I was sitting in the Burrow with my entire family trying to talk some sense into my mother. It was Christmas Eve, and she still insisted on talking about the Wedding.
" Swans? Why would I want swans? I am afraid of all birds," I said logically.
" Why are you afraid of birds? They can not do any harm onto you," mum said angrily.
" Oh yeah? Tell that to Mr. Snuffers," I said referring to my teddy bear that had been pecked to death when I was seven. Even now, seventeen years later, I still hated all forms of birds.
" That was so long ago. Please Ginny, think reasonably. This is your wedding, our entire family will be attending," mum said with a sad smile. " I want it to be amazing. I want it to be…what's another word for amazing?"
" Orgasmic," Fred said from his seat.
Mum opened her mouth to say it and blushed. She swatted at Fred and looked back over at me.
" Mum, you just want Aunt. Kathy to be jealous," I said folding my arms. Mum looked all flushed and embarrassed.
" Well you think that woman gave birth to a savior the way she talks about her daughter. It would be nice to shut her mouth," mum said huffily.
I shook my head amused and mum continued.
" I thought we could have an all white wedding. White dress, white flowers, white chairs," mum said making hand gestures.
" Well for a white wedding you are going to have to back up about ten years," George said with a smirk. I looked over him feeling panic seep into my body.
" What?" mum snarled. Dad was blushing and sipping his tea.
" Nothing," I said quickly. Mum got up and walked into the kitchen. I flung a pillow at George.
"Ouch, what was that for?" he asked laughing.
"What is the matter with you?" I asked angrily catching the pillow as it zoomed at my face.
"They already know about the time in your room," George said.
" What time in her room?" mum asked dangerously from the doorway.
"No time," I said faltering slightly.
Mum glared at me and the twins for a moment before she sat down again.
"Now, I understand you cant wear white on your wedding day because you were a whore in your teens," mum said airily. I choked on my tea when she called me a whore. Fred and George did the same and were now laughing hysterically.
" Mother, you just called me a whore," I said feeling absolutely shocked.
"Ginny, stop being so dramatic," mum snapped leafing through the pages of her wedding book.
I really did not know what to say. Was I supposed to laugh this off? I didn't think it was funny. The twins were still laughing about it though. Even my father looked slightly happier.
"I can still wear white on my wedding day," I said stiffly.
"How? Every boy in school had seen you on your back at least once," Fred answered.
"You are not helping!" I yelled at him and he cracked up again.
"Just exactly how many boys did you canoodle with?" mum asked me again. Once again my father looked really embarrassed.
"I don't know," I said lamely.
"I did not raise you this way!" mum yelled standing up again.
"Mum, I wasn't having sex all the time in school. They are liars!" I said accusingly pointing at Fred and George who were still laughing. "They were the ones who had sex in their second year! Well not you, Fred you waited until sixth, but George didn't."
Fred and George stopped laughing immediately.
"Who told you?" George asked in a high voice.
"You!" I said triumphantly.
"When?" George asked again looking outraged and really angry.
"Just now," I said smiling. George was now mouthing wordlessly at me. I was apparently the first person ever to get something over on one of the twins. I would feel proud if mum didn't look like she was going to kill us all.
Mum looked livid.
"So none of my children were pure when they were married?" mum asked looking as angry as I have ever seen her. "This is all your fault!" she pointed at my father who looked up at her surprised.
"Me? How on earth are you going to blame this on me?" dad asked all huffily like the time mum caught him smoking and he said he was just smelling it.
"You just couldn't wait until our wedding night," mum said, well not really, she was basically screaming now.
Fred and George looked disgusted and I am pretty sure I didn't look like I was dropped off at a Quidditch game. I inched out of the room and didn't stop until I was in the stairway. Seconds later Fred and George joined me.
"This is so all your fault," I snapped pointing at them.
"How?" Fred asked pretending to be upset. "Eh, why even bother. I know," he said dropping the act.
"Stop lying to mum because she has now resorted to calling my vulgar names," I said moodily reaching my room.
"They were not lies. Colin told a bunch of people what you did," George said with a smile. I felt my eyes bug out.
"He did?" I asked breathlessly.
"No, you did," Fred said with another smirk.
I rolled my eyes and went into my room. The door closed with a sharp snap. My entire family was absolutely bonkers. Really they are. My mother called me a whore, which in itself is enough for a list. I happen to know that Hermione's mother has never once called her a whore. Hermione has a normal mother, I have…well mum. I have mum.
About an hour later I was soaking in the bath when there was a knock on the door.
"I'm soaking in the bath!" I bellowed. The door opened anyways.
