Playlist:1. Erase by All That Remains [up til the XxX's] 2. Wake Up In New York by Craig Armstrong [for the flashback in italics]
I spat on the concrete, the disgust invaded my very being. My very soul.
Well, what's left of it.
However much I hated to admit it, I knew he was right.
The bleeding needed to be stopped.
I limped to my car as quickly as I could. As I opened the door, Edward called out to me. I ignored him and shut the door, only to have him a moment later knocking on the window.
"Bella? Are you okay?" Why the fuck does he care? WHY CAN'T HE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!??
"Fuck off!" I screamed at him, firing up the engine, I bolted out of the lot.
Rage now replaced the emptiness. Waves of heat rolled off me, again the anger made me sweat.
How fucking lovely.
I overtook the other slow drivers, speeding down the highway, not giving a fuck if I crashed, not giving a fuck about anything.
Fatigue then stole me for a moment as I lost grip of the wheel and my eyes locked shut.
I shook myself, avoiding an oncoming truck, my eyes now plastered to the road ahead.
Go faster . . . faster . . . FASTER!
Happiness filled me as I drove up Charlie's driveway. As I got out of the car, I fell face first onto the ground, cringing as I felt a stitch tear apart.
I am losing control.
I retrieved my KA-BAR and placed it safely in my pocket, where it belonged. Pulling myself up, I hopped to the front door, feeling the blood ooze yet again.
It took me twice as long to open the door as my hands kept shaking, my vision constantly blurring as if to taunt me.
Finally, I gained access and started to drag myself up the stairs. There were too many, each steeper than the last.
I felt my insides breaking down, giving up like I have before.
Do it for Ice.
His piercing eyes was all that I could see now. The comfort of this image gave me strength, gave me a reason to fight.
The upstairs bathroom was now a paradise.
I tore off my clothes, peeling off my trousers the slowest to avoid disturbing the wound any further.
A fresh round of emptiness invaded me as Ice's eyes faded from my memory. One small sob escaped me before I forced myself into the shower, turning the water as cold as it could go.
Wiping my face from any tears that may have betrayed me, I looked down at my drenched underwear and inspected the improvised tourniquet.
Fuck, the needle!
Why the fuck didn't I get it before?! I scolded myself mentally and climbed out of the shower, wincing at the sharp pain.
I stood on my strewn clothes as I waddled to my bedroom. If I saw myself, there would be no doubt that I would have laughed.
Probably until I turned hysterical, just to prolong the hollow being I would become.
Thinking of hysteria kept my mind busy as I retrieved the needle and thread, then I ventured back into the shower.
I quickly closed my eyes, trying to disconnect the pain that I would feel as I untie the tourniquet. The cold of the water helped the numbness.
Sucking in a deep breath, I grabbed the material and began my work.
As it started the loosen, blood quickly seeped out.
Too much. Too fucking much!
The water washed away the dripping blood, creating a crimson pool around the drain. I untied the shirt completely and braced myself against the wall.
So cold.
Feeling it pour into the gash was really quite an uncomfortable feeling.
My heart fell as I heard a muffled gasp in the doorway. It stopped falling as my eyes met Edward's, looking horrified at the sight before him with his hands over his mouth.
Everything froze.
Time ceased to exist.
Edward was here.
What do I do?
Why was he here?
A blush crept over my cheeks as I realised I was only in my underwear, the embarrassment quickly vanished as he spoke.
"O-Oh my god. . . " he slowly approached me, making me shake in fear slightly. I was so vulnerable, no, too vulnerable. It felt like he was the largest threat I have ever had to face, and hell, I have faced a lot.
The uncertainty of what was going to happen made my stomach swirl.
His eyes were fixed to my wound, oh god, he knew.
Edward knew I blew up the fucking gas station, shit.
Thoughts of discovery and prison filled my mind. He was going to tell, I mean he had to.
"You were the one who saved m-my life?" I was completely speechless at his question. Of all the ones he could have asked, it was the least expected.
"And you. . ." his eyes met mine for a moment, then fell back down to the wound as he looked uncomfortable, "blew up the gas station?"
He seemed too calm. Why wasn't he running from me? Why wasn't he running to the police and confessing his knowledge?
"It's not what it looks like," I replied quickly, finally finding my voice. A wave of dizziness turned my co-ordination upside down, I tried to stay still and attempted to hold my position.
Edward moved forward further, now only a few feet from me.
The tranquility surrounding him had gone within seconds, his breathing became laboured and his eyes became frantic, looking everywhere. The initial shock was over.
"You n-need to go the hospital,"
"No." I simply stated.
"Fine then, I'm going to go get my dad." I was so panicked when he turned away from me, heading towards the door.
"NO!" He stood motionless, turning around slowly.
"No! You can't! Please Edward, no." Then my heart flipped again as he walked directly towards me, now standing only a foot from me.
"No?! Bella, you have lost far too much blood, you need medical attention, NOW!"
