Disclaimer: see previous chapter- still applicable, AJ
The night that Vince and Letty stayed at my house was interesting. We never ended up watching the 'Ghostbusters'. In fact, we really just stayed up watching all of the fireworks. Vince and I could not seem to pull Letty away from them. Eventually we all made it back inside. My Dad had thrown a couple of old sleeping bags in my room for everyone to stay on. I started getting settled into my bed and Vince was laying out his sleeping bag. I saw the look on Letty's face. She did not feel comfortable sleeping next to Vince. That was ridiculous, I thought, she knew Vince. He was our friend, hung out with us everyday. I looked over at her. She was just holding the sleeping bag and looking around nervously. I knew what the problem was and thanks to all the assholes in her life she would probably always hate men.
"Letty, I'll take the floor. You can get the bed," I said opening up my hands for her to toss me the sleeping bag.
"Nah, it's cool," she said. But, then I met her eyes. She was actually scared. And, not scared as in frightened, but intimidated by the situation.
"Yeah, no, it works. This way Vince and I can talk about your strange obsession with fireworks without you getting pissed and punching us," I joked. Vince looked over at her, waiting for a response. After he averted his gaze from me, I looked right into Letty's eyes. I gave her a slight nod. I wanted her to know that it was okay. She didn't have to worry. This could still be her safe haven. I was there for her.
"Alright, sucks for you though because that floor looks pretty uncomfortable," she said. I went with her on that one. I wouldn't have called her out for the world. She knew it and took complete advantage of the opportunity. She chunked the sleeping bag at me, hitting me square in the face. Letty was awesome, because I knew I would have done the exact same thing.
"Easy!" I said raising my voice but clearly not caring at all.
"What? Can't take it?" She said, pulling my arm up and out so that I would move from the bed.
I didn't really respond but just shrugged, smiled, and said, "guess not." I couldn't insult her. There was just something about the way she always tried to act like such a badass that I really enjoyed. I didn't want to discourage this behavior. Besides, I realized that is was more of a coping mechanism than anything else.
We all settled down. It had gotten pretty late by this point. I could tell that Letty was out. I knew the way that she breathed when she was sleeping. It wasn't loud, just different, peaceful.
"Dude," Vince poked.
"What?" I said. I had started to drift off and wanted to slug him for distracting me from this.
"So, do you like her?" he asked, clearly wide awake.
"Who?" I was half asleep and couldn't imagine who he was talking about.
"Dude, Letty," he stated.
That's it, I thought. I mustered all the energy that I possibly had and slugged him. I couldn't tell exactly where I hit him but from the groans I would venture to guess that it was around his stomach.
"I was just asking," he said, still moaning.
"You got your answer," I said and drifted off to sleep.
I woke up to someone stepping on my face. It was not pleasant.
"Sorry!" Letty said, pulling her foot back up.
"Ouch," I said without much emotion but there was pain behind it.
I yawned and stretched my arms. I wasn't used to sleeping on the floor. Letty had been right, it was uncomfortable. My back hurt. I looked over. Vince was already gone. Typical Vince.
"Morning sunshine," Letty said, full of life. How could she be awake?
I just yawned again and nodded, trying to wake up.
"Did you step on me on purpose?" I asked, starting to open my eyes.
She thought about this for a second. "Maybe."
"Uncool," I responded. I sat up a little bit and propped my pillow closer to the wall for support.
"Sleep well?" she asked.
"The floor is really uncomfortable. I don't know how you do it," I admitted. I had never been much of a boy scout. I enjoyed beds.
"Beats outside," she said. I nodded, agreeing with her on this point. It probably did. Luckily I had not slept on the ground too much to be able to have a fair comparison.
"Did you sleep well?" I asked, looking at my extremely comfortable bed.
"I did," she said, laying back down and sprawling out.
"So what's with you and fireworks?" I asked, chuckling. The best time to question Letty, I had learned, was first thing in the morning. She was most open during the hours of 7 and 10. I didn't know what time it was now, but judging from how tired I was, I guessed closer to 7.
She shrugged.
"Complete mystery, huh? Crazy how that happens," I said, ignoring her lack of response and laying back down. If she wasn't going to communicate, I was going back to sleep.
"4th of July has always sort of sucked for me in the past. I've never been able to watch fireworks. And, when I was in Mexico, they don't really celebrate America's independence day that much," she admitted.
"So you had fun?" I asked. I was glad.
"Yeah. It beats the 4th of July that my brother got killed or last year when I hid in the basement the whole night," she said.
"I would imagine," I said. Wow, those probably did suck. "Have you ever had a good 4th of July?"
She thought about it for a minute. "Maybe, but not that I can remember. But, a lot of the days sort of just run together. I've never been much of a holiday person."
