Part Four

Roswell, New Mexico: 10 years prior

Liz sat on her mother and step-father's newly upholstered cream sofa with her hands folded at her lap and her back ram rod strait. The only thing they hated more than anything less than an A+, was a girl with bad posture. She slyly looked at the time on the clock, 2:30, before sighing and hoping that they were through with their chat before she was set to meet Max.

Her Mother sat across from her with a look she couldn't quite decipher and her legs crossed.

"This is going to be painful for you but I want you to know Paul and I will be here."

Liz's eyes narrowed in apprehension, "What's happened?"

"Jeff's dead honey."

Liz looked at her blankly for a moment, "Jeff who?," she asked quietly though the answer was already beginning to dawn on her. "My father Jeff?"

The fine boned red head looked at her sympathetically. "Yes."

She stared at Nancy before looking down at her fingernails. She had the urge to start gnawing on them but stopped herself; that was another habit her mother and step-father would not approve of. Instead, she tried to grab hold of the snatches of memory she retained of him from before the affairs, before he went away, before…

"How did it happen?"

"Car wreck. He was driving and …"

…his accident.

She closed her eyes and took deep breathes as long forgotten recollections of when he'd made her chocolate chip pancakes on her birthday and let her stay home from school, when she used to love the smell of cooking oil and cigarettes because of how they had always clung to him, when his hair always hung in his eyes, how when he said 'I love you' she had no doubt as to his sincerity.

She recalled, then, how he'd begun to change around her 4th year of school. Started not showing up to her soccer games, began to not come home at all, their subsequent divorce and his starting a new family. She remembered how those were the first years she'd ever seen her mother cry and how much she'd hated him and her eyes opened at the sudden sobs being wrenched from her throat.

Nancy walked toward her daughter and gently touched the side of her face, "my little girl," she whispered.

Liz couldn't remember the last time her mother had touched her like this, tried to comfort her, so when it was offered she relished leaning into her touch.

"Mama…"

The red head pulled out of her grasp quickly and watched Liz uncomfortably before glancing at the clock. "I have to go and meet Paul for a work thing. I'll see you later tonight honey.

Nancy leaned forward to peck her on the cheek softly, cool demeanor once again in place, "I know you're hurting but your Harvard interview is coming up faster than what you realize so please study those questions I printed out for you."

With that she walked out of the apartment and left the girl alone with her grief.

-0-

"You're late," he said when she finally made her way to the trailer.

"I know," she replied, looking everywhere but at his face, "I lost track of time."

He watched her plop down in the ragged lawn chair next to his with suspicion, "What's going on?"

She looked at him with a slight smile and a perfectly pleasant demeanor that he didn't seem to be buying for a second, "Nothing, you?"

He narrowed his eyes and stared at her until she looked away. One thing Liz really hated about Max was his ability to see right through her when anyone would have just taken her at her word.

"Why are you looking at me like that."

"I'm just waiting for you to stop lying to me is all."

"I'm not."

"I already know you are so just say you don't want to talk about it or tell me what's going on but don't try and act like I don't know."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Why?"

"Cause I don't feel like it," she replied with a sigh, trying to brace for his reaction to the knowledge that she was keeping apart of herself away from him. Sometimes his possessiveness gave her pause but never enough to end the relationship. She never thought for a moment that he'd ever put his hands on her.

More than that though, he needed her, and she liked being needed by someone.

She watched his face start to flush before he took a deep breath, "Fine," he said, "Let's go watch T.V."

He was up and through the door before she could figure out what just happened. He hadn't reacted the way she'd expected him to. Liz got up and followed him into the trailer and down the hall to his room before watching from the threshold.

He looked at her from his seated position at the head of the bed with exasperation. "Are you going to come in or stand in the door all day?"

She rolled her eyes but walked forward and lay across the foot of his bed anyway, looking at his 20" T.V, "why don't we ever do this by my house, I have cable?"

"You're parents are always there and you know your mom hates me."

"She doesn't hate you. She just worries about me."

"Why?"

She looked at him, "because you've been arrested like ten times."

"Six," he corrected with a smile. "I've only been arrested six times."

"Oh," she replied returning his smile and starting to settle in, "I'll have to correct her next time she questions me on why I'm hanging out with a delinquent."

"Be sure and do that," he said casually while flipping through the 12 channels available to him.

She felt herself drifting to sleep when a shove to the shoulder brought her back to full consciousness, "what," she asked grumpily.

"Why are you always going to sleep over here? You could've stayed home if you wanted to do that."

She rolled onto her back and stretched, "I don't really sleep at night. I've been meaning to go to my doctor and maybe get something for insomnia."

"Well you should do that. Don't sleep on my time," he said with a small pout that she found incredibly adorable and if he knew he was doing it he would immediately stop so she just shrugged.

"I just feel comfortable here I guess. I'm always thinking about something when I'm at home. I'm either worried about you or my mom and Paul and what's going on with them and what they're going to think about...whatever's going in my life at that time."

She stopped and thought for a moment. "I don't worry about all that stuff when I'm with you. I know nothings happened to you because you're with me and my parents are the furthest things from my mind. It's like, I can settle down for a second."

When he didn't reply, she let her head fall to the side and took in the look on his face. It wasn't nonchalant or smiling or angry; it was, for lack of a better description, filled with astonishment. She laughed nervously and hit him on the knee to break the moment,

"Why are you looking like that?"

