Part 19… Josef has some splaining to do… and this one turned into a longish chapter…

Author notes: This is a multi chapter kind of thing... and for the first time I'm trying out the first person view when writing.

Rated R for safety

Disclaimer: If you recognize it then I don't own it. A few of the characters are though, such as Cat, Mia, Maria and Tina. Any resemblance between them and any living, dead or fictional characters is purely coincidental! No copyright infringement intended in any way or form.

Comments are still the only food my muses accept so please... send any comments you have, good or bad.

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*Josef*

"Are you a vampire?"

I'm taken aback by the question for a moment and can only stare at her. There's no scent of fear coming from her anymore. Just confusion and pain. Once again the questions arise. Will she be able to handle this? Will she be a threat? I've lived so long with my paranoia it's not easy to step away and actually tell someone what I am, even if it's her. I know I have to tell her the truth though so I take a deep, unnecessary breath, and nod. Mentally preparing myself for her fear and screams.

"Yes, I'm a vampire", I wait. Nothing. I take a step closer and she blinks as if in shock then nods. Confused by her reaction I scent her, focus all my senses on figuring out what she's feeling. What is going through that pretty head of hers?

*Cat*

I hear his words and I'm… I try to find a word for it but my mind is such a mess now. He's a vampire? How is that possible? Vampires don't exist, do they? And yet, the signs are all there. I know he's telling me the truth. He's a vampire. Josef Kostan, my lover, is a vampire. I see him step closer and I blink, trying to clear my head which is now swirling with questions again.

I look at him closely and see him take another step closer. He's almost right in front of me now and yet, I'm not scared. I've been around him for more than three weeks now, three weeks in which he could have killed me at any time had that been what he wanted. That made me certain he wasn't a threat to me, to my safety. I was sure of it. He may be a vampire but he wasn't the soulless monsters in legend and horror stories. He was kind, caring and he made me feel loved. Even though we had never said the words out loud, I was pretty sure I was falling in love with him.

"Cat?" He sounds hesitant almost. As if he's not sure how to take my reaction, my silence. I realise I still haven't said a word despite the questions spinning in my head. I look at him with curiosity. How much of the legends and stories are true? What was it I had walked in on?

"Cat?" He gently touches my arm and I blink again. He seems surprised that I don't pull away from him. Instead, I let him lead me over to the couch to sit down.

"Are you ok, Cat?" His voice is now starting to sound concerned. I nod slowly and look up at him where he's standing in front of me. He looks… uncomfortable. Yes, that's the word. As if he's not sure what to do now. I smile a little and pat the cushion next to me in a silent invite to sit next to me. He's looking so cute. That boyish looks of his works very well with confusion. Hesitantly he sits down next to me and I turn towards him. Looking closely at his face.

Once again my eyes are drawn to his mouth where I can still see a little red as if from blood. On its own my hand reaches out and my fingertips touch the red at the corner of his mouth. He flinches and I find myself wondering what he thought I would do. I pull my hand back and look down at the fingertip. It's got something red and wet on it. I look back up at him.

"Blood?" I move my finger a little to indicate what I was asking for. He nods, even more uncomfortable now.

"Yes, that's blood. I'm not usually such a messy feeder but I was surprised…" his voice trails off and I watch as he takes a handkerchief from his pocket to wipe his mouth and then puts the handkerchief back in his pocket. One word resounds in my head. Feeder. I think back to the scene, one which has never been far from my consciousness since I walked through the door. His mouth moving against the girl's neck, her moans, his eyes as he looked up at me, the fangs that were slightly red as he raised his head, the blood on the girls neck trickling down in two rivulets on her neck.

"You were feeding on her?" I ask and look closely at her, willing him to tell me the truth. I see his adams apple bob up and down as he swallows hard and then my eyes are back on his.

"Yes", he nods. I look at him closely and I see the truth in the word in his eyes. I still need more information though so I open my mouth to speak again. To ask another question but it is as if he's read my mind because he starts talking.

"I'm a vampire. I feed on blood not regular food like you. What you walked in on was me feeding on Susie", the words almost topple out from his lips. He's still looking uncomfortable and hesitant, almost on edge.

"It looked like…" I can't even finish that statement. My heart still ached from the pain that image had caused me. I can see the face he makes and I look away. My head is still spinning with questions that I'm trying to make sense of. Things he's said during our time together starts popping up in my head and I can see all the indications he's given me without really meaning it. Or maybe he did? Maybe he had wanted me to start suspect and come to him with my questions?

"Cat?" His voice makes me look up and I realise I have once again grown quiet as my mind works through everything. He seems to be waiting for something. Looking at me closely. I can see how uncomfortable he still is. He seems to be on edge, prepared for something, and I realise he's expecting me to freak out. To scream, panic, shrink back in fear. Something, but not the quiet.

I turn to him again and can almost see how he straightens up, as if preparing himself for battle. I smile a little at the image and he frowns. Obviously not a reaction he had expected. Sifting through all the images, the words and all my questions I finally figure it is best to start at the beginning. Ask all my questions from start to finish, or at least as many as he will allow me to ask. Remembering our first meeting I decide that is as good a place to start as any.

"What is a keeper?"

