This Is So Not Me – Chapter 6

Written by Ms. Maggs

When Joan Sanders heard the comforting rattle of keys at the front door, she lowered her hardcover copy of Andre Agassi's biography, Open, and relaxed into the cushy couch pillows. "Finally." Beaming a smile at her husband of thirty-six years, she sweetly said, "Long day, huh."

"Yeah." After tossing his keys on the entry table, John Sanders hung up his coat and walked to the couch to greet his wife with a kiss. "Jake Watson took a football helmet to the mouth and his mother called the office in a panic."

"I thought they wear mouth guards and helmets to prevent that sort of thing."

The weary dentist plopped onto the couch next to his wife. "On the field, yeah." Kicking off his shoes, John explained, "Apparently Lincoln High's star quarterback likes to play on and off the field. He was caught pants-down under the bleachers with his teammate's girlfriend."

Joan rolled her eyes. "Thank goodness Gregory was never interested in sports."

"He was interested," John reminded his over-protective wife, "but you were so worried he'd get hurt, the only thing you let him play competitively was chess. You even made a stink when he started bowling."

"That alley was full of second-hand smoke."

John retorted, "Which is why he should have been playing ball outside in the fresh air."

Holding up the Agassi book, the loving mother said, "Read this biography and you'll be thrilled we didn't push our son to excel in competitive sports."

"I'm just busting your chops, honey." Taking her in his arms, he pulled her close. "You were a great mom. Still are."

"Yeah and guess who forgot to call me again."

"Wow. That's the third time this year," John teased. "Hey, did you ask him about Christmas?"

She shook her head. "He was bickering with Nick when I called."

"About what?"

"Nick's parents are coming to town and you know how moody that makes Greg."

"Gee, I can't imagine why my son would get pissy over getting kicked out of his home twice a year." John rolled his eyes. "Then again, he should be used to being ignored by his supposed soulmate, it happens every time they're in public together."

"Nick's ashamed of his parents, not Greg."

"No, he's ashamed of himself, which doesn't make for a healthy relationship."

"Okay, fine, but Nick is good for Greg in every other way."

"Why is it so wrong that I want my son to be with a man who is good for him in every way?"

"Oh, please." Joan laughed as she rose to her feet. "As if there's such a thing as 'the perfect man'."

"You love Nick because he keeps Greg on a short leash, just like you did."

The doting mother admitted, "Yes, I sleep much better knowing Nick is taking care of my boy. He's a responsible guy and I know he loves our son with all his heart and as openly as he can right now. I actually like that Nick's on the down low, because that means Greg has to be."

"So your peace of mind still comes before Greg's happiness."

"He is happy, except for twice a year, and that's a small price to pay for being loved and safe." Her emotions building, Joan shrilled, "Gregory is the only child I have and he's already been beaten to a pulp for being too white, I don't need him to be bashed for being too gay. It's not selfish to want your child to live."

Recalling how traumatized his wife was by the beating, John relented. "You're right, honey." Standing, he took her hand and tried to relieve the tension with humor. "It's a father of a gay son thing. No man is ever going to be good enough for my little boy."

April couldn't believe that Nick, a guy with a serious rep as a ladies man, could be such a terrible kisser. "I…um…I better check on dinner." Still in shock, she backed away from her equally uncomfortable date. "Would you put on some music while I get everything ready?"

"Yeah." Relieved that the awkward lip lock had ended as abruptly as it had begun, Nick anxiously cleared his throat. "Good idea. Where…"

"The remote to the TV is on the coffee table. There's like a hundred music channels to choose from." Once her date was out of the kitchen, April wondered if she was trying to hard and ruining the vibe she thought they had the previous night. "Oh no." Suddenly remembering she had tasted her noodle dish right before the kiss, she tested her breath by blowing into her palm. "Garlic breath," she muttered, cursing herself for such a stupid dating blunder.

After locking her car, Mandy walked over to join Greg at his truck. "I'll help you carry your stuff inside."

Concerned that a peek inside his rarely inhabited studio apartment would raise suspicion, Greg shook his head. "Don't worry about it. I'll bring it in later."

"Aren't you worried someone will break into your truck if they see your stuff?"

"Nah, I've never had that kind of problem here."

