Part Seventeen

"I'm pretty sure what you did was illegal."

Dr. Culling turned at the sound of his patient's voice and smiled slightly, "hello Max." It had been four days since his and Liz's confrontation. "I wasn't sure I would see you again."

"Or at least unethical," he went on, not skipping a beat.

"I didn't tell her anything confidential about you. The only things we spoke about were things she brought up."

"Things that involved me?"

"Sometimes."

"Can't you see there's something wrong with that?"

"Not really," he replied, "she first came here because of you but our subsequent visits were all about her."

He crossed his arms over his chest, "Dr. Culling…"

"We never spoke of what happened in our sessions. I treated her as the separate patient she was and yes you came up in quite a few of those sessions but I never bought in the things that you said to me. Those are all confidential."

He crossed his arms over his chest, "but can't you see how I might be unhappy about that? How I might find it hard to trust you now?"

He hesitated before speaking, "I have many patients besides you Maxwell."

"But only one of them is the girl I've been talking to you about this whole time!"

"That's true," he replied, conceding his point.

Max tightened his jaw, "well then why did you take her on?"

He took a breath, "are you going to keep me as your therapist?"

The younger man scoffed, "that would be difficult seeing as though I don't trust you."

"Well then can we speak as friends?"

"As associates."

That brought a smile to his face, "Then I'll tell you why I took her on instead of giving her a recommendation when she came by."

That caught his attention but he tried to play it cool, "Why?"

"I was…interested in her."

He took an angry step forward but stopped when the other man put his hands up in defense, "Not in that way."

He backed off, reluctant, but wanting to hear what he had to say, "Go ahead."

"I was curious to see the girl you'd told me so much about."

"Why?"

"You know," he said instead of answering the question, "I listen to people talk about themselves all day, every day and most of the time, I'm ashamed to say, it's pretty boring. People whining about this and that and whatever else but you…you were different. You were interesting. "

Max took a step back, wanting to storm out of the room but unable to look away.

"You, of course, weren't the first abused person I've ever helped but you were the first one I became interested in personally. I want to help every person who comes through those doors but something about you made me need to help you."

"Why," he asked, enthralled and repelled by his admission.

He shrugged, "When you told me how you'd been living and why you left I felt invested."

"But don't you feel that way with everyone?"

"No."

"Then why do you do this if you don't want to help people?"

He looked down at his hands, "Because I did when I was younger. I thought I could save the world and as the years have gone by I've seen that I can't. That people are going to keep sabotaging themselves and they're going to keep hurting each other."

He met Max's eyes again, "You can't imagine what I felt like when I realized that people didn't come here to change, they came here to talk and then go back to repeating the same unhealthy behaviors. But you were different. You wanted to do better and I wanted to help you."

"What does that have to do with Liz?"

"She seemed to be the only other shaping factor in your life besides your father, when I got the chance to talk to her, I took it."

Max felt his breath catching, "And what did you think of her?"

"That's confidential."

Max's eyes narrowed and the older man laughed, "I can tell you that I thought she was sweet. Conflicted, but sweet."

"Conflicted about what?"

"You would have to ask her."

Max looked at him and fought down the urge to hit him, "How can I do that when you told her to leave me?"

"You haven't been in touch?"

"Not for the last few days," he thought for a second, "You haven't seen her?"

"I can't really get into that, but I…"

"Whatever it is, I don't care," he said sharply, "I just want to know why you told her she should leave."

"Because you two need to forge lives independent of one another."

"We were apart for 10 years!"

"But not really right?"

Max rolled his eyes, "Whatever."

"But that's just it, you lived in those memories and when she came back into your life you two went right back to where you were. Have you ever even gone out on a date?"

He opened his mouth to reply and hesitated only a moment, "We've been friends forever. We've gone everywhere together."

"But I'm asking about a date. You know, when one person calls the other and sets up a time to meet."

"Don't talk to me like that," he said flatly and the Dr. sat up straighter.

"I'm sorry, I was being unprofessional."

"This whole thing is unprofessional!"

"I just wanted to help you," he said lowly, "And when I met her, I wanted to help her too."

"But why did you tell her to leave me," he asked louder than what he would've liked, sick of talking around what he really wanted to know."

