So how's everyone doing? I hope you like this…I'll guess we'll call it angsty chapter. Please review and tell me what you think. There's a nice little twist in there so have some fun.
Chapter 10
His dragged Abe feet as he descended the stairs for the first time since the travesty with Mihashi on Saturday. The only reason why he left his room now was because he had to go to a week's worth of conditioning practice. Technically the school was on its winter break. The baseball team was not. Momoe had decided not to hold practice and to let the team have a bit of fun over the winter break. The captain and his seconds decided otherwise.
More than anything Abe wanted to skip practice; there was no way he could face Mihashi. The steely eyed teen was sure that the pitcher had no idea what Abe felt. That in itself was alright. What Abe knew would set him off was simply seeing Mihashi. He couldn't even face his parents or Shun for fear that they would question him about Saturday and he would loose himself. Once he got home Abe shut himself up in his room only leaving to go to the bathroom. Saturday night was spent morning the horrible string of events that made that afternoon into a contender for the worst day he had ever had.
Abe had cried during the night Saturday night. He was at first horrified to see the remnants of the salt water stained into the maroon of his pillow case but as he thought about what had happened the prospect of being so attached to the pitcher where he would actually cry over Mihashi gave him a bit of a thrill. At least he knew that he wasn't such an emotionless vessel, that he actually did have a heart. These feelings shortly subsided leaving Abe empty and cold inside. That cold stayed with him throughout the Sunday as he tried to reason with himself and work through the feelings.
It was almost too much for Abe to handle. Throughout the day Sunday he never got hungry enough to go down stairs and risk any sort of speculating questions from his parents. The majority of the grief had dissipated during the night only to be replaced with cold and unfeeling reasoning in the morning. He spent the day, empty of all emotion, in his room sometimes crying sometimes simply thinking about life and what his next move should be. By missing that one simple beat, his chance to tell the only person he truly cared about how he felt Abe had single-handedly cast everything into chaos. It was like he was piecing together some impossible puzzle on the verge of understanding the whole picture only to have it fall apart in his hands; so close to the answer and now so far away. Like all fifteen years of his life had to be redone.
Monday morning was more than dreaded. It was eight in the morning; he had practice at nine. Shun was over at a friend's house and his parents were both at work. It was placid in the house. As Abe ate breakfast he thought about the insurmountable task he had ahead of him and his hands started to tremble. How could he possible face Mihashi? As far as Abe knew the pitcher had no idea what happened on Saturday or why Abe was acting so weird. But still how could he possibly expect the pitcher to understand or even recognize the pain that had now drained Abe of his soul.
But like it or not sooner or later he would have to talk to the pitcher again. Abe owed it to the team to finish out his high school baseball career at Nishiura and there was no way he could do that without once talking to Mihashi. Even if by some horrid twist of fate Abe left Nishiura he could never catch for another pitcher. Once he caught for the timid and slow pitcher with godlike control everyone else was just a mediocre pitcher who could throw the ball fast. Besides, anybody else would shake off Abe's signs.
Then again Abe did not love anyone like he did Mihashi. And it just might be for Mihashi's own good that Abe would have to leave. Better hurt him a little now then a whole lot in the future.
With a heavy heart Abe was out the door by eight thirty. It was a fifteen minute walk at a quick pace would put Abe at the field meaning he would be about fifteen minutes early. The good part about being early was that there would be a great chance that he would have the entire walk to think of a coping mechanism for Mihashi. Thankfully it was only a conditioning practice inside the school's gym meaning that interaction with the timid teen would be limited.
The catcher's assumptions were right on the money. He was alone on the scenic walk but not the first to practice. One of the lockers already had clothes and a familiar deep blue bag stashed inside. Upon entering the gym Abe had his question answered. Izumi was running wind sprints on the basketball court. Abe leaned against the door frame leading to the locker room and watched the center fielder as he streaked from one side of the court to the other.
As he watched his teammate Abe began to think about Izumi. His speed had definitely increased since the end of the season let alone the beginning. Abe and Mihashi usually arrived a little late for morning conditioning because of their extra throwing practice. He never noticed how much extra conditioning Izumi put in to his practicing until now. Abe began to wonder how early Izumi would arrive to do his own conditioning.
