Part Fifteen

It was very quiet for a short stretch of time. Max looked at her face and then gave a crooked smile, completely throwing her off.

"What?"

She swallowed, blinking back the tears she felt trying to fall and not really wanting to repeat what she'd just said but knowing she had to. She swallowed and straightened her spine. "I said I'm leaving."

They looked at each other and she watched as the smiled slipped from his face incrementally. "What do you mean?"

She took a breath, and started to pace. "I think we have an unhealthy relationship and that we'll never get better if don't get out from underneath one another." Liz stopped moving when there was no response and looked at him, only to take a step back at the anger and confusion covering his face.

"Who have you been talking to?"

"Nobody," she responded quickly, too quickly obviously, because he looked more suspicious and took a step closer.

"You sure?"

"I would know if I had been speaking to someone about us," she answered, fighting annoyance and wondering why she shouldn't just tell him she'd been seeing a therapist. Because then he won't believe you really feel these things. He'll think someone's been whispering in your ear and he'll touch you because that always worked every other time.

He searched her face and must have seen her sincerity, must have come to believe that this wasn't some stupid joke because his face softened. "Is this because I wanted you to stay home? It was just a stupid suggestion, I won't bring that up again."

"No," she responded softly, and took a deep breath. It was all beginning to click into place, looking at him she was finally starting to get what Dr. Culling had been trying to tell her during their visits. Liz had only decided to go through with his suggestion because the rational part of her brain, the part that attracted her to science, knew that what he was saying was right but now she starting to feel it.

And feel strong as well.

Stronger than she ever had and wondered if this was how he'd felt when he decided he had to leave. Had he felt broken but somehow more stable than he remembered? Had he felt trapped by his love for her but free as well because he knew he was trying to help her?

Help them both?

She wanted to ask him about it but thought he might misunderstand and take this for some kind of act of revenge. The Liz he knew would've been capable of that.

This Liz wasn't anymore.

Could he tell she was changing right before his eyes? Liz took a breath and felt sad and happy and confused all at the same time but, in this moment, she also felt calm. She felt herself becoming brand new.

His mouth opened and the words, "what's going on," came tumbling out gracelessly.

"I'm leaving because if I don't do it now, one of us will be doing it later," she replied peacefully.

"What does that even mean?"

"That something's not right between us and you know it. I'm taking the initiative to try and fix it."

She felt steely with her sudden resolve and he looked at her, dumbfounded. She imagined he could feel her surety and smiled a little, he thought she was weak. He'd never said it and she wasn't even sure he was conscientious of it but she knew. She wasn't angry about it though because she had been the weaker of the two of them. Even with all the shit that had been going on in his life, he'd always been the backbone in their relationship.

She sighed sadly even just thinking about it, Liz had been on the road of trying to better herself slowly for the past decade but she'd come to realize that it was time to stop trying and start doing. She could see the shock and hurt on his face and felt some of her happiness about her new found resolve slipped away. She wanted to make him smile again but this new Liz was finally capable of doing the right thing even when she didn't want to. Even when it hurt.

Especially when it hurt.

He got this look on his face then. The look he got right before he slid his palm along the curve of her shoulder, the sensitive inside of her arms, the taper of her waist before he would slip one his fingers, just barely, into the top of her jeans at the small of her back and she felt her heart start to palpitate faster. He was wearing that look he got right before he got her to do something and as he moved closer and reached out for her saying, "Liz…," in that bedroom baritone.

She batted his hand away quickly before she could think to do otherwise, "don't even try it."

If it was possible, he looked even more surprised and confused than he had earlier and she felt insane laughter bubbling up inside of her. This was a serious moment! She was trying to change the rules of a game they had been playing for the entirety of their lives and it was going to painful, people were going to scream and cry and be angry but when she thought of the two of them and the dense things they did, sometimes, she could only laugh or cry at how stupid they could be sometimes.

"Liz!"

She pulled herself out of her thoughts and sobered up again.

"That's not going to work anymore."

"What's not?"

"You know what," she replied with narrowed eyes. "That's part of problem right there. We don't ever talk."

She stopped and hugged him suddenly, pulling him close and even though he was stiff in her arms and didn't respond she didn't let go. "I know why you do that but I love you for more than that and I should have said it more," she whispered softly into his chest.

He pushed her away then, not hard enough for her to go far but with enough strength to make her let him go.

