Chapter 8 - A little control

Of everything I had ever expected it wasn't this. It was only slightly smaller than the Cullen's home in Fork, but the grounds alone made it seem much more grander. All of the land was surrounded by a tall gold brick wall with large black iron gates at the only entrance. The second I saw the iron gates I couldn't help but think of the bed Edward had bought as a gift for me back in Forks, his way of making me feel welcomed into the Cullen's home. Passed the gates was the long drive way which led right up to the double doors of our new home, Our home. He was right this place was perfect for him there was plenty of privacy and grounds that he could walk around freely during the hot days and not have to worry about being caught by anyone. To say the house was beautiful was an understatement but to say the house was something I would have chosen would have been completely incorrect. I could see from the way Edward was watching me take it all in, he was completely aware that it wasn't exactly what I expected.

"It's the best I could find on such short notice, I'm sorry" was my expression that terrible.

"No, Edward its beautiful, no… its more than beautiful. Its just so big." I said spinning around in a circle looking around at everything.

"I know but at least there's plenty of space if anyone comes to stay and its not going to be our home forever, just a little vacation home for when you want to spend time with Renee." he smiled at me and I was suddenly lost his eyes. He was right. It was everything we needed and more, it wouldn't be our home forever and if anything it would definitely make Renee and Charlie a little bit more secure about us, at least financially. I looked at Edwards pleading eyes, took one step closer and wrapped my arms around his neck looking deeply into his eyes.

"Its perfect, really." he looked confused as if he had been expecting me to throw a fit about its size and price tag but right now, I couldn't care less about either. I was here, my mum was alive, he was here… something I was completely torn about. I still wanted him to go, I wanted to be brave and let him off the hook, let him be able to enjoy the day. Yet, the thought of him going was more than I could handle. Was it selfish if I allowed him to stay, allowed him to give up the daylight hours to be with me?

"You are my life Bella, without you… It wouldn't be worth living". he spoke gently before closing the small gap between us and locking his lips to mine.

"You haven't shown me upstairs yet?" I smirked at him, trying shamelessly to flirt at him but I could see the raging conflict behind his eyes. It took him a few seconds before he finally pulled me into his arms and took off at vampire speed up the stairs and into our part furnished room. He let out a loud laugh when he saw the bed that was placed in the centre of the room. I couldn't help but laugh with him. It was the same black iron bed from Forks. "Looks like this house was meant for us" I laughed louder as he placed me softly down on the mattress.

"Hmm. Maybe we should have taken Renee's offer to stay at hers tonight. I don't think there is any covers. Give me a moment" and with that he was gone. I lid back propping myself up on my elbows and started contemplating what living together could mean for us. "Found some sheets, they seem to be clean" I nodded, glad as I often was that he couldn't read my mind. He threw it over me covering my face and I began struggling to get free of the thick white sheet but just as I found my exit, Edward appeared under the sheet with me, smiling his crooked smile and melting my heart.

"Trying to distract me Mr Cullen?" I asked laughing as he bent his head down to kiss along my jaw line, starting at my ear, brushing his cold lips slowly until he reached my bottom lip.

"Is it working?" my eyes were shut but I didn't need to see his face to know the mischievous look that was playing around his features.

"Mmm…" was all my mind could manage. He let out a small growl and I could feel his air rushing against my lips making me shudder. He suddenly grabbed me much tighter than he ever had but it wasn't painful, if anything I wanted him to hold me even closer, if that was possible. I forced my lips against his and knotted my hands into the back of his hair. Enjoying every second he gave me before the inevitable pull away presented itself. But it didn't come. He continued to kiss me, growling in between the kisses as his hand slid from my face, down my arm, across my hip line and down the inside of my leg. He chased the shivering line he had left on my thigh around in circles causing me to shiver even more, arching my back into him. Leaving my lips he poured kisses down my neck and across my collar bone. Was he trying to drive me insane or had he actually changed his mind? Either way I wasn't going to argue with him about it. I lid back as he continued to kiss the same trail from my collar bone to my ear and back again, his hand slowly moved upwards from my thigh to the top of my jeans where he pinched the end of my top and moved it up, exposing my stomach. His hand than began tracing lines back and forth, creating soothing patterns around my belly button but he eventually moved down and began creating the same lines with his lips and tongue.

"Ed…wa…rrrd?" I spoke in between moans as I pushed my head further back into the mattress.

And then he stopped… resting his head against my stomach he let out a loud sigh and pushed his way back through the sheet until our faces were just inches apart.

"I'm sorry, I got carried away, I didn't mean to, I shou" I cut him off. Was he seriously apologising?

"What are you saying sorry for? That was…just…"I bit my bottom lip hard and watched as he focused on it. Suddenly he was laying next to me instead of on top of me and I turned my head to see his clearly conflicted expression. "What's wrong?"