While Abe was thinking about the center fielder said teen had noticed the taller catcher and stopped running. "Yo!" He called to Abe.
"Hey!" Abe called back to his teammate. "You're here early."
Izumi walked over to the drinking fountain next to Abe. The catcher studies his friend's face as he walked over. Izumi's expression had changed since he had stopped running and saw Abe making him wonder what could be on the center fielder's mind. "How's it going?" Izumi asked in a somewhat odd attempt at making small talk. Truth be told Abe was still rather uncomfortable speaking one on one with the speed demon after what happened at the end of the season in Shiga-Sensei's room. Every time Abe and Izumi spoke the catcher wondered if Hanai would pop out of nowhere and punch him again.
"Pretty good," was all Abe said.
That was also a drawback when talking to Izumi. He was a natural stoic and a man of few words. Combined with Abe's naturally quiet tendencies whenever the two spoke to each other the conversations were always short and to the point. Only once can Abe remember a conversation of any importance that was not more grunts than words, and just the memory of the event made Abe subconsciously rub his jaw.
The fact that Izumi had stopped his workout and was now facing Abe hinted to the catcher that the center fielder had something he wanted to say. Izumi came out swinging getting straight to the point. "So you and Aizawa-chan huh? How's that going along?" There was one plus to talking to Izumi; the topic at hand was never shrouded in small talk.
At first Abe was perplexed by this sudden question. To be honest he had not expected it at all. "What do you mean?" He asked, hoping that Izumi would elaborate on his question a little more.
But to Abe's surprise Izumi, for the first time since Abe had known him, looked uncertain of himself. As if his face wasn't enough to confirm Abe's thoughts Izumi's stuttering speech was a dead giveaway. "I, um, I was just curious. Just making sure everything was going well between you two; make sure you weren't fighting or anything."
"No we're not. Why do you ask?" Abe answered Izumi's question with his own more important question. He wanted to find out why Izumi was asking such weird questions.
"Well you're part of the team and Aizawa-chan's become part of the group now. I just wanted to make sure you and your girlfriend aren't fighting or anything that might divide the group."
He had heard that magic words. Izumi dropped the word "girlfriend" in his answer and that was all that Abe could focus on. "She's not my girlfriend," the catcher responded hoping to Izumi didn't notice the small pause. Abe could tell from the way Izumi was standing and facing the catcher along with the way the center fielder had brought up the topic of Abe and Aizawa that he had something important to say and was hoping for a specific outcome. Abe was pretty sure he knew where Izumi wanted this conversation to go, and if he was willing to take the chance and ask Abe he saw no reason to let his teammate have what he wanted. Instead of responding right away Abe started to chuckle a light and slightly mocking laugh. "There's nothing going on between us; we're just friends."
"Really? I thought that, well, after seeing you two…" he trailed off.
"Seeing us what?"
"Well, it's just that you two are together a lot and so I thought well…"
It seemed like Izumi had a habit of trailing off. Then again Abe never really had a reason to exchange more than a few words with his teammate. He pressed his lips into a thin line at the bitter memories he had with the bid breasted annoyance and then turned that line into a smirk at what was to come. "Na we're just friends I guess."
Izumi started to nod his head slowly. "Huh," he said flatly. His face betrayed nothing but his voice wavered slightly telling Abe there was more to the uncharacteristically long conversation.
The catcher waited. He knew that Izumi wanted some specific information besides the mindless banter and with time the speed demon would get to his agenda.
"So Abe, you don't have any feelings for her do you?" Izumi could not conceivably get any cooler as far as Abe was concerned. The way he simply went out and asked such a delicate question without hindrance made Abe envy his teammate's chill and sure persona. Instantly he wished that some of Izumi would rub off on Mihashi.
Thankfully the catcher was able to stop the awe from betraying his voice. "No," he said plainly. But it was not exactly the whole truth; Abe felt annoyance, some malicious intent, and other such general feelings directed towards Aizawa that he knew Izumi was not talking about. There was the chance that the smaller teen would hear the half truth in his voice. The more Abe thought about it and weighed his chances he couldn't help but feel the need to cover himself just in case Izumi decided to ask some unwanted questions. "We just don't really mesh."
"I see," the smaller stoic teen said. The look on his face told Abe that the center fielder was contemplating something.
