Back in modern times, grandpa was strolling the grounds of the shrine. He was passing the well house when he heard his cordless phone ringing. Picking it up, he said "Higurashi shrine." Eri was heard saying "is Kagome there?" "She hasn't returned from Seattle just yet" grandpa replied, "I'll let her know--." He suddenly heard a horn with an engine sound coming from the well. "Hang on, she's just pulling in now" grandpa said. Sure enough, the red sports car came rolling out of the well, stopping just outside. Eri said "okay." Kagome got out of the car and saw her grandpa. "Something wrong, grandpa?" she asked. Grandpa handed the phone to her saying "Eri is on the phone."
"Yeah, Eri" Kagome said. Eri replied "Kagome, we were wondering when you were getting back from Seattle." Kagome said "hang on one second." Turning to her grandpa, she said "I guess you couldn't think of any diseases." Grandpa replied "actually, I'm swearing off the fake diseases. I'll stick to other cities with universities that you'd be touring." Beaming, Kagome said "that sounds a lot better than all these crazy diseases." "I leave the pictures to Sota combining Google Images with PhotoShop" grandpa said. "Good idea" Kagome replied. Getting back on the phone, Kagome said "okay. I just had a little urgent unpacking to do." Eri said "well, we don't blame you. Anyway, would you be interested in going to the school picnic today?"
Kagome replied "well, I don't know what might be going on around the house." Then, a strange voice came in with "please deposit ¥5 for the next ten minutes." Kagome rolled her eyes saying "Sota, get off the phone." The voice replied, with a giveaway giggle, "no, seriously, deposit ¥5 for the next ten minutes." Kagome and Eri simultaneously said "Sota, off!" Her brother laughed a little before hanging up. Eri said "come on, Kagome. There's going to be a raffle prize…" "I'm not interested in them" Kagome said. "…fun games…" "The prizes are cheesy" Kagome said. "…and even pizza from Palace of Pizzas." Kagome's watering mouth started toying with her at that moment. "Palace of Pizzas" she thought. "Oh, all right. I'll go" Kagome said, "I'll pick you guys up in a while." Eri said "you're serious? We're actually riding in your hot set of wheels?" "Yeah, I'll see you in a half-hour" Kagome replied.
"So, how's Yashey-Washey lately?" Eri asked. Kagome heard her other two friends giggling in the background. "why do you keep calling him 'Yashey-Washey'; his name is InuYasha" Kagome said. At Eri's house, the speakerphone was active as Eri replied "we can't help it. We call him 'Yashey-Washey' because it sounds cuter." Ayumi sighed romantically and said "Yashey-Washey." Yuka chimed in with "he's so dreamy." Kagome said "let me guess, I'm on speakerphone." Eri said "yes, you are" and giggled a little. "I'd hate to re-break it to you, but he's still my boyfriend" Kagome said. Eri said "I'd hate to re-break it to you, but we're still jealous." At the shrine, Kagome shook her head only to suddenly get a "eureka" look. "Well what about that other guy I introduced you to? Miroku" she said. Eri said "he's a little too fast." Yuka then added "actually, he was A LOT too fast." Eri said "anyway, we'll see you in a half-hour." "Okay" Kagome said. With that, the phone call ended.
Back in the feudal era, InuYasha was interpreting some cooking directions for Kaede as they were preparing frozen fries from Kagome's era. "Now, when this thing's miniature bell tolls" InuYasha said, "you remove the metal basket from the boiling oil." Kaede said "understood, InuYasha." Shippo and Sango were eyeing the tape player curiously. "I wonder what kind of spell Kagome has on here" Sango said. Shippo said "yeah, I'm anxious to hear the spell as well." Sango, shifted her Hiraikotsu over a little, saying "don't even think about it, monk." Miroku snapped his finger in despair and said "damn." Sango socked the monk in the chops and said, in a pissed tone, "I'm sorry, what did you say again?" Miroku said "I…uhh." "You said 'damn', didn't you?" Sango asked. Shippo said "yeah, he said 'damn' and 'hell'." Miroku said "I didn't say 'hell'!" Shippo replied "now you did." Sango said "you're not helping.
