WAIT! WAIT! Before any of you read this chapter, you HAVE to go listen to the song Runaway Train by Soul Asylum. It totally inspired this chapter.

…

K? You listened to it? Alright, you can go ahead and read it now… - Alice xoxo R&R

Can you help me remember how to smile?
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mysteries seem so faded
-Runaway Train, Soul Asylum

Chapter 7

The bus let me off at my house. I still had to get dressed and put the noose I had already tied in my backpack. I just couldn't believe this was happening. I hoped everyone would be happy without me. I hoped Jasper would find a girl that would make him happy. Maybe he could end up with Maria. That would be cute.

Thinking about him, I was suddenly sad. Maybe I just had to see him one more time. Maybe I just had to tell him goodbye. That actually sounded like a good idea. I haven't seen him in about two weeks and I missed him, even if he didn't miss me.

Once my dress was on and the noose was all tied and in my backpack, I snuck out of my house and headed down the street. It was nearly 10:00, so I knew Jasper would be home.

I have only been to his apartment once, but I knew exactly where it was and what room number it was. I walked through the halls on the second floor and stopped when I was in front of the door that said '207' on it and knocked as hard as I possible could.

Not even ten seconds later, Jasper answered the door. "Alice," he breathed, smiling. "What are you doing here? I missed you."

"I just came to say goodbye," I said as the tears began to form and come out onto my cheeks. I looked down. "I didn't want you to see me cry. I'm fine."

"Wh- Al, why are you saying goodbye? Where are you going?" He asked, but I didn't answer, I just unzipped the backpack and pulled out the already tied noose.

"I was just on my way to kill myself," I said and he gasped, " I wanted to say goodbye and tell you to have a nice life. I know you will be happier without me…" I turned around to walk away, but Jasper stopped me and turned around. His eyes where filled with tears.

"What the fuck?" He asked, but his voice sounded different. Shit, I made him cry. "Please tell me this is some kind of joke." Jasper was trying - but not succeeding - to keep the tears back.

"It's not a joke. Two weeks ago, Maria told me you hated me. I thought you like me, Jasper. You where the only one in the world… without you my life is nothing. Please let me die. I'm only doing it because I love you and I want you to be happy." We where both crying now. I wished Jasper would stop, it was hard to believe that he hated me when he was acting like this.

"Alice," he breathed, "come inside to we can talk." He took my hand and pulled me into his living room. Jasper sat me down on the couch. "Now, babe, tell me exactly what she said."

"She told me that you thought I was stalking you," I sobbed, "she told me the date was a pity date. She told me that you…hated me." I cried harder, even though I didn't think it was possible.

Jasper sat next to me and pulled me into his chest. "Want me to tell you what she told me?" I nodded. "After you left crying, I asked her what she said that made you so upset, she said that you honestly hated me, and quote, 'wished I would fucking rot in hell.'"

I looked up at him. "You believe that?" He shrugged. "Jasper, I love you. I would never say or even think any of that."

He sighed and then kissed my hair. "I love you, too, babe."

I pulled away. "If you love me, then why did you tell Maria that you hated me?"

"Alice, you have to believe me. I didn't say anything like that. I would never say anything like that - not even to save my life. I love you," he had stopped crying by then but I certainly didn't.

"I don't believe you," I whispered meekly. He stood up and pulled me off the couch with him.

"Baby, there is only one way that I can prove that I love you right now," he said, looking at my body, his eyes lingering on the space between my legs. I knew what he wanted. Did I love him enough to let him explore my body? I never really thought of sex as something like that, but it was exactly what it was, and I never thought it was more beautiful.

"Ok," I breathed, wiping at my eyes so I wouldn't be crying when I give away my innocence.

"Are you sure, babe?" He asked, I nodded. Jasper took my hand and led me to his bedroom.

-

"I'm so sorry," I said to Jasper about thirty minutes later as we laid in his bed, after I got out of the shower, and I was in his shirt and my panties. "I honestly don't know what I was thinking…believing Maria…"

"Just promise me you wont ever think about killing yourself ever again. I love you too much to loose you." He kissed my cheek. "I want you to be happy."

"I can't be happy," I breathed, "tomorrow, I'll have to go back home. My parents will kill me." I could feel a sob building up inside my chest. "That time I accidentally slept over, my step-dad accused me of getting laid. Now, when I get home he will do it again but this time he will be right." I spitted the sob out and cried.

"Baby, who says you have to go home? You are eighteen, you don't have to live with your parents. You can stay here, under one condition…"

I smiled. No, I did not want to go home. I don't care if I never saw my parents ever again, "What's that?"

"You have to finish high school and go to college. Even if you just go to community college in Port Angeles."

"Yeah, about that," I sighed, "I haven't been to school in two weeks. I don't think I am going to get any credits."

Jasper sighed as well. "You can take summer classes, right?" I nodded. "Ok, do that. I want you to get an education. I want you to be happy. I want you to be successful. Do it for me?"

"Ok. I will. I promise," I said.

"Really?" I nodded. "Ok, babe, it's getting late. Lets go to sleep." Jasper kissed me before turning off the light.

As I drifted to sleep, I realized that this was the start of a new life, that things where just going to get better. The past was behind me and I have no intentions of ever going back.

I ran my finger over the permanent ink on my wrist. I prayed that I would never need to ask myself that question ever again. And as I grew older, I hoped the meaning itself will become littler in importance. But the tattoo, the symbolism - for me - that will never fade. Because if it wasn't for me getting it, I would not be lying here in this bed, I would probably be hanging from a tree in a cemetery.

I closed my eyes and sleep overtook me. Tomorrow I would wake up, and I couldn't wait.

-The End

This chapter was going to be longer but I cut out the sex scene because it was really bad. Maybe it will be one of the outtakes. Oh, I will be starting those outtakes soon and it will be called Bloodstains on the Carpet. And ever single one of those outtakes will be dedicated to my sister dancie. R&R. -Alice xoxo