Chapter 9 - awake or asleep?
The night passed slowly after that. Mostly we just stared at one another, I was trying to figure out what he was thinking and I was pretty sure that he was wondering the same about me. Every now and then I would get a few sharp pains in my head as if the snap was coming again and every time he held me tight and whispered "its going to be fine" in my ear. Although he meant it to be soothing it didn't help that his voice seemed so scared and worried. The truth was, we had theories but that's all we had. We didn't know what was wrong with me or what was to come. I knew I would feel better once Carlisle got here but still, he didn't know anything either.
It seemed to take hours for the sun to finally come up, we sat inside the window of our bedroom watching the light illuminate the gardens before it started to reach the house. The light came through the window and I felt as if I was inside a disco ball. His skin reflected off of everything and I heard him sigh. This was definitely the strongest I had ever seen his skin sparkle, even in the meadow, the sun was not strong enough to cause this. The last time we had been in Florida he had chosen to hide away in the days, even from me he stayed clear of the windows and made sure they were shut the entire time. I felt his grip around my stomach tighten so that I couldn't turn around to see him.
"Edward what's wrong?"
"Nothing" he spoke quick and left no room for anymore to come.
"Will you let go of me so I can turn around then please" I asked knowing he was about to come up with some kind of excuse.
"But I'm comfortable" well that just wasn't like him. His constant giving nature to me had caused me to become a little selfish and so when he wouldn't give me what I wanted I knew there was something wrong with him.
"Edward. Let go of me" I spoke strongly hoping he would follow my order but instead he just tightened his grip a little more. "Why wont you let me see you?"
He let out a deep breath "Bella before, it wouldn't look like now. The sun is so powerful here that its much more intense. I don't want to frighten you." I let out a loud giggle. Frighten me? Was he serious. "why are you laughing?" he sounded so confused.
"You really think that if I see you sparkling more than normal I'm going to run off into the sunshine away from you?" I asked sarcastically. It took him a while before he made any attempt to answer or move.
"Fine" he threw at me, fed up. "I guess your going to see anyway" I couldn't help but laugh at his tone as he released me. I turned slowly, for the first time in a long time I was actually worried about what I might see. But what I did see was completely breath taking. I couldn't help but think back to the day in Italy, with the sun so bright, what everyone would have seen. I couldn't speak. Magical.
His face turned into an even deeper scowl as I'm sure he was cursing himself for being different as he often did, I hated seeing him like that. I placed my hand on to his bare chest and I let the massive smile take over my face when I saw the sparkles reflecting off my skin. He noticed too.
"Hmm" he grunted.
"What?" lower than a whisper, it seemed wrong to ruin this moment with speech somehow.
"it's just, well it kind of suits you, I mean I can … it doesn't matter" he fell over his words and I knew exactly what 'didn't matter' he thought if he was to give me any more encouragement about joining him, that I would only make him or Carlisle do it sooner.
"It kind of does" I said simply. Now was not the time to have that conversation again and I didn't want to even think about that till I knew exactly what was happening with Renee. He stared at me, and I recognised that look in his eye. He was trying to read my mind, now that he had heard my mind I was certain he was trying much more often.
"You get dressed, I'll get breakfast" he ordered as he stood gradually and walked towards the bedroom door. He was so amazing, I often still felt like I was stuck inside a dream, maybe I was locked up in some mental institute stuck in my own little world of vampires and werewolves. I couldn't help but laugh at that thought.
After a quick shower and dressing, throwing on the first outfit I pulled from my bag, I ran down the stairs smelling the food he was cooking.
"When did you learn to cook?" I said as I causally walked up behind him and placed both arms around him.
"I watched a few cooking shows, figured I might as well learn how to take care of you for now." he spoke as if learning this was nothing hard and for him, it wasn't.
I just nodded my head in response… it just wasn't fair that he got to be perfect at everything but somehow I wasn't surprised by that fact anymore.
"When did you get food?" I suddenly realised that there shouldn't have been food here and yet here he was cooking.
"I bought a few things, just in case. You'd be surprised what they sell in a hospital store" he laughed at his own disbelief.
As I ate, I noticed him watching me, my every movement and I knew what he was trying to detect. As calm as he was pretending to be, I knew he was panicking inside, just as I was. Edward didn't like to be defeated by anything, especially when it had to do with his family or me. Once again we argued over books and music and once again I gave up knowing that he would never understand my reasoning for loving Wuthering Heights. That was when he brought it up. Our wedding.
"So… I know this isn't the right time Bella and I'm not trying to rush anything but the invites have already gone out… should I send out new ones with a different date or should I …?" he broke off and I knew what he was really asking me. Will I still marry him if the worst happens?
"Ummm… lets wait for now. See how things pan out." I knew it wasn't the answer he wanted but it was the best truthful answer I had for him.
