A/N: Thank you a lot for your great comments and reviews. They really make my day! Next chapter! Have fun!
Chapter 9:
He'd thought about running. He'd thought about hiding. He'd chosen to try to ignore the mess he was in.
He'd even thought about putting in some exceptionally good work. The best report ever written in NCIS history. The additional paperwork filled out faster than ever before. Catch one or two guys of the NCIS' most wanted, help a grandmother over the street and save a kitten from a tree in the passing.
All this to calm Gibbs; to show him that he actually was of some worth to the team, so Gibbs would let slide what he had seen.
He'd all but given up the hope to live up to Gibbs' expectations and he would gladly take what he deserved for failing him, but he was still scared.
He had seen what Gibbs could do when he was angry. He had seen him threaten and intimidate numerous suspects. He had seen him train in the gym. He knew Gibbs good enough to know he'd never want to be subject of his wrath.
Well, he obviously was now. He would be able to take it, he would take all suffering the world or Gibbs could throw at him to keep close to the people he respected so much, if they would allow him to.
Maybe they would not want to have him around anymore though. Well, it had been a blessing as long as it lasted.
Gibbs would probably punish him and then wash his hands off of him.
It would hurt, but he would take it. Even though, he was scared now, he knew he had been through worse.
The first time; back in Baltimore, when he had seen Gibbs in an interrogation, he had seen something amazing. It caused him to admire the ex-Marine-NCIS-agent, to choose him as a role model and to strive to become like him.
The interrogated had been a dirt bag of the worst kind, a pedophilic, kidnapping and murdering bastard.
Gibbs had gotten him to confess; he had the capability and might to break him. Still, he didn't cross that line, Tony had seen it crossed far too many times before. He obviously despised what the guy had done and made him to pay for his deeds, but he didn't violate his dignity.
Tony had seen it many times since then. Gibbs was the best interrogator at NCIS. He had cracked the worst criminals, had seen them to justice, but he had never taken their dignity.
Gibbs would never pile up naked, blindfolded prisoners to humiliate them and make them talk. He would never beat a child till it confessed lies it hadn't made and thanks you for it.
He would be able to take the punishment by Gibbs' hands he deserved, as he knew he had been through worse.
He had hoped to finish up as much work as possible, but his report was still unfinished, lying alone on his desk. He wished to be at his desk to do his paperwork. A sentiment he experienced very rarely.
Since Gibbs had left to get coffee (wasn't that actually quite a while ago already?) he hadn't been able to even write a word.
First it had been Abby calling him to help him with some boxes she needed to be stored away in the NCIS garage. He had been a little annoyed as the boxes turned out to be not heavy at all an only three in number and there had been a horde of probies hanging around the garage. But Abby had been her most exuberant and cheerful self and he couldn't resist her.
She took him to her lab, where she had breakfast waiting for them. She was caring and nice and that made him feel really tainted and mean. He gave his best to smile to her and pretended that he was nice and cheerful. It came out very phony though.
When she hugged him, that was an Abby thing he had learned very early in his NCIS career one wasn't to reject, he tensed. He needed all of his strength to not push her away.
He always tensed under her hugs, but it had become easier to accept this openly displayed physical act of affection with time. Today he felt the urge for flight as pressing as on her very first hug.
Later Ducky came by, seemingly surprised to find him there, and shanghaied him into helping with some long-due paperwork concerning his autopsies.
With some gentle pressure and long winded words, he forced Tony to take a cup of tea with him.
Normally, Tony really enjoyed the stories of the older ME. Mostly they were quite adventurous and instructive. Ducky surely could be as entertaining as one of his movies and his life would have actually made a fairly good script.
Yet again today, Tony couldn't quite appreciate Ducky's story, his thoughts were too occupied with his self-loathing and he zoned out a few times, which caused him to feel guilty even more.
Stop!, he thought, your thoughts really keep spiraling down in a vicious circle!
You can't be that ridiculously pathetic, can you? Well, I have been told that before. And at least I am taking it to a whole new level! I might become the king of all the self-loathing, self-pitying losers. You have to account for your achievements.
At least self-pity is better than bothering others with your problems, courting for their pity!
He had only been back at his desk for five minutes, when Abby came up to the bullpen, bearing photos from their last clubbing tour. She sat on the corner of his desk and only stopped her chatting to catch a breath occasionally. He knew there was no stopping her once she had started, there was not help to be expected by Kate or McGee and Gibbs, who held the power to silence her, was still gone.
Where was he getting his coffee in the first place? Right in Guatemala?
He just accepted his fate, sat quietly next to her and listened.
Casually, he nearly didn't notice at first, she shifted a little coming closer to him, while letting her words wash over him in an soothing tone, and put a hand on his, stroking it calmly. Equally casually, she took a hand to his hair and gently nestled with it.
He closed his eyes for just a moment and under her soft touch he finally allowed himself to relax for the first time this week. He needed these people.
The moment passed and he distanced himself from her again. He gave her one of his best reassuring smiles, he had perfected that one so it didn't falter at all, and physically led her to the elevator.
They were halfway there, when said elevator arrived at their level and opened with the typical ding. Rushed, out came Gibbs, his jaw set firm, his eyes burning with determination and rage. He came up to Tony directly and with one swift movement had him pinned next to the file cabinet.
He was right in Tony's face, who didn't dare to and hadn't the chance to struggle against the ex-marine-sniper, but tried desperately to catch his breath that had forsaken him by surprise and his boss' elbow pressed to his throat.
Threateningly Gibbs brought his index finger right up to DiNozzo's face and hissed:" Don't you dare start now! You have a choice though: The Hospital or Ducky?"
"I'm …."
"Don't you dare finish that sentence!"
They held each other's gazes for a while, until Tony gave in.
"Ducky!"
"Okay, go down now!" Gibbs loosened his grip on the younger man.
"Boss,…"
"NOW! We'll talk later!"
Author's Note: Please REVIEW! Coming up next: Gibbs gives Tony a piece of his mind, calls him idiot again and takes him back home. Stay tuned!