"Liz…"

"Go back to Dr. Culling," she spoke over him, "I'm going to find a therapist too and we'll and work it out from there,"

"I'm not sure if that's the best thing to do," he countered, he sounded shaken and she wanted to reassure him, pull him back into her arms and kiss him until he was happy again, but she wasn't as confident her new found determination could survive that much contact so she didn't.

"It's the only option we have right now," she said before turning and making her way to the room. She pulled down the suitcase they stored in the top of his closet and started to throw clothes into it without really looking to make she would have all the things she needed. He followed her into the room and hovered over her back and she felt vulnerable for the first time during this conversation.

Her original plan was to wait and tell him after she'd already moved all her clothes and made other sleeping arrangements but she knew as soon as walked into the house and saw him cooking with that smile and that face that she might never go if she waited one more second let alone one more day.

"You're really doing it then," he asked and she could hear tears in his voice.

She stopped and turned her head to the side, almost meeting his gaze but stopping just short, "yes."

"So what, you're going to go back to James, forget I ever existed?"

She faced him then, "I don't want to break off our engagement and I don't want to leave you, I'm just going to live somewhere else for the time being but we'll see each other."

"When?"

"Everyday."

"That's not enough," he said with certainty, eyes shiny. "I can't go from having you with me every moment I'm not in class or at work, from having you right next to me every night and helping me make breakfast every morning to seeing you every now and then."

"We'll see each other all the time Max."

"What about our engagement?"

"We're just going to put it on hold for a little while," she said desperately, trying to make him believe her.

He didn't say anything, just looked at her with accusing eyes and she shook her head, only hesitating once before picking up the bag and walking through the house to the front door. She grabbed the knob and began to turn it when he yelled from his doorway across the room.

"If you leave don't come back."

She turned toward him, shocked at his words even though she knew she shouldn't have been.

"You don't mean that."

"Give me back my ring," he said, face blank, arms crossed over his broad chest.

"Max…"

He covered the floor in her direction quickly, stopping right in front of her and placing his arm on the door, over her shoulder, shutting it loudly. He put his other hand out, palm up. "Give it to me."

Her breath hitched at his nearness. If this were any other day, if they hadn't just been fighting, if she hadn't just put their engagement on hold his hand would be underneath her skirt right now but she had done all those things and the last thing he looked like he wanted to do was touch her.

"You…"

"Just give it to me," he said, voice rising and she stood up tall, pushing him back, "No."

He looked like he was considering making her give the diamond up but he reached around her instead, grabbing for the knob, pulling it open and moving out of the way.

"Well just get out then," he said, "I can get it later."

She picked back up the handle getting ready to leave then stopping, "I'm coming back."

"Not if you walk out," and he sounded so sure of it. So set that she found herself stepping forward, running her hand along the edge of his jaw. He tensed up, like he did when she hugged him, before moving his face into her caress and closing his eyes. He grabbed her upper arms, eyes glassy again.

"You're staying?"

She cut him off with a gentle kiss if you could even call it that, more of a brush of their lips, "No but I love you please believe that."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because you made a hard decision for us once and now it's my turn."

She started to pull away and he held on so pulled harder until he let go and walked out of the door.

"I swear to God Liz, don't come back if you leave," he yelled after her down the hall. Sounding frantic and she wanted to go back but didn't.

She didn't even turn around.

-0-

"Well, well, well," Mara stated, looking her friend over and not offering to let her in.

"The prodigal daughter returns."

"'Ria…"

"Let me see," the blond said, speaking over her. "You disappear for two weeks. You don't answer my calls or my texts or my emails and now here you are with a suitcase outside my door."

"I broke up with James and now I'm marrying Max."

"Excuse me," she asked loudly, self satisfied smirk gone from her lips.

And just like that, she snapped. The ephemeral surety she'd felt slipping away earlier now completely gone.

"…and I've been seeing a therapist cause we're all fucked up and he said I should leave and I wasn't supposed to tonight but I knew if I didn't do it when I had the nerve I never would so I did and he tried to make me give him his ring back but I wouldn't and he kicked me out…" she shared breathlessly, tears flowing freely down her face.

"Oh Liz," Maria cooed, opening the door and her arms wide to accept her friend.

"You know I love you right? That I was just messing with you earlier."

Liz nodded wetly.

"Well come on then," she responded, moving to the side and letting Liz walk through the door.

"I'll get us a drink."