"Because I thought I was helping. I believed that a separation was the only way you two could really begin to become your own person. "

"Yeah well," he replied, no longer angry just…tired, "you broke us up instead."

He turned to leave the office when Dr. Culling said something that brought him up short, "Are you going to stay in counseling?"

He thought about not answering but decided it couldn't hurt, "yes…probably."

"I just want you to know I really wanted to help you two. I only had the best of intentions."

Max turned back then, angry again, "Don't ever try and get in touch with either of us again."

"Liz can decide for herself whether or not she wants to continue with me."

He stepped back in the room then, lowered his voice, "Do it or I'll take this to your higher ups and they'll decide whether what you did was unethical or just a slight conflict of interest."

The older man quieted then and Max watched him, making sure he understood his seriousness, before he left his office for the last time.

-0-

Liz stretched up on her tip toes to try and get a better view him up on stage. When she'd asked for a ticket, he had told her not to come. To give him some time and she'd decided to try and respect his wishes. She stopped calling everyday, dropping their correspondence down to once a week. He hadn't answered the phone this week but she understood. He had a right to be angry.

She'd tried to stay away but the ceremony was on the front lawn and...she couldn't.

Liz would regret it forever if she didn't see him graduate.

"…Max Evans…"

She focused on the stage again at his name and began to clap when she saw his family off to the left of her going crazy. She impulsively ducked away out of their sight and watched him as he smiled at them and waved, looking embarrassed, before making his way back to his seat on the lawn. She felt stupid for shying away from them but only God knew what he'd been telling them and she Michael had never been particularly friendly so…better safe than sorry.

She left after his name was called and wandered around town for about an hour, thinking, when she looked across the street and saw Dizzies. The first place they'd gone when she saw him again, the first time she'd ever walked away from him. Liz shook off her melancholy mood and started to make her way over when she stopped short. Before...everything, they'd planned on coming here for lunch after his graduation and the last thing she needed was to run into him and his family when he'd made it abundantly clear that he didn't want to see her.

She considered leaving but thought better of it; he wouldn't come here with them. Dianne and Philip had money; they would probably go somewhere nice. She nodded to herself and made her way across the street and into the diner.

-0-

Max hugged his family happily and squinted as he looked out into the crowd around them, turning away when he realized he was searching for her face. He'd asked her not to come and she wasn't here so why did that hurt him?

"Where do you want to go for dinner," Philip asked with a wide smile, breaking him out of his thoughts, "It's on Dianne and me."

They could have gone somewhere fairly nice and somewhat expensive, some place that had been profiled in a magazine but he said, "Dizzies," without a thought.

As they waved down two cabs and crammed in, he tried to keep up with the conversation instead of thinking about whether she would be there or not. It was a big city though, she probably wouldn't and it bothered him that he was sort of hoping she would be.

Liz looked up the moment the bell on the door trilled, announcing some new patrons and met Isabel's eyes.

She clutched the table and thought about getting up, about making her way out the back door but then the tall blond was whispering to the group of people around her and then they were all looking over to the corner booth she currently occupied. She took a deep breath and smiled awkwardly.

"Hey Mr. and Mrs. Evans," she said, meeting their strained glances. "Iz, Michael...Max" she moved to look at him but stopped short and looked back everyone else instead as she yelled across the diner, feeling stupid but unable to stop talking, "How have you all been?"

They glanced between one another quickly, no one speaking until Philip stepped forward, "Well and you."

"Awesome," she said too quickly and from the look on his face, he didn't believe her. Liz stood quickly; suddenly unable to bear their pity filled looks anymore. She threw some money on the table next to her half eaten sandwich. She walked over to them with stilted steps, steadily avoiding Max's gaze, and sporting a huge plastic grin, "I was just on my way out," she put her back against the glass trying to stay as far away from them as possible, "But it was good to see you again."

"Liz…"

She stopped for a second at the sound of his voice. Without looking back she said, "I'm sorry, I didn't know you'd be here," and slipped out the door before he could reply.

Now all eyes were on him.

"Max…" Isabel started slowly and he cut in, not really wanting to hear it.

