Author's Note: Wow this story came out quickly. Please don't expect an update this quickly in the future. Enjoy my faithful readers!

Chapter 9

Abe tried to race after Mihashi. He wandered how far the timid teen could run with tears in his eyes. The streets were still pretty crowded which would have made the panicked teen's flight difficult. Unfortunately the teen was nowhere to be seen.

The sun was starting to dip in the sky. It didn't occur to Abe how long he had spent in the arcade but looking at the sky he began to worry about Mihashi. He had a feeling that the timid teen wasn't familiar with the area which increased his anxiety. On top of it being late and in a part of town that he was pretty sure Mihashi didn't know, the boy was positively distraught. Abe didn't really know who this 'Tadashi' guy was, but Abe was pretty sure of two things: that he was Mihashi's former teammate from Mihoshi and that if Abe ever saw him again he would act out a few choice combos from Mortal Kombat.

Panic started to set in. Abe felt the familiar pressure crush his insides as he frantically searched for his friend. There was little he could do spare run around aimlessly and search blindly.

He was near the park now. It wasn't a big park, about the size of a city block, but it was enough to add an upscale finesse to the whole shopping district. A brief scan of the grounds shed no light on Mihashi's whereabouts. The dull constriction in Abe's chest started to intensify as if each empty park bench tightened the clamp's pressure another notch.

Abe was fairly sure Mihashi had run this way, although he couldn't be certain. It was possible the smaller teen had taken a different turn. He was fairly confident that Mihashi was still in the area. The train station was the opposite way that Mihashi had ran and even then it would be very uncharacteristic for the pitcher not to find some place he could hide and privately shed his grief.

It occurred to the dark haired catcher that maybe Mihashi wanted to be alone. It would explain why he ran off, most definitely. But yet he could have ran off because he didn't want to break down in the middle of the video arcade. Whether he wanted Abe there for comfort was still a different matter.

But yet when Mihashi had broken down in their debut game against Mihoshi wasn't it Abe who gave the pitcher some comfort when he was confronted by Hatake? Surely Mihashi was at least somewhat grateful at what Abe had done, and the more he thought about it was definitely more than willing to do again however many times it took until the meek and timid teen learned that he had nothing to be afraid of. Not while Takaya Abe was there.

The cold air stung Abe's lungs as he gulped it down. He was in no way out of shape; not from a run as short as that. Instead it was the anxiety attack mixed with the frigid December air that left the catcher doubled over struggling to take a full breath to satisfy his oxygen starved body. The impaired catcher tried drastically to re-orientate himself; a feat made next to impossible with Abe's inability to close his eyes. Every time his eyelids met in the blackness he saw the worst horror movie ever created: the range of emotions that raced across Mihashi's face as he went from jubilation while playing the video game to shock at the comment to a terror Abe was sure he could never fully understand when Mihashi recognized the former teammate.

Out of pure exasperation mingled with worry Abe did a lap around the park never breaking stride. He was thankful that all of the rather long hours he put in for baseball conditioning were being put to good use. He didn't have to stop once in his search for his friend, although the effort was more or less wasted when Abe returned to his starting point with no success.

Not more than ten minutes had gone by since Abe followed Mihashi out of the video arcade but to Abe it seemed like hours and hours had passed. He began to feel the hopeless crushing sensation in his chest turn from an anxiety attack into a full fledged panic attack. His breaths started to become shorter and shorter until all he could do was gasp and clutch at his throat. The catcher was beginning to double over and knew that soon he would be balling his eyes out. He needed a place to hide from the public eye until he could regain himself.

Near the middle of the park was a clump of trees that in the summer would provide a nice big clump of shade. Abe saw this and, still hunched over holding his chest, slumped as fast as he could manage towards the trees.

A semi-silent sobbing greeted the tall dark haired catcher as he entered the mini forest. At first Abe thought that the sound was coming from himself; rationalizing that it would make perfect sense due to the tears that were now silently trickling from his eyes coupled with the short gasping breaths he was able to wheeze out. But the timing was off. This peculiar phenomenon informed Abe that he was not alone and prompted the catcher to survey the area.

