hey everyone... sorry its been so long coming... hope you like it...
Everything seemed slow motion, nothing seemed real, not the people sitting on the small waiting chairs or the nurse as she ran passed me dragging the wind with her. I was suddenly aware of Edwards hand in front of my face, catching the peace of hair that longed to follow her back down the corridor towards the exit. This is it. This is it. I found myself chanting in my head as I looked towards the nurses station. I couldn't bare to look at Edward, I couldn't bare to see his face, his eyes, his smile… I couldn't bare to lose him again but I couldn't be selfish enough to take him up on his offer if it was as bad as my brain was calculating.
I barely noticed we stopped, I barely noticed the eyes that were waiting for my response from across the counter. Her blonde hair was smoothed back into a tight pony tail, her blue eyes smiled down with understanding at me and I couldn't answer what I didn't know what had been asked.
"I'm sorry its just… she's in shock" I heard Edward explaining and I willed my brain to work.
"Don't worry, most people tend to be" she batted her beautiful lashes at him and my stomach did another flip. Was she seriously flirting with him! Anger began to fill my head and I knew my checks flushed red when Edward wrapped his arm tightly around my shoulders and pulled me close.
"I'm looking for Renee and Phil Dwyer" I spoke out in an irritated tone. I waited for Edward to say something, he normally did. Something along the lines of 'don't be ridiculous Bella, I'm not even paying attention to her' or 'at least your not hearing what she is thinking, some humans are so…' or my favourite 'Bella its not her fault, don't get so angry about it' sometimes he really could frustrate me. What I often found was the funniest thing about our relationship was his entire way of looking at it. If a girl noticed him, it wasn't a big deal after all they are created to pull my kind in but if a boy so much as noticed me I felt him stiffen and it was almost as if he wanted to rip them apart right then for it. And so I waited… but he didn't say anything. The nurse told us the room number for Renee, apparently Phil had been rushed back into surgery and so we had no choice but wait for my news. As we approached Renee's room, I felt Edward tug me as he stopped walking and then he was in front of me, holding my face tightly between his hands, forcing my eyes into his.
"Bella please. I cant cope, I'm trying but…" I could hear and see the desperation and I knew I couldn't do this to him, he always found it hard that he couldn't hear my thoughts and that was on a normal day. I took a deep breath and cut him off.
"I'm sorry. I know." I sighed and let the pain of losing him seep through me. If I was going to do this, really do this I needed to be strong… he wouldn't leave in less I forced him and I wouldn't let him waste away indoors. If I had to stay, he had to leave.
We stared into each others eyes and I watched the molten swish about as he tried intensely to read my thoughts again. My head started going dizzy, there was suddenly four golden eyes watching me, then six. Edward noticed my withdrawal from the conversation and released my face to take my back instead. As my head span, he moved me quickly into the room next door to Renee's, thankfully it was open and empty.
"Bella love, Bella just breathe" he spoke and I watched as four identical hands took out four identical phones and began typing in the number simultaneously. That was all I could take before I felt my stomach twist and I knew any second my stomach contents were going to be all of him if I didn't get to a bin or a sink. "What are you doing, lay down" he commanded but as I threw one hand over my mouth and pushed him with the other, he realised what was happening. Grabbing me and moving with vampire speed I was suddenly over the toilet in the small closet size bathroom, with Edward holding my hair off my face as I let go of all control.
"Edward…get…out…of…here" I got out in-between gasps for air.
"Not likely Bella." he responded to me before talking on the phone. "Carlisle something is wrong, Bella's went dizzy and now she's vomiting" there was silence as I tried to catch my breath. "Bella, how does your head feel?" he asked with caution and I knew exactly what Carlisle was expecting to happen next.
"Oh no. Oh god no. Not again." panic lined my every word.
"Bella, is it sore?" he spoke trying to keep his calm façade and failing miserably.
"No, just…" he waited patiently as I let out another round "dizzy" I spoke again.
Edward spoke quicker than my brain was able to handle then and I knew there was no point of trying to understand what he was saying. As my sick feeling subsided and the dizziness vanished almost immediately, I fell backwards into Edwards arms and we landed on the floor. He didn't even try to move me but he reached up to get me tissue.
"How do you feel?" he asked cautiously.