"Okay." Mandy shrugged. "I still need to run inside and powder my nose before we go out."

"Your nose looks great." Greg anxiously chuckled as he grabbed Mandy's hand. "C'mon! You got me all psyched to go out. Let's just walk to the corner, grab a cab, and go."

Not budging, Mandy laughed, "Take a hint, Sanders. I downed a Big Gulp on the way to Costco and I need to use the restroom." He really was sweetly clueless about women.

"Oh. Sorry." Glancing nervously at his apartment door, Greg stammered, "Yeah, okay. Sure. You can use my bathroom."

"I haven't been here in a while, but I've seen your place before." Figuring the bachelor was worried about a mess, she smiled and gave him a reassuring pat. "I'm your friend, not your mommy. I don't care if you left without making your bed."

Pretending she had figured out the problem, Greg released a feigned sigh of relief. "Thanks." Hurrying toward the door, he said, "Just let me make sure the toilet seat is down and…"

"Your porn is away?"

"Exactly." He laughed along with her as they walked inside his cozy studio apartment. "Just wait here and I'll let you know when the coast is clear." He flicked on the lights and hoped there wasn't any incriminating evidence of his relationship with Nick. "Uh…there's beer in the fridge if you want one."

"Sounds good." She tossed her purse on the kitchen counter.

"Would you open one for me too?"

"You bet." Watching her coworker dash to the bathroom, Mandy burst into a smile. Even after a few years as a street-wary CSI, he was still an adorably awkward geek at times. "I don't know what you were worried about." She opened the fridge and was surprised to see it was scrubbed squeaky clean. "This place is actually a lot neater than I remember. Was your mother in for a visit recently?"

"Yeah," he lied while frantically checking the medicine cabinet for anything odd. The truth was that Nick was as much of a clean freak as his mother so he had no choice but to keep their second hideaway tidy. "All set," he announced while strolling out of the bathroom. "I even folded the ends of the TP just like the Ritz."

"Aren't you sweet." Her last boyfriend didn't even bother to put the seat down. Setting her beer bottle on the counter, Mandy grabbed her purse. "You don't happen to have any hair spray left from your crazy hair days do you? I didn't bring anything with me since I was just going to Costco and I'm feeling a little too mousy for a bar."

"Sorry, I don't." He chuckled, "But I have some hair gel in the top drawer."

"That'll work."

Grabbing his beer, Greg took a seat at the kitchen counter and checked his cell phone. No messages. "I guess it's going well. Great." Shaking his head, he lifted the bottle to his lips and tried to remind himself why he kept putting up with this crap.

While fighting the urge to end his faux date, Nick mindlessly flipped through the music channels. I'm 39 and I'm still doing this shit. This is ridiculous. He glanced over his shoulder. April was busying herself in the kitchen, no doubt trying to erase the horrible memory of their lackluster first kiss. I can't even phone it in anymore. He didn't want to be there and it was getting increasingly difficult to convince himself that he had to be there. What's the worst that can happen if I tell my parents the truth? Familiar visions of parental strokes and siblings clutching their sons while shouting 'stay away' immediately filled his head.

"Sorry, I need five minutes," April sweetly announced from the kitchen. "Help yourself to more wine."

Even though he hated Merlot, Nick filled his glass to the brim and gulped. April was working hard to make things special. The malicious irony of deceiving a nice woman who worked in Victim Services made him feel even worse. She deserved better than to be used as a pawn. She deserved someone special, someone whose first kiss would shake her to the core and leave her begging for more…she deserved what he already had and was taking for granted tonight.

Staring into his wine glass, his mind drifted to the best first kiss of his life…

Leaning into the window of the cab he and Greg had shared with Sara, Nick said, "I'm a safety guy and a retired frat boy. I promise I won't let him pass out in a pool of vomit. I don't even think he's that drunk, he's just happy."

Sara yelled out the window, "CSI Sanders! Call me if you need a ride to your car tomorrow!"

"Wait. Where is my car?" Greg asked as he glanced around. "Where am I?"

"Your apartment complex, Sherlock," Sara informed her giddy coworker.

"Sherlock!" Greg burst out laughing at the reference to the case he hadn't correctly solved. "Good one."

