I know its been a long wait... im sorry... i couldnt seem to figure out what i wanted for the characters... but as a treat this one is extra long :) enjoy :)

Chapter 11: Letting Go

A low knock interrupted what was possibly the best moment of my human life so far. Edward kissing me and touching me, Edward breaking all of his rules. Well most of them. He had no intention on letting things go too far but I was grateful for the little bit extra I got. Feeling his hands stroking me even through the thin layer of clothing was like nothing I had ever imagined possible. It was truly heart stopping.

A low growl erupted from his chest as he stopped kissing me and placed his forehead just below my collar bone.

"Yes this is bad timing Alice!" he spoke roughly through his teeth, almost hissing the words furiously.

As my breathing regulated, he pushed himself off of the bed and shook his head at me.

"You cant blame me this time" he laughed as he opened the door. The small pixie danced her way towards the bed as I pushed myself into a sitting position, fixing my clothing and making sure I look presentable. I truly doubted I did when I tried to flatten my hair.

"Oh will you stop Bella" she scolded, obviously aware of what I was doing. I just smiled sheepishly at her. "I have something for you" she handed me a pink paper bag with scribbles on the side. I was positive it said something but my mind was wondering too much to actually care. I opened the bag, knowing the sooner I thanked her, the sooner she'd leave and the sooner I could be in Edwards arms again.

But there was nothing in it… "Err thanks Alice. Its what I've always wanted" I laughed out. She smiled back and handed me a small black plastic card. "Huh?"

"We are going shopping and you can get as much as you want, of anything you want. I'm merely there to advise and shop myself." She beamed.

"Alice, I don't think that's a good idea" Edward spoke softly to her, trying not to upset me I guessed.

"She needs to celebrate and she needs to relax. Besides, I had a vision, you have arrangements to make."

"Arrangements?" I inquired.

"Bella, did you really think him" gesturing to Edward "and Carlisle would let you do the transformation without some kind of pain relief. They have a lot of work to do and you have a new wardrobe to buy." I looked at Edward, Alice was right, I could see the calculations going on behind his eyes. "Get up, get dressed. I'll be waiting down stairs for you" and with that she was gone like a flash.

"Did that just really happen?" I laughed, still holding the card in the air.

"She's right. There's a lot to consider." He looked serious again.

"No. No. No." I argued. He looked at me puzzled. "I want fun kissing Edward, not stressful no kissing Edward" his expression shifted as he took in my playful tone. He laughed uncontrollably and walked over towards me.

With what seemed like an impossible swipe, he had me up in his arms.

He kissed my lips softly "Better?" he asked and I simply shrugged. It had nothing on the kisses we had shared moments ago. He kissed me even deeper now. "How about that one?"

"Getting there?" I smiled up at him.

"You're the most dangerous girl in the world. Do you realize that?" he shook his head, his crooked grin lighting his face. I couldn't help but laugh at the whole situation.

The shopping trip was okay. Who was I joking? I hated it. Why did this place have to have late night shopping. Why was it needed? If they didn't have it she couldn't have put me through the whole thing. Every moment I felt like a Barbie. Alice's idea of advise was very different from everyone else's. Alice's meant picking, forcing on and arguing with you if you didn't like it and then making you buy it anyway. We returned with so many bags I was certain I could open a store with it all. Alice of course had done some major shopping and although we had argued, she had done her best to make sure I wasn't stressed. She asked me a hundred questions and answered anyone's I had about this new life. About what it meant was in store for me.

Walking into the house that night, I could hear the buzzing of conversations. Everything I had expected. They were deciding when and where? Even how. Apparently I deserved more than the quick bite… I was terrified. Trying to be convincing I walked in and put my arms around Edward as he kissed my head softy and inquired into how was I. I lied and pretended I was fine, secretly thanking the Gods that Jasper was out hunting. If Edward really knew.