"Yeah… ok" he answered simply. I responded with a nod as a knock came to the door. "I'll get that" he vanished from the table as I stood and went to clean my plate.
One by one the Cullen's entered the house and greeted me. One by one they gave me that same look, the same one Edward had been sporting every time he thought I wasn't watching. I didn't need Edwards powers to know what they were all thinking and all I had to do was watch Edward to get a sense of what was being spoken about silently. Edward casually lifted his eyes to the ceiling and then to the floor, moving his foot as if appreciating his shoes. Yes. I scanned the room, that was an answer for Alice. Edward scratched his right cheek followed by his left. No. I scanned again, Emmett was looking back and forth between us, his face seemed more worried than the others. A deeper frown carved his face as he began walking towards me before lifting me into a tight hug. Whatever Edward answered, it had not been the response Emmett wanted.
"It's alright lil sis, we're gonna fix this." he stated as Edward sighed.
"Emmett" Edward glared and he put me down.
"First answering with subtle looks and scratches, now commands with just one word. Wow Edward, care to share?" I was irritated and I couldn't hold it in. They were talking about me for God sake, I deserved to know. They all dropped their eyes to the floor. Bad sign.
"Bella I'm sorry, we're just worried" Esme spoke up first but Edward refused to look at me knowing he had been caught. "Don't blame Edward. He didn't want to bring it up but we wanted an update"
"Edward…" I spoke simple. Doing the same thing in had witnessed. A one word command.
"They wanted to know how you were and if you had another …er…. Fit?" as he spoke the last word he turned to Carlisle who in response shrugged and nodded in the positive.
"You can ask me" I spoke loudly, full of irritation. No one spoke. It was only then in that silence I realised why my irritation was flaring so much. A small pain in the back of my head had begun moving slowly towards the front, it felt like it was bubbling, carving a tunnel the whole way through. I decided not to say anything. If I told them they would only treat me like a patient even more. "I'm fine" I lied as they watched me curiously. They seemed to buy it, how strange, it must have been my anger that put them off looking further into it. As they spoke about Renee and Phil, they watched me, thinking I couldn't see each and every one of them as they tried to be inconspicuous about it. I really had been around them too long. The small pain was a lot more intense now. I could feel the bubbling at the top of my nose. I knew this feeling, I had had this feeling many times before. Nose bleed. I stood up, knowing after my birthday part what a mistake bleeding around them was. Edward stood as well.
"Are you ok?" he asked as they all leaned in to see the outcome of my dramatic stand. LIE. My head screamed at me. GET OUT OF THERE NOW. It continued.
"Yep fine. Just need the um, bathroom" I started walking away, well nearly running as I felt the first drop trickle down the inside of my nose.
"Bella… are you sure your o…" Edward cut off as I hit the first couple of steps. Damn he smelt it. I ran faster now and as I was closing the door I heard the gasps from the others. Damn they all smelt it. Grabbing a towel and holding it tightly to my nose, I threw myself back against the door and slid down hoping the smell would be caught in the towel.
There was nothing but silence from downstairs, I would never admit it but I was actually scared sitting on the tile flooring. I had made out like the events of my birthday meant nothing but I don't think it would ever be possible to get the vision of Jasper diving towards me, it was just that he had looked so demonic. A sudden knock on the door pulled me from my thought.
"Bella" a tight voice sounded from the other side. "Are you ok?"
"I'm fine Edward. Go back downstairs, I'll come down soon." I spoke through the towel. I heard him hit his head off the door before letting out a loud sigh. "I'm sending Carlisle up" he spoke again after a few seconds.
"It's nothing Edward, I'll be down in a minute"
"Bella please" he pleaded and I could hear the defeat in his unusual husky voice.
"Ok. But I promise I'm fine. Really." I just wanted to make him feel better and I knew Carlisle could handle the blood.
Within seconds Carlisle was at the door. "Bella open up" he spoke as he knocked three time. Three loud bangs rang through my head and I couldn't help but grab at both sides. "Bella" he spoke again but the pain was too intense to acknowledge him. "Edward she's not responding" he called away from the door and I was positive I heard him running up the stairs.
"Bella love, open up" he knocked again waiting on my response but his knock only sent another wave of pain through my head. "Bella" fearful now. "Love, I'm coming in" he couldn't see me like this, not with the blood. I threw my hand sharply against the door making another loud bang that sent shivers through my body from the pain. I noticed that even the light was know disturbing me and so I swung my head above my head to turn it off.
"The light just went off" I heard Edward speak aloud to Carlisle. There was silence as I rolled onto my side, gripping my head trying to apply pressure to the pain, trying to stop it.
"Be quiet, don't make a sound" I heard Carlisle command him in a low voice. When he spoke again he seemed as if he was whispering barely audible right through the underneath of the door "Bella, stay calm. The pain wont pass by itself, I need to come in and give you something for it. Can you open the door or do you need me to?"
