Part Fourteen

"You don't have to go back to work."

Liz stretched out on their bed and looked at him curiously, "huh?"

He smiled shyly and ducked away from her gaze, piquing her interest even more. "I said you could stay home if you want."

She felt her heart beat kick up a little, "uh Max…"

"Just think about it," he replied lowly, entwining his fingers with hers, twisting his ring around her finger. "I'm about to go to the academy but after that you could stay home if you want. I'll be working and we'll be married soon so…" she must have had a look because he went on quickly, "it's just a thought. Just something to consider."

She forced out a smile and nuzzled the side of his neck before taking a bite, "Alright, I'll think about it."

-0-

"I wasn't sure if you would come back or not."

She shrugged and went to sit on the chaise, "I didn't think I would but…"

He thought about mentioning what she had said to him on their last visit about where she was sitting right now but decided against it. "You keep thinking about what I said during our last visit?"

She ran her hands through her hair nervously, "that was part of it."

"And that ring on your finger was the other part," he said dryly, pointing at her left hand.

She stuck her hands in her pockets even though it was too late to try and hide them from him, "maybe."

He watched her for a moment before moving across the floor and taking a seat, "Max knows you're here?"

"He does not."

"Why do you keep coming here?"

"This is only my second visit. I wouldn't say I keep coming here."

"Then why are you coming to visit me," he replied with a smile.

"Because I keep thinking about what you said to me on my last visit. Why do you think we can't be together."

"I don't think you shouldn't be with him, I just think you two need to slow down and pull away a little. You just found each other again and, if that ring means what I think it means, you're already going to get married."

"We're in love," she argued.

"But you haven't seen him for years. You two aren't the same people no matter how much you're trying to be."

"We're not," she said lowly, feeling attacked.

He sighed, "then what do you think is going on?"

She shrugged, "isn't that your job?"

"No it isn't. We're just chatting about my patient, I'm not counseling you but if I was, I would be helping you figure out what was going on in your life."

"Was that a not so subtle way of saying if I keep coming here I'm going to have to start making appointments?"

"Yes and no. I would like for you to try and talk to Max about coming back but I would also like for you to come with him as a couple and alone."

"Is something wrong with us," she asked after a moment of silence.

He folded his hands and leaned forward, "do you feel like there is?"

"Maybe."

"Like what?"

She liked her lips, trying to decide whether or not to tell him the real deal or water it down, "I still haven't told him how it was after he left me."

"He won't talk about it?"

"Just the opposite actually, he's asked me quite a few times but I won't go into it."

"Why not?"

"It's embarrassing," she said with a mirthless chuckle, "I was so pathetic and stupid right after he left. I don't want to tell anyone about that. Especially not him."

"But if you love him, why wouldn't you want to share your pain."

"It would make me feel…weak," she replied. He noted how remote she seemed during this visit when she was so emotional during their last.

"What do you mean?"

"He would have something over me."

"Does that bother you?"

She nodded absently, eyes fixed on some part of the wall to the right of his face, "He already has enough."

"In what way?"

"Sex," she said plainly, "that's pretty much all we do."

"Why do you think that is?"

"It's easy. Easier than talking about other things."

"Like what happened after he left?"

He thought she wasn't going to answer but she did after a second of quiet, "like how I pined after him for a year after he left. I would search everyone's face on the street to see if it belonged to him," she changed her position getting agitated.

"He has no idea what it's like to love someone and then to have them just disappear on you one day. I mean, there was his mother but she died. He knew what happened to her. He wasn't left wondering is she was dead or alive."

"Is that why you're angry with him?"

"I'm not…"mad at him is what she'd planned to say but thinking about it now, maybe she was.

"No, that's not why I'm mad," she said after a second, "I'm mad because of how he embarrassed me."

"Go on."

"The looks on my parents face when I walked back in that door after telling them I was leaving with Max and there was nothing they could do. They told me to be smart, to think of my future and I told them that he was my future and I didn't want to be anywhere without him and I'd show them!"

She laughed sharply at the memory, "I walked in there and they were having dinner and my mother looks over and tells me to go wash my face and study because my test for college was the next day. The look on her face…and the kids at school, all those faces said, poor stupid Liz, she got hoodwinked by that delinquent. She believed in him and he humiliated her in front of everyone."

She stopped for a minute, relieved to have said the words out loud after so many years bottling them up, "that's why I try to keep as much power as I can in this relationship. That's why I'm...not as happy as I should be."

They looked at each other across the room and she continued, "sometimes," she leaned forward as though confessing a secret, "I think about just getting up and leaving or not coming back home after work. I wouldn't stay gone too long, just a few days or so you know. Just to give him a taste of his own medicine," she remarked almost wistfully.

