Tears of the soul

Chapter 5

Just a Dream

Disclaimer: Sadly the REAL boys don't belong to me…instead I have Barbie dolls I named after them…shhh don't tell anyone!!

AN: Hey guys so I am really sorry about the long wait. My sister got back 3 weeks early and she is safe, so that is good. But I just got back from vacation with my family, and I haven't had access to a computer, but I wrote a lot down. This chapter and the next were inspired by the Grand Canyon. The first thing that comes to mind when we got there was Supernatural…weird right?!?! Oh well, it helped me to write. Another thanks to snsw25kr14....beyond freakin amazing! Please read and ENJOY!!!

Dean continued with the cycle of light sleeping. He had yet to sleep more than an hour at a time. This was do to the fact that he kept checking on Sam, making sure he was breathing. He kept this up until the early morning hours, when he finally gave up on sleep. Thankfully, much to his relief, Sam's temperature had stayed down throughout the night, usually around 98.7 and was relieved that no more nightmares had made an appearance.

As the sun continued to rise so did Deans hope. He decided that physically Sam would bounce back without a problem, although he may be a bit sore from the seizure, and gunshot wound. However, mentally and emotionally he wasn't as confident. The dark circles that had formed under Sam's eyes, reminded him that his little brother had yet to have a truly decent night's sleep. Sam needed that and a good meal. It worried him that whatever was going on inside of Sam's head was causing him this much stress.

As it got later in the morning Dean left Sam's bedside and got himself cleaned up. He thought he would go out and bring back some breakfast before he woke Sam up. This would allow a little time to himself to gather his thoughts. He grabbed his jacket and car keys and decided that he didn't want to risk another suicide attempt. So he quickly gathered all the weapons that were in the room and anything he thought could be used as a weapon, he wasn't taking any chances while he was gone.

Before he left though, he stopped to write a note, and put it on the table in case Sam got up before he returned. He knew Sam would worry if he woke up in an empty motel room. He didn't want to cause Sam any unnecessary worry, so the note seemed like a good idea. He walked out to the Impala and admired her. Her beauty had been the only real home they had growing up. She was good to him and treated him far better than any real and breathing woman ever had. As he got in and started up the engine, he remembered the times he had spent in it with Sam, and wondering about the times Sam had spent in her alone while he was gone. It made his stomach ache to think of what Sam had been through when he was gone.

As he drove to the small greasy diner his worry for Sam increased. What if Sam woke up and tried to get out of bed by himself? What if something or someone came to the room? Sam was completely defenseless. He made sure to not take any more time than needed. After ordering and getting their food he quickly got back into the Impala. As he drove back to the motel his thoughts swirled around Sam. What was happening to Sam and why? Was it a demon, Lilith, or something else entirely? Before he knew it he had arrived back at the motel room. He had removed all the weapons from the room, but he didn't feel comfortable enough to stay in the room, with zero weapons. He was always prepared so he grabbed his gun and knife just in case anything was to happen.

As he entered the motel room his stomach dropped. He felt panic and worry rise in his throat. Where one of the beds had previously been occupied they were now both empty. Before he had time to worry about where Sam might have gone, he heard the faucet running in the bathroom. He quickly dropped the food on the table and sprinted over to the bathroom. He tried to keep from getting sick at the site before him, and he knew it was something that was going to be burned into his memory, something he wouldn't soon forget.

SNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNS!

Sam fell back to sleep after his "meeting" with Alastair, feeling utterly and completely exhausted. He was grateful that, for some reason, this time he didn't dream. He instead found himself back in the dark expanses of his mind, though instead of feeling fear or panic, he felt peace. Not wanting to disrupt whatever had caused the peace he laid there, and for the first time in what felt like an eternity he well and truly rested.

Before he was ready he started to feel the pull back to reality. Slowly one by one he was able to acknowledge each of his senses, as they returned back to him. He stayed still for a moment, in the place between wakefulness and sleep. He desperately wanted to stay asleep, he didn't want to wake up and deal with Dean's questions and the constant worry in his eyes. Unfortunately his mind wasn't listening to what he wanted.

He finally woke all the way up, and made to get up to go to the bathroom, his bladder feeling ready to burst. He had not made it more than two steps when the worst pain in his life descended onto his leg. He crumpled to the ground, tears stinging his eyes. He looked down and saw a wound eerily similar to one he vaguely recognized from his dream the previous night. Tears started to flow, as the pain became increasingly worse. He limped into the bathroom, gritting his teeth against the dizziness. He refused to fall in this damn bathroom. He was stronger than that.

He stood in front of the mirror, and looked at his reflection not realizing how bad off he was. His eyes were starting to sink in slightly and dark circles were appearing under his eyes. His hair was wild and looked dirty. His skin felt gross and he really felt the need to shower. He didn't know if he had the strength to actually shower so he felt best to wait until Dean returned. If Dean came back and found out Sam had tried to shower on his own, shit would hit the fan.

As he sat there he all of a sudden remembered the dream in full detail. He remembered all that was going on, and the fact that he would have to go through this again once he went back to sleep. There would not be a Dean to worry about him, or questions to answer. In a quick and painful hit, he again came to the realization that Dean was dead, and it was all his fault.

He didn't realize just how much the nightmares were taking out of him. Sure, physically he felt weak. He looked like death had warmed over. Although he knew eventually he would recover physically, he was starting to worry about his mental and emotional state. His mind felt like it was trapped in darkness and constant pain. His head always ached after a nightmare and he felt like a child. A child that needed a parent or older sibling to constantly remind them that monsters weren't real. Only in his case monsters were real, very, very, real.

He had never before had a wound carry over from his dreams into the waking world, but then again, he thought, all the others had been fatal. He figured it was Alastair's way of more pain for Sam and more humor for himself. It made him sick to feel the pain in his leg. Was this what Dean went through or was it worse? He shook his head and knew without a doubt what Dean had gone through was definitely way worse than what he had gone through, no questions asked. It was his job as a Winchester to suck it up and deal with the pain, but that didn't mean it was going to be easy.

As he stood there he started to think about the dream, not even acknowledging the pain it would cause him later. He remembered the way Dean had taken such good care of him, gentle hands and soothing words that calmed his damaged soul. He could still fell the presence of Dean in the room. The tears started to fall faster, and he could do nothing to stop them. This trick Alastair had pulled had hurt the most, and he wasn't sure how much more he could take, before he broke completely. One man could only take so much and he was only human.

Sam crumpled to the floor as he thought this, not even noticing his wounded leg, and sobbed. He curled in on himself on the floor of the dirty bathroom, and sobbed for all he had lost, and for all those he could not save. He was so absorbed in his grief that he failed to notice the door swinging open and a figure walk in. His grief and sorrow, pain and fear, were beginning to consume him. He was losing who he had once been. He was so lost in his thoughts that he also missed the whispered words from this stranger.

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"Oh my god Sammy, what happened?"

AN: So what did ya'll think? Was it good, bad, okay?!?! What do you guys want to see happen between the brothers next?? I know it was kinda short but it will have more fluff coming up soon. The next chapter will be up in a couple of days I already have it written….I'm excited!! Please drop a review…they help SO much more than you could ever know!!

Lots of Love

-lullabyJN