*Josef*

Her reaction has me on edge. She's so silent. So calm. She turns to me and I find myself preparing, steeling myself for what's to come. Is this when she will start screaming? Start with accusations? Is this when her fear will come back to the surface? I'm sure she must be frightened. Vampires are supposed to be monsters after all. Her smile catches me off guard and I frown, trying to figure out what it means.

"What is a keeper?" her question startles me. Her voice is filled with curiosity. Not fear. Not contempt. Not anger. Curiosity.

"To explain that I have to first explain some other things", she nods at my words and leans back on the couch as if preparing herself to listen to a story. I'm distracted once again by how calm she is. My eyes move to her legs as she curls them up. Then to her face as she places her cheek in her palm, supporting her head.

"Please, which things?" her question brings me back and I realise I had gone silent as I watched her movements. I lean back, trying to relax a little, wondering how to explain. I decide it's best to start with the basics.

"Vampires feed on blood. That is our source of nourishment. I'm sure you knew that already from the stories and legends?" she nods her reply and I swallow before I continue.

"Most vampires feed from living donors, men or women who willingly let us bite them and drink their blood in return for our protection and sometimes monetary help. These humans are what we call willing freshies. Some freshies only feeds one vampire. If the vampire agrees to this, the freshie becomes that vampire's exclusive. Feeding only that vampire and getting more benefits and more protection. The vampire then becomes the freshies keeper" she listens closely to every word I speak and nods slowly.

"So that first night at your party. You were asking me who I was an exclusive to?" she asks and then I see her eyes go wide as realisation strikes.

"That party… The men… They were asking me to feed them weren't they? They thought I was one of those freshies? They were vampires?" the questions stumble out of her.

"Yes. The party your friends took you to was a party I was throwing for some of the higher ranking vampires in LA. All the humans in that room were freshies" I look at her closely and I see her eyes go wide again as she realises what I was telling her.

"Tina, Maria and Mia… they're all freshies?" I nod my answer and watch as she shakes her head incredulously.

"Why would they do that? Why would they bring me to a party like that when I didn't know?" she asks confused.

"I don't know, Cat. They are with an agency and apparently cleared it with them before they took you there. But, they shouldn't have. They jeopardized the tribe by taking someone not in the know to a party with all the high ranking vampires in the community", I growl a little at the situation her friends had put me in that night. That the agency had knowingly put me in. She looks at me and shivers as I growl.

"Are they in trouble for it?" she asks, and I realise the shiver was of fear for her friends. Not fear that I would hurt her and once again I'm confused by her reactions.

"No. The situation was dealt with"

*Cat*

There's a finality to his words that makes me shiver again. Since my friends are still around and don't seem worse for wear I assume that meant the agency had been dealt with and I find myself wondering what he meant. What was "dealing with it" in his world? With a deep breath I decide I'll deal with those questions later. There were other questions pressing for my attention.

"So… you feed on freshies? Do you have any of those exclusives that you were talking about?" I ask and look at him closely.

"Yes. I usually feed on freshies. It tastes better and fresh blood is better as nourishment", he looks at me closely again, hesitating before he continues.

"I have a few exclusives. All women and they all live with me in my house in the hills. I also have a number of girls that serve me on a regular basis but they are all free to feed any vampire they choose. Those girls don't live with me but they do spend a lot of time at my house. Some of those work here at Kostan Industries", I swallow as I listen to him. All women. He has women living with him, which explains why he hasn't asked me to come visit him again. The questions then arise along with my jealousy.

"Do you ever…" I can't ask the question. I'm not sure I want to hear the answers to it. He looks over at me again and his hand hesitantly touches my knee.

"Ask me. You can ask me anything, Cat" he says gently. His voice kind as if he knows my fears.

"When I walked in… the girl… she seemed to be… it looked like you were making out" I stated and I hear his sigh.

"One of the reasons the freshies feed us willingly is because a vampire can make it pleasurable for the human. Most of the times it's having a delicious lunch for me but for them… it's something pleasurable. It has to be to take away the pain of the bite", he sounds almost reluctant as he explains. I'm still jealous. A woman was getting pleasure at the hands of the man I'm falling in love with. I swallow and look at him. I'm afraid of the answer but I have to ask. I have to know.

"Does it ever go beyond just feeding for you?" he looks at me and then looks away and I know with certainty I'm not going to like the answer to this. I bite my lip and steel myself for the answer.

"It has happened. In the past it has happened that it goes beyond just feeding", he looked at me and I look down. I know that's not the end of it.

"I'm a man as well as a vampire. These women are beautiful and they are usually very willing. I have at times gone beyond the feeding", I swallow and I feel my heart breaking at his words. I know they're beautiful and I'm not. I remember the women at his party, they all looked like supermodels and I looked nothing like it. His finger curls under my chin and he gently makes me look at him.

"It hasn't happened once since I first laid my eyes on you. Since that party it has been only feeding. I care for my girls as a friend but nothing more" his words are like a soothing balm for my breaking heart.

"Why not? They're all so beautiful, much more beautiful than me" I say, hating how small my voice sounds. He smiles then and hesitantly leans closer to brush his lips against mine.

"None of them compare to you. I only want you", I hear his words. His voice is soft. His eyes sincere. Amazed I look at him closely and then smile. I still have a million questions for him but for this moment… I'm content to be in his arms.

"Kiss me"

To be continued