Curled in a ball with his head tucked securely into his knees was, of all people, Mihashi. The smaller teen had his arms pulling his legs to his chest making the teen in his black jacket and black pants blend in with the shadows.

At the very least this stopped Abe from having to search for Mihashi. Unfortunately however despite having found his friend the crushing feeling of utter panic currently enveloping Abe's mind did not care. The catcher managed to reach his friend before he started to get dizzy from the lack of oxygen his all too shallow gasps left him with.

"Mi…ha…shi…" Abe gasped through shallow breaths. "There…you…are…" The tears slowly freezing in Abe's eyes made identifying the heap a little difficult, but when the curled up figure looked towards Abe the catcher knew he was correct.

Just like Abe, the pitcher was sobbing. Abe wanted with everything he had to feel relief that he had found his friend. Wanted to so badly but wasn't able to. The lockup in Abe's chest was exponentially compounded by the blubbering expression on Mihashi's face.

"A-a-Abe-kun…" Mihashi started. The pitcher tried twice to say something but stopped himself both times.

"Wha-what is it, mi-Mihashi?" Abe hiccupped.

"I'm sorry!" He yelped, setting off a loud onslaught of cries.

"Mi…ha…shi…" Abe fell to his knees gasping the pitcher's name. "You're…safe…" As he spoke the catcher reached out and set his hand on the smaller teen's knee.

A sudden spasm of longing raged through Abe's body. He knew himself that his attempt at trying to comfort the pitcher was pitiful at best. This brief contact, not even skin contact, was all Abe could do for his upset friend and that hurt him deep. He wished he could get over his panic and fear; just let everything else go and help his friend. Abe knew that he would be happy to take this pain five, even ten times worse if it would leave him now so he could comfort the trembling body below him. Couldn't his body even give him that? Just an hour or so?

But no, his body would not concede. As if the devil himself was in control of the situation Abe's body clamped down on itself even tighter cutting down Abe's already restricted airway.

Acting on reaction Abe balled his fists clamping down on a fistful of his own shirt and on the fabric of Mihashi's pants. His eyes, already choked up with tears, were now unable to see the pitcher in front of him. Abe's eyelids slid over the hazel orbs as he took even shallower breaths through his teeth.

Mihashi stared wide-eyed at his catcher, who was now all but curled up into a ball in front of him. His green eyes sparkled with tears as he watched the pain rip through Abe's face, unable to move. He unfastened the hand on his pants and pulled the arm into a tight hug, all of his previous fears vanishing at the sight of his strong friend now huddled over being crushed by unseen forces.

"A-a-Abe-kun!" Mihashi cried aloud. "Wha-what's wrong! Abe-kun!"

Abe felt the pitcher pull his arm tighter into Mihashi's chest. He wanted to speak; to tell Mihashi not to worry, to stop crying, that everything would be all right. But he did not and could not. Abe could not find the breath to say a word, and even if he could talk there was no way he could tell Mihashi everything was going to be fine because he himself did not know. He had never had a panic attack quite like this one. Abe was out of control. The only thing he could do is hope to ride this out; hope that sometime soon he would be able to breathe.

The seconds pretended to be hours as one by one they ticked off. Despite his best efforts at control it was still too much. Abe couldn't hold himself upright, even while kneeling and soon collapsed onto his side next to his friend.

This earned a new wave of panic and fearful cries from Mihashi. Abe really didn't want toe pitcher to worry. Whatever happened to Abe would happen. All that mattered to him was that Mihashi was safe. "Don't…worry…Mi-ha-shi," Abe grunted. "It's…just a…panic…attack I…get them…all…the time." Close enough to true.

Mihashi tightened his grip on Abe's arm. Any tighter and Mihashi would cut off the flow of blood to Abe's catching arm. "A-Abe-kun gets worried?" The pitcher asked. The surprise in his voice made the concept seem like an impossibility.

