Illusions That Confine Us
Chapter Nineteen
"I thought ya'd gone…" Mrs. Lovett said to him as she stood in the doorway of the kitchen.
Sweeney turned, lifting his head out of his palms as he sat at the table, he must have awoken her when he left her bedroom…
It was late, and it was not long after Mr. Todd had gotten up after spending the last few hours awake with Mrs. Lovett in his arms, having been he dozed off shortly after lying down with her.
"What?" He answered, wishing that she would just go back to bed.
"I felt ya go…" Was all she could muster, her eyes looking sadly at him and back to the floor.
When Mrs. Lovett felt him let go of her and leave, she thought that he had gone for good. That it was already morning and that he had already left for his ship. Words couldn't even explain the horror and heartache that she endured after discovering that he wasn't in his room, and the relief that overcame her when she found him sitting in the kitchen, the view of midnight in his wake.
"I - I didn't, not yet, at least." He said, getting up to put his hand on her shoulder, "You should get back to bed. I'll see you in the morning."
"No." She shook her head, shrugging his hand off her shoulder, "Aren't ya tired?"
"Not in the slightest." He replied, "But you should still get some more rest."
"Not until I get to say goodbye…" She said, leaning up to place a chaste kiss upon his lips.
Though it was just a simple peck on the lips he still understood it's hidden meaning - he know that things would come to this.
"We can't…" He responded, trying to avoid an argument by being as nice to her as possible.
"Yes." She protested, her hand absentmindedly moving up his chest to wrap around his neck, "We can."
Fighting the urge to tell her off and ask her why she was so desperate to sleep with him, he opened his mouth to make his retort but a sigh escaped him instead.
"Please don't leave me." Mrs. Lovett blurted out suddenly, making it obvious that she had a lot on her mind.
"We've been through this." He said, his tone louder than he had meant it to be.
"But… What if there isn't even money-"
"I told you. You could sell some vegetables from your garden at the docks or something; none of those people should even recognize you."
"But what if Alfred runs away or… or…."
"Bloody hell, Mrs. Lovett!" He exclaimed, turning from her in frustration, "Make friends with some fish for all I care! You've lived alone for years, what's the difference?"
At first she looked as if she was about to cry, but instead her eyes narrowed and she fell helplessly in his arms.
"I don't wanna be alone anymore..." She whimpered, her words muffled from the way she clung to him, "I don't wanna 'ave to wait, 'oping that someday you'll come back to me again…"
"You know that that can never happen, me coming back here."
And with those words she released her grip on his shirt and rammed him hard in the chest. Sweeney had meant to comfort her, though he knew he only upset her even more.
"Why are ya doin' this to me?" She cried, pressing her face harder against him.
He blinked, slightly taken aback by her sudden physical outburst and continued to pat her back.
"What am I? I don't…"
"You'll never understand." She snapped, turning her head in search for air, couldn't he see that he was tearing her up inside?
"I'll do anything - anything." She begged.
"There's nothing you can do, Mrs. Lovett."
She muttered something into his shirt that he couldn't quite make out, "What?" He asked her.
She looked up and frowned at him, "It's Mrs. Todd for the umpteenth time, ya arse."
He quit patting her. "Mrs. Todd?! You don't even have a ring!"
She released him, hands on her hips. "And that's my fault? What do ya expect me to do, get me own ring?!"
"People that get married out of whim, get rings. People that get married because they have to, don't usually get rings." He stated rather indignantly.
"Oh don't start on this again!" She glared at him, "Ya know perfectly well that things didn't 'ave to be this way. Ya know that we didn't 'ave get married. Ya know that we could've made our separate ways then."
She saw him advance his way over to her, and before she knew it, Mr. Todd had grabbed her and spun her around so that and that her back was pressed against his chest.
His arms wrapped themselves tightly around her smaller frame as he sneered into her ear, "You know why I married you."
"Then why are ya leavin' me?" She asked him, closing her eyes when she felt him nuzzle her neck.
Sweeney simply ignored her question and spun her back around, backing her up against the table and taking her wrists into his hands.
She did not protest when he pushed her down onto the table and pinned her wrists above her head, leaning over her as he glared at her with so much perplexity in his eyes.
"I've been so tired of waiting…" Mrs. Lovett whispered longingly to him, her voice dropping as his body stood between her legs that dangled off of the table.
Their breathing was already ragged. Mrs. Lovett felt so vulnerable beneath his hold. Sweeney caressed her neck with his lips, causing his wife to close her eyes and shudder against his alluring and much wanted touch.