The plans were set. Everything was together and ready. All I needed now was to be brave enough to let it happen. I had gone to see my mum once more and I had said my goodbyes, although I seriously doubted she knew what I meant. Calling Charlie had been harder. At least Renee wasn't alone, Charlie would be back to having no one now. That was until Ms Clearwater picked up the phone at 7am. Far too early to just be visiting. The whole of the Cullen's got a kick out of that little detail.

"Are you ready?" Edwards soft voice caressed the back of my neck as I stood on the balcony and watched the sun set for the last time with human eyes. "You can still change your mind" he reminded me with a small kiss on my check as his arms circled my body.

I wanted to. I wanted to scream and run for the first time since I had met him and yet… I knew it was fear. I knew serve pain was about to be unleashed on me and I knew for his sake - if I wanted to wake up to a sane Edward - that I needed to keep it as peaceful as possible.

"You wish" I joked.

"I do" he sighed. "And I don't. Is that a selfish thing to admit?" he asked quietly, almost ashamed.

"No, honest" I turned and smiled when he kissed my nose. "Edward before… there's something I want?" I felt a pang of guilt fill me asking him this, knowing he wouldn't turn me down now but also knowing he wouldn't want to do it.

"Anything?" he asked kissing my nose again. Using one finger he lifted my head so his eyes were able to see into mine.

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't ask him for this. This was cruel of me. "Kiss me" I simply responded and hoped he didn't notice the pause. But he did, he looked at me strangely again for a few minutes.

"If only I could really read what you wanted. I'd give you the world." He said as he kissed me roughly and passionately.

A loud wolf whistle interrupted us and I turned to see Emmett laughing as Rosalie hit him over the head. I couldn't hear what she said to him but I imagined it wasn't pleasant. The whole family was walking towards the forest and disappearing into the darkness.

"Where are they…" but I didn't have a chance to finish before Edward swiped me back up into his arms and carried me towards the bedroom.

"They wanted to give us some alone time, seeing as this is our last night together as human and vampire." Alone? Together? Ideas flew through my head, of course non that he would actually agree too and so I just smiled and carried on like he'd said nothing. "What would you like to do?" he pushed for some kind of answer. I couldn't help but laugh and with the laugh I felt the blush flood my face.

"Oh trust me you don't want to know" I laughed again.

He raised both his eyebrows at me, before kissing my lips ever so softly and placing me gently on the bed. I was half expecting him to climb over to the other side but instead he kept kissing me.

"Does it have something to do with this?" he said shakily as he kissed me again, slowly moving from my lips to my throat.

"Er… yeah" I barely got out. His lips moved to my ear now where he whispered between kisses.

"Tonight its up to you to tell me when to stop" that did it. My heart flew into overdrive and I nearly lost my senses then.

"You know I… I wont… be … oh my… huh.. Tell you… to stop" I barely got out not caring that it didn't make sense. I felt his breath on my ear lobe as he laughed.

A simple shrug was all I got in return. A few kisses later he vanished and I instantly sprung up.

"Now that's teasing" I said as I watched him at the doorway. He had a slightly smug smile on as he laughed and winked.

"Its not teasing if you plan to go through with it"

"Huh? If you plan to go through with it why are you over there?" I couldn't help my complaining tone.

He laughed once more. Very slowly and deliberately he turned up the heating before winking one last time and then flipping the light switch off. My heart was hammering and I knew he could hear it. What was with him tonight? Sitting in complete darkness I was trying to figure out where he was when I suddenly felt chills running up and down my neck. He was sitting behind me blowing softly. His hands slowly brushed down my arms as his lips found my ear.

"Remember you can say stop at anytime" he whispered before placing his hands under the hem of my t-shirt and lifting it up over my head.

"Don't think I will" I mumbled out as I felt his cold stone chest against my back. He had lost his mind. That was the only reason he would do this especially since I hadn't pushed it in months.

He began slowly kissing across my shoulder blade and gently down my back as his hand slipped around my waist and worked on the buttons of my jeans. This was really going to happen… my heart started flying again, but even faster.