"It's just so hard being with you, knowing what you want makes it even harder to not give in" he spoke quickly and with a slight edge. He was obviously angry with what he would class as a lack of control but I couldn't agree less, if he had anymore control I would never get my way.

"Well we could…" I said quietly only to get a louder huff from Edward.

"Bella its too.." I cut him off.

"too dangerous blah blah blah… you don't know that Edward and look that wasn't that bad was it?" he was quiet before a small smirk began playing along his lips. He didn't answer me, instead he simply pushed up close to me, wrapped his arm around me and gave me one final kiss before humming my lullaby. "Trying to distract me again?"

"If it stops this conversation again then yes" I laughed and turned into him to face him. "Get some sleep Bella you look tired".

"I am tired." I realised.

"Sleep my Bella. We have plenty of time to argue about it tomorrow." his crooked smile nearly made me lose my little bit of self control but he just began humming again and I found myself slipping off quickly.

The corridors were empty and too white, the walls glowing making it harder to see, burning my eyes, while my tears ran streamed down. I began running, hearing voices but not knowing who they belonged to, running faster and faster until I could clearly see room 611 in front of me. My mothers room. I almost slid past the door as Edward caught me and held me tightly against him, shielding me from whatever was happening in there. I began fighting against him, figuring the worst was happening. I clung with two fingers on to the door frame as I pushed my way angrily off of him, if he hadn't let go I surely would have broken many bones. I peered round as I took the corner too wide and nearly knocked Charlie over.

"Mum" I shouted as I slid down to the end of her bed. She was laying flat on the bed, too still, too pale. "Mum, no! Mum!" Four hands grabbed me now, I looked up to see Edward's golden eyes peering down at me as he pulled my right side away from the bed but when I looked to the other side I couldn't breathe. Blood red eyes stared down at me, from Jasper's face. His skin was just as cold as Edward's but somehow more frightening, as they easily pulled me backwards away from the bed.

I jumped up in the bed, my eyes wide trying desperately to catch my breath. I turned to stare into the worried golden eyes and I couldn't find the power to say anything. Neither did he. That's when the expected happened. The burning began again, followed by the pulling pain. Edward flicked his phone open and began speaking almost instantly at a speed that I had no chance of following, even without the pain that was spreading quickly. The snapping sensation started then and I couldn't help but throw my head back, instantly Edward was holding on to me, he was saying something but I couldn't hear him. It wasn't just him, I couldn't hear anything. He pulled me in close to him and I watched as panic took over him. I thought about the day after, about the control I felt - Just breathe, Stay calm, Try to control it - I chanted to myself over and over. I closed my eyes and searched for the original snapping point until I found it. The burning continued but it was almost as if I had somehow pushed it away. Slowly I noticed sounds returning, Edward's voice calling my name, the wind whooshing past as I swung my head forward. The burning started to lessen as the snapping point seemed to get further and further away. I wanted to open my eyes to look at him, to reassure him but I wasn't convinced that I could. I felt his hands release me and I heard the bedroom door bang shut, without thinking I snapped my eyes open to find an empty room - what happened? - I thought. Throwing my hand over my forehead I leaned forward placing my elbow on my knee and it was only then I realised what had happened. There was blood everywhere, all over the sheet, all down my clothes and across my face. The pressure in my head must have caused a nose bleed which had made Edward leave before he lost his real control. Getting up slowly, grabbing the sheets, I walked to the en-suite and began washing off the blood. After a few moments, a low knock on the bathroom door stole my attention.

"Bella, are you alright?" he sounded so ashamed and quiet, too tight.

"Yeah. Edward I'm so sorry about" I said as I turned the lock on the door and opening it. "what happened" he looked so torn, broken.

His voice was so low and shaky "Don't apologise, I should have been able"

"Shhh. Stop. Of course I understand." he wouldn't even look at me, I wanted to go closer to him but I had blood on my top still and I knew it was hurting him. I took a step back and contemplated going back to the sink and washing it off but he just looked so hurt and broken, I didn't want to waste time, I just wanted him in my arms. "Edward" he still didn't look at me and that made my mind up. Grabbing the ends of my top, I yanked it up over my head and threw it on the floor. I watched Edwards face carefully as I did it and saw his eyes flicker to my top and then away. His expression screwed up and I new he was contemplating on what he should do now. I walked towards him and threw my arms tightly around him, I felt the tear beginning to push past my barrier and I couldn't hold it any longer. His arms tightened around me and he lifted me into his arms.

"What did you see Bella?" he whispered in my ear. "You called your mums name and…" the tears flowed more freely now.

"Edward, I think she… I think she" I couldn't say it.

"I wont let it happen Bella. Carlisle is on his way with the others. We will take care of it all." he promised and I couldn't doubt him.