"I -"
"Shh…" He silenced her as his lips moved to kiss beneath her earlobe and whisper into her ear, "I think we've been dancing around this for too long, my pet…."
She bit her lip, moving her arms to wrap around his neck after finally releasing her hands from his hold. Their lips met almost instantly after that, in a surprisingly slow and gentle kiss.
Sweeney Todd was tired, tired of holding back like a chained prisoner denying himself the scrap of food that was lying right in front of him. So without hesitation he kissed her again, rougher than the last time, letting his lips trail down her mouth to her chest.
"You're…" She panted, "You're positive that-"
She couldn't finish her sentence, for his hands just moved to push up her dress.
-
Nellie Lovett had never felt more complete in her life. Especially when he looked deeply into her eyes before penetrating her, when he kissed her to distract her from the pain that she was too overcome to feel.
Once they were finished, Mrs. Lovett had many things going through her mind, one being that Mrs. Henry's guess on Mr. Todd's bedfellow ship had been indeed correct.
Sweeney's forehead sat on top of Mrs. Lovett's after he shifted to move out of her and breathed raggedly, closing her eyes as they both fought to catch their breath.
When they're panting subsided, she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him down to rest her head in the crook of his neck.
Oh no, she can't possibly be crying again… Sweeney thought warily when he felt her warm tears sink through the fabric of his shirt.
How could she be? He thought more, he had just given her what she's wanted… didn't he?
His thoughts were interrupted, however, when he felt her place a quivering kiss on his neck and the felt her shift, "It's late," She said quietly, causing him to move and meet eyes with her.
"Ya should get a good night's rest for tomorrow, eh?" She said, a sad yet fake smile curving her lips.
He nodded soundlessly and made his way off of her, and as soon as her feet touched the ground, she immediately turned on her heel and made her way across the room, pausing abruptly at the doorway before uttering, "Good night... Love."
He continued to say nothing, having been that he was not impelled by her saddening behaviour, and followed her down the hall, stopping himself when he almost followed her into her room and turned to the direction of his room instead.
Mrs. Lovett would have liked to hold him until he was to leave in a few hours time, but the knowing realization that he was just going to rip himself away from her again kept eating her up inside. This is part of the reason why Mr. Todd found her coming into his room a little over an hour later.
Sweeney looked over at her, she was surprisingly quiet and from the looks of things it didn't look like she was going to try and cuddle up beside him like he'd secretly hoped she would.
Mrs. Lovett sat at the edge of his bed, her back turned to him as she cleared her throat, staring down onto the wooden planks of the floor as she spoke. "I know that - I know that I already told you before… But I never told you the way that - well -" She sighed, "An' you don't 'ave to say anything because I know that you are more than likely to never feel the same."
A tear rolled gently down her cheek. "I love you. I love you so much. I know that there's some good left in ya." She said hopefully, breathing in another intake of air before continuing, "I jus' know it. You're beautiful, and it 'urts to know that I will never see ya again because you're not goin' to 'ell like me. You're soul will be in 'eaven… With 'er."
It was sincerely the most caring thing that anyone had ever told him in the last fifteen years. It was also the first time that Mrs. Lovett had ever mentioned Lucy to him since they'd been married.
She sat there for a few moments as she gathered her senses, during which Sweeney lie there, thunderstruck.
He wanted to say something back, something hopefully just as lovely as her words had been to him. But he couldn't think of anything - Well, he could - He just wasn't sure if it were true or not.
When the words that she didn't expect failed to come as she figured, Mrs. Lovett stood up. The moon that once rested on her face, now reflected over the face of a troubled man. A man that had so much he would have liked to say to his wife, but couldn't.
No matter how much he knew she had yearned to hear those three little words fall from his lips…
Hello reader, fanfiction wouldn't let me center this :O
Thank you Commoner's Coffee, I totally and completely agree, 'randomly' is a terrible word-
This chapter was particularly hard to write. I have had the ending of this chapter written for pretty much a month, except for the last line, which I am still not satisfied with. But, thanks to Commoner's Coffee I am feeling a bit better about it.
I know that in this story, Mrs. Lovett tends to cry, a lot. Well, there is a reason for that. Both of them have been feeling so much pent up emotion and both are probably thinking that it's all for nothing. I mean, honestly, Mrs. Lovett went out of her way to help him in hopes that someday he would marry her - he does and nothing seems to have changed… So naturally, she isn't going to keep it bottled up anymore.
"Immaaa say it real clear. Ahhh-Mayyy-Zinnggg Booook."
Look up Nuttymadam3575 on youtube, seriously.