"Hmmm… listen to your heart fly" he laughed a very soft breath as he continued to kiss down my back.

"Using vamp…ire…po-wers… oh my… wow… Edward… that's… err… cheating… no fair---r!" his touch was driving me insane.

I felt his hand slowly slip under me to lift me, before I could figure out what happened I was lying flat on my back and he was slowly kissing up my right bare leg.

"I don't want to forget a single inch of your skin Bella, of how you feel, how you tremble." He said moving higher.

This felt unbelievable. My head was thrown back into the pillow my body arched as he slowly worked his way up first making the lines with his fingers and then tracing the shivering lines with his lips and tongue.

"OHHHHHHH… MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY……….OHHHHHHHHHHH EDWARRRRRRRRRD" I couldn't help but moan out as he reached the one area I was starting to think he would never agree to go near. My hands that had been gripping the bedcovers seemed to move without my control and tangle into his hair.

I felt like I was losing my mind but I was happy to see it go, wished it gone even. If after three days of crazy pain I got this for eternity, I would gladly take the trade.

His cold lips started making a trail up my stomach then, just when I thought I couldn't possibly take anymore. "Do you want me to stop?" he whispered as his hands lightly lifted me from the bed so he could undo the clip of my bra.

"No chance."

He laughed as I hit the bed again and he continued his trail up my body. Somewhere during this I had lost all sense of time, of everything. Before I knew it he was softly kissing my jaw line working back to my mouth.

"Are you ready?" he whispered seductively as he gently sucked on my lower lip.

That hit me and woke me from my pleasure daze. "What about you?" I let leak before I had thought of a better way of phrasing it. "I mean I want to explore" I said biting my lower lip and he leant back and stared at me.

"That might be pushing it" he said softly as I rubbed my bare leg up the back of his. Feeling his soft hard skin which seemed to tighten under my touch.

"Well I want to try" I place both my hands on his chest, knowing I was catching him off guard and pushed him on to his back. Catching Edward off guard didn't happen for anyone else. He always heard it coming in there thoughts. However with me, I just needed to wait for that right expression the one that tells me he's lost in thought to make my move. And so I did. As he rolled and rolled with him and to my surprise he didn't try to stop me. It really did seem that he meant what he had said earlier. This was my night and up to me.

I instantly felt my face flush as I realized I really had no idea what to do. I tried to remember what Edward had done and went with that.

Slowly kissing down his flat hard abs, I suddenly realized something important. This was Edward. My Edward. This was something I had been dreaming about for years now. This wasn't some stranger or someone I hadn't spent time with. This was Edward and this was all just as new to him as it was me. Something changed in me with that and I suddenly found my confidence.

Slowly kissing him I allowed my lips, tongue and hands to explore. I had an idea of what I would find where and so I decided to tease him a little first. Kissing the top of his thigh and letting my nails scratch the tough skin covered in a sprinkle of hair I felt him actually relax beneath me. I felt the covers shift as I imagined he was digging his hands in as I had done, as if it could support him.

Carefully and slowly, I let my tongue work its way up and down followed closely with my hands and eventually my mouth. His moans came fast and even until they suddenly sped right up and got louder.

"Bell… Bella…My Bella" was all he kept repeating in-between his sharp intakes of air. "Right… there… Oooooh Bella… I'm…"

Then before I knew it I was lying flat on my back, he was positioned on top of me, his lips creating a lock with mine as he kissed me fiercely and held me tighter than he had ever allowed himself before. I knew in that instant it was too tight but it didn't hurt, if anything I wanted him to hold me tighter.

"Are you sure?" he asked one final time resting his forehead against mine. I nodded a yes as quickly as I could. His hands shot down and encircled my thighs pulling them apart and around him.

I felt him then, right at the entrance. He kissed me a final time before pushing in slowly.

The rest of the night was a blur of pleasure and I found myself craving the change even more with everyone of his moans.