"Holidays are awesome," I said.
"Yeah, holidays are cool. I've never really been around people who celebrated, you know, in a good way," she said sitting back up. "Till now, I mean. That was cool that your Dad invited me over."
"He's a pretty cool guy, for the most part," I said, recalling all his rules and lectures. For instance, if it had not been Dad's requirement to graduate from high school, I would drop out the day I turned 16.
With this, she threw a pillow at me. I removed it from my face. She had a knack of hitting my face. I cuddled up with it and laid back down.
"You have no idea how lucky you are do you?" she asked, an annoyed expression on her face.
"No, I do. Trust me. I do," I said opening back up my eyes.
"Then, why the act? Why do you try to act like such a badass?" she asked. Damn, she was an insightful twelve-year-old. She continued, "You've had it pretty good, Dominic."
"Me act like a badass? Kind of pot calling the kettle black there, huh?" I joked.
But, I thought about this question for a second. No one had ever asked me this question before. And, unlike most people, I felt a need to answer Letty's questions. I mean, if I expected her to answer mine…it was my Lot in life. Why did I put up the act?
"I guess…I just want people to respect me," I admitted.
"Why do you think that they wouldn't?" she asked. That sucked, now I was going to have to do some soul searching at 7 a.m.
"I don't know. A lot of people at school have a lot of money and stuff. I have seen the way that people disrespect my Dad just because he's a mechanic. It's like they can't live without their cars but don't give a shit about the guy who fixes them. I don't want to be just another poor mechanic. I need to prove to them that I'm better than that. That the family is better than that. My Dad has worked really hard to make a name for himself. I just want to carry that a step further. I want people to know that it's more than just changing oil. I mean, my Dad can take a chassis and turn it into something that will take the half mile in less than 10 seconds. That's art. That deserves respect," I said. I think I was talking without thinking and then realized a lot about myself just then.
"So if you beat up enough people that will happen?" she said. Damn, that question sucked.
"Stop calling me out!" I said and threw the pillow back at her.
"Listen, you answer that and I'll answer a question," she agreed. Sounded like a good deal.
"No, beating people up doesn't earn respect in the shop. Dad taught me that much. That's street credibility, you know? You had a brother, you can understand that. But they aren't completely unrelated. If people respect me they will respect my work. I guess I don't know any other way to get respect. I don't want anyone messing with me, or Mia, you, anyone. And, it makes me feel more in control of my life," I said. I hadn't told anyone this much about they way I felt since my Mom.
She just nodded. "I understand where you're coming from," she said. "Alright, lay it on me. What's my question?"
I thought for a second. Of all the things that she hadn't told me, what was I most curious about? "What are you scared of?" I asked.
She hesitated for a few minutes, lying back in the bed. "Having no control, you know, over what happens to me. I mean, I really don't. I'm trying. But, it's really just avoiding more than anything. You know, sometimes it's hard to still care."
"About what?" I asked.
"Anything, I mean, anything that has been worth shit in my life has disappeared. Have you ever had anyone tell you that if you wanted something bad enough it would happen?" she asked, looking up at the ceiling.
"Yeah," I laughed. I was instantly reminded of my Mom and when she was in the hospital.
"I used to sit and just think, as hard as I could, about being invisible. I wanted to be invisible so badly. But, they always found me. It never worked," she said completely emotionless. We sat in silence for a few minutes.
"When my Mom got sick I would sit in the hospital room for hours and just think, wish, hope, pray, whatever you want to call it, that she would get better," I said. "She died."
"I'm sorry," Letty said, looking at me. Her eyes were filled with remorse. How, after everything she had been through, could she possibly feel bad for someone else? This was amazing. I was shocked. I just nodded. I hadn't talked to anyone about my Mom, not Mia, not Vince. But, I could talk to Letty. We understood each other. She loved to call me out on my bullshit, but not the stuff that really mattered. Few people could tell the difference.
"So, as you have pointed out so nicely, I beat people up. How do you want to take control of your life?" I asked her.
"I think that is why I want a car," she said. "It gives you that control. You can go anywhere you want and you can turn it into…anything." So that was where it all came from with Letty. It was her own way of gaining control over the chaos in her life. That made sense. For me, cars had been a family tradition, a lifestyle. But, for Letty, it went so much deeper than that. Just when I thought I had a shred of Letty figured out. Most girls were so superficial. Their emotions only went surface deep. But, this girl had heart. After all she had been through, she still had hope. She was holding on when there wasn't anything left to hold on to. All this time I thought that Letty was the one learning from me. I decided that I had some things to learn about life, love, and hope from Letty, and maybe suspension too.
TBC
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AJ