"Sure he's not that drunk. You better throw him in a cold shower," she suggested while waving goodbye. "We don't need Ecklie seeing him hungover on his first CSI shift."

"Good point." Nick waved as the cab pulled away. "Say goodbye to Sara, party boy."

"Bye, Sara!" Greg excitedly waved. "See you at work, my fellow CSI!" He turned to Nick. "CSI Sanders. I can't stop saying it. Let's have a drink to celebrate."

"You've already had half a dozen beers," Nick reminded him as they weaved up the sidewalk.

"But no shots."

"Shots on a school night?"

"Uh oh, sounds like someone's getting too old to party."

"As if." Nick laughed at the comment. "I can and will always be able to drink you under the table, geek boy."

"Sounds like a dare. You're on."

Shaking his head, Nick held out his palm. "Gimme your keys."

Feeling no inhibition, Greg leaned against the door and flirtatiously replied, "Come and get 'em, cowboy."

"You'd like that, wouldn't ya?"

"I've been telling you for months that I would, but you keep ignoring me."

"Sometimes I really regret that painfully honest conversation we had when you were havin' that mental breakdown over failing your proficiency and not having a love life."

"Seriously? That was like one of the best nights of my life."

Seeing his friend's happiness fade, Nick shook his head. "No, I don't really regret it." Feeling bad about what he said, he smiled and slipped his hand in the front pocket of Greg's jeans.

"And this night keeps getting better!" Greg giggled. "Uh, a little to the left."

"You wish."

"Yes! That's what I keep telling you."

Grinning, Nick held up the keys.

"I don't know about you, but I need a cigarette." Greg strolled by his heavily closeted coworker. "I can't help it. I'm so happy I finally passed. I really did it! I'm out of the lab. I'm a CSI! And the best part is, my mommy doesn't know." Tossing his jacket, he raced to the kitchen. "Shots are on me!"

"Rack 'em up, lightweight." Nick threw the keys on the counter. "Tequila? Not a good idea."

"Why? What happens when you do tequila shots, amigo?"

"I get a little loco."

"Good to know." Snickering, the host handed over a glass. "I poured you a double."

After downing the contents like it was grape juice, Nick grinned. "Your turn." Watching his buddy wince at the taste, he laughed, "When was the last time you did shots, hot shot?"

As his windpipe burned, Greg tried to act cool.

"Round two." Nick reached for the bottle and poured two three-finger shots. "Feel free to quit at any time."

"For the record, my safety word is Gummy Bears."

"Your safety word is two words?" When he saw his 'all talk and no action' pal thinking about it, he asked, "When was the last time you actually used your safety words?"

"Never." Greg raised his glass. "Because kink is my middle name and there's nothin' I can't handle." He immediately burst out laughing. "I'm not even believing my own bullshit tonight." After choking down the liquor, he grabbed onto the counter and rasped, "Gummy Bears."

"Wise choice." Out of practice and well on his way to wasted, Nick was secretly thankful they would be stopping. "Hopefully the tequila will help you forget some of the stuff you're sayin'."

"In that case, I'll keep talking."

"I think that's my cue to call a cab." Nick slowly reached for his phone.

"Afraid you won't be able to control yourself, huh?" Feeling invincible after realizing his CSI dream, Greg continued the tease. "Yeah, you're probably right. I mean, you couldn't even keep your hands off me in Grissom's office in front of everyone, so who knows what you'll do behind closed doors with half dozen beers and a fifth of tequila coursing through your veins."

"What do you mean I couldn't keep my hands off you in Grissom's office?"

"I mean…" Greg inched closer. "The buddy hug, the tap of approval, the multiple pats on the back and the most incriminating evidence…you kept your hand on me the whole time Sara was hugging me."

"What?" Nick rolled his eyes. "I did not."

"Oh, yes you did."

"I was just happy for you."

"Okay, fine, we'll chalk today up to happiness, but you touch me all the time. A chest pat in the DNA lab disguised as a thank you. A supportive shoulder squeeze when we're out in the field that probably appears to others like a mentor encouraging his protégé, but we both know what it really is - you not being able to keep your hands off me, especially when I'm getting attention from Sara." Greg's lips spread into a naughty smile. "For the record, I don't have a problem with your territoriality issue. It's a turn on."