"Better" I replied and found that I really did. "I don't really feel sick at all, kinda like I never was sick" I spoke with realisation. Edward just stared down at me, confusion lined his face in hard etched lines as he took in what I was saying and compared it with how I looked.
"you do look better" he said surprising himself. Taking one last deep breath I stood and closed my eyes and I gathered every bit of my strength… this was going to be tough.
"Are you ok?" he whispered softly in my ear.
"I am now" I said opening my eyes and smiling up to him. "Lets do this." I took his hand and led him out of the room and towards Renee's.
"I'm here" he whispered softly into my ear as we walking into her room and I took in the sight in front of me. He squeezed my hand and I squeezed back. Laying still, pale and broken looking, was my mother hooked up to about ten machines measuring absolutely everything about her they could. Her delicate beautiful face was battered and bruised, covered in gashes that made it hard to believe that she was still breathing. I turned to look at Edward and he looked down at me. "Bella it's alright. She's just sleeping. They sedated her earlier, but she should be waking up soon. Its going to be fine. I promise."
"You don't know that. You cant promise me that. What if?" I rambled until he cut me off.
"Stop stressing please. What if nothing. Nothing is going to change us, nothing." he spoke knowing what I was referring to.
"Bella" another voice broke through our conversation and I looked over to see Renee waking up slowly. I let go of Edwards hand and ran to her side, brushing her hair softly off her face.
"I'm here mum. Are you ok?" I choked out and I was immediately aware that the tears were about to start flowing. Before she could answer I knew I needed to get out quickly "I'll go get a nurse" I said cutting her off and Edward looked at me with the strangest conflict raging in his emotions. As I ran out the door, I headed for the nurses station. "Renee Dwyer room 611 is awake" I let out before dashing down the corridor and around the corner into the small waiting room that was luckily empty. I pushed my back against the wall and closed my eyes, trying to fight back the tears. It was just all too much. The feeling in my legs went and I found my body buckling beneath me as I slid down the wall and pushed my head into my bent knees. Wrapping both hands around my ankles, I let the tears flow freely hoping the sooner I let it all go the sooner I could return to her and Edward.
After a short moment, I felt a cold hand stroking the back of my neck. I didn't have to look up to know that it was him. He didn't say anything he just sat with me in silence, stroking my neck as I let the tears flow over my jeans. "I should go back" I whispered out but his response was simply to pull me close. "Edward?"
"shhhh. Bella just breathe. I read her chart. Would you like to know about your mums condition?" he spoke calmly but this time it didn't seem like a façade. I nodded and he began. "She looks worse than she is." he stated firstly knowing that was what I needed to hear. "She's actually not that bad. A few cuts and bruises, mainly the ones you saw on her face. Her leg is broken but they've already begun mending it. She'll be walking on it in no time." he smiled a small smile at me and I felt my heart melt. She was really ok.
"and Phil…" I asked but cringed away when I saw Edwards face harden. "That bad?" he glanced down and I knew it was.
"Bella, he's… the reason… you see…" he was tripping over his words, this was never a good sign. He stopped and took a long breath. "Bella, nothing and I mean Nothing" he exaggerated it through tight lips "will come between us" I felt my heart drop. "Nothing is going to change between us." he was nodding his head as he spoke as if he was willing me to agree with him.
"Just say it…" I could here the deadness leaking out of my voice.
"His brain swelled, so they had to release the pressure. The only way to do that was to put him into a coma" I nodded accepting what he was telling me. "Bella he might not wake up." he spoke so softly that I almost didn't hear him. I felt the cold rush through me, the emptiness run through my veins as I knew the end of life as I knew it was here, now.
"Everything's changed" I said in a cold manner as I pushed away from him and off the floor. Standing above him, looking into his eyes, I suddenly understood with perfect clarity how he must have felt that day in the forest. I knew I didn't want to do this but if I didn't he would stay, I wanted him to stay but if he did… I felt the tears forming behind my lids and I knew I needed to walk away from him now but I couldn't let go of him just yet. I read his face as he took in my calm expression, I watched fear spread before he had time to use his calm façade. Could I really do this? Was I strong enough? I put out my hand and gave him a small tight smile. "Come on" I said as he reached his hand to mine and took it.