"Ginny darling, I just wanted to see what bra size you wear. I need to know how much to bring off of my dress. I have the seamstress downstairs," mum whispered looking for my bra.
"Mum I am not wearing your dress," I hissed at her. She just looked at me like I was crazy.
"I know," she said and left again. I am totally dumbstruck.
Not even a minute later there was another knock on the door and Hermione came in smiling.
"What are you doing?" she asked sitting on the toilet.
"Playing soccer. Does the fact that I am naked in the bath put anyone off?" I asked angrily. Luckily I had decided to do a bubble bath and all the bubbles were hiding my body parts.
"I
was thinking that if you want, I can let Crookshanks have a go at
your mums dress," Hermione said eating some sort of sandwich. It
looked gross. "You want some?" she asked after she saw my staring
at it for a minute. Pieces of turkey and pickle fell into the
bath.
"Ew! Hermione get that away from me. That smells and looks
like crap. What is in there?" I asked picking out the food that had
fallen into the bath.
"You know, turkey, ham, salami, mustard, ketchup, relish, chocolate syrup, mayo, peanut butter, tuna, crips," Hermione said ticking the names off as she tasted them.
I scrunched up my face when there was another knock on my door.
"I am naked and Hermione is giving birth," I called trying to ward off any men.
"Really?" Fred asked.
"No," I said exasperated. Hermione also doesn't have idiots for a family.
The door opened and Fred walked in.
"I'm naked!" I screamed moving the bubbles around.
"I thought you were kidding!" Fred answered sounding embarrassed. He ran back into the hallway. "Can I come back in?"
I snarled like an angry cat and stood up.
"Not what I want to see," Hermione said covering her eyes. I rolled my eyes and pulled my bathrobe on. I stepped out of the tub and walked to the door. Once I opened it I saw both the twins and Bill standing in the doorway.
"Well?" I asked.
"Mum wants to see you," Bill said with a mouth full of sandwich. "Hey, Hermione great sandwich."
"Do you even know what's in there?" I asked watching as he took another bite.
"No," Bill said like I was stupid.
"Tell him, Mione," I said putting my hands on my hips. By the time she was done Bill had spit his sandwich into the bathroom garbage bin.
"Ok, I am not making you any more sandwiches if this is how you treat my cooking," Hermione said angrily as Bill spit the last of it into the trash.
"Promise?" Bill asked wiping his mouth.
I heard a muffle greeting from downstairs and walked down. I was closely followed by Hermione who was stepping on the back of my feet with her fat feet.
I nearly tripped down a flight of stairs, and would have if I didn't grab onto the railing and fling myself around so that me and Hermione were face to face.
"Clumsy, huh?" Hermione joked. She walked ahead of me. I would have pushed her but she was carrying my niece or nephew and it isn't their fault their mother is an idiot. When I reached the bottom of the stairs Ron and Harry stood there looking all wind swept with snow in their hair.
Harry scooped me up and gave me a sloppy kiss. When he placed me on the ground we received dirty looks from mum.
"What's up with her?" Harry muttered as I took off his coat.
"She's mad because George said I have been having sex since I was fourteen," I muttered back. " I'm going to get dressed."
"Can I watch?" Harry asked with a smirk.
"No, you can watch me undress though," I said kissing his cheek. He looked at me with big eyes but I was already halfway up the stairs.
When I came back down the table was filled with food. A plate of cookies was put on the table and everyone fought for one. We all were about to eat them when Percy had enough sense to ask who made them.
"Hermione," mum said smiling at her.
Everyone looked at each other and placed them back on the plate. Hermione didn't notice though because mum showed her the booties she was knitting.
"They are so cute!" Hermione squealed holding them up. "Thank you."
"Well you are like the daughter I never had," mum said kissing her cheek.
I slammed my plate down.
"Mum!" I snapped. She turned around and blushed.
"I meant she was like a daughter," mum said still red in the face.
"Is this because I wont wear the dress?" I asked feeling like I was going to pop.
"No," mum snapped. "Eat a cookie." I looked at cookie shoved in my hand and Hermione looked up hopefully at me. Soon everyone else was also looking at me. I bit into the cookie and had to stop myself from gagging. These were hands down the worst cookies ever.
"Good?" Ron asked with a smirk.
"So good, I feel so selfish. I think everyone else should have one," I said stomping on his foot. I received glares from everyone. Soon everyone had eaten a cookie.
"Well?" Hermione asked smiling at us.
"Mmm," everyone said at once. She smiled warmly and waddled into the kitchen. At once, almost simultaneously, we all spit our cookies into our napkins.
"Worst cookies I 'ave ever 'ad," Fleur said with a grimace. "'Ere did she learn to cook?"