"I'm going to the bathroom," he said and turned away from them, walking across the dining room and into the back hallway.

Pushing into the bathroom and making his way to the sink. He turned the faucet on and leaned over, splashing his face and trying to even out his breath. He should have done something; he wasn't sure what but…something other than just stand there when he saw her.

The look on her face when they all turned toward her was something he'd never forget, like she'd been trapped, like…

"Max?"

He gasped and turned quickly, startled by Philips voice.

"You scared the hell out of me," he said loudly, smiling a little.

"I'm sorry."

"No, its fine," he said, waving it off and turning toward him, noticing the contemplative look on the other man's face. "Did you need to speak to me?"

He took a breath, seemingly about to speak, before thinking better of it and stopping for a moment. Max didn't rush him; he waited as a strange unknown knot began to gather in his stomach.

"I know we haven't been the closest…"

"Philip…"

"No it's okay," he said quickly, "I know we love each other, we just don't speak as much as you do with the other three and I'm not really sure what happened between you and Liz..."

"I don't think…"

"You're a grown man and you don't need my opinion but please let me give it to you anyway."

Max looked down, the last thing he wanted to discuss was his relationship with Liz but Philip never asked much of him and if this was what he wanted he would let him speak his piece.

"I know she did something to you and you probably feel betrayed and angry but the look on your face when you saw her just now," he shook his head, searching for words. "It seems like you still want her."

"It's not that easy," he said under his breath.

"Why?"

"Because who says love is enough? I've wanted to be with her since I was a kid but it's been over a decade now and it still isn't working out. When should I just write her off and move on?"

"Well, ask yourself if the bad times outweigh the good and if so, can you see anyone else making you as happy, as crazy but in a good way," he amended with a smile, and Max let out a short laugh, "as sad, as angry and if the answers no;" he shrugged as if it was obvious, "reassess."

"It's not…"

"That easy? It is though Max. I've seen quite a few of the girls you've been with and I've never seen anyone make you reach the highs or the lows you've had with her."

Max rubbed his temple and closed his eyes, feeling a headache coming on, his heart beginning to hurt.

"I'm not trying to save that relationship if it really is over but I don't think it is. You've been separated for ten years; do you really want to live the rest of your life without her?"

Max started to say something but he stopped him, "either way you go, I just want you to know I love you and I wish you the best. I just want you to stop suffering."

Max took two shaky breathes before pulling the older man into a tight hug.

"Tell me you'll consider your options and do whatever you need to do to be happy no matter what any of us may think."

He nodded into Philips neck and leaned back away from him.

"Well then go and do what you have to do."

They walked back into the dining room and took a seat, ignoring the questioning looks the rest of the people there sent them.

"Look Max…"

"Michael don't," Iz said tightly, grabbing a hold of his arm.

"I have to," he replied, shaking her off, "Don't even think of going after her. I know you two had something special once but why can't you see it's over? I can't watch you go through another make up and break up with her man. Let her go, you'll find someone else."

He was taken aback by the sudden outburst and looked around the table. The only other person confused was Philip, both women met his eyes apologetically.

"We didn't want to bring it up at your dinner," Iz said, giving Michael the side eye, "But yeah, we were talking and…"

She looked at the other two for help, "You just hurt so much when you're with her," Dianne picked up.

They all stopped talking then, looking at him for a reaction. He just stared back, taking in their advice, thinking of what Philip talked to him about in the bathroom, trying to answer those questions and it all came up the same.

Liz.

It was all about her for him, it always had been and it seemed like it always would be no matter how much he might wish otherwise. He took a breath and sat back in his seat. Letting the inevitable wash over him and said "I hurt her too."

They tried to talk but he kept going, "We've been trying to punish one another for so long and hurting ourselves in the process," he sighed, "but I think I'm ready to stop now."

They all looked at him with open mouths, "Yeah it's hard," he put down his fork, "Maybe too hard, and it hasn't worked out with us more than it has and maybe it's stupid but I love her and I can't let her go," he cleared his throat and corrected lowly. "I won't let her go."

There was a dead quiet then everyone started talking at once. Everyone except Philip who only smiled gently and gave a slight nod as Max stood and made his way to the door. Stepping through it without a backwards glance.