Their conversation was interrupted by a soft "ding" noise. Kaede removed the basket of fries from the hot oil and looked at the fries. "InuYasha, how do they look?" she asked. InuYasha looked at the fries and said "excellent." Turning another direction, he yelled "GUYS, LUNCH IS READY!" Miroku, Sango, and Shippo came in and saw the beautiful fries. "These look good" Shippo said. Miroku and Sango said "a very nice aroma." InuYasha said "dig in." With that, he took two fries and stuck them in his upper lip so they poked out like long upper teeth. Clapping his hands (and barking) like a seal, he sent Miroku and Shippo into a fit of laughter. Sango, on the other hand was not amused. "InuYasha…" she said. "Yeah, what?" InuYasha asked. Sango hit the tape recorder's "play" button, and the tape played a recording of Kagome saying "sit, boy." The necklace flung InuYasha down into the ground. Sango hit "stop" and said "wow, that worked." InuYasha was in shock. "How was that possible?" he asked. Sango replied "I guess since it was Kagome who actually said it." "With a machine?" InuYasha asked. "It's still Kagome's voice" Sango replied. Rewinding the tape, she said "Kagome should be pleased when she returns." InuYasha said "that's not funny, Sango." Sango said "of course it's not. Kagome gave me this thing. She said that should you act up, I just press here, and…" the tape played "sit, boy" again, and InuYasha was flung again. Stopping the tape, Sango said "sorry, InuYasha." InuYasha got back up and mumbled "aw, man."
Back in modern Tokyo, Kagome's friends were overjoyed when they saw her car pull in. The top was down, so they all went out to meet her and vaulted into the car. "Nice leather, Kagome" Yuka said. With that, they were off. Eri said "so, how's that uber pervert friend of yours?" Kagome replied "he's okay, but still a pervert." Later, they were up at the school. "Kagome, that perverted friend didn't seem as bad as you made him out to be" Ayumi said. Yuka added "we thought he was some big-shot pimp." Eri whips out a picture saying "this is how we imagined him." The picture was of Miroku in a pimp suit with many girls caressing him (one of them rubbing one of her tits). Miroku was holding a champagne glass in one hand and had the other arm around another girl's waist. Next to him was some speech saying "I want you to have my children." Kagome was surprised. "This is what you thought he was like?" she asked. "Well, with the vague description you gave, we thought he was some kind of pimp" Eri replied. Handing the drawing back to Eri, Kagome said "don't let him or his lady friend see that, okay." "Why shouldn't his lady friend see this?" Yuka asked. Kagome said "she'll beat the living tar out of him because he truly is a womanizer." Ayumi remarked "a professional womanizer; interesting." Kagome said "he's not a professional. He's nothing more than a womanizer."
They then saw Hojo walk by in a huff. Kagome asked "what's Hojo's deal?" Eri said "well, someone's been anonymously calling his health food store and causing him to make a fool of himself. One caller asked for 'Maya Buttreeks' and another was for 'Amanda Huggenkiss'." Yuka said "yeah, I was there for that one. He shouted out 'phone call for Miss Huggenkiss! Everyone, I need Amanda Huggenkiss!' yet the way it sounded, it was like he said 'I need a man to hug and kiss!' the whole store was laughing out loud. Hojo made a death threat to this guy, but I doubted that it'd work." Kagome was trying not to laugh. "Amanda Huggenkiss" she giggled. Eri said "he was cool about it the first few times, but it started to get on his nerves."
Later, they were at the raffle table. "Kagome, you've got to enter into the raffle. You never know what the prize is until it has been won" Yuka said. Kagome said "I don't think so. Given the track record, it'll probably be an expensive cosmetics kit, a Neiman Marcus perfume, or a trip to the day spa." "But, Kagome--." Yuka said. "But nothing" Kagome said, "I don't need any of those things, so I'm not entering." Ayumi said "how about we get some of the pizza?" Kagome said "now you're talking." Yuka said "I'll find a place for us to sit." Kagome said "okay." Yuka started towards the seating area, only to pause as the other three got out of eyeshot. She then darted back for the raffle table. She filled out a raffle ticket, thinking "here we are. 'Kagome Higurashi', there." She then darted for the tables.
Back in the feudal era, Sesshomaru was next to a lake with Jaken. Rin had brought a lot of fruit for a picnic. "Okay, let's dig in" she said. Sesshomaru picked up a dish and was excited by what it contained. "Pasta" he beamed. He was eating the noodles and thought "perhaps I should swear off not eating human food." Jaken said "I've never had this kind of pasta before. This is great!" Sesshomaru replied, through a mouthful of noodles, "excellent choice, Rin." Rin replied, also through a mouthful of food, "well, the village leader said he had a major surplus of this pasta and asked me to take it off his hands." Jaken said "I'm so glad you accepted that, Rin." Sesshomaru said "perhaps after this picnic, we should resume our search for InuYasha." "Good idea, Lord Sesshomaru" Rin replied.