I tried to focus on his voice. I opened my eyes and tried to see the handle but it was impossible and the thought of trying to climb to reach it caused the pain to rush from my head throughout my body. "You" was all I managed to breath out.
"Ok, cover your ears as tight as possible" he whispered again before turning and speaking to the others. "Rosalie turn the lights off, Emmett close the curtains. Edward don't touch her. Most importantly no one speak"
I heard a loud crack from the direction of the door before it finally edged open hitting off my leg softly, but even that seemed to cause more pain than one would have believed possible and I let out a little sequel before I managed to hide it.
"Bella" I heard Edward whisper, all the pain and hurt I had heard before this moment seemed like nothing compared to the tone he used now.
"This is going to hurt a little Bella" Carlisle spoke now, the same low murmur. "Just try to sleep" I kept my eyes shut knowing that seeing Edwards face would only scare me if it looked anything like the way I was imagining it. I felt the pinch and the burning as the medicine spread through my arm but as I drifted I lost track of it. The silence lasted for what seemed like a long few minutes but barely awake, I was still aware of the voices around me.
"What did you give her?" Edward whispered low and fast.
"Morphine. Let's move her to the bed. She's going to be out for a few hours".
As I started coming around, I couldn't help but smile at the lack of pain I felt. "Bella" a small voice whispered as I opened my eyes to see Edward looking lost back at me. "How do you feel?" he asked with the same tone.
"Better" he reached up to stroke my face but seemed to think better of it. "Are you ok?"
He nodded. Another voice caught my attention, I looked over to see Emmett but it didn't sound like him. All the playfulness and humour was missing.
"You gave us another scare sis." he walked over and took the same position as Edward on the other side of me. "Are you in pain now?" it wasn't like him to ask these questions or have that expression.
"No, at least I don't think so"
"You don't think so?" Edward asked with his left eyebrow raised.
"Well, I didn't realise until it was too late the last time… its kinda like a building sensation" Edward looked down and I knew that meant something more to him then it did to me. "What is it?" I asked but before he could respond he was standing up and walking towards the door.
With his back turned he spoke out over his shoulder "I'll be right back, Emmett…"
"I'm not going to leave her side for a second" he cut Edward off before he could order him to stay. I watched as his flashed out the door and down the stairs.
"What's going on?" hoping Emmett would tell me but instead he just looked at me. "Emmett please" I begged.
"What's going on is that your scaring all of us. Even Rose is scared, not that she will admit it but I know her and how she acts, she's pacing around your garden, ever seen her pace before?" I shook my head to respond a no "it's coz she's never been as worried as she is now. Although you should have seen her the time you ran off to meet your doom with James. We had this whole argument on the fact that she secretly cared for you. Of course she denied it." he let out a laugh. " And then there was the time with Victoria and the new born's. When you passed out she totally freaked out, she even paced near the wolves, but she didn't deny it that day she just told me to shut up". His voice filled with the normal mix of Emmett's emotions and I found myself calming down. I noticed that he was suddenly concentrating on something else and figured he could hear the voiced downstairs that I couldn't.
"What are they saying?" his face whipped up to face mine and he knew he had been caught.
"You don't need to know that".
"Em, if its about me, don't you think I have a right to know?" I tried to reason with him. He stared at me for a moment before answering.
"This wont make you feel any better, besides Edward would kill me" he shrugged off my request.
"Please Em" he shook a no. "You know how you hate when Edward and Alice have their little private conversations" I saw his eyes tighten as he figured out where I was going with this "it's the same thing"
"No, it's not. This is for the best" he looked down into my eyes now. "Trust me, you don't want to know".
"Are you serious! Now I need to know. Now I'm worried" I spoke faster than usual as I started feeling irritated again. The same small pain started irritating the back of my head.
"Bella, don't be so dramatic" Emmett said brushing off my little rant, but I didn't care.
"Em, get Edward and Carlisle" I whispered as the pain started to spread.
"Sis, they wont tell you either" he laughed and it went right through me. The pain jumped and I could feel the entire path now, bubbling and burning.
"Em, seriously… get them now." I almost growled out in a low whisper. He jumped up and looked down at me, measuring me. I began digging my head back into the pillow beneath me, hoping it would swallow the pain.
"Sis?" I closed my eyes, knowing that any second the pain was going to become too server to talk. When I didn't respond, I heard him open the window and call down "Edward, something's happening"
Within mere seconds, Edwards cold hands were on my forehead, he was speaking low and fast to both Carlisle and Emmett. The lights flicked out and I started to feel a slight release from the pain.
"Breathe Bella" Edward whispered as I felt the same pinch in my arm. This time things seemed to fade almost instantly. "I cant lose her" was the last words I heard before everything around me vanished.