MONTH FOUR
(SEX, DRUGS AND BOOZE)
"I wish you wouldn't smoke. It can't be good for your baby" whispered Charlotte.
Over the past month Charlotte and I had begun to share some form of friendship. Not the convention type where all we would discuss the latest gossip and all we would do is shop and play dress-ups. We'd sit inside the room known as 'Young Mothers' and take up our time with conventional things. For example, Charlotte would spend quality time with her baby, while I smoked and tried to learn some of the very basics of caring for a baby.
When I couldn't be bothered, I'd kick back my feet and have a cigarette. At the time, when I first did this in front of Charlotte, she gave me a disapproving look saying that my smoking could have serious health effects on the four of us; her, Chris, myself and my unborn baby. I just shrugged it off. Ever since then her protests had become quieter with knowledge that she couldn't stop me.
That's when the booze started.
I'd come to Young Mothers slightly tipsy. Charlotte found me funny and found no real reason to protest. Then I started coming to Young Mothers drunk. Charlotte had her protests but I couldn't hear them over my own hunger for more alcohol.
The hunger had now grown worse. Now I was actually bringing a bottle of whatever I could get my hands on to Young Mothers. Charlotte threatened to dob me into the principle. I threatened to kill her child. Everything was fine now, peachy-keen.
My erratic behaviour grew worse. While I was drinking during the day, my active activity of shagging had moved onto the streets and clubs. How I got in...Well I slept with security. The club owners didn't mind letting me in; I was bring them in a hefty profit without having to spend any of my own money. Everyone bought me drinks, everyone gave me drugs, everyone got a shag in the toilet cubicles and at the end of every night I'd go home with some guy with a huge grin on his face.
It was my new lifestyle, and I sure as hell wasn't protesting. Charlotte was the only one with the problem. And then, one day she snapped.
"Abbey don't you care at all for your child?" she demanded, her face hot with anger.
"Not really" I admitted as I took another swig out of my almost empty bottle of tequila. I could feel her glaring at me but I pretended not to take any notice of her. I could feel the alcohol starting to take effect on my starved body. The day was starting to look up.
"God Abbey! You're so selfish. Just look at yourself! You're drinking yourself to death. You go clubbing on school nights, so of course your grades are suffering, and all those drugs. Don't you care about your own health?"
"Personally" I slurred, "I don't think it's any of your god damn business"
She went quiet. Her breathing began to quaver as she started to cry. "We started out as really good friends, but now..." her sobs came out harder as a rolled my eyes. "Abbey, nothing good can come of this."
I turned towards Chris and pointed. "I didn't ask for this. I'm still not sure if I even want it. So just mind your own business"
Maybe I wasn't bored, maybe I was confused. Or maybe I was just looking for a purpose on life.