I was torn, I could either agree with Phlegm or I could come to Hermione's defense. Crap.
"Hermione is a great cook. Her sense are off because of the baby," I snapped.
"'Ell, when I cook my food tastes good. This was 'orrible. I would rather eat dirt," Fleur said throwing her napkin away.
"That can be arranged," I said angrily. "And your scones? Ugh, horrible." I stalked away and went and sat next to Harry who was happily reading Christmas cards off of the mantel.
"What are you reading?" I asked placing my head on his shoulder.
"Your grandmothers," Harry whispered. "I don't even know my grandmother and according to Ron, your parents cant stand her."
"No, they cant stand each other. They all got together on the wedding night and said the easiest way to get along was see each other as less as possible," I said smoothing his hair.
"Wow, you really don't know how lucky you have it," Harry said sadly.
"My grandmother is really not a nice person. When I was twelve she told my mother I looked like I belonged on a corner in London. That was because I wore sparkles in my hair," I said trying to lighten the mood. I knew where this conversation was going.
"Could I meet her?" Harry asked.
"You will, you will meet my entire family and regret marrying my. But by then it will to late. You will be stuck with me. Ha!" I joked kissing his cheek.
"I want to invite them to the wedding," Harry said suddenly.
"Them?" I asked not knowing who he was talking about.
"My aunt and uncle and cousin. I think they deserve to be at the ceremony," Harry said closing the card. I sat up and looked at him.
"The people who locked you in a cupboard? And made your life hell for seventeen years?" I asked him. He looked funny, like he was going to cry.
"Yes, I just need them to be there. They may not even come you know?" Harry said and suddenly I felt sad and was ready to kick some ugly muggle butt.
"If you want them there, they'll be there," I said firmly.
"Really? You don't mind?" Harry asked looking happy.
"Of course I don't mind," I said leaning back down on him. "Hey, wanna invite Malfoy also? Or hey, Snape? Huh? Heck, why not invite all the Death Eaters to your bachelor party. Get a muggle stripper and see how long it takes them to decide whether they kill her instantly or let her strip," I said joking.
"You are so funny," Harry said sarcastically. I giggled into his neck. "Can I really get a stripper for my party?" Harry sounded excited.
"Of course. I don't expect you to sit and play chess. Just don't sleep with her," I said rubbing his arm.
"Will you two get off of each other and some sit down to eat?" mum bellowed to everyone in the living room. I got up and walked past Bill and Fleur who were arguing.
"I'm telling you! I wasn't lying. They are really good scones," Bill said to Fleur's retreating back.
"What's up with them?" Harry asked. I shrugged. Maybe she'll leave.
Ok, so it seems like I hate Fleur, which I do, but I usually don't snap like that. I subtly let her know, if she cant pick up on the hint then it is not my fault. If I found all my bags packed at the door, I would totally get the hint and leave.
"Hey, so have you chosen names?" mum asked from the head of the table.
"Yes, my name is going to be Ron, and this is going to be Hermione," Ron said from his plate.
"Ha ha. I get it you are being sarcastic. I am not an idiot," mum said sarcastically.
"Well for a girl-" Hermione began.
"It's a girl?" mum asked excitedly.
"No," Hermione began again.
" It's a boy?" mum asked again sounding excited.
"No," Hermione said again.
Mum looked disappointed. "Go on," she said in a dull voice.
"We were thinking for a girl, Abigail or Elizabeth," Hermione said. Everyone sighed appreciatively. I wish I were having a baby.
"And for a boy, we though of Andrew or Michael," Hermione said with a smile.
"That's nice," mum said. She is really spiteful.
Hermione looked all defeated and sad. Seriously my mother can be really traumatizing when she wants to be. Like calling me a whore, or calling Hermione the daughter she never had because I wont wear her dress.
" I like them," I said smiling.
"Yes, well you will the next to have kids," mum said.
Harry coughed into his goblet and was soon having his back pounded on by Ron. His face was all red.
"Excuse me?" Harry croaked.
"Oh, calm down, I meant soon," mum snapped. He looked relieved. I rolled my eyes. I really don't see why everyone needs to get into everyone else's business. Like if Percy and Penelope wanted to paint their kitchen green, I don't know why I didn't hear the end of it until two weeks ago.
We were all happily talking and joking when all of a sudden there was a knock on the door. We all stopped and turned to the noise. Mum got up and opened the door.
" Oh my god!" she screamed.
A/N Please read and review. Who is at the door? Hope you like it. I wrote this at like 2 in the morning so if anything is off please calm yourselves I will fix it in the morning. Please read and review.