Still trying to recall the scene in Grissom's office, Nick whimsically asked, "Did I really keep my hand on you when Sara…"

"Uh huh, but don't worry, no one suspects anything. They're all blinded by the good 'ol boy illusion and think it's a protective buddy thing." Setting his empty drinking glass on the counter, Greg stepped closer and tapped into his newfound confidence. "When everyone's watching, you only put your hands in the politically correct places, but no one's watching now so why not put them where they really want to go?"

Feeling a familiar and undeniable heat building between them, Nick shook his head. "You already know I think this is a bad idea." He wasn't looking for a committed relationship and if they hooked up, he knew it would be a disaster. Greg talked big, but deep down he was a needy Mama's boy who would want to be more than a casual lay.

"Yeah, but Grissom made me a CSI even though I got the wrong guy and wrong cause of death, so I figure it's my lucky night."

Mesmerized by Greg's adorable smile, Nick felt his resolve weakening.

"Come on, Stokes, let your guard down for one night and have a little fun."

"I've tried that, it never really works out for me." His fateful night with Kristy came to mind.

"Neither did my proficiency exams, but you're the one who told me to keep trying, that I'd eventually get things right." Realizing he was on the brink of begging, the pent-up and lonely man abruptly backed off. "Kidding! I'm just yanking your chain because I'm drunk and happy." He pulled his cell phone from his pocket. "Cab's on me."

Not ready to leave yet, Nick reached for the cell phone and put it on the counter. "It sucks to be buzzed and alone, especially when you have somethin' to celebrate. Sorry, I wasn't bein' a very good friend." Placing his hand on Greg's shoulder, he said, "Take another shot."

"Okay." Greg reached for the tequila. "I'll definitely be puking later, so why not?"

"I wasn't talkin' about another shot of tequila." Grinning like a lovestruck fool, Nick stood there adoring the confused look on his buddy's face. "One more shot with me."

"Oh!"

"I was just about to go for it when you balked."

"Seriously?" Greg's goofy laughter filled the room.

Reaching for the tequila bottle, Nick grinned. "Yeah, so pull yourself together and try again." While taking a swig from the bottle, he enjoyed watching his dorky pal take deep breaths and attempt to get his mojo back.

In his suavest voice, Greg asked, "Where were we?"

"I had just finished sayin' that I think us hookin' up is a bad idea and you were gonna convince me my thinking was wrong."

"Right." Using his tequila-courage, Greg took the bottle from Nick's hand and drunkenly rambled, "Tex, you know what your problem is? I'll tell you what it is, you need to stop thinking and just do what I think you should do which is what we both know you're thinking about doing all the time, that's what I think you should think right now. Yeah. So what do you say?"

"I don't know." Nick snorted and choked on the laughter building inside him. "'Cause I have no idea what you said."

"Me either."

Nick dropped his hand onto Greg's shoulder as they cracked up together.

"There you go touching me again."

"Busted!" Sobering for a second, Nick asked, "Hey, how come you never touch me back?"

"Because if I did, I wouldn't be able to stop at a buddy-esque shoulder pat." He demonstrated by putting his right hand on Nick's shoulder. "See it would start out that way, but then my other hand would get jealous, so then I'd do this." He placed his left hand on the other shoulder. "And in no time, I'd be sliding my palms over your chest like this right in the middle of the DNA Lab."

The feel of his buddy's warm hands gliding down his chest sent a quiver of delight through Nick's body.

"And once I copped a feel of what was hiding under your shirt I wouldn't be content to stop there. Nope." With confidence to spare, Greg continued. "I'd be compelled to yank your shirt out of these incredibly tight jeans that I'm pretty sure you wear just to drive me insane. Now that I think about it, I'm reasonably certain I kept failing my field tests because I was distracted by your ass." Grinning wildly, he popped the first button of the black shirt. "I wouldn't be able to stop at one button, so I'd plow through the rest, never even noticing that Hodges was across the hall watching my every move."

Nick cringed. "Dude, you just killed a perfectly good fantasy by including Hodges."

"Doh!" Breaking into a drunken giggle, Greg backed off.

"There you go balking again when you're on a roll." Nick grabbed his pal's hands and guided them back to his chest. "What happens next?" he asked in a seductive whisper while firmly gripping the hips in front of him.