He was silent as he waited for Izumi to speak again. As he waited Abe looked around the gym, noting with satisfaction that nobody else was around. After the first time he was still a little paranoid when talking one to one with Izumi. As he surveyed the gym Izumi finally said was Abe was waiting for, but in a way the catcher didn't expect. Izumi leaned away from Abe as he spoke as if trying to avoid the steely eyed teen like he had some contagious disease. "Anyway, would it be cool if I asked her out? If not don't worry about it. I just wanted to check with you to make sure you were fine with it."
"Why would I mind?" Abe asked.
"I just want to make sure that things are cool between us. If you feel like it's too soon or were going to ask her yourself then or for some reason don't want me to ask her then that's cool too."
Despite expecting this it still surprised Abe; he never thought Izumi would actually ask Abe if it was alright for him to go out with Aizawa. "No Izumi I don't mind at all. Good luck man I hope you two are happy together; I really mean that."
"Hope who's happy together?" Mizutani asked.
"Izumi's going to ask Aizawa out," Abe replied, not thinking about the conversation's privacy. Hopefully Izumi wouldn't mind. There were precious few secrets on the team.
Mizutani raised a solitary rust colored eyebrow. "And you're fine with that Abe?"
"Yeah why wouldn't I be?"
"Well aren't you and Aizawa-chan kinda dating?" Mizutani asked with genuine curiosity in his voice.
Was it possible that everyone thought they were dating? Abe wondered how seemingly everyone missed the not-so-subtle queues. "No, there was never anything that strong between us. If Izumi wants to go out with her then I wish them both the best."
No emotion played out over Izumi's face but Abe found it hiding in his voice. "Thanks Abe, that really does mean a lot."
More voices from the locker room told the trio that the rest of the team was arriving and since Abe was in support of Izumi the decision was not exactly a team affair and therefore they didn't have to know about it right away. If she said yes then they'd hear about it sooner or later anyway. Abe split off from the doorway and tried his best to hide among the group. He was hiding from Mihashi. Abe knew that if he was to talk to his friend, even get near him then weak glue holding Abe together would dissolve unleashing the emotional sinkhole that had incapacitated the catcher since Saturday night.
The gym echoed with the pants and groans of ten teenagers pushing their bodies to the max. Abe was thankful that the practice was pure conditioning which meant little interaction in the form of conversation. He did his best to hide from Mihashi in the crowd. Their captains put the team through rigorous exorcizes quickly turning the sleepy teens into completely exhausted bodies at the brink of collapse. For one long and strenuous hour half the group sprinted in intricate patterns set out in plastic orange cones precisely set up on the parquet floor while the other half jogged around the perimeter. At the hour mark the two groups took a break and then switched for another hour.
Once the team was completely and thoroughly drained of all energy Hanai called practice to an end. The largest teen surveyed his friends and noted with satisfaction how they, like he, could hardly stand let alone keep their eyes open. "Alright!" Hanai called out after blowing the shiny whistle dangling on his neck. "That's enough!"
Both groups joined him in the middle of the gym crumpling to rest on the floor. The tired and wasted eyes of the ten teens spoke volumes towards the team's enthusiasm and conditioning.
Hanai's glee at what Abe presumed to be both a well run efficient practice and the prospects of a three week break from school was smattered across his face. "We had a good practice today everyone. Same thing tomorrow and the rest of the week."
This earned Hanai a loud protest of moans and groans from his teammates.
The tallest teen held up his hands in hopes to quiet the crowd. Barely a moment passed before the displeased group gave in to either Hanai's request or their own tired bodies and quieted down. "Next week is Christmas so you'll have the whole week off. If you guys need to miss for some reason, family related Mizutani," Hanai glared at the idiot left but continued, "make sure you give me a call or send me a mail."
Nishihiro raised his hand. "I have a question."
Hanai raised an eyebrow to Nishihiro's still-to-be-asked question. "We're not in class Nishihiro; go ahead and shout out your question."
"Yes sir Hanai-Sensei," Nishihiro said without breaking stride.
This response earned a "smartass…" from Hanai along with chuckles from those still awake enough to hear the exchange.
Nishihiro continued as if the big captain had said nothing. "What about this week? What if we need to leave this week?"