"The adrenaline in my body will take care of the blood, I just need to stitch myself up and I'll be fine."
"Fine?!" The hysteria made guilt bleed from my whole where my heart should be. Why does he care about such damaged goods?
He leaned into the open shower, only a few inches from my face.
Another gasp escaped his mouth as his eye contact became solid.
Those sympathetic eyes I knew. I was dumped into the river, all ready drowning in the memory.
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
It had been a fortnight now since I had left Kyle. Within the two weeks, I had literally runaway to the other side of the country. Before I was in North Carolina. Now? Idaho. I had picked up various rides from people, sometimes I caught a train, sometimes a bus. I kept low, invisible, the last thing I wanted was attention. They would sent me straight to the social services. The only thing the social services has given me is countless bruises and a few broken bones from my foster parents. Couldn't they send me to someone who wouldn't beat me each night while they were blind drunk?
The sun had set a good four hours ago. The stars shone their little light through the mist in the air. I walked the empty streets thinking of nothing now. Only my breathe and stride. I found a small alleyway that was hidden quite well behind overgrown bushes. I pushed them out of the way and chose a place to sleep. I placed my bag on the concrete next to me and laid down.
Little did I know that I wouldn't move from this spot for three days.
I woke before dawn from the nightmare. Shivers rocketed throughout my body. Maybe it was the cold? Maybe it was the fear. I didn't know.
Heroin.
Otherwise known as Lady, white girl, horse, black tar, brown sugar, smack, goods, H, junk and Harry.
Capable of blocking physical and mental pain. That was the main reason I did it. I used to inject it, sometimes three times a day. More and more every time.
I often mixed the heroin with cocaine, creating "speed balls". They were the best. I could actually last days without feeling any pain. All I wanted was to be numb. To never feel the pain again. To never have it unleashed on me again.
My last fix was three days ago, the withdrawal symptoms started to get nasty. My body was aching all over and many of my muscles cramped like no tomorrow. I couldn't move. I felt hot and cold flashes crawl through my veins.
Sunlight couldn't come any slower.
By dawn I had already vomited three times, leaving little food in my stomach. The day went slower than any other day in my life.
I tried to sleep. But how could I? Did I want to see his eyes, the eyes of who I killed?
I didn't eat or drink. The remaining water in my body was being drained through my eyes. The tears silently fell down my cheek. But I wasn't crying. That was another withdrawal symptom. The temptation was controlling me, my mind was screaming for another hit.
I clenched my fists. I am not moving, I screamed in my head.
The next day was the same. All too much the same. By the third day, I was sure death was near. I tried to vomit, but there was nothing in my stomach. Tremors shook through me as well as the panic. When will this end? My legs started kicking out as the muscles spasmed. I was literally "kicking the habit".
I had to rid myself of this life. No more drugs, robberies or pain. No more Kyle.
I was destroying myself every time I injected the heroin into my veins. But that was what I wanted. Self-destruction. To rid the monster that I am out of the world.
Here I lay, getting rid of the monster, letting it starve and dehydrate.
I smiled.
By midday, goosebumps had covered my body. My breathing had rapidly increased, but my temperature had dropped as chills spread through me.
Every second was too long, each breath too painful. I could not hear a single sound. I could not see anything. The outside world didn't exist here.
Nightfall was here. Finally. Darkness was a safety for me. Being invisible was good. Being invisible was safe.
I yawned constantly wanted sleep, but I couldn't. Each time I blinked, my eyes wanted to stay shut.
Just stay awake. Don't give up. I had already counted the leaves on the tree several times. I counted the leaves again, in French and Spanish. But it wasn't enough to keep me conscious. I didn't even know I was gone, until I was woken up.
.
.
.
What was that? Urg. Something wet and slobbery was being wiped all over my face. I opened my eyes to find a dog sitting on my arm. It licked my face again. I tried pushing it with all the strength I could muster, which was very little. I had barely moved the dog.
It was day now, the strong sunlight burned my retinas slightly, making me blink too rapidly. I examined the dog as best as I could. No leash. A stray, just like me.
The dog was a Siberian Husky, with a grey coat and a black and white face. It looked so pure. If you can describe a dog like that.
Well its eyes definitely looked pure, they were a strange ice blue colour. Such intelligent eyes.
It climbed into my arms again, dare I say comforting me? It placed its head on my shoulder.
There was little pain now. The little that was remaining was unfocused and hard to pin-point where it was coming from. The panic had dulled, the chills vanished. My breathing was normal.
It was over.
.
.
Sorry it was a little short. Hope everyone had a nice Christmas and Happy New Year! You didn't get too drunk did you?!
youtubeDOTcom
watch?v=aNfcH_HS744
I'd appreciate if you would check out my trailer for Deception and leave a comment! Again, Deception is my joint story with SatinBeige that I am concentrating on.
Just search for SushiandPickles on Authors.
Any questions you want to ask - please feel free to PM me.
Please Review!