"You umm, you let your hands go to all the places they've been dying to explore."

While brushing his lips over the gasping man's ear lobe, Nick whispered, "Like this?" He slid his palms over the pockets of Greg's jeans.

"Wait."

"Uh oh." Nick braced for a really uncomfortable virginity confession.

"Is this a pity thing?"

It wasn't what he was expecting to hear. "A what?"

"A pity thing, because I said I didn't want to be alone on the greatest night of my life." Greg stuffed his hands on his hips. "As horny as I am, I don't need to be a pity f…"

"Does it look like I'm faking enthusiasm?!" Frustrated, Nick pointed to his crotch. "I've been thinkin' about this for months and we're this close and you want to stop and talk. Hell, if I wanted to talk, I'd date women. Just freakin' let it happen already."

Greg was too stunned to move.

"Okay, fine. All I know is that when you were gonna call a cab, I didn't want to go. So, no, it's definitely not a pity thing. Far from it." Grabbing the tequila, Nick muttered, "That's the most serious declaration I've ever made to any guy. Ever. Shit." He took a gulp and held out the bottle to share.

His smile returning, Greg shook his head and placed the bottle on the counter. "Where were we?"

"You were frustratin' the hell out of me!" Nick laughed. "But before that I believe you were about to take off my shirt."

"Right." Stepping behind his soon-to-be lover, Greg wrapped his fingertips around the collar of the button-down and slowly peeled it off.

The sensation of hot lips grazing across his shoulders reignited Nick's body and before his shirt hit the floor he was ready to pounce. "Sanders, you and the tequila have me all kinds of crazy."

"Good."

Turning around, he slipped his hands under the soft cotton of Greg's blue t-shirt and swiftly removed it. The feel of their bare chests meeting for the first time, only added more fuel to his fire. "You may need to remind me to slow down."

Greg chuckled at the thought. "After spending the last three months engaging in mental foreplay, I think I'm ready for a change of pace."

"Me too." Their foreheads pressed together and their lips only an inch apart, Nick let the anticipation of a first kiss build until the urge to consume Greg's mouth overwhelmed him.

"Nick." April tapped him on the shoulder. "For a second there I thought you fell asleep on my couch again."

Reluctantly stopping his stroll down memory lane, Nick stood up. "Sorry, I drifted off thinkin' about a case."

April sweetly smiled at the man who shared her passion for victims. "I do the same thing all the time."

The offensive fumes of peanut butter pasta filling his nose, Nick started for the table. "Smells great."

"Thanks."

"Actually, um…" He pointed toward the bathroom. "I should probably wash up before dinner."

While sitting on the toilet, Mandy passed the time by peering behind Greg's navy blue shower curtain. Her mother always said you could tell what kind of husband a man would be by how clean he kept the bathroom of his bachelor pad. "Impressive." It looked as if the shower hadn't even been used that morning. Mom would say you're a keeper.

Just as she was about to release the curtain, she saw a tube on the shelf and realized the label said lubricant. She immediately envisioned him coming home alone every day to spend quality time with himself in the shower. Poor Greg, he really needs to get over losing Sara to Grissom and move on. Then she remembered the story she had heard about Greg's geeky flirtations driving Riley to quit and leave town. Lifting the tube, she sighed. It was almost empty. Poor guy.

Feeling sorry for her friend who had lost two girls and almost lost his life, Mandy decided she would take one for Team Geek and give Greg Sanders a night he would never forget.

Turning off his cell, Greg tossed it on the counter. The last thing he wanted to spend the night doing was staring at the phone waiting for Nick to not call.

"Ready!" Mandy announced as she sauntered out of the bathroom with her game face on.

"Whoa." She looked totally different than when she went in there. "My hair gel did all that?"

"No," she chuckled. "I had my make up and a rhinestone clip in my purse. Then I took off my sweater and undid a couple of buttons on my blouse." Happy that she got a strong reaction out of him, she hurried over and took his hand. "Let's go."

Before leaving the bathroom, Nick quickly texted Greg…

Miss you. Can't go thru with this. Be there soon. All I want is another tequila sunrise with you.

Sorry this one took so long. The holiday season totally swamped me!!

Thanks for the feedback on the last chapter and thanks for reading :)

Maggs