"Would you ever actually go through with that?"

Liz looked at him like he was crazy, "of course not, I love Max," she leaned back, "you've never thought about trying to get back at someone you love?"

He didn't answer her question, just stated one of his own, "have you ever talked to anyone about this before."

She shook her head.

"I would really like for you to start making appointments with me Liz," he said slowly.

"I don't need a therapist."

"Don't think of me as that. I'm just," he stopped, searching for a word, "someone who can listen to your problems and give you advice on how to work through them."

She looked at him and said, "I'll think about it."

He accepted that even though he wanted a more concrete guarantee from her.

"You still haven't said what you think needs to happen between Max and me."

He folded his hands, trying to think of the best way to say this and deciding the direct route was it. "You need to move out."

She had been looking off into the distance and his answer didn't register on her face at all, "move out," but her voice sounded higher pitched, a little worried.

"Yes, not break up with him, just move out."

She turned toward him, "What would we do?"

"Date."

"Date?" she asked, starting to show a little emotion. "We're engaged, we're not dating."

This is where it was going to get sticky, "I think that you two should put that on hold."

And she was up and out of her seat. "Excuse me?"

"Have you set a date?"

She thought for a moment, "We weren't planning on anything big. A little ceremony in some church with a few friends or we might even just go to City Hall. We don't want anything that requires a lot of planning or anything."

"Well then there should be no issue in you not getting married any time within, say, the next," he thought one number then cut it half so as to not alarm her further, "Six months."

"Six months," she said a little louder than what she would have liked but before stepping out of the cab in front of this office she'd promised to herself that she would stay cordial, detached and that she would keep her memories and feelings to herself. Since 2 and 3 had already gone out the window, might as well chuck being pleasant out as well.

"I just want your marriage to start out on as truthful and stable ground as possible. You two could get married right after you leave this office, I couldn't stop you, but you'll be giving your relationship a harder road to hoe."

"I'm not the only one of us who has issues!"

"You're right, but you're the only one here. You have to do this for both of you and I know it's not fair but that's the way it is."

She took a few steadying breathes, "I can't."

"You can. You have to."

"I wouldn't even know how to talk to him about it. How to keep things under control."

He leaned forward, feeling that she was about to finally start listening to him, "I'll tell you how to talk to him so he knows that you're not walking out."

She sat down heavily, feeling a little dazed by this whole situation, "what should I do?"

-0-

Liz stepped out of the cab and looked up the side of the building, counting floors until she reached the right one, looked in the window and sighed. The light was on. She considered going up stairs and not saying anything at all when she thought back to what Dr. Culling had said and straightened her spine.

Gathering her resolve, she walked into the building and hopped on the elevator, which had finally been fixed, pressing her floor number and wishing the floors went by slower because before she knew it, they hissed open and she stepped off after only a moment's hesitation. She glided the hall and stopped outside their door, trying to decide when the right time to tell him would be, when he opened the door with a big smile.

"Why are skulking around out here?"

"I'm not," she said quickly, trying to change her expression before he caught wind. "I was just thinking."

"About what," he asked, moving aside and ushering her in before shutting the door and walking to the kitchen.

She followed after him and sat in a chair at the table, "Nothing really," she smiled then. "You're cooking for me?"

She could feel him grin in return, "I am," he said, without turning around. "Where were you today?"

Liz could tell he was trying to act casual with the question but a certain weight had entered the room that wasn't there before. She turned to wall in front of her even though he wasn't facing her.

"Nowhere really, just to see Maria."

She saw him nod out the corner of her eye and start stirring whatever was in the big pot before him. She took this moment to stare at the back of his head, to trace the musculature that the white t-shirt he was wearing couldn't cover.

She took this moment to memorize him in case…just in case.

Liz stood up and went to stand next to him, gazing into the pots depth. "What are you making noodles for?"

"Chicken Alfredo."

"My favorite."

"Your favorite," he stated with a grin before it slipped from his face. "What's up Liz?"

"I was just thinking about earlier…"

"You don't have to stay home," he said quickly, "it was just an idea I had but I know you make more than me and you love science. I would never try and talk you into something you didn't want to do," he slowed down, "I just love having you here when I get home."

She smiled and for the first time today, felt her eyes starting to mist over. She took his hand and brought it to her face, watched him watch her as she swept her lips across it closed her eyes. Wanting them to be like this forever.

What she was about to do would be the first step in the right direction.

"What was that for," he asked softly, feeling the need to whisper lest she stop.

Liz didn't open her eyes for a moment, just enjoying his touch. Knowing for sure now that Dr. Culling was right and that this needed to be done.

"Max," she looked up and locked eyes with him, holding his hand tightly. "I'm moving out."