He began to speak then thought better of it before shaking his head. "Like what?"

Before she could reply he spoke over her, "I woke you because that movie about the little girl in the mortuary is on and I know you used to love it."

She was up and sitting next to him with her back against the headboard before he was through with his explanation. "Why did you wait so long to tell me that?"

When he tied to say something else she shushed him and let herself fall into the life of an 11 year old girl. She watched Vada suffer under her loving but distant fathers neglect and come to terms with a new parental figure but when she watched her curl up on the stain left by her mother's pumpkin, she raised her knees up and laid her face against them, trying to muffle her sudden tears.

Max elbowed her teasingly. "You're not crying over this are you?"

She didn't look up or acknowledge his jibe. He touched her again, more gently, after a moment.

"What's going on Liz?"

She shook her head, trying to get herself under control. After all the years they'd known one another and all the things they'd been through, he'd never seen her cry, not over anything more serious than a Hallmark commercial, and she wasn't anxious to change that.

He moved closer and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "Yes, something is wrong," he was quiet before continuing. "Let me help you."

She wanted to shake him off and leave the house, but threw her arms around him and buried her face into his neck instead. She felt him put his arms around her but instead of soothing her, it only made her cry harder.

"What happened Liz," he asked, obviously surprised and concerned by her outburst but trying to keep things under control.

"My daddy…"

"What?"

She tried to pull back but he had her by the forearms and wouldn't let go, "My daddy," she forced out.

"What about him," he asked, confusion evident in his voice because she never spoke of the man after he left.

"He died today."

His eyes narrowed, "So?"

She tried to pull away from him again when he apologized, "I just don't understand why you're crying like this over a guy who you haven't seen since you were 12."

"Because he's my dad."

There was silence before he replied, "Okay. I understand," and pulled her toward himself again and even though she knew he really didn't, she appreciated his effort and relaxed into his chest.

She didn't know how long she sat in his arms but it felt…nice. To not have to think about anything or anyone else, to not worry about how he would react to her tears because she knew he wasn't going anywhere, to feel really secure in their friendship.

"Why didn't you want to tell me earlier?"

She tried to get close to him even though she was already as close as she could get. "I didn't want to bother you. I know you have so much stuff going on and I didn't want to add to your worries by freaking out," she laughed. "Like I just did I guess."

"Don't do that," he said and she raised her head to look at him.

"Do what."

"Not tell me things that hurt you because you think I won't have time," he cupped her face in his hands. "I'll always make time."

She wanted to look away from his gaze, she wanted to cry again and she wanted to lean further into one of the hands currently cupping her face. She stayed very still instead. "Well you don't have to make too much time. I don't do this regularly, I don't really cry that much."

"Well don't worry about telling me when you do."

They smiled at each other and when she pulled back he let her go this time.

"You know," he said after a moment. "I liked helping you just now. I didn't like that you were hurting and I hate to see you cry but…I liked being able to comfort you. You're usually the one calming me down and sometimes I feel like I don't do anything for you…"

"You've never been a burden to me," she said, reading between the lines.

He watched her quietly with a serene smile.

"I love you," he said softly and when her eyes widened in surprise, he didn't look away or backtrack. "But you knew that already."

Present Day

Maria had begun to sing one of Liz's personal favorites as she watched Max being dragged onto the dance floor by a pretty blond. The song was slow and she looked away as the girl pulled him into an intimate embrace.

We've been to the top, we've been to the bottom

She raised her hand to get the bartenders attention and ordered a Skyy Blue martini before looking around. The club was packed and she smiled, Maria would be so happy about the turn out. She even recognized some of the same people showing up to her shows and singing along. Liz made a mental note to talk to her friend about making a C.D. before paying for her drink and letting her eyes drift back to her old friend.

We've felt separate and felt the same

She wasn't sure if he'd seen her when he'd come in a few moments ago, he and his date had been hanging all over each other, but she was sure that she didn't want him to see her now. The blond smiled coquettishly after whispering something in his ear and pressed her face further into his chest. Max smiled back softly, running his hand down her side and letting it rest against her hip and Liz was hit by something she hadn't felt since those lonely months directly after he'd disappeared.

Yearning.

An all encompassing, maddening, melancholy longing that clawed inside her chest and choked her. He started to look up and she turned away quickly, taking a deep swig of her drink and trying to breathe easy again. She turned back toward him again after a moment, watching and waiting to start feeling angry. She preferred that to the deeply pained sensation she had instead; Liz felt like that 17 year old girl still waiting for someone who wasn't going to show.

We've shared joy and we've shared pain

She seriously thought about leaving before deciding against it. She'd thought she was over what happened, over him, but her reaction to seeing him again yesterday, and the way she was feeling seeing him with that girl pointed in another direction. The knowledge that even a decade of separation couldn't lessen her reaction to him scared her. But to the little girl inside that remembered every fairytale and Disney movie she'd ever read or seen, the idea of loving someone that much sort of thrilled her as well.

Oh yes the butterflies are still there

He raised his head to scan the bar again and she watched him in anticipation. This was it, she'd either duck him or start making decisions to try and really move on with her life this time. To find out what happened so she'd finally be free for James.

His head turned and their eyes met and this time, she was the one to neither look away nor backtrack.

Cause we came from the same cocoon

-The Song Maria sings is Butterflies by Sia.

-The movie Max and Liz are watching is My Girl. If you've never seen it, remedy that situation as soon as possible.