This Is So Not Me – Chapter 4
Written by Ms. Maggs
"Greg!" Holding his cell phone in his left hand, Nick used his right fist to pound on the bathroom door a second time. "Open the damn door. Your mom is on the phone. She called my cell 'cause you're not answering yours. You forgot to check in."
"Doh!" Greg turned off the steamy water and threw open the shower door. "Tell her I'll be right there!" He grabbed a towel to wrap around his hips.
Nick pressed the hold button and updated Mrs. Sanders. "He's just finishing up in the bathroom. He'll be out in a sec."
When Greg opened the door, he said, "How do I know this isn't just a ploy to get me to talk to you?"
"Here he is, Joan, safe and sound just like I promised." After pushing the speaker button, Nick set his phone on the dresser and braced for the over-protective mother's rant.
We have a deal, Gregory. As long as you're a CSI, you check in with me every morning. Text me, call me, email me, I don't care how, just check in! I gestated you for nine months, gave birth to you after sixteen hours of hard labor, financially supported you for 22 years, and still worry about you 24/7, so I don't think it's too much to ask that you remember to check in every day! This is the third time you've forgotten this year!
"Three times this year, but it's November!" Greg shouted in his defense. "That means I've remembered to call 99 percent of the time."
"Don't shout at your mother," Nick playfully scolded. "She's just worried."
Listen to your boyfriend, Gregory. Southern gentlemen know how to respect their mothers.
"That's right," Nick nodded and grinned. "In 39 years, I've never raised my voice to my mother." If he had, his father would have whipped his ass and grounded him for a month. "Even a grown boy needs to respect his mommy."
Greg glared at the supposedly respectful southern gentleman. "I've honestly forgotten to call my mother three times in three hundred days, but have told her the truth every time I've spoken to her. You lie to your mommy every time you talk to her."
Are you two fighting about this again?
"Yes!" they answered in perfect harmony before Greg followed up with, "He just picked out a girl to have dinner with his parents next week."
Good for you, Nicky.
"Mom!" Greg yelled toward the phone. "You're supposed to be on my side, remember?"
Good Lord, Gregory, give the poor man a break. His sister works for NOM. His parents donated $3,000 to fight Prop 8 and they don't even live in California. Hell, his mother actually believes Sarah Palin was derailed by the liberal media. How can you expect him to have a rational conversation about homosexuality with someone like that? No matter what he says to them, they're not going to have an epiphany. They'll just be horrified and distance themselves from Nick, which will only cause more stress…and the last thing either of you need is more stress in your lives.
Nick nodded at the phone. "Thank you, Joan, that's exactly what I've been trying to tell him all morning."
You're welcome, honey. My son doesn't know how good he has it. He grew up not wanting for anything and with the unconditional love of two parents and two grandparents. When he stomps his feet like a spoiled brat, just stand your ground and don't let him get his way.
Nick stood a little taller.
"Great." Greg threw his hands in the air. "I get treated like a five-year old at work and at home."
You reap what your behavior sows, sweetie.
The vindicated boyfriend covered his mouth to hide his shit-eating grin.
Greg rolled his eyes. "Maybe the two of you should talk every day instead."
What makes you think we don't? Maybe I even pay the cowboy to keep you around.
"Only in the beginning, G." Nick broke into sweet laughter. "I eventually called her back and told her that I loved you so much I'd live with you for free."
Eager to get his mother off the phone, Greg snickered, "Did you happen to make that call the morning after I got naked and let you have your way with my…." Nick's palm blocked the last word for coming out.
Look at the time! I'm meeting some friends for a spa day, so I need to get going.
After removing Nick's hand from his mouth, Greg laughed, "I love you, Mommy."
Love you too, sweetheart. Don't forget to call me tomorrow.
"I won't."
Nick grabbed his cell. "Nice talkin' to you, Joan. Take care." After he snapped the phone shut, he shook his head. "I can't believe you said that to your mom."
Greg nudged his towel down an inch. "You of all people should know I'm a naughty boy."
Eyeing his partner's wet, tousled hair and slick skin, Nick answered with a mischievous grin.
"You totally want me."
"Yeah." Nick lurched forward and grabbed the corner of his lover's towel.
"Not gonna happen." Greg firmly held his towel in place. "My mom doesn't know you get physical with your faux-girlfriends, but I do, so I'm still jealous and pissed."
