Author notes: This is a multi chapter kind of thing... and for the first time I'm trying out the first person view when writing.

Rated R for safety

Disclaimer: If you recognize it then I don't own it. A few of the characters are though, such as Cat, Mia, Maria and Tina. Any resemblance between them and any living, dead or fictional characters is purely coincidental! No copyright infringement intended in any way or form.

Comments are still the only food my muses accept so please... send any comments you have, good or bad.

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*Josef*

"Kiss me"

Her words and the look in her eye make me hungrily pull her closer. I press my lips against hers in a kiss, mindful to keep my lips closed since I can still taste Susie on my tongue. I don't want to risk Cat tasting the blood in my mouth and pull back in revulsion. Her fingers move into my hair and she presses herself closer to me. I can't help moving her onto my lap, my hands restlessly moving over her back as I press her close against my body. She's so soft, so warm, so trusting. Breaking the kiss she raises her head to look at me, moving a finger to trace over my lips.

"What's wrong?" she looks… almost hurt as she meets my eyes. I frown and trace her cheek with my fingertips.

"Nothing is wrong, babe", I say and look at her to show the honesty in my answer.

"Then… why the closed lips?"

*Cat*

I hate how small my voice sound as I ask him. The kiss had felt different. As if he was holding back despite the eagerness in his movements. I trace a finger over his lips again. The questions and jealousy once again rearing their ugly heads. What if he wanted her taste and not mine? Meeting his eyes I know he must see the pain and confusion I was feeling.

His fingers trace my cheek and he sighs. A reaction that doesn't exactly help my fears and worries.

"I'm sorry Cat. I just… I didn't want you to have to taste the blood" he looked at me then away. He looked so uncomfortable. So… not exactly fragile but it definitely looked like this big, strong man. A vampire! Was afraid of little me. I know it must be my mind playing tricks with me. Just wishful thinking. But, it does make me feel a little braver. Maybe he really does care for me as much as I care for him?

"Ah", I don't know what else to say. Tasting blood in his mouth would be a strange experience, especially since I would know who it belonged to. I see him looking at me, expecting more of a reaction.

*Josef*

Her reaction still has me on edge. She's too calm. I expected panic, or at least fear, but can sense none.

"Do you have to bite people?" her question makes me raise an eyebrow in surprise.

"I mean, is there any other way to get… blood" I can hear her hesitation before she says blood and realise she's not as calm about this as she seems.

"There is. I have friends who get their blood from the morgue or the Red Cross. I prefer getting it straight from the source", I explain. Whatever she asks, I'm going to answer as truthfully as I can. I don't want anymore secrets between us.

"Why?" she looks at me a little curious and, is that jealousy?

"Feeding on bagged blood and feeding straight from the vein is similar to the difference between feeding on microwave food and fresh organic food. The fresh blood has a better taste and contains more nutrients" I explain, trying to use terms she would be familiar with.

"Does it have to be women?" her voice definitely holds traces of jealousy now and I relax a little. Finally a reaction I can understand, one I expected.

"No, babe. It doesn't have to be women. I just happen to prefer their taste, and their company. I have had male freshies at times" I notice her raised eyebrow and I smile a little at her.

"Surprised about that?" she nods in reply.

"It just… looked so intimate" she continues, a pained expression floating over her features and I sigh.

"I know that is how it looks, and with the right person… that is what it is, an intimate moment. Every person is different, so every human tastes different. What you need to remember is, as crude as it sounds, at the end of the day my feeding on a freshie is for me a matter of getting sustenance. I'm eating a meal, nothing more nothing less. This is why it to me mostly is the taste that decides who I choose to feed from, whether male or female. With some girls I develop a friendship. That friendship gives me companionship as well as a meal, and the friendship and trust they show towards me sweetens the blood. At times, the need for companionship has grown to a need for intimacy and I have developed a more intimate relationship with that girl. Since I met you, I haven't wanted that with anyone else. None of my present girls have had an intimate relationship with me. I have a friendship bond with some of my more regular girls but that is all" I try to explain as thoroughly as I can, trying to make her understand and hoping beyond hope that she will understand. I keep waiting for the one thing, the one fact about me that will make her scream. That will make her fear me, or will make her turn away from me in revulsion.

To be continued