A smile twitched its way onto Abe's face but disappeared in the same instant, replaced once again by pain and fear. "All…the time. Es-especially when…thinking…" Abe didn't want to finish the sentence. Would Mihashi hate was Abe was about to say and run away again? Could Abe blame him if he did?

"Th-thinking about what, a-Abe-kun?"

Abe could only hear concern in his friend's voice but didn't know if it was worth it to risk himself. Mihashi might be on the slower side but even he would be able to hear the implication in Abe's response. It was time for the black haired catcher to make a decision. On the one hand he could answer Mihashi truthfully and take the what had to be more than likely chance that the dirty blond haired meek pitcher would be disgusted in Abe, which would be completely understandable, and run away. Or the dark haired catcher could lie and forever be only a friend to the pitcher; nothing more than Suyama or Hanai or Sakaeguchi.

Abe was silent. Did he want to be special to Mihashi? Better yet did he deserve to be special? Abe had hurt many people and there was no doubt in the catcher's mind that if everything worked out perfectly he would inevitably end up hurting his pitcher, his friend. This went way farther than simply baseball; although that did come into play in the catcher's thoughts. If the two remained friends then Mihashi's pitching would remain constant. If they became more than friends Mihashi's pitching wouldn't improve any; and if they broke up then it would without a doubt negatively affect the pitcher in many ways, including his performance on the mound. That little revelation was sure to doom Abe in the minds of his teammates.

And what would his teammates think? Those nine other individuals, Shinooka included, were brothers to Abe; a bit different than Takaya and Shun's relationship but just as strong if not stronger. Biologically the nine others and Abe were unrelated, but mentally they were one. The question was how would they handle knowing Abe was gay? That he was in love with Mihashi?

He knew instantly that Tajima would be furious. It was easy enough for the spastic third baseman to accept that Abe couldn't return Tajima's feelings because Abe was straight, a fact that Abe never claimed but the implication was there. It would make all the difference if Tajima knew Abe was gay too and rejected the third baseman because of who he was and not his orientation. And seeing how close Tajima was to Mihashi, practically brothers, having Tajima's scorn would not be a beneficial thing for Mihashi and Abe's relationship.

So how could he do this? What would be the best course of action to take? The dark haired catcher wondered whether or not he should deny his own feelings. If he went ahead with what he felt was right then he would have a long shot at best in being happy, and even if everything went well he would only have a 50/50 shot at best at not hurting Mihashi.

Yet if he didn't go with his feelings and instead did what his head told him was right, then all he would have to do is tell Mihashi a little lie. Things would be easier for sure, he could easily pretend to only like Mihashi as a friend. Sure it would hurt inside but Abe was sure he could live with the pain. It would be better than hurting Mihashi in any way.

Mihashi interpreted Abe's silence incorrectly. "A-Abe-kun….Abe-kun!" He exclaimed. The concern in the pitcher's voice burned Abe's insides. His lack of response was upsetting Mihashi.

"It's ok Mihashi." Abe was at first surprised at his ability to breathe and therefore his ability to speak. Apparently he had calmed down a bit. "It's just a…panic attack."

Abe rolled himself into a sitting position next to his friend. He could sense that there was going to be a long, personal talk and he wanted to be in a good position to comfort Mihashi.

So it didn't surprise the tall dark haired catcher when Mihashi's eyes grew big at Abe's explanation. "A p-panic attack? Abe-kun? But why?"

Now that his chest was loosening up Abe took advantage of his ability to actually have enough air to talk. He filled his lungs with the frigid air a few times before responding. Carefully he composed his face into a serene smile; something that would calm down the excited pitcher. "I get them every once in a while." Abe took another deep breath, unsure of when or if the ravaging paralysis would overtake him again.

"Why?"

Abe laughed to himself humorlessly. "You see Mihashi, I worry…a lot."

Mihashi blinked the remnants of the tears that had filled his eyes clear. "What does Abe-kun have to worry about? Abe-kun's good at everything."