"Used to get physical with my faux-girlfriends." Nick countered as he backed Greg up against the wall. "I don't anymore." Pressing their foreheads together, he whispered, "Not since we got serious. I've not lied to you once about anything. You know that. I wasn't gonna lie about April, I was tryin' to tell you, but you kept gettin' pissed off."
"I'm listening now."
"I went to her office, but I was uncomfortable talkin' there, so we moved the conversation about Tommy to her place. I got upset thinkin' about my own drama and she hugged me. That's how her lipstick got on my jacket. She offered me a drink. I was tense, so I said yes. I sat on the couch and took off my jacket. I was exhausted from workin' 14 hours and after two drinks on an empty stomach, I nodded off. When I woke up, I realized I was runnin' late. I made a comment about hopin' I had extra clothes in my truck, that's why she wrote about that in the note. In my rush to get to work, I left my jacket."
"What about the tooth brush comment?" Greg asked in a vulnerable voice.
"When I was leaving, she leaned in to kiss me. I didn't want to kiss her, so I pulled away sayin' I had morning breath."
"Morning breath never stops you from kissing me."
"Exactly." Cupping his jealous partner's face, Nick lovingly said, "Because I love you and can't resist kissing you." To prove his point, he consumed his jealous boyfriend's mouth with a slow, shivery kiss. "You never had anything to worry about, and you never will."
His faith restored, Greg finally relaxed. "I guess my mommy's right, sometimes I'm still a self-centered brat who likes to stomp his feet and get what he wants." Slipping his hands under Nick's t-shirt, he confessed, "Mostly, I got pissed because I wanted you with me tonight, not her."
"But it's not your night off."
"Sara noticed I was tense and offered to take my shift." Greg released a sigh, "I was hoping for an all-nighter, but you had to go and make a date with a girl."
"I'll be home before midnight," Nick promised while trailing warm kisses over his partner's chilly flesh.
"Okay, Cinderfella." Greg laughed as his ticklish earlobe was assaulted by Nick's tongue.
"You're shivering."
"I better get under the covers."
Nick watched Greg, dive under the comforter and toss his bath towel. "Is that better?"
"Better, but not perfect." The hyper man patted their fluffy rustic-themed bedding. "Lose the shirt and Levi's, Tex." While enjoying the show, he joked, "Maybe I should have dinner with a girl tonight too."
Stripped down to his gray boxer briefs, Nick slid under the covers and propped up on his elbow, facing his mate. "Why would you want to do that?"
Once he was done invading his lover's mouth with his tongue, Greg answered, "To prop my reputation as a voracious ladies man."
Smirking, Nick asked, "Don't you have to have a reputation as a ladies man before you have a need to prop it?"
"True." Greg slid his fingertips under the waistband of Nick's shorts. "But my cover as the geek who flirts with Sara is no longer a possibility."
"Hold up." Nick fought to hold back his laughter. "You've been pretending to be a geek all these years? You deserve an Oscar for…"
"Shut up." He released the smartass's waistband, snapping it against his skin. "Seriously, it's embarrassing enough to be the geek who lost Sara to Grissom, but who have I dated since then? No one. People must think I'm still humiliated from losing out to a pudgy gray-haired geek."
"You flirted with Riley."
"Yeah, and she quit and left town." Greg laughed, "People probably think I was the reason."
"I did hear a few people say that."
"Seriously?"
Grinning, Nick shook his head. "All we need to do is start a rumor that Riley left because you broke her heart. That'll carry you for a while. Next time I'm in the Print Lab, I'll mention it in front of Mandy. The news will hit the vine before I make it back to my office."
"If Henry wasn't after Mandy, I could flirt with her."
"Noooo." Nick frantically shook his head. "No way. Flirting with Sara was safe, because you knew she was pining after Grissom and wouldn't reciprocate, but Mandy…she's not as innocent as she seems."
"You never told me you…"
"No, I don't have first hand knowledge. She dated 'Rick and he shared all the dirty details one night when we were plastered. The woman's an animal in the sack and she likes bad boys, not geeks. Some days, even 'Rick couldn't keep up with her."
"Whoa."
"Yeah." Nick teased, "Maybe you should stick to something safer than fake dating."
"Like what?" Greg asked before diving under the sheets.
"Like goin' to Costco." Nick chuckled as his most ticklish spot was assaulted. "Seriously, we're almost out of TP, Muscle Milk, and Sugar-Free Red Bull."