Hanai thought about it for a minute. To Abe there was nothing to think about, and after he moment of thinking Hanai agreed. "If you need to leave this week just let me know and it won't be a problem. But let me ask, does anyone need to leave this week?" Nobody raised their hand. "Good," Hanai continued, "then I'll expect you all at practice every day this week same time."
The group groaned again but with more enthusiasm due to their rest.
"Fine, fine, we'll see how things play out this week. If we have good practices for the next few days I might give you guys a long weekend; but no promises."
A half hearted cheer greeted this proposal. Nobody particularly wanted to practice over their break and if a short week meant extra effort they were all willing to give all they had.
Once Hanai was done with his attempt at a motivational speech Abe scrambled into the locker room determined to change and leave as fast as he could. He didn't even look at Mihashi as he stumbled in at the end of the pack. Abe ignored everyone around him, focused on getting out. As he jetted out the door he almost ran over a surprised Sakaeguchi midway through asking a question.
That night Abe got a rather unexpected and awkward phone call. He was reading in his room in the twilight hours of the night waiting for sleep to overtake him. It caught Abe by surprise when his mobile went off. He was use to three chimes notifying him of a new mail. He was not, however, suspecting the shrill monotone 8-bit sound byte that was his ringtone. Abe hardly ever actually got an actual phone call making him wonder why he even had the service to begin with.
The small LCD screen on the front of the phone made Abe sigh. He was use to Aizawa calling him. When that got annoying he stopped answering the phone and she started sending him mails. Nobody bothered to call him any more.
He was skeptical when he saw the caller id but he answered anyway.
"Oh my god Abe-kun guess what!"
Aizawa's silence told Abe that much to his disappointment he was supposed to follow along in the conversation. "What?" He made a face at his voice. He couldn't keep all of his apathy for just about anything regarding the girl out of his voice.
But apparently she didn't hear it. "Izumi-kun just asked me on a date tomorrow night!"
Abe had to switch the phone to his other ear. She had just shrieked the deafening words that could actually peak his interest and now he actually wanted to be able to hear the story. "Congrats!" He answered with more enthusiasm than he could ever remember having when dealing with his classmate. "Where are you two going?"
She paused, catching Abe in suspense. "Well," she huffed, obviously not wanting to answer Abe's quandary.
"Well what?"
"I kinda told Izumi-kun that I'd have to get back with him. Then I sorta hung up." Before he even registered what she said Abe took note of her voice. Lighthearted chagrin laced her voice, sounding almost like someone who was caught in a fib. Normally Abe would not have minded what she did so much but an unexpected surge of camaraderie flared making Abe want to back his friend.
The only trouble was that he didn't know what to say to build up Izumi; so he said the only thing he could think of. "Why? Don't you like Izumi?" With all his heart Abe wished she did. He wished and hoped and pleaded that his teammate and this girl would be happy together, become high school sweethearts, get married and grow old together. He was not jealous in the least bit; instead only wanting these two to be happy.
Aizawa must have heard the absolute innocence in Abe's voice. The absoluteness of his sincerity was obvious even to Abe. Couldn't she tell that he was glad that he had confessed to her? "I," she faltered, her voice perceptively and surprisingly gentler than if she was confident in her answer. "I do like him, I really do. I just hoped that maybe, maybe you might…" She trailed off not bothering to finish what they both knew she was going to say.
Abe knew what she wanted. The word 'subtle' had no meaning to the female. What was even more astonishing was that she, after so many rejections, still entertained the belief that Abe had any lingering attachment towards her. Despite having a lightened heart the magnitude that this very conversation had on a particular center fielder colored his voice. Without his command Abe's voice matched the depth and severity of Aizawa's. He finished her sentence. "Might have any lingering attachments to you."
"Yes." Her voice was but a whisper now, and if Abe hadn't heard the sound through his phone he would have assumed it was a mere breeze stirring the pillars of dust in his room.
It did not surprise the steely eyed teen that she would still have feelings for him. It was after all an unrequited love and she was bound to keep trying until she either got sick of his rejection or entertained a different fancy. What caught his attention was the fact that she was willing to hold out on Izumi simply to have one last go at what they both knew deep down was a lost cause. Abe didn't know what to feel at this. Should he feel awed at her tenacity? Shocked at her brutality towards Izumi? Indifferent at the matter? Or could he suffice at holding onto the briefest twangs of a superiority and self satisfaction at knowing that it was he whom she chose first, it was he that she wanted, and it was Izumi that she was settling for?
