Chapter 6 - Humans Aren't Humane

In class...

"And that's how we were made. We're all a bunch of MONKEYS. That's why the world is full of doom, doom, doom, doom..."

The bell rung.

"GO HOME."

We just learned how humans were made. No wonder they're so...primitive. Today was a successful day in skool. I made a couple of new friends, Zim didn't deny my authority and hate my guts, and I find out that I have a new arch-nemesis. Dib. Fortunately, I knew just how to deal with Dib. I'll terminate him.

"You. Dib. Come here."

"Why should I?"

"COME HERE." I pulled him towards me.

I pulled him all the way to the alley behind skool, the same place Athena, Monei, and Biyu talked to me. I was gonna kill him, and even if I didn't, all the kids thought he was crazy, so I really had nothing to worry about.

"You may spend this Xmas in peace. Once the New Year comes, you shall be terminated. Enjoy your last days wisely."

"What?! Why are you gonna kill me?!"

"Why? Because you're a nuisance! You'll get in the way of me and Zim's mission! We WILL terminate Earthlings that get in the way. Once we're done, all Earthlings that aren't worthy shall also be terminated."

"I'll find a way to stop you. Maybe even a way to...destroy you."

"Destroy?! Me?! Ha! You make me laugh, human. What type of technology could an Earthling possibly have to destroy me? It's not possible, give up. Just enjoy your year and get out of my sight."

"I'll be watching you. Every little thing that you do, I'll take note of. Any HINT of a weakness, I will use against you. You will fail. Just like Zim when he always attempts to rule the Earth. I'll be there to stop you."

"I'm not Zim."

I left.

I went over to Zim's house to tell him the news. If he didn't like, I'll just make him forget about the whole thing, he'll be screwed, and I'll rule the Earth by myself. Simple as that. I rung the doorbell and waited. Finally, he answered. "Oh, it's just you. Come in."

"Just a sec. I need Rox here..." I used my communicator from my PAK to call Rox over. She came in a matter of seconds. We went inside. "Rox, why don't you go meet Zim's SIR unit?" I looked at Zim. "What's his name?"

"GIR."

"What does the G stand for?"

"No one really knows..."

"Umm...ok. Go meet GIR."

"Ok."

Oh, how cute they were! They seemed to be getting along just fine. When I left Rox to go to GIR, this is what happened.

"Umm...hello, I'm Rox."

"Hi! I'm GIR! I like tacos! And bacon! And monkeys! And...lots of other stuff! Oh, and pizza too!"

"I like pizza. And bacon. And lots of other stuff."

"ME TOO! You wanna watch the Angry Monkey Show with me?" GIR turned on the TV, and it seems that the 'Angry Monkey Show' was just an ape standing doing...nothing. SO CUTE! They sat there while me and Zim talked. Although, I think they weren't watching the TV...

"Zim, Dib will be terminated by the New Year."

"Terminated?! YES! FINALLY! I've been waiting this whole mission to see Dib come to his DOOM! Can I watch while you terminate him? Please?"

He was practically begging to watch me kill Dib. He must've reeeally hated him...

"Really? I'm only terminating him because I have to, not because I want to. I'm a fighter, not a killer. And besides, our mission will be much easier without him. And plus, if you don't comply with this, I'll just make you forget the whole thing," I said while my eyes sparkled, "And I'll rule Earth by myself, the end. Now, do you like the idea or not?"

"What was that again about the forgetting part?"

"Don't mind that. Do you like the idea or not?"

"Umm...sure. Yeah, why not. Only if I can see the termination, though!"

"Fine, fine, FINE!!!" I screamed while my eye slightly twitched.

The next day...

"LISTEN YOU WORTHLESS KIDS! I'm obligated by the state to let you guys see the stupid Xmas tree. So go and see it, and then I want you back in your seats or else you go to...the underground classroom."

I was scared. So everyone got out of their seats and went to go see the Xmas tree. I was obligated to too, so I went up and saw it. All I heard was mindless chatter from all the students.

"Hmpf. How stupid. A Xmas tree. What's so special about Xmas anyway?" I asked Zim.

"It's a holiday that humans celebrate. They give out gifts, and they're all happy and they worship some sort of god."

"What god?"

"Really? You guys don't know about Santa Claus? Even a Martian would know about Santa!" Dib rolled his eyes.

"SHUT UP! Who's this 'Santa Claus' god that you speak of?" I hate Martians, by the way. Worthless species, even more worthless than humans...well, now I'm being a little mean...

"Santa is a big old fat guy that comes down your chimney while you're sleeping on Xmas eve and gives you tons of presents!" A random girl said.

I was surprised. "So you're saying that a total stranger, possibly a thief, comes into your home, while you're sleeping and gives you a present every year? Preposterous."

"Some people that don't believe in Santa say that it's just their parents that put the present under the tree after you get tucked in." A boy interrupted.

"That sounds more logical." I stopped talking and saw the Xmas tree.

"Those...lights...what are they?"

"An ornament that humans use to decorate the tree," said Zim.

I stared at them. I was really close to blacking out, and yet, I didn't look away. I got really dizzy for a moment.

"Zo-e? Zo-e. ZO-E!" Zim snapped and clapped in front of me.

"What?! What do you want?!" I twitched.

"No, never mind."

"Alright, GET BACK IN YOUR SEATS NOW BEFORE I SEND ALL OF YOU TO THE UNDERGROUND CLASSROOM!" Everybody quickly sat back down. Dib grinned evilly from his desk, looking at me.

Oh crap.