Popping his head out of the sheets, Greg chortled, "You get to prop your rep as a ladies man while I get to maintain my image as warehouse-shopping geek with no love life?"
"I'll pay."
"Yes, you will." Laughing, Greg rolled Nick face-first into the sheets and lunged for his nightstand drawer for supplies. "Your ass is mine, Stokes."
"Seriously?" The pleasantly surprised boyfriend asked while glancing over his shoulder. "But it's not your birthday or a full moon."
"Yeah, I know, but for some crazy reason I'm in the mood to control at least one aspect of my life today." With a devious chuckle, Greg reached for his Ipod on the docking station. "I have just the song to ravage you by."
When Avril Lavigne's I Don't Like Your Girlfriend blasted from the speakers, Nick knew he was in for a crazy time. "Wait…what's our safe word again?"
"Gummy bears."
When he saw Greg with a black sharpie marker, Nick sobered. "What's that for?"
"To write 'Property of Greg' on one of your cheeks and 'No Girls Allowed' on the other." He pulled the cap off with his teeth. "With my brand on your butt, I know you won't drop your drawers tonight."
As he was getting his Sharpie tattoos, Nick playfully pleaded, "You can do anything you want, freak boy, as long as you stay away from my feet and don't tie me up."
"I'm free!" Mandy excitedly told her Westminster Terrier as she slid into bed next to him. "That's right, Oliver, I kicked that loser to the curb and I'm swearing off guys, so you won't have to worry about guests for awhile. It's just you and me." She kissed the snoozing dog's head. "I know I've said all this before, but this time I really mean it." Luckily the dog couldn't talk and remind her that she had said that before too..
"I'm going to catch up on bad reality shows until I fall asleep and when I wake up, I'm going to Costco to stock up on booze and baked goods. While I eat and drink myself into oblivion, you can chomp on a fresh bully stick." Mandy reached for the TV remote. "See, I don't need a man to have a good time."
"I have a hot date tonight," April whispered to her Barbara, her twice divorced forty year old co-worker. "I'm so excited."
"Stokes?"
"Yes!" Sitting on the edge of he stunned woman's desk, she said, "I know I said I wasn't ready to put myself out there yet, but after talking to Nick a few times, I changed my mind."
"Really? Stokes?" Barbara leaned in closer. "Haven't you heard…he has a reputation as a love 'em and leave 'em ladies man."
"Only because he hasn't found the right woman." April winked. "Until now."
"I just don't want to see you get hurt."
"Barbara, you know how well I read people. My take on Nick is that he's going to be 40 next year and he's finally looking to settle down." A smirk unfurling over her lips, April proudly remarked, "I just happened to be in the right place at the right time, and we both know that when it comes to men, timing is everything."
"Not yet," Greg panted in his lover's face. "Wait." He didn't want the delicious torture to end.
After teetering on the brink for the last few minutes, Nick squeaked, "Can't."
When he heard a familiar chorus of grunts and groans, Greg knew it was too late. "I wonder what your girlfriend would say if she heard you yelling my name along with those naughty words."
"Nick is true gentleman," April assured her concerned Victim Services co-worker as they strolled to the breakroom. "I don't have to worry about being alone with him in my apartment. He was even shy about kissing me with morning breath."
"It sounds too good to be true," Barbara remarked, feeling more than a little jealous. "Just promise me you'll let me pick out the bridesmaid dresses."
April chuckled, "Definitely."
"What are you making for dinner?"
"Thai pasta with veggies."
"Really?" Barbara shook her head. "I don't know. That seems a little frou-frou for a Texan like Stokes. He strikes me as a meat and potatoes guy who enjoys seeing his woman cooking barefoot in the kitchen."
Clad only in the Kiss the Cook apron his mother had bought him for Christmas, Greg strolled to the kitchen counter with two perfect plates of Huevos Rancheros. "Come and get it, Tex!" he yelled in the direction of the bedroom.
His hair still damp from the shower, Nick hustled into the room wearing his favorite navy blue pajama bottoms. "It smells awesome in here. Wait, did you make…"
"Huevos!" Greg proudly blurted. "Yep, with fresh salsa and a double serving of refried beans." He laughed, "Because I want you good and gassy for girlfriend."
Thanks for reading!
Sorry this one is a little shorter, but I have guests coming for Thanksgiving and it's been a little hectic : )
I'm hoping to have another chapter out this week.
Maggs