It was a simple question followed by a simple statement. Instantly Abe's mind and heart raced along towards their goals that for the shortest time seemed to intersect. Both had a glimpse of a future shining brilliantly with Mihashi's light. But all too soon that light was extinguished when both organs were brought to their senses. There was no point in raising the hopes of their vessel.

Abe smoothed out his voice trying to make it as velvety and peaceful as possible. "About a lot of things, Mihashi."

"Like what Abe-kun?" The calming air Abe held around him was starting to affect the pitcher as well. He had stopped crying and as far as Abe could tell his breath was coming in an even rhythm.

"Well, I, um, had this one, um," the dark haired teen was tripping over his words, unsure of how exactly to phrase it. He wanted to let the smaller teen know that he was concerned for him but did not want to tip his hand. "Because you, ah, ran off and I couldn't find you. I thought that something might have happened to you."

What ever progress Abe thought he had made was completely nullified. As if he was on a timer Mihashi's eyes welled up again and a torrent of small sobs rained down.

"Mihashi, what's wrong?" Abe demanded.

In response the pitcher buried his face in his arms and curled back up into a tight ball.

Frustrated once again, Abe decided to try a more direct approach. What could it hurt? He composed himself and as gently as he could slid his hands around Mihashi's face cupping his soft cream colored cheeks. Abe was unsure of how the pitcher would react and after thinking about it a little he decided that he didn't really care. Abe, as gingerly as he could, lifted the pitcher's head out of his arms. "Mihashi," he murmured still in his velvet voice. "Please, you don't need to cry. What's the matter why won't you tell me?"

Abe stared into the pitcher's closed eyes; trying to will the shutters open with his mind. Mihashi never opened his eyes but instead talked without a break in the waterworks. "Be-hic-cause a-a-Abe-kun will get m-mad at m-me."

Abe tried one more time to will the pitchers eyes open. He wanted Mihashi to see Abe; to see the pain on the catcher's face, the torment that was building simply because Abe's pitcher, his friend, the boy he secretly loved, would not confide in him. Even if two or even one of the descriptions Abe had for Mihashi was shared by the smaller boy Abe hoped it would be enough for the pitcher to trust in his catcher. Abe hoped. "Mihashi," he started, having to work to keep his voice even. "The only thing that will make me mad," Abe took a deep breath relishing for a moment the chill taste of the air as it froze his lungs. "Is sitting here in the dark while you suffer. I don't care what it is, I want to help you. I need to help you."

Mihashi still didn't open his eyes. Abe longed to gaze into the infinite depths of his friend and try to read for himself what the problem was. Anything that would give him some clue as to why Mihashi was hurting. "A-Abe-kun I, I…"

"Tell me Mihashi." Abe's voice was starting to betray the gruffness he was thinking about. It occurred to him too late to take his words back what connotation the harshness of his voice would have. "Sorry. I mean please Mihashi, please tell me."

The smaller teen started shaking. "But but but a-Abe-kun will be m-mad at me. I-I know it."

In his smoothest, most velvety voice Abe asked one more time. Mihashi was too stubern for his own good. "Please Mihashi. For me?"

Mihashi quieted his sniveling. Although Abe would have liked for the tears to stop as well he was happy with what he got. Hopefully the pitcher was dazzled enough by Abe to fulfill his one simple request.

"I-I'm sorry a-Abe-kun."

"For what?"

"For l-l-loosing the s-s-season for everyone!"

Abe's eyes narrowed. He had had this conversation before with Mihashi and had thought they had worked everything out. Apparently Mihashi still had some issues with his self confidence that he had been hiding from everyone else. "Listen, Mihashi," Abe started. He wanted to make sure that this would be the last time they had this discussion. "Baseball is a team sport and –"

But Mihashi cut him off. "No Abe-kun!" The ferocity in Mihashi's voice, the strength and spirit the exclamation made Abe reverse his judgment. Maybe Mihashi had grown a little, developed some self confidence. At least he could stand up to Abe. "Ta-ta-ta-Tadashi-kun was right. Everything that happened this summer was my fault."