At the school picnic, Kagome and her friends were at the seating area. "This was an excellent spot, Yuka" she said. As Ayumi let out a big belch, Yuka said "that's why I picked it. I had a hard time determining which one was better." They were not aware that the place was actually a last-minute random pick. Kagome said "with the pizza and this table, I don't think this day could get any better." Yuka, however, was texting something to Ayumi and Eri under the table. Yuka and Eri each felt their phones vibrate and they looked at the message, which read "I put Kagome's name in the raffle." Kagome saw Yuka looking at something under the table. "What are you doing?" she asked through a mouthful of pizza. Yuka brought up some sodas "I was…just…checking the sodas" she said. Kagome said "well, I'd better be going." Eri said "come on, at least stay for the raffle drawing." Kagome was getting suspicious. She asked "are you hiding something from me?" An announcement came over the public address system. "Ladies and gentleman, your attention, please. We will be drawing the raffle winner in two minutes." Kagome was silent for a moment and asked "well?" Yuka looked at Eri, and Eri looked at Ayumi. Ayumi said "okay, I admit it, I'm in love with Inu--." "I know that already" Kagome said. She asked "is there anything I don't already know that you're hiding?" Eri said "I know what's going on." Kagome asked "did you put my name in--?"
"Ladies and Gentlemen, here to draw the raffle winner is our friendly science professor from the United States, Alex Derus." Kagome's science teacher came up to the stage. "Thank you all" he said. Kagome muttered "I'm still waiting for your answer, Eri." Eri said "well, uhh, ask Yuka." "Yuka?" Kagome asked. Yuka was under pressure. "Well…" she began. She promptly stuffed another slice of pepperoni into her mouth. The science professor turned the drum and drew a slip. "The winner is…" he began. Yuka was about to crack when Mr. Derus said "Kagome Higurashi." A spotlight immediately shone on her as the band was striking up some lively music. Yuka let out a relieved sigh as Kagome was standing in amazement. After waiting, she went towards the stage where Professor Derus was waiting in front of a large black curtain. She thought "Yuka, you're in deep shit when I'm done up here. You'll be the one with the lame cosmetics kit…after I empty its contents on the pavement." She got up on stage and said "Professor Derus, I didn't expect this." The professor replied "well, now that you're up here, I'll show you something else you, like everyone else out there, were in the dark about." Kagome, feigning excited anticipation, said "really?" "Yes" the professor replied, "you are the proud winner of…" the curtain slid back, causing Kagome's jaw to drop in amazement. "…A brand new luxury motorboat!" the professor said.
The crowd was cheering wildly. Yuka, back at the table, was drinking a soda, only to send the mouthful all over Ayumi. "What?" Yuka asked in amazement. Ayumi, in sarcasm, said "that's the craziest-looking cosmetics kit I've ever seen." As the professor handed the boat's keys to Kagome, she had a twitch on one side of her mouth. "Uhh…thanks" she said. Her anger at Yuka was gone. She was then handed the microphone. She cleared her throat, only to be startled by some sudden feedback. "Well…uhh…" she began, "I can't tell you how amazed I am at this. Given the track record of the past prizes, I was expecting something like a cosmetics kit or a trip to the day spa. This is truly amazing. I'd like to thank my friends Yuka, Eri, and Ayumi because without them, I would not have been here tonight to accept this wonderful speed boat." After another round of feedback, she said "I guess this sound system needs a little something." A male student in the audience yelled "date me, Kagome!" Kagome responded "sorry, I've got a boyfriend." The crowd let loose a mighty cheer, and professor Derus once again had the stage. "Kagome Higurashi, everyone" he said as she made her way back.
When she got back to the table, her friends were saying "holy crap, Kagome!" Ayumi said "and you thought it was cosmetics." Kagome then saw another familiar form come up to her. "Kagome, you're amazing" Hojo said. Yuka, unable to resist, asked "so, when can we have a ride?" "Yuka!" Eri said. "Thanks, Hojo" Kagome replied, "weren't you in a bad mood twenty minutes ago?" Hojo said "I was, but I'm over it now." Kagome said "well, that's good to hear." Hojo said "also, I wish you and whoever your boyfriend is the best of luck." Kagome said "thanks." She knew that there was more to do at the shrine now that she had a boat.
Chapter 14 outside references/credits:
Crank phone calls inspired by The Simpsons animated TV series produced and owned by 20th Century Fox. No characters from this show are used in this story, Kagome's New Car, only an action from there.