Author's Note: This is the penultimate chapter. The next chapter will focus on Dorcas' thoughts. Enjoy and thank-you for reading.

Laura Timmins

She tossed in her bed, unable to sleep. She swayed from anger to heartache as she thought about the last couple of days. The tears still trickled but she no longer noticed them. She ached for Fisher's love; his sweet kisses and maturity, his small peculiarities that she had come to adore. She would give anything to be with him again, even if it was for just a day. And that was when the anger welled up.

Anger at Fisher for leaving her! Anger at Miss Lane for giving up a man who was so in love with her that he was willing to change just to stay with her forever. Why couldn't Fisher be like Mr JD? Why was Miss Lane being so foolish? It was so clear that they both loved each other and yet Mr Dowland was rejected. For what? To maintain her independent image? Why couldn't Miss Lane see that happiness lay in love and that love lay in the arms of Mr Dowland. Why was she being so, so, so blind!?

Why did she keep self-inflicting this hurt and loneliness on herself? It made no sense! They could have made each other so happy, so, so happy…just like she and Fisher could have made each other so, so happy, she reflected in sadness. She knew Miss Lane had had her fair share of dark moments when it came to love but why wasn't she taking her chance now? Why?

She suddenly felt a wave of shame sweep as she remembered how she had come so close to shaking Miss Lane after Minnie told her that Mr JD's proposal had been rejected.

The silence of the small bedroom became stifling. She heard a door close softly and a creak on the stairs. Unable to contain herself, she got out of bed. She went out onto the landing to find it in darkness. She watched a candle move lower down into the house. She desperately wanted company. However seeking out the older woman's company would not be ideal tonight. Miss Lane was normally so soothing for her conscience but not tonight. Tonight, they were both in turmoil with neither being able to offer the other solace. She remained standing in the darkness of the landing undecided about whether she should try to console her mentor or to leave her in peace.

Perhaps not… she turned back into her room.

As she settled down under her covers again, she realized in her heart of hearts that she could not bear to have the situation different. Her suffering would have been made worse, much worse, if she had Miss Lane's happiness for comparison to her bleak life without Fisher.

It was selfish of her, she knew…but she was too heartbroken over loves that could have been to chastise her empty conscience. If only sleep would come, so that she could forget…forget it all for just one night.