Chapter Two: Remind Me Again Why I Have To Go To The Hannah Montana Concert?

I don't own Artemis Fowl or Hannah Montana

I, Artemis Fowl, detest music concerts. Not Mozart, Beethoven or other classical concerts, but loud ones with loads of idiotic fans yelling some teen pop star's name over and over again.

I'm not choosing to go to the Hannah Montana concert, far from it. I'm being forced, that's right. Someone is forcing Artemis Fowl to do something, and as quite a number of people know, it ends badly if you do. But this time, I'm not being forced by some random businessman for some joke to embarrass me. I'm being forced by the three most important women in my life, Mother, Juliet and Captain Holly Short. Then, you may ask another question: Why would the three most important women in your life torture you? And the answer is: That one feels I need to be more sociable, and the others enjoy watching me being tortured. I know, stereotypically, elves are friendly, kind, caring creatures. But as I said, that's a stereotype, this elf is evil, really, really evil.

"Artemis! Get down here!" I sighed and shut down my laptop, calmly walking down the steps.

"Yes, Juliet?" I asked once I was in the lounge. The blonde crossed her arms and smiled evilly.

"There are a group of tourists staying next door," she said. I raised an eyebrow quizzically.

"And that is a reason to interrupt me from my research because…?"

"Well," continued Juliet. "There are five of them: Robbie Ray Stewart, the dad, Jackson Stewart, his son, Miley Stewart, his daughter and Miley's two best friends, Oliver Oken and Lilly Truscott." I kept my eyebrow raised.

"I still don't see why i have to be told," I said. Juliet patted me on the shoulder.

"Patience, Artemis. Lilly and Oliver are dating, but Miley is single." I kept my face straight, trying to resist the urge to start laughing.

"Should I care?" I asked, just as another random thought crossed my mind. "How do you know all this anyway?" I asked. Juliet smiled evilly, again.

"I am a Butler. What did you expect?"

"Quite a lot judging by your laid back attitude," I muttered under my breath.

"I wanted you to take these over to them," she said. Somehow in my mind, I was hearing another voice going, 'Girl who stalks the next door neighbours, say what?' but instead of embarrassing myself by being shocked, I acted calm.

"Take what over?"

"These cherries," she replied. "You could ride over on your horse." I sighed and took the cherries from her, knowing that if I didn't do what she asked, there would be trouble.

"Fine," I said, taking the cherries from her, and heading for the stables. I saddled my personal horse, Treacle. Ok, I know it's an idiotic name; it was my fault for hesitating when I was naming him, Beckett yelled 'Treacle' and that was that.

Anyway, I saddled Treacle and rode over to the house next door. When I got to the front porch and back onto firm ground, I tied Treacle to a nearby tree and knocked on the door. It was answered by a teenage boy who was shorter than me, but judging by his proportions, I guessed he was a couple of years older which then told me that he was Jackson, Mr Stewart's son.

"Good evening," I said, reaching my hand out to shake his. "I am Artemis Fowl the Second." The boy shook my hand.

"Hi, I'm Jackson," he said. "Let me get my Dad." He turned and cupped his hand around his mouth. "DAD!" he yelled. I winced and followed him inside.

I looked around as I entered. It wasn't as big as Fowl manor, but it wasn't small either. On one side of the hall we were walking through there were shut doors, but on the other side, only one was closed. I followed Jackson into the living room where Robbie Ray was watching television.

"Life's what you make it, so let's make it rock, life's what you…" sung a teenager who I identified as Hannah Montana. "Teen pop legend, Hannah Montana is in Ireland," said the reporter over Hannah's singing. "It is unclear where she is staying but one thing is clear; it is going to be a fantastic show! All seats are sold out, so Hannah, if you are watching this. A packed full stadium is watching, so good luck!" Robbie turned and high fived Jackson.

"Did you hear that, son?" he asked, switching off the TV. "Hannah's sold out." Jackson shrugged, gestured at me.

"This is Artemis, he lives next door," he said, leaving immediately. I tried to smile nicely and shook his hand.

"Pleased to meet you sir," I said, he grinned and took my hand.

"Ditto," he replied.

"Nobody's perfect, I gotta work it, again and again 'til I get it right," sung a voice, really loudly. "Nobody's perfect you…"

"MILEY!" yelled an irritated Jackson. "I'm trying to watch the baseball!"

"Sorry, Jackson for practising," replied a female voice. I smirked, finding this American family quite amusing to be around, I could imagine them making an interesting TV show.

"Sorry about my kids, they argue a lot," said Robbie Ray. I smirked again.

"Who doesn't?" I replied, I then changed the subject. "I was told to give you these," I said, handing him the box of cherries. Robbie Ray ripped open the box and began on them immediately.

"Mmmn, I love cherries," he said. I smiled awkwardly, just as another couple entered the room.

"I cant believe you took the bigger room, Lillipop," said the boy. 'Lillipop' smiled at him.

"I've already told you, Ollipop; girls need more room for clothes and shoes. You don't want me to be uncomfortable do you?" she asked. 'Olipop' shook his head.

"Of course not, Lillipop." He then noticed me. "Oh hi there, I'm Oliver Oken."

"I see," I replied. "I'm Artemis Fowl the Second. I live next door."

"I'm Lilly Truscott," the girl said, smiling at her boyfriend who had gone to share Robbie Ray's cherries. Jackson entered the room and made a beeline to the cherry box. I watched for a moment, then decided that I should get back to my research.

"I best be going," I said, edging awkwardly out of the room. The three men nodded their farewells as I left, thankful to get out of there.

"Holly," I said into my communicator once I was at home, and safely at my desk. "Do I have to join you to the Hannah Montana concert tomorrow night?" I heard a laugh on the other end.

"Of course," Holly said. "I can't go if you don't come and I'm so excited to meet her back stage."

"Holly," I warned. "You won't be able to meet her as such. You will just see Juliet and I meet her." I was surprised by my friend's behaviour; it was so unlike her to be obsessed with something, so…girly.

"Are you sure I can't pose as a human?" asked Holly. I thought for a moment.

"I don't think it will do much harm," I replied. "Just wear a wig or something and hope that nobody notices the difference." I heard Holly talking to herself.

"…so I could wear those shoes and that top and I could wear a blond wig!" I could hear her getting really excited on the other end.

"Calm down, Holly." I said. "I will see you tomorrow."