Abe saw his chance and took it. "Mihashi tell me, do you remember the beginning of the summer; when we first met?" Mihashi now opened his eyes. Abe cringed at how bloodshot they were. He never wanted Mihashi to cry again, however tall of an order that might be.

The dirty blond pitcher nodded his head.

"Well Mihashi," Abe pressed on, "what did I tell you?"

It never ceased to astound Abe how Mihashi could change his moods so easily. The pitcher sat still curled up but with an almost comical expression on his face. "A-Abe-kun told me that, that he would learn my signals."

"What else," Abe prompted.

Mihashi furrowed his brow. "Um, that Abe would never get hurt so he could always catch for me."

"And why is that?"

"Because Abe-kun promised to play baseball with me!"

Abe cocked his mouth into a half smile. "Correct. Now Mihashi, what did I tell you about pitching? Remember when we played that three out game against Hanai? What did I tell you to do?"

Mihashi's eyes squinted into infinitesimal slits. Abe knew it was a long shot trying to get the pitcher to remember that far back, given his grades in school, but hoped that since it had to do with baseball the pitcher would remember. He was right on the money.

"A-Abe-kun told me…that all I had to do…was…pitch as he…told me to." Despite the slow droll of the pitcher's voice Abe knew after the first few words that Mihashi remembered.

The other side of Abe's mouth joined the first into a genuine smile that continued into Abe's eyes. "That's right Mihashi. I told you that all you have to do is pitch how I tell you to. That's it."

Abe waited until the pitcher showed some sign of understanding. "And so far, have you? Have you ever shaken off even one of my signs?"

Mihashi's answer was feeble but correct. "N-no, a-Abe-kun. I haven't."

Whether or not Abe saw the continuation of all the logic Abe didn't really care. He decided that either way it would be best to spell everything out for him. "Then if you are doing your job, then how can you be the one to blame? All you had to do was pitch like I told you. It was my job to keep you going in perfect condition, something I failed to do. I'm sorry Mihashi. Please forgive me."

Despite what Abe thought was soundproof logic Mihashi had a loophole. "No, NO! A-Abe-kun isn't to blame…for…this…"

"And why not Mihashi? We both agree that you aren't."

Mihashi was now back to full blown depression. "I, I should…have never…tried out…for the baseball team."

Abe couldn't help but scowl at this. The thought a Nishiura baseball team without Mihashi was simply ludicrous. "Mihashi, without you there would be no baseball team. Hell, without you I'm sure that Hanai would have quit, then we'd only have had Oki and there's no way Oki would have been able to beat Tosei."

Mihashi shook his head. "St-still; I should ha-have just walked aw-away."

Abe put all of the emotion he could into his eyes and locked them on Mihashi's. "Mihashi, do you want to play baseball?"

"I-I do! I-I just think…that maybe a-Abe-kun…would like someone…be-better."

"Mi-ha-shi," Abe annunciated each syllable with articulate care. "I don't want anybody better. There is nobody better than you."

Mihashi was the first to break the gaze. Abe saw that pain and frustration etched into his friend's face and, although he was telling the truth, hated himself for it. "A-Abe-kun, you d-don't have to be n-nice to me. I-if you want me t-to go away j-just say so."

Those words were unjust and uncalled for. Abe felt them gnaw on his edges of his heart. It ached for him to hear that Mihashi felt that way. Hadn't the meek teen ever considered that Abe did what he did because he actually liked Mihashi? Was Mihashi so unused to having a friend?

Abe positioned himself so that he was looking into the pitcher's eyes. How could Mihashi actually function in life if his reasoning is so disheveled as to think that Abe was only hanging out with Mihashi to be nice? "Please don't insult me like that Mihashi. I'm here because I want to be. I want to be near you." Abe wasn't exactly ready but the mood around them was good. Snowflakes were silently drifting down from the heavens, the two had just spent the day together, and now they were alone in the park. Maybe a confession of love would enough to get through to the dense pitcher.

Enough time for one deep frigid breath was all Abe had to prepare. He had never actually gone through and confessed to someone; and Aizawa Mai never actually confessed either. She simply just pretty much threw herself at Abe with as much grace as the common chair. "Mihashi there's something I want to tell you." Abe wished for a little more time but had to go with it. "There's a reason why I worry about you so much. You see, I –"

He paused. Was he really ready to go through with this? Either way there was no turning back. "Mihashi I, I –"

But it still wouldn't come out. His mouth simply wouldn't form the words his heart was screaming. "Mihashi I –" he exclaimed out loud. 'Love you,' he finished in his head.

"You what, Abe-kun?" Mihashi was confused and for good reason.

Abe was still in shock. He wanted; he needed to tell Mihashi how he felt. But the moment had passed. Those precious few seconds that completely made the timing and the moment had passed. Now if Abe said anything important like a confession it would just seem awkward and ruin the mood. The catcher fought back the tears that started to build in his eyes.

He had to be strong, at least for now. Since there was already the awkward silence between them Abe decided to take a little more time to compose himself. A few deep breaths and a count to ten was all it took to get back his control. He replaced his injured pain riddled face with the calm façade he normally wore.

When he was ready the raven haired catcher spoke up. "I wanted to tell you how proud of you I am." It was in no way a lie. Abe was more proud than anything to simply know the pitcher let alone have the grace and fortune to build him up. As much as the catcher truly felt proud; more than anything he hated himself for not being able to tell Mihashi how he really felt.

The two continued to stare into the depths of each others souls through the windows of their eyes. Abe wanted to be hypnotized by the brown orbs again. He could see himself falling into their depths and divulging all of his deepest secrets. As much as he wanted to follow the magnetic hold drawing him through the gateways he could not. Some other mysterious force was repelling the hold the brown eyes of the pitcher had on his catcher.

Instantly Abe knew what it was; knew the reason why Mihashi no longer ensnared his soul every time he looked into the pitchers eyes, no longer sent electricity surging through his veins every time he touched the timid teen. Abe was still irrevocably in love with his friend. That much would never change. What had changed was in the relatively small yet intense moment of love the seeds of an epiphany formed in the catcher's mind that wouldn't come to fruition until after the moment had passed. There was no other reason Abe could see. The two were just not meant to be.

To use a word like fate or destiny seemed simply hokey; but that is exactly what the young catcher thought was standing in his way. Mihashi simply was not supposed to be with Abe. It was as absolute as the sun rising in the east. There would always be a chunk of Abe's heart that yearned for the pitcher. But as far as Abe was concerned the only one he would ever love would be Mihashi.

Abe watched as the life he wanted disappeared into the depths of the smaller teen's eyes. He saw Mihashi and himself graduating from high school, going off to college together, buying a house and living together as friends and lovers. As the last fleeting images of what would have been disappeared a new movie started playing. It was not so much a vision of the future, but more of a silent promise the raven haired teen was making to the meek pitcher. Abe saw it all. He saw himself tutoring Mihashi while in college; saw himself eternally jealous at Mihashi's wedding; buying a house just down the street from Mihashi; and always alone. Abe would never get over the pitcher, his heart told him that, but instead he would be there for the dirty blond ready to help and always thankful for the opportunity to be a part of his life.

"Mihashi," Abe said breaking the silence. His voice was alien to him. Instead of the stern husky voice of a teen in the midst of puberty Abe's voice was a rasping whisper. "How are you feeling?"

"I-I'm better, a-Abe-kun," Mihashi responded.

Abe smiled a fake smile. It felt pathetic but it was all he could muster. "Ready to go home?"

The pitcher nodded his head in the same violent jerking motion. For an instant the fake smile touched reality. Abe reached down and took his friend's hand, helping him up. Together they walked to the train station.

Author's note: so what do you guys think of the ranting? Please…PLEASE let me know what you think of the story in particularly. I'm thinking of Americanizing it and hopefully *crosses fingers* turn it into a novel.