But what good would these feelings do for him spare tell him that he could once again feel? He needed not any simple gratification that a sense of superiority would give him. He knew that she was not a brutal person, instead that she had like a true dreamer hoped to win over the center of her affections; and like a tragic princess found only a shattered heart where her dreams had been.
Abe inhaled deeply, letting the taste of the air play across his tong. He took two more of these deep breaths before he spoke. "Aizawa-chan I'm going to say this as plainly as I can." There was no avoiding pain at this point. No matter what Abe said he was going to hurt her. Now he could only attempt to dull the pain. "I feel no affection for you. The chances of us ever getting together are zero." Abe winced internally as he spoke. His voice sounded to him much harsher than he wanted it to. He was very annoyed that she had tried to create some sort of connection between them, sometimes taking things to unnecessary extremes. But still, Abe didn't want to have any bad blood between them. "I want us to stay friend no matter what happens between us."
"Me too." Aizawa's sad voice twanged inside Abe's mind. "I'll always be here if you need me."
Abe didn't like where she was going. He wanted things to end on a good note between them and he wanted it to end fast. Instead of continuing with the somber mood of the conversation he decided it was best to cut her off there. "But I think that it's rude to keep Izumi waiting. Give him a call and tell him how you really feel. I think that if u call him soon he'll forgive you." Abe lightened his voice for the last part of his monologue. He really did not want to have this discussion with Aizawa no matter how happy he was that she was finally going to leave him alone and instead go out with Izumi. The raven haired catcher did not want any ill will between himself and his friends and by leaving Aizawa in a good mood he all but ensured that she and Izumi's conversation would go smoothly.
"O…Ok," She agreed.
"Hey Aizawa-chan, let me know how things turned out. I'll talk to you later." With a last ditch effort Abe added a hopeful and somewhat sincere uplift to his voice.
"Yeah, ok." She hung up leaving Abe with his thoughts. Abe was glad that they would hopefully get together. He definitely needed something happy to keep him from going insane with pessimism.
Since the conversation had ended and Abe had nothing else to do, he returned to his book.
On Tuesday morning Abe arrived early once again to find Izumi running wind sprints before the official practice began. Once the smaller teen saw Abe he stopped his workout and made his way over, his already tired body dripping with sweat and exhaustion.
Abe wanted to ask how Izumi did it; how he not only gave his all during practice but added in extra beforehand. Instead he tried to act like nonchalant. "Yo. How's it going?"
For the first time Abe saw a side of the cool and intense center fielder he thought didn't exist. Before he said a word the goofiest tooth riddled smile erupted across Izumi's face. "Guess what?"
Only one thing could make Izumi into such a big buffoon. Abe knew exactly what it was but decided to act like he had no idea. "What?"
"I talked to Aizawa Mai last night."
Abe was not very skilled in acting, but it was enough to fool Izumi. He spread his eyes as wide as he could and filled his face full of surprise. "Did you tell her? What did she say?"
Izumi let out a nervous chuckle from deep in his throat. "She, ah, she scared me at first. I was nervous as hell but after I told her she was happy. Shocked me when she said that she had to go though before she told me yes or no."
"What happened then?" Abe asked. He was wondering how Aizawa had recovered from the awkward call back.
"I was thinking that she didn't feel the same about me and wanted a reason to hang up. But I was overjoyed when she called me back and told me that she felt the same way."
"Why did Aizawa-chan hang up in the first place?" It was a question that Aizawa herself hadn't answered when Abe tried to ask her in a subtle manner.
Izumi scoffed at a private memory. "Her mobile died and so she had to find her charger and plug her mobile in before she could call again. And to think I was worried that she didn't want to tell me something. I was sure she was calling someone else."
The taller teen laughed nervously at his teammate's musings. "But everything's fine now?"
"Going out to eat and to a movie tonight. Figured the whole 'dinner and a movie' thing wouldn't be too bad for a first date."
"That's a good idea," Abe agreed. "Never hurts to play it a little safe on the first date."
Loud noises in the locker room told the duo that soon they would no longer be having a private conversation. Instead they decided to put the talk on hold and get ready for the practice.
By the end of practice he had mostly forgotten about Izumi's victory only to return to his cold self. He was numb, unfeeling, alone, and completely scared of it all. At home he tried to act normal. If someone spoke to him he would answer. Life began to feel like the beginning of the season all over again. After everything that he went through with his team he began to feel like he was a stranger to them. Even his own family started to look foreign to him. How could they possibly understand anything that he was going through? He had nobody to talk to about his problem, nobody that he trusted enough to talk to.
As the day past he started to think about his future. The life Abe had planned for himself being with Mihashi was now but a pleasant memory. Instead he debated with himself whether he should follow his new plan and stay as close to his friend as he could or try to sever his ties with Mihashi after high school and try to start out anew. By the time he went to bed Tuesday night he was no closer to the answer then when the problem first showed itself.
Like most days Abe did not want to go to practice on Wednesday. His eyes were red from lack of a restful sleep. In the kitchen he found no sign of life despite knowing his parents had both been up and gone to work. Only Shun was at home with Abe and he started to resent half heartedly his brother's sleep. A malicious plan crossed the steely eyed teen's mind but he disregarded it immediately. Why should he ruin his brother's sleep while Abe spend another restless night tossing and turning?
Hanai made the announcement at the end of Wednesday's practice. The broad smile on his face betrayed his intention before his mouth could form the words. Abe had a faint suspicion as the captain spoke that whether or not the team had a particularly dedicated set of practices he would give the team Thursday and Friday off and have them resume Monday January fourth. Everyone let out a whoop of excitement. They had two and a half weeks of no practice and no school ahead of them. This troubled Abe. He wondered what he could do to both avoid his family and keep himself sane.
The prospect of having their first break from baseball since the beginning of the season gave the ten teens more energy than they normally had after practice. A few of the jokers, Tajima and Mizutani in particular, jokes and chased each other while everyone walked into the locker room. Once everyone was together in the locker room Sakaeguchi lagged back by the door. He waited just long enough for everyone to settle down but not long enough for too many to start undressing before he made his announcement. Abe eyed the second baseman, reading the stress and anxiety plain on his face before his spoke. He was nervous. The catcher chuckled as he thought about what the second baseman's nerves did to him. He wondered if Sakaeguchi needed to use the toilet. "Hey guys, my dad is taking my little brother out of town to my aunt and uncle's house for the Christmas holidays. It's just going to be my big sis and I at home and she said would be fine for everyone to come over for a Christmas party on Christmas eve. Anyone interested?"
A chorus of "sure" and "ok" affirmed the team's presence; except for Abe. He was ambivalent in his decision. On the one hand it would be nice to go out with the team. It would allow him to hopefully rekindle some of the old fires of friendship that he felt withering. On the other hand Mihashi would be there and it would almost definitely mean he would have to talk to his pitcher and, worst case scenario, would have to explain why Abe was acting so weird. The deciding factor came from the fact that Abe did not want to spend Christmas at home and this would give him an excuse to get out of the house. Before the end of the storm of affirmation ended Abe threw in his own acceptance.
Sakaeguchi visibly calmed now that the team accepted his invite. "I'll send u guys a mail with more information. I just wanted to see who all was interested."
Abe kept his eye on Sakaeguchi checking to see if his intuition paid off. As expected the second baseman, once finished with his presentation, made a beeline for the bathroom and quickly shut himself into a stall. Abe had to put his hands over his mouth to stop himself from laughing out loud. If Sakaeguchi could not make an announcement in front of ten of his teammates how was he able to give a presentation to a class?
Just like on Monday and Tuesday Abe changed as fast as he could and was out of the locker room before everybody else. A pang of pain and another emotion Abe couldn't quite identify. It felt something like longing mixed with nostalgia and it ached unlike anything the teen had ever felt. Only once did he look back at the school and in that moment the agony raked at him. That was that last time he looked back on his way home. He didn't run home, there was nothing there that Abe really wanted at the moment. He did stop at home, enough to take a shower and change his clothes, but he didn't stay there. Abe didn't know where he was going. Instead he obeyed the compulsion in the pit of his stomach and set out for a walk in the snow.
So what does everyone think? Please review!!!