be struck next?
Thump.Thump.Thump.
Silence.
ThumpThumpThump
Horrifying silence.
My attackers could be far away, yet they could be directly behind me and I wouldn't even know. I will never know.
Never.
I heard footsteps. At first they were slow, but they gradually got faster and faster as if they were running. The swoosh of the metal sounded before striking my neck.
Then, there was total silence.
I was biting my lip to keep the screams in. Don't give them the pleasure. Don't give them anything.
I knew that James wanted me to beg for mercy, wanted me to scream in agony.
He was waiting for me to crack.
Waiting for me to scream.
To writhe in agony.
To beg him to stop.
Struck again and again.
STOP!
Please!
The pain became too much to keep inside.
I screamed.
Shrieked.
Tears flowed down my cheeks.
Why did I scream?
CONTROL YOURSELF.
DO NOT GIVE THEM ANYTHING.
I clamped my mouth shut.
Holding it in was incredibly difficult.
But I managed.
For a moment.
The blades of the machetes became too familiar.
As did the pain.
My throat burned in response to my screaming.
I gave them the pleasure.
My head lolled for moment, my eyes spinning in the darkness.
The attack had ceased for now.
The greatest gift I could receive now was unconsciousness.
And somehow.
I received it.
Review.
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Also go check out Chapter 1 - brand new scene added!
Thanks!