She is flush with the heat that all shows bring, the rush of a well-done performance and the deafening pulse of watching talent just light up on the stage.
And she accepts the praise, because she has earned it.
And all the people who didn't know better, who didn't think she could make it in this business… she just lets them slide on by.
Lauren lives the good life.
And she might one day share it with someone, but that day is not today.
And it won't be with Ashley Davies.
"Eagle Rock is a great venue. She must be good."
"I'm sure she is."
"You've not seen her stuff?"
"Uh, no, no I haven't."
They met at some after-party, random and vaguely interesting – as most of those parties are – and they talked some. And they drank very little.
That's what made it even better than most hook-ups that Lauren had experienced – they were both quite sober.
Then they went out, had breakfast and the sunlight likes to make a home in Ashley's eyes… so Lauren asked her out, for a real date.
And Ashley accepted.
"You'll be getting your documentary cherry popped tonight then…"
"I've watched a documentary before, you know…"
"Just not Spencer's."
"…Right. Just not Spencer's."
Ashley has a great laugh, when she lets it out – which is rare, but worth the wait.
And she is confident in the bedroom, willing to take risks when least expected.
She can be fun and she can be serious.
She is so close to being the kind of woman one would like to promise forever to – but there are cracks in that face, tiny fractures from some other lifetime and Lauren won't be making any declarations to Ashley.
Not today. Not ever.
"Nice turn-out."
"I need some wine. Do you see a server?"
"Looks like he is making the rounds."
"They only have one guy here? I mean, what kind of showing has just one server?"
"Wow, you are so nervous."
"No, I'm not. Just thirsty."
"Right…"
Tiny fractures just kept on popping up and Lauren doesn't begrudge the past that a person carries – it shapes you and it makes you who you are – but when it looks less like the thing that made you and more like what you constantly deal in… that is when Lauren ponders just how involved to get with someone.
And Ashley isn't just a product of her used-to-be, she is there still.
And that used-to-be is in Spencer Carlin.
She watches Ashley move about in a barely concealed panic, flitting around the place one second and frozen the next second.
That is, until the lights go down and Spencer steps up in front of all these people – and Ashley is riveted.
And Lauren's artistic mind creates a little play about these two silently, wondering just how far this modern-day Juliet and Juliet will go before the big finish… death or marriage? A last kiss or an once-in-a-lifetime love?
And Spencer Carlin is good, good enough for Eagle Rock and probably good enough for anywhere that respects a real film-maker. The documentary is moving and it is hard to watch and it makes the viewer question their pampered life and its purpose when the rest of the world is dying… It causes people to go quiet and to possibly cry.
And Lauren looks at Ashley, holding her empty glass tightly and staring at the floor.
"She's coming for you."
Ashley looks up and her eyes are cloudy with so much loss that Lauren almost reaches out to hold the woman.
But other arms should be doing that and they both know it.
We both know it, Ashley Davies. I think we did from the very start.
Spencer smiles at them and keeps her hands behind her back. Her blonde hair is swept to one side and her clothing is informal while everyone else is dressed too formally – but it suits the woman and Lauren can see everything attractive about this woman, just like Ashley surely does.
"It was amazing."
"Thank you, Lauren."
"I… I wasn't expecting it to be so… grim." Ashley says softly and Spencer's eyes are allowed to fix on the true intention of her stride across the room.
"I wasn't either. Going there was a shock to the system."
"You did a wonderful job, Spence…"
"Thanks… Means a lot to me to hear it from people I know and value…"
Lauren watches them, watches the way they look and then look away… the way they lean toward each other without even knowing it… the way they fight what is so obvious and it reminds Lauren of high-school passions – heady and scary and endless…
You two are the most unfinished story I've ever seen…
But it is not up to Lauren to complete this tale. She is merely an observer and her part is small, not so pivotal… And she is content to be scenery to this poorly acted play, waiting for when those tiny fractures decide to suture up and for when lovers reunite.
"So, uh, I'll leave you two to enjoy your evening. I've got to mingle and drum up more cash."
"The only thing I don't like about the arts." Lauren says with a grin.
Spencer smiles self-effacingly and it is almost a convincing sight, but Lauren isn't blind and she finds it amusing that either of these women think that are clever in their mutual hiding.
Especially when Ashley cannot tear her gaze away from Spencer's retreating back.
///
Spencer can't even fathom all the reasons why she asked Ashley to her showing tonight and why she told the woman to bring Lauren.
But her true motivation betrays her all night long – going from whoever is speaking, from whatever compliment that is tossed her way and to Ashley.
Ashley with Lauren.
She watches the way they smile at one another and the way they talk, the way they walk close and then subtly part ways – only to come back together again.
She watches the way Ashley ducks her head whenever Lauren runs into someone the woman knows and the way Ashley uses those moments to scan the room – and Spencer averts her stare just in time to not be caught.
But she can feel those brown eyes on her, running invisible lines along her body and Spencer wants nothing more than to push Lauren away and take Ashley for her own.
It is hotly possessive and Spencer doesn't like this side to her heart, doesn't like this person lurking inside her bones – this person that would hurt another just to get what she wants.
"Is it that dull here or are you looking at something you can't have?"
Spencer spins around and her jaw drops down slightly.
"…Bailey?"
And Spencer recalls too much alcohol upon those Scottish shores, catches a snapshot of giggling and kissing and finding a woman willing to fly off to Spain just for the hell of it – they parted ways at Heathrow and exchanged addresses for a meet up that would probably never happen.
Because Spencer wasn't looking for a girlfriend all those days ago and neither was Bailey. They were just looking for a good time.
And for a second, too brief to garner all her attention, Spencer sees the similarities in Ashley and herself – in harsh black and white.
We can't connect with anyone else, can we Ashley...?
A warm embrace finds her and Spencer hugs back automatically and she can feel Ashley's piercing stare against her face.
And Spencer wonders at the meaning of timing and how they never seem to have the chance to stop riding on their constant merry-go-round with one another.
Always for worse, never for better…
"What are you doing here?"
"Just passin' through and wanted to look you up. Found you at a good time, eh?"
"Oh, yea, umm… were you here for the film?"
"Really good, Spencer, really good."
"Thanks. Wow… I mean, you're here. I'm surprised, you know."
"Bet so. Now that I am, care to show me a good time?"
That stare is getting more insistent and Spencer is having a hard time focusing on Bailey at all – Ashley Davies can do that to a girl, no matter how many years may pass.
She chances a look, a quick fluttering of eyelids, and Spencer sees Lauren lean in to say something in Ashley's ear.
And like a bomb going off, Spencer allows her common sense to be scattered and infinitely dangerous.
It is wrong. It is petty. And it can bring about nothing good at all.
Always for worse, Ashley… never for better…
Spencer's hand goes up and Ashley sees it because the woman hasn't looked away for minutes on end – so Spencer waves them over.
And Ashley appears wary as she approaches and Spencer feels something cool slither its way into her gut – and she glances at Lauren, but the woman is impassive.
And Spencer wonders what the hell she is doing – for the millionth time in the last couple of hours, Spencer won't allow realization to set in easily.
Out of fear, she chooses to fight instead of raising the white flag.
And the casualties will be high this night.
That little voice is trying hard to make her stop, to shelve the old pain and doubts… to finally take Ashley into her life again and love the woman who holds her heart so effortlessly…
But Spencer isn't listening.
///
TBC