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Chapter 14: Human
The window. Why the window? I watched as one by one they jumped, eventually just Edward was left standing next to me.
"Just take a step love, its almost like walking. Its natural."
"Natural" I repeated. "Right." I took a deep breath from habit and holding his hand tightly took a step forward. I was certain I was going to fall and Edward - as usual - would have to save me but somehow I was standing with the others. All of their expressions proud.
"That was graceful" Emmett laughed "I have expected you to land on your face." I heard Edward hiss at him but I couldn't help but agree. I turned looking back up. Did I really just come from there?
"Come on love" Edward winked at me and then his expression twisted with confusion.
"What's wrong?" I said as I watched him, unaware that the others had already started moving - although slower than normal - towards the forest.
"I used your heartbeat and blush to read how you were feeling and now… now I need to find another way" he huffed before walking towards the others.
He wasn't sulking but I could tell he was frustrated. He waiting a few steps in front when he realized I hadn't moved.
"Come on Bella, its natural" I heard Alice yell from the distance.
"Bella, everything okay?" Jasper chimed in. Edward just stood there watching me, from what I imagined was his attempt to figure out how to read me.
Rosalie walked slowly towards me, her hands out almost as if she was a felon walking towards a police officer who was holding a gun. Edward watched me as I took in her movements, but I was preoccupied. I was desperately trying to remember the feeling of that band, the one that I had managed to break before. The one that allowed Edward to hear me. I wanted to share with him and I had considered many times how once I was changed I might be able to.
"Bella" Rosalie's golden voice caught my attention. "Don't let them pressure you, take it slowly. Its all instinct, you'll know what to do as soon as you catch the scent… don't worry" her voice was so soft and caring. I had never heard this tone before. I thought I was going to drop dead then and there - not that it would be possible but if it was, then I would have.
I smiled at her, nodding a thank you. I looked back at Edward and I knew my face was full of shock but I wanted to tell him that. He waited patiently just watching.
I closed my eyes, thinking back. Concentrating on everything I could remember, every detail. The pain, the headache, the smells that invaded my mind. Everything. I took a deep breath, pulling it all towards me. I just wanted to remember. I opened my eyes again, I noted Edward hadn't moved, Rosalie had returned to Emmett's side over by the forest edge, Alice and Jasper were even further away - whispering about me no doubt - there was something about me that seemed to confuse him. And then there was Esme and Carlisle, they were the furthest, I assumed giving me as much breathing room as possible.
"Bella, love?" Edward spoke gently as I continued to stare at him. I held up my index finger to motion one moment. I closed my eyes again, I wanted to do this for him.
I flickered through the memory, then over thought about it. Searching every inch of my mind for it, finally taking the deep breath that I knew would help me relax.
It hit me like a bulldozer.
Invaded my senses.
Ruined my train of thought.
Blood.
A pulse.
A human pulse.
My head snapped and before I knew it my body was moving. There was no one know in front of me and although my senses picked up others following they were far enough behind that at this rate they didn't stand a chance of catching me. One by one the trees flew by as blurs, each step felt more like a hurdle as I raced, knowing in my subconscious that they would stop me if they had a chance. The smell was too much. I needed it and I needed it now.
I felt Edward gaining on me and I heard them shouting between each other. Edward being the fastest and closest at the time of my depart, held the lead with Rosalie and Carlisle tight behind him. I could only imagine that I had caught them all off guard as I was certain that Edward was faster than I would ever be.
"Edward, stop her" Esme Yelled from the back.
Jasper's tone stung me "Its human, if she…"
"I KNOW" Edward growled back.
"Just let her at it. Its her first" Emmett yelled lazily.
Something from the conversation hit me then. 'Its human' Jasper had yelled. Human. My mind began working through this as I started to get so close to the smell I knew it was only a few more steps before I would taste it. Edward stood no chance of catching me in time. But human. There was something wrong with this but I couldn't seem to fathom what.
Human. I repeated, like the word held some hidden meaning. Human.
Why was Edward chasing me?
Human.
Why were they all chasing me?
Human.
Why was I trying to get there?
Human.
Did I know this was wrong? Is it wrong?
Human.
But it smells so good, so tas…
Human.
Did I know this…
Human.
Angela, Jessica, Mike, Eric, Ben, Tyler, Lauren.
Human.
Charlie.
HUMAN.
It was like something snapped and I suddenly remembered why I couldn't do this. HUMAN. I had been shouting it at myself and now it made sense. HUMAN. I couldn't hunt them. I couldn't…
I skidded slightly to a stop - smaller than human eyes would have noticed - and immediately froze.
Don't breathe, don't breathe, don't breathe. I chanted over and over.
Edward flew past me before doing his own skid and flittering to my side. His hand securely grabbed my arms as he planted me with all his strength to the ground. I had to get out of here. I needed to be away from the temptation.
"Bella?" He asked, his voice thick with tension. I didn't have much breath and there was nothing in this world that would make me take a deep breath right now. I concentrated now, searching harder than before. Pulling at every cord my brain had. Not even a second had passed but it felt like minutes, hours even.
Then I found it.
'Please. I need to get out of here now!' I shouted in my head. Edwards eyes grew wider and with the shock of hearing me he seemed to have lost all of his strength. I took that to my advantage. Turning and running.
I flew passed the others as they ran the opposite direction. I heard them one by one screeching to a stop and coming back after me.
"What the…" Jasper shouted as he realized I was running from the situation.
"FUCK" Emmett finished jaspers thought as he bounced off of a nearby tree to send him back my way.
Edward was running, not talking, not paying attention to me… just running. I knew he was trying to hear me, trying to figure me out. As I ran, I concentrated again, but it wasn't needed. As soon as I thought about it I found the cord. The single snap I needed to talk to him again.
'I m sorry'
I was back in front of the house now, I dropped to my knees and held my head in my hands. I had messed up already.
Edward fell to his knees in front of me, his hands reached towards mine as I heard the others surround us.
'I m so sorry Edward. I messed up.'
"No you didn't" he said aloud. "Not even close." he urged my hands from my face as I lifted my head to stare into his eyes.
"Stop with the mind conversations" Emmett growled as he looked around at the others. "Its you isn't it!" he sneered at Jasper.
"Not me" Jasper shook his head. I saw Emmett's glare to whoever was behind me, I heard them move but they were too far from my peripheral vision to see their answer.
"Its not me either" Alice threw back at Emmett.
I saw Rosalie shake her head and noticed how all eyes were on Esme then.
"You didn't do anything wrong. How did you do that Bella?"
'Do what?'
"You stopped yourself mid hunt, that's… and this… how are you doing this? How can I…"
'This is easy now…' I raised my eyebrows.
"He's talking to Bella" Carlisle commented in the background.
"Nah" Emmett's sarcastic tone caused Rosalie to hit him.
"And she's speaking back fool" Rosalie's eyebrows were raised at him as if it was the obvious thing.
Ignoring them, Edward moved closer to me placing his forehead against mine. "This is all amazing."
"Bella, how did you stop the hunt?" Jasper asked then. I turned to look at him but didn't have any breath left to speak. This is where I had first smelled the blood. There was no way I was going to smell it again.
'Edward I have no breath' Edward nodded and turned to the others.
"She has no breath and doesn't want to breathe incase…" he trailed off.
"Controlled" Carlisle sighed but it seemed to be in awe.
"How can you hear her?" Esme asked, placing her hand on Edward shoulder. Edward shook his head.
"Can you turn it on and off?" he questioned me. Instead of answering I just nodded a yes.
I could hear multiply whispers and conversations - a lot of gasps - but I could only concentrate on him.
'I want to go inside' I pleaded with him.
"Aren't you hungry love?" after everything that had just happened, hunger seemed to be the furthest from what I was at this moment.
'Please' I begged.
"Of course" he stood pulling me to my feet before wrapping his arm tightly around my shoulder as we walked towards the house.
"She needs to feed" Jasper called from behind us.
"She doesn't want to" Edward said simply before looking at me again and asking with his eyes.
'I m really not hungry anymore' I raised one eyebrow at him. It was strange but this felt no different to talking aloud.
"But she has to feed, she must be burning."
"No" was all he said but in it held the warning to back off, even I received it loud and